KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for February 2006

“Road Rage” Is A Bad Signal For Me

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Normally I am a pretty laid-back driver, but over the last few months I have been suffering from so-called road rage. I can’t help it. It’s not the fact some asshole cuts me off almost plows into my car. What pisses me off is their blatant disregard for almost damaging the vehicle I’m in. One thing that really pisses me off is when you’re in front of a large vehicle going up a hill. The truck has its blinkers on and is in the right-hand lane going 20 mph. That’s fine and dandy; I have no problem with this. However, when I put on my turn signal to change lanes, I almost always wait an extra second because I know that the asshole behind me is going to try and zoom around me instant I start to merge in another lane. I can’t begin to count the number of times people would have slammed into my car’s bumper had I not been the cautious one.

Oh I fucking hate those people. If I’m driving the better half’s car, a 2004 cavalier, I practice my “careful pause” before switching lanes because this vehicle is our household’s primary mode of transportation. But if I’m driving my ’88 Corsica that already has one wheel in the junkyard, I say “fuck you’ and go into the other lane regardless, making the dickhead behind me have to slam on their brakes or swerve back into the right-hand lane. Fuck you bitch. If you would have put on your goddamn turn signal when this all began, I’d have no problem; I’d even let you pass me even though I put my turn signal on first. Some people need to be taken out to a nearby field and shot.

As much as this sort of thing happens to me, I’m glad to know I’m not alone. One place I hate driving in is the grocery store parking lot. Christ, that place is a land mine with cars pulling out every which way. This is why I always park near the back of the local grocery store’s parking lot, even when it’s only half-full. And I was reminded today why I do this.

I was walking to this store and I went in front of this old guy with a huge Buick backing out. The reason I chose to walk in front of his car was because I know better than to be behind a senior citizen when they’re in reverse. Unfortunately, this yuppie mini-van didn’t know this rule, and the old guy almost plowed into this poor lady driving the vehicle. What made me laugh about the whole thing is that there was no way that mini-van was in any blind spot; she was directly behind the Buick. I guess when you reach a certain age you just don’t care about accumulating points on your driver’s license.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 28, 2006 at 9:42 pm

Posted in Life

For An Abortion-Hating Court, This Decision Wasn’t Planned

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Uh oh. Bush’s RIGHT-WING Supreme Court is making their voice heard on abortion rights. Now it’ll be easier than ever for abortion protestors to intimidate Planned Parenthood workers and knocked-up women wanting to get rid of some excess baggage. Oh, wait. The decision was 8-0? Nevermind.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 28, 2006 at 9:40 pm

Posted in News

Katrina Funds Blown Away On Porn

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Relief funds for Hurricane Katrina victims are now “dwindling.” I wonder why. Could it be because people don’t want to donate their money to recipients who’ll spend the aid on porno and diamond rings?

Tens of millions of dollars of relief money for Hurricane Katrina was squandered in scams and poorly thought out projects, US government auditors reported yesterday.

In one of the worst examples of waste, as many as 900,000 of the 2.5 million applicants who received aid under an emergency cash assistance programme – which included giving $2,000 (£1,148) debit cards to evacuees – based their requests on duplicate or invalid social security numbers, or false addresses and names.

As more than 1,300 people were killed by the disaster, and thousands were left homeless, fraudsters were spending relief funds on items as diverse as pornographic movies and a diamond engagement ring.

Nah.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 27, 2006 at 9:38 pm

Posted in News

Don’t Ask Jeeves If He Has A Job

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I guess now the next thing to ask Jeeves is what he’s going to do for money now that he’s been dropped from a search engine I didn’t know was still in existence. I used Ask.com years ago before realizing it wasn’t necessary to type in an entire question to find something on-line. During the early ‘00s, I remember reading about this other little search engine that was supposedly the “best-kept secret on the Internet.” It was called Gaggle, or Oogle, or something. I wonder what ever happened to it?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 27, 2006 at 9:36 pm

Posted in News

Ken Is A Bad Lay

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So Ken Lay is going broke. That’s a shame.

Former Enron Chairman and CEO Ken Lay has seen his personal fortune eaten away by the collapse of the energy trader and his legal problems, and he could be forced to file for bankruptcy protection, according to a published report.

The New York Times reported that Lay’s stated net worth is now less than $650,000, down from as much as $400 million before Enron’s downfall in 2001.

I’d be interested to see what his resume looks like for when he goes job hunting in 50 or so years from now after he gets out of jail.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 27, 2006 at 9:35 pm

Posted in News

Anna Nicole To Meet The Supremes?

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I don’t get the whole Anna Nicole Smith trial regarding her former grandpa, err, husband’s estate. I’m hoping the Supreme Court takes up this case so I can stop hearing about it. Anna, you married an old guy for his money. The old guy died and didn’t leave you his estate. Get over it. Next time, marry a younger billionaire – maybe someone in his 60s – so you can live in luxury for a few years more.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 27, 2006 at 9:34 pm

Posted in Entertainment

It’s All In A (Street) Name

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There’s some hippie poll about the weirdest street names; my pick came in at number five: The intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston. And just to appeal my hippie friends reading this, the intersection of Bush and WMD in Dallas would have made the list, but nobody could find it on the map.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 27, 2006 at 9:32 pm

Posted in News

Incumbent Advantage? Get Out Of My District

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This headline says it all: “Carefully drawn political maps help incumbents.” Get the hell out of here. Next thing you know you’ll tell me that the political party in charge draws up districts that favor their re-election efforts.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 27, 2006 at 9:31 pm

Posted in News

Mad Money In My Hometown

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Cool. Jim Cramer’s radio show is going to make it’s debut on the Shittsburgh air waves in early March. Now I’ll have an alternative to the days I don’t feel like listening to Rush or Rome from 1-2 p.m. When I lived in Ohio, Cramer had his show broadcast from 6-7 p.m., and whenever I was driving home late from work I always had it on. I watch his CNBC show every now and then, and it’s entertaining, although every time I tune in there seems to be a new special sound effect or three.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 27, 2006 at 9:29 pm

Posted in Entertainment

A Rotten Opinion Of Rock’s Hall Of Fame

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I don’t consider myself an expert on the punk-rock scene, although I do like listening to some music in this genre from time to time, (especially a certain song from the Ramones). One album I like listening to is “Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols.” While I do know some news and notes about the Ramones, which I’ll talk about later, I don’t know much about the Sex Pistols other than they lasted for one album and their one member Sid Vicious died from a drug overdose. However, I have to say that whenever I see Johnny Rotten on television, I usually put down the remote and see what kind of trouble he’s getting himself into, whether he’s on the now-cancelled “Politically Incorrect” or “Judge Judy.”

One memory that sticks out involving Rotten was when he did this show on Vh1 back in 2000. In it he covered the 2000 election season, and to my surprise it was splendidly done. In fact, it was my favorite analysis program covering the ’00 election (not to mention it’s one of the few that I still remember). In the span of 30 minutes he had an intelligent conversation with Newt Gingrich (?!), made fun of some pseudo-hippies protesting outside a Convention site and took the high ground when questioning some pro-life demonstrators. It wasn’t at all what I expected this episode to be like, especially the segment involving the abortion protesters.

Anyway, the reason for my Sex Pistols nostalgia is because they recently told the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to take their induction and shove it. Of course this begs the question as to what the R&R HOF would expect one of the renowned punk bands of all time to do when told of their inclusion into this institution. I don’t get this hippie enshrinement to the music industry, and I couldn’t name one person who has been inducted into this Hall of Fame. However, if people travel to visit this place, and the proceeds put a few extra tourism dollars in Cleveland’s coffers, then who am I to denounce it?

I mentioned the Ramones earlier, and for those that don’t know by now, my TSM handle of “kkktookmybabyaway” is a title off one of their songs. The first time I heard this song was during some hippie MTV special on RACISM back in the day. In this “special report” they followed the antics of some idiot teen skinhead that was planning some retarded rally at a local mall or something. At the end of the show, they played “The KKK Took My Baby Away” while giving us an update on how his rally fared. I can’t remember the exact details, but I think only two or three people showed up alongside him, and they ended up getting arrested or beaten up (or both).

One thing I didn’t realize about the Ramones until a few years ago was Johnny Ramone’s conservatism, which is astounding considering back the 1980’s Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher were considered Mr. and Mrs. Anti-Christ to many people who the Ramones played music with and in front of. Then again, punk always seemed to be an alternative to mainstream culture, so in a way it would makes sense to have one of its forefathers be an unapologetic Republican. One of my favorite quotes from Johnny before he passed away a few years ago came from this article:

“I remember in 1979 doing an interview for Creem magazine with [famed rock and roll scribe, now deceased] Lester Bangs and telling him that Ronald Reagan will be the next president. He was really mad that I liked Reagan, who was the greatest president of my lifetime. So I turned it around on him and asked to see his commie card. In fact, ever after that, I would ask him for his card. I think he had one, really.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 26, 2006 at 9:27 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Commenting On Commentaries

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It’s odd. I like buying DVD’s, but I really don’t frolic in the Special Features sections of these purchases, especially the commentary areas. I don’t know why I do this, but whenever I put in a movie, even when I intend to access its special features, I then just feel like watching the movie instead. Well, I’m trying to get the most out of this medium, and I think I discovered a way to listen to commentaries without having to sit there, listen to off-stage voices and watch a movie/television show that is essentially on mute.

For the last few weeks I have been having commentaries on a variety of programs while doing other things around the house, such as reading a newspaper, doing the dishes or paying off bills. It’s kinda like listening to the radio in this respect, although I try to pay more attention to this dialogue than when I have some RIGHT-WING RADIO guy going off about how liberals suck.

I recently finished the commentaries of the first season of The Shield, and I liked how Shawn Ryan tried to get a variety of actors and other workers to accompany him on the episodes. It was also impressive to have a commentary for each episode. Imagine my disappointment when I realized that there were only several commentaries for The Shield’s second season. Even though there were only four tracks in this DVD, two of them were really enjoyable. One of them was the final track for the season, and it involved Ryan talking with some FX network people. It was funny to hear them talk about how hyped reruns of The Practice, Alley McBeal and Buffy the Vampire Slayer were on FX, but then after a week when the ratings tanked they blew up this not-ready-for-prime-time lineup. I remember back when this happened FX pimped these shows for months only to notice that a shortly after their premiere the shows were scattered about in various timeslots.

The other commentary I enjoyed was the first one for the season, which featured Michael Chiklis. Odds are the guy is a liberal, (I have no proof of this; I’m just banking on this considering the Hollywood Democrat-to-Republican ratio), but in this commentary he said that he doesn’t want to give any personal opinions regarding current events because he doesn’t want it to seem like he wants to tell the audience what to think. Now as surprising as this may sound, I really don’t have much of a problem with celebrities spewing left-wing garbage. My only two “problems” with this practice is when 1) they get pissy when people that don’t agree with their opinions make fun of them, or 2) when they espouse these viewpoints during what I consider to be inappropriate times. One example of this was when Kellen Winslow, during his induction speech into the NFL Hall of Fame, started saying how Affirmative Action shouldn’t be abolished. Anther instance was when Cameron Manheim dedicated some hippie award to every Senator that voted against convicting Bill Clinton during his impeachment scandal.

Are these people free to voice their opinions on these subjects? Sure. But I’m allowed to voice my opinion in telling that bitch to take that trophy she’s holding and stick it up her fat ass. Freedom of speech is a two-way street.

Anyway, another commentary on The Shield annoyed me a bit, and that was the one featuring the show’s only female writer. In season one, a number of commentaries talked about how the writing team was an all-male lineup, so of course when season two came around I’m sure hiring a female writer was on the list of things for The Shield to do. Well they hired one, Kim Clements, and Christ almighty was she annoying on this track. It seemed that every other minute she was laughing in this annoying high pitch. You may be a good writer, but damn, stay away from the microphone. Then again, I don’t keep my distance from a keyboard, so maybe those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 25, 2006 at 9:26 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Bank On Me Telling This Story

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I love bosses. Especially the ones that don’t know what the fuck they are doing.

I have been at my current place of employment for more than two years. When I first started working, I was told that I had pretty much a flex schedule, meaning that as long as I put in 40 hours a week, eight hours a day, I was in the clear. Fair enough. Now this job is about 25-30 miles from my house, and I have to brave two Interstates in order to travel to and from my job. I soon found out that an 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m. shift was going to involve a shitload of traffic. I then asked if it would be OK if I came in earlier. I was told that would be fine. After testing out what traffic is like early in the morning, I settled on working a 6:30 a.m.–3 p.m.

Working this schedule is good because not only do I avoid the early morning jams, but also coming home isn’t nearly as bad as it would be if I was out on the road at 4:30 p.m. Well, even though I got my work shift OK’d by people much more powerful than me, and even though there are two other co-workers who work the same hours I do, and have had their schedule for years, everybody is shocked when they call my office at 3:05 p.m. and I don’t answer because I’m in the car heading home.

I have worked this shift for two years now. There is no surprise to when I come in and when I leave. Now it’s bad enough when my one idiot boss decides to give me assignments to do at 2:50 p.m., but every couple of months we have a bunch of meetings that are scheduled for out-of-town representatives. Every three months a bunch of people come in from out of state and spend the day in meetings with us. There’s one meeting that I have to attend, and it’s funny because for the first year I worked here I didn’t come to these meetings. The reason? Nobody told me I was part of the meeting. However, what’s funnier is that this one meeting that I have to attend is ALWAYS schedules for 2-3 p.m., and it is always at least an hour long. I’m also never told ahead of time when these meeting are scheduled. Normally I really wouldn’t care about being out of the loop, but the problem is that I carpool with the better half, so whenever these meetings come around she has to find another way to get home.

Well today was a fun day. When I found out this morning that my meeting was at 2:30 p.m. I called the better half and she made other arrangements to get home. I then sat at this 90-minute meeting and afterward did some work that was asked of me by some out-of-town reps. A workday that normally ends at 3 p.m. was extended three hours, which is fine for me because that means three hours of comp time.

This is why I like working for an hourly rate. Sure getting a salary may seem more ‘professional” but if you get paid by the hour, you have a much better opportunity to resist getting buttfucked by your employers on time worked. I strongly recommend to anyone employed in the white-collar world to not only keep a log of when you arrive and leave your job, but to also keep a journal of what you do while on the clock. I know already that when I submit my timecard on Monday I’m going to be questioned about the extra hours I’ll have written down. Hey dipshit, I leave at 3 p.m. The meeting ended at 4 p.m. and then I was asked to burn several CD-ROMS, make 400 copies of a double-sided brochure, send off several e-mails containing attachments, make a few phone calls and update several web pages. You think I did all that shit for free just because I normally go home at 3 p.m.? Kiss my ass. I learned my lesson six months into this job when I spent about a week out of state on work-related matters. I busted my ass for 16 hours a day, waking up at 6 a.m. each morning and working into to middle of the night. When I got back, I requested to use some of the time I “banked” to move into the house that was recently purchased by the better half and me. You would have thought I said I wanted to fuck my boss’s wife with the reactions I got.

“Oh, really. Now what makes you think you deserve those three days off?”

“Because I worked 14-16 hours/day for four days, and you said I could bank these hours.”

“Oh really now?”

You fucking asshole.

Ever since then, I’ve kept a journal of what I do and when I arrive and leave work. It’s funny now when they ask me about what they think is a discrepancy on my timecard and then I whip out several sheets of documented sheets explaining what I did during my time for that day. After a few incidents, they have pretty much left me alone, but even when you think you are in the clear, it’s still wise to keep your journal because you never know when they’re going to try and Jew you out of some work time.

I should have learned my lesson when I was a high school puke working at Burger King and got screwed at that place, but that’s another story for another time.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 24, 2006 at 9:25 pm

Posted in Life

Not-So-SuperPages

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Believe it or not, I try to be an understanding person. However, even I have my limits.

At my workplace, I am our organization’s web master, which is a scary thought considering I don’t know what the hell I’m doing half the time. Actually, it’s not that bad, but I am by no means an expert on this Internet thing. I can build a Web site in Dreamweaver, but don’t tell me I need to write HTML code or else I’ll sit in the corner and suck on my thumb while holding my security blanket with the other hand.

About a month ago I got a letter from Verizon DSL saying that they were, “Migrating your web site to an improved hosting platform provided by Verizon SUPERPAGES.com,” beginning February 17. Your means of accessing your web site and email account will change.” Later on in the letter, they said, “You will receive two e-mails immediately after the migration.”

Well, I have been keeping an eye out for any Verizon e-mail notices up until February 17, not wanting to miss out on any important updates. So far nothing. On February 17 I was checking my inbox and junk mail folder thinking maybe a Verizon e-mail ended up there by mistake. Still nothing. (Although e-mails about enlarging my penis constantly get through to my inbox, I’ve noticed that other messages that have actual relevance in my life don’t make the cut. Then again, adding a few inches onto little kkk can’t hurt.)

I had to leave at 2:30 p.m. Friday, February 17 for an appointment. (My work schedule is 6:30 a.m.-3 p.m.) When I came back Tuesday (I had Presidents Day off), I found that I couldn’t access my e-mail, and neither could any of my co-workers. I called Verizon, and they said they don’t deal with e-mail/Internet matters anymore, that I would have to call the SUPERPAGES department. I called the SUPERPAGES people up and they said that they migrated all of our e-mail/Web site stuff, and that they sent an e-mail letting me know of the new password I was supposed to use to get into my e-mail account. The problem though was that this e-mail message letting me know of my password was in my e-mail bin that I couldn’t get into because I NEEDED TO KNOW THE NEW PASSWORD. After telling the tech guy this, he gave me the password and I got into my new and improved SUPERPAGES account. I noticed that they sent this goddamn message at 2:50 p.m. on a Friday afternoon right before what was to be a three-day weekend for many employees. You’re supposed to fire people at the end of a workweek, not give them technical information that won’t be accessible in another day or two.

So after spending the early part of the week getting everybody’s e-mail accounts up and running again (as well as putting together the final touches of the monthly publication I mail out at about this time every month), I then went to the Web site and discovered everything that was password-protected is now free as a bird. Yippie. I then realized that I had to re-register the 200+ names that were granted access to various sections of the site. Now, for the trifecta, I discovered that the cgi bins needed re-done I know some of you reading this are computer geeks and took cgi bin/form creating as a remedial elective in school, but you’ll have better luck teaching a retard to swim by throwing him in the deep end of a pool than telling me over the phone that certain codes need changed from original IP addresses to new IP addresses, among other things.

I’m not going to rag on the customer support people because they’ve been great, especially this one chick I’m talking to now who has had to put me on hold several times already because I don’t think she knows what she’s doing (which makes two of us for that matter). I’d rather interact with someone like this than some techie asshole that can’t believe I don’t know HTML as a second language. Besides, this is giving me ample time to talk to all you hippies instead of getting any real work done at my job.

I also don’t want to rag on this new SUPERPAGES thing, because from what I have checked out, there seems to be some neat stuff I can perform that I couldn’t with the previous Verizon Web account. It’s just that couldn’t these people have notified me of these changes when I wasn’t home for the weekend?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 23, 2006 at 9:24 pm

Posted in Life

Detroit + Zoo = Make Your Own Punchline

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Detroit is, surprise, having money troubles, and this means that the city is being forced to sign over its zoo to a third party. No, I’m not talking about Section 8 housing. I’m talking about lions and tigers. Er, wait a minute. I’m not talking about the city’s sports teams either. I’m referring to that community that fences in all those wild animals. There I go again talking about Section 8 again. Damn.

Well, anyway, one of the council members, Martha Reeves, is thinking that some RACISM might be involved, saying, “The symbolism is that Detroit is a black city and that we’re unable to govern ourselves. So we need an overseer, the state legislature, or what have you, to step in and tell us what we must do and how to do it.”

Uh, Martha, have you ever been to Shittsburgh? They’re not much better than Detroit. Actually, Detroit is one of the few cities Shittsburgh can still make fun of. Anyway, over here in PA my area has had to have a state oversight board because this place still lives and spends like it’s 1970 and the mills are humming along. Hell, on the other side of Pennsylvania, the Philadelphia school system got taken over by the State due to their incompetence.

So before you go using the RACISM card, take a trip to Shittsburgh and see for yourself that whites can ruin a city just as good as your people up in Motown. Oh, wait. I said “your people,” which was intended to talk about Detroit’s city council, not black people in general. Oh dear, I hope that doesn’t make me a RACIST.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 22, 2006 at 9:18 pm

Posted in News

An Im”Port”ant Topic

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So George W. Hitler now wants terrorists to have a free pass into the U.S. via ports. Nice.

The White House said Wednesday that critics of a deal that would let a United Arab Emirates company manage six U.S. seaports are “misinformed,” but conceded it should have consulted Congress earlier.

It’s funny to hear people like Hitlery and Schmuck Jewmer sound like they are all about national security. Actually, I’m in a bit of a bind. Do I side with Hitlery or do I side with Jimmy Carter, who supports the President on this one? God help me.

About the United Arab Emirates: I don’t know much about them. I remember some soccer tournament (I think it was the World Cup) and saw their team running around in those cute little turbans. I’m sure they hate us, but only two of the 9/11 hijackers were from this place, so I guess that’s not too bad on the Let’s-Kill-The-Infidels-For-Allah scale.

Oh, and W., you haven’t vetoed a goddamn thing in your term-and-a-half and you threaten to whip out the ol’ Veto Pen over this? Didn’t do it with so-called campaign-finance reform. Didn’t do it with that Medicare Drug Prescription Plan. Didn’t do it with one of the several bloated budgets we’ve had since 2000. But you threaten to do it over THIS? Oy.

But of course we’re missing the biggest point of all regarding this story: Forbidding the sale of a port is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 22, 2006 at 9:16 pm

Posted in News

A PA Pol’s Poll

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It’s funny. For as much bitching as I do with Shittsburgh and the state of Pennsylvania in general, I’m for the most part content with my state legislators.

My Rep is one of two Democrats I voted for in the ’04 election. James Casorio may be a Democrat, but he’s OK. Besides, he’s extremely popular in the area so it’s not like I have much of a choice in this matter. Generally, he’s not that bad, although he pissed me off a bit by supporting some hippie spending plan for the state’s environment that is nothing more than a waste of money.

My State Senator is another matter, and I’m glad to be one of the evil Neo-Cons or whatever we were called who booted out the former State Senator of this area last election. Bob Regola, who from what I read was a fairly conservative Democrat that turned Republican to have a run at my district’s former incumbent, some liberal weenie named Alan Kukovich who was a bum-chum of Governor Ed Rendell. You want to raise taxes? Fine. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, which is what it did.

Actually, there’s a funny story to my voting experience in ’04 regarding Regola/Kukovich. When the better half and I pulled up to the voting precinct, which was some local VFW, some pro-union clown standing by a pickup truck with a John Kerry bumper sticker on it got in our way. As we were heading into the voting room he tried to give Mrs. kkk and me some literature on Kukovich, which I outright refused and said to him that we were voting Regola. Fuck that shit. I’m not going to be intimidated by some schmoe letting us know who he wants us to vote for. He replied with some grumbling and started bitching about how Regola was the worst thing since the Anti-Christ (or George W. Bush). I then said, in a raised voice just a notch or two below a full-blown shout, “Kukovich can lick my nuts.”

I made this statement right when the better half opened the VFW’s front door, and when I turned around I saw the little old ladies manning the polls with a look of fright/disgust on their faces. Oh well. Politics is an ugly game.

Anyway, yesterday Regola sent me some questionnaire about my feelings on a number of issues. Now some of these letters are just fundraising tools, but this one was legit, especially since there is no card asking me how much I would like to give to the GOP. I thought I’d share the questions with you and my responses just to show how RIGHT-WING I really am. I just gave my response below; even if you graduated from a government school you should be able to figure out most, if not all, of the issues I was asked.

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 21, 2006 at 8:25 pm

Posted in Life

A Real Blockbuster Of A Story (Or Maybe Not)

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Recently I had a conversation with someone about his experience as a Blockbuster Customer Service Representative. He commented on the chain’s hard-on with late fees (I heard they have shifted their “two-days-and-it’s-late policy, but I’m not sure on this). Personally, I had no problem with a store’s late fee policy as long as I was told when the movies were due back. Look, if you think it’s lame to rent a video with an inconvenient return date, then don’t rent from that place. So you put the DVD in the drop-off bin at five after midnight when it was due at exactly midnight – too bad. Pay the fine and learn from it.

The only time I was ever late on a Blockbuster rental was when I lived in Ohio a few years ago. We were given a Sunday noontime deadline, and the better half and I finished watching the movies we rented late on a Saturday night. I said that since I was still relatively awake that I would make the 10-minute drive to Blockbuster and drop off the rentals. Mrs. kkk said not to bother with them, that she’d drop them off after she got back from church Sunday morning. With that said, she went off to bed and I went off to doing God knows what.

The next morning I woke up at around 10 a.m. and went downstairs for breakfast. The better half had left for church, and with my car in the shop I was stranded in our townhouse. Then my eyes picked up the four DVDs from Blockbuster still on our living room entertainment stand. Yep. I figured as much. And of course she didn’t get back home until 11:55 a.m. When I reminded her of what she said the night before, she replied, “Well you take them back and I’ll pay you back the fine,” which I did (and oddly enough, I’m still waiting for this reimbursement, among the other IOU’s she has put on her tab). Despite being 10 minutes late on the rental I still had to pay more than $10 in late fees.

There are two good things that came out of this experience.

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Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 20, 2006 at 8:23 pm

Posted in Life

Offending Kmart Workers Without Even Trying

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What is wrong with some people?

Yesterday afternoon I headed over to Kmart to pick up an early edition of a Sunday newspaper; I felt like browsing through the weekly circulars and coupons early. When I arrived, I took one newspaper and then scoped out which aisle would be the shortest wait. Even though this store had more than a dozen checkout lines, only three were in service. The first aisle had a line three deep, and the old lady with a number of clothing and cleaning items was in the midst of writing a check. The next open aisle wasn’t much better, but the third one looked to have the most promise. Even though there were about a half-dozen people occupying this aisle, they were one white-trash family, and their purchase didn’t look to be that big. Then of course the other three heathens from this clan brought their items up to the register. No problem, though. I scanned the magazine/booklet selection and started reading a “Cats for Dummies” booklet.

Whenever you have the opportunity, I recommend you start reading materials off the shelf while waiting in a long checkout line. Not only does it pass the time away, but if you’re lucky enough you can browse through the latest edition of the Weekly World News. Of course this line took much longer than I had expected, but it wasn’t a terrible wait. However, if I ever planned on making a quick purchase, I surely didn’t want to spend an inordinate amount of time waiting in line to make a simple transaction. I think that’s what pisses me off about waiting in lines sometimes. You stand there for what seems like an eternity while some old had tells the cashier she has “exact change” but then spends 20 minutes going through her purse to find it. Or, like in this situation, you’re stuck behind some redneck or ghetto family that has zero organization when it comes to paying for a bill that involved several children piling up anything they thought they could get away with on the conveyor belt. But I digress.

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Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 19, 2006 at 8:21 pm

Posted in Life

Cat Abuse = Community Service?

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Only community services? These people should be dragged out and shot for what they did. Oh, and my favorite part of the story is in bold, especially since one night back when we were living in Ohio JJ got outside at 2 a.m. when I went to put a letter in the nearby mailbox (don’t ask) and the better half found him the next morning by the backdoor crying – I’m surprised he even figured that much out.

Maybe Mr. Kibbles will know better the next time he’s looking for a litter box. Christopher Cortes, 33, and wife Iris Zuckerman, 33, were sentenced Thursday to 100 hours and 50 hours of community service, respectively, for snatching the black cat from their neighbor’s home and leaving him in the Everglades.

Police said Cortes was upset the cat used the back of his pickup truck as a litter box and scratched it.

Cortes, a firefighter, drove the cat 15 miles into the Everglades and left him there to fend for himself in February 2005, police said. The couple had pleaded no contest to petty theft and declined to comment after the hearing. Police said Cortes told them he took the cat.

Maggie Leonard, the 12-year-old owner of the cat, said Mr. Kibbles made his way back to his Coconut Creek home two weeks after being left.
At first her kitty behaved “weird,” but was quickly back to being his own self, she said.

Don’t fuck with a cat that has “Mr.” in his name.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 19, 2006 at 6:47 pm

Posted in News

Awash With Confusion Regarding One Appliance

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There are some things that the better half and I disagree on. For example, whenever I have the remote control and channel surf, I zoom from station to station; she always complains because she never knows what’s on any of the channels I click right past. However, when she gets control of the remote, she stays on every goddamn station for 5-10 minutes, even the ones that you know are stinkers, like the 20 home shopping networks, the dozen Jesus channels that are hitting you up for money so Africans can learn about God or those public access stations that play oldies music while giving you the current temperature. Of course the only exception to her lengthily examination of each television program on the air is when there’s a sporting event on; she’ll click right through that, not even giving me time to see what the score was.

Anyway, I just discovered another thing that we disagree upon — the dishwasher. I never use nor trust these things, and I didn’t know why for the longest time. Maybe it’s the stupid guy thing about having a machine do something that I’m perfectly capable of performing (I’ll cut the “A real guy wouldn’t be doing dishes” line off at the pass and say it already so you don’t have to, ditto any “vibrator” references). Perhaps it’s because the first time I ever used a dishwasher I didn’t close it all the way and spent have the night cleaning up the soapy mess on the floor.

Earlier this month I think I may have discovered what the real reason is; while making myself dinner I went looking for a dish to put my food upon. The problem was there were no dishes in the cupboard. I asked the better half where the dishes were and she said, “In the dishwasher, stupid.” I went to get one out and she said that they weren’t clean yet; we needed to fill up the dishwasher before running the machine. Of course, in the meantime, while we fill up that cup section of the dishwashing machine I guess we’ll just have to eat our main entrees on the living room carpet, next to the cat chew toy shaped like a butterfly.

After I cleaned off a plate and ate dinner I went to put the plate back in the dishwasher. She then said, “What are you doing?”

“I’m putting the dish in the dishwasher.”

”But you have to rinse it off first.”

“Huh?”

So in order to wash anything in the dishwasher you have to rinse it off first in the sink? Well with a little more effort you can clean the goddamn thing entirely. When I brought this up to the better half, I never really got an answer, which of course means I was wrong for asking the question in the first place.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 18, 2006 at 8:19 pm

Posted in Life

NBA Hall Of Fame Announcements

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Finalists eligible for the NBA Hall of Fame came out, which is interesting because I didn’t realize this even existed. I also have no idea who is currently in this Hall, nor do I know what the process is in order to get inducted. It’s odd that a league which has been known for its stellar marketing and promotion of it’s players hardly registers a blip on the public relations screen for this event, which is always a front-page story whenever the NFL or MLB announce their annual inductees.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 18, 2006 at 8:18 pm

Posted in Sports

Wrestling Cliches On A Financial Show

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Whenever I wake up early on Saturday mornings, I usually turn on those hippie financial shows on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lolz) and listen to a bunch of people tell me how I should invest my money. This morning I got to see pro wrestler Bradshaw (or whatever he calls himself these days) give some investment tips, and he wasn’t that bad. In fact, out of the several people on this show he was the most professional one there, aside from his “Brokeback Mountain” reference to some company called “Bronco Drilling.” The other people on this show were too busy making wrestling remarks and came across as idiots. “OMG Bradshaw, the other guy sure BODYSLAMMED your stock tip.” “He doesn’t agree with your take on off-shore investments, don’t put him in a HEADLOCK?” Yeah, we get it, he’s a wrestler; we went through all these clichés when Jesse Ventura became governor.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 18, 2006 at 8:15 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Boy, I Wonder Who Will Buy This Costume?

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George Clooney’s costume from that “Batman and Robin” movie is going to be auctioned. Some people think the suit could go for $100,000; any proceeds should go to people that bought a ticket to see that piece-of-shit film.

When I saw it in the theater, I was with my one friend and we had this little brat sitting behind us. This heathen was so freaking annoying, and the kid’s parents weren’t much better. However, this kid’s redemption came late in the movie when there were some multi-angled shots of Alicia Silverstone putting on her skin-tight Batgirl outfit. After seeing various shots of her tits, ass and everything in-between, the kid behind us asked his parents, “Is that Robin?” That was worth the price of admission alone. Then again I worked at a theater during this time, which meant I saw this movie for free.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 17, 2006 at 8:12 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Darko Does Vanishing Act From Detroit To Orlando

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The Detroit Pistons finally called it quits and traded their first-round bust Darko Milicic to Orlando for some guy who they won’t re-sign next year. This trade was made to free up salary cap room in order to sign some of their vets who will become free agents in the near future. On any other team, the general manager who picked Darko over Carmello Anthony or Dewayne Wade would get run out of town (media reports also lump in Chris Bosh in with this group, but I don’t know much about him so I won’t comment). However, I think Joe Dumars has earned a few “Get Out Of Bad Decisions Free” card, what with his teams reaching the NBA finals for the last two years. Instead of asking what the Pistons would be like with Anthony or Wade, the question ought to be would Detroit have won a championship and being one game away from winning a second title without the starting five Dumars assembled?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 17, 2006 at 8:10 pm

Posted in Sports

Whites-Only At The Winter Games

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As I said yesterday, I don’t care much for the Olympics. However, something I hate more than the Winter Games is Bryant Gumbel. Throughout the years, he has constantly said his share of stupid things, and a recent clip on HBO’s “Real Sports” only adds to his impressive resume. His latest effort?

So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention.

Golly gee, why don’t you think there are a lot of blacks at the Winter Olympics? Could it be that it’s hard to form a bobsled track in the Sahara? I’m sure trying to play a game of ice hockey would be a bitch when the water in the lake you’re waiting to freeze over is free-flowing and filled with hungry crocodiles. I don’t know if he was trying to be funny or controversial or what, but he showed to us what he does best: be an idiotic asshole. Do I expect anything to happen to him other than a few RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts and Web sites go apeshit? Of course not. I will just use a line from writer Julianne Malveaux and her opinion about Clarence Thomas to voice my opinion toward Gumbel.

I hope his wife feeds him lots of eggs and butter and he dies early like many black men do, of heart disease. Well, that’s how I feel. He is an absolutely reprehensible person.

Because Malveaux is a black liberal, this is a good line to use when you don’t want to be accused of being a RACIST.

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February 17, 2006 at 8:06 pm

Posted in Sports

If It Ain’t Brokeback, Then Don’t Fix It

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For as much as I loathe the university system, I have to give some basketball fans at Gonzaga props for doing a “Brokeback Mountain” chant during some recent basketball games.

Campus administrators and student leaders have been scrambling at Gonzaga in recent days after some members of the Kennel Club, the student booster group, chanted “Brokeback Mountain” at the St. Mary’s game Feb. 6.

Brokeback Mountain is a current film about two gay cowboys. A statement released by the school Wednesday said students were reacting to what they were told was a photograph purportedly of two opposing players kissing as a joke.

There has been some national reaction to the incident, perhaps fueled partly by a letter from a gay-straight alliance on campus to the student newspaper, the Bulletin, saying, “This is not even remotely the first time that Kennel Club chanters have chanted homophobic phrases at basketball games.”

President Robert Spitzer has asked for a task force to investigate the campus climate. School spokesman Dale Goodwin noted Wednesday that some professors have turned classes toward a discussion of the incident.

They probably concluded what everybody else should: Not cool.

Naturally, this will qualify as “hate speech” or violate some hippie speech code. It’ll only be a matter of time before the free-speech Nazis ship these hoodlums off to the Concentration Camp of Tolerance for their misdeeds. From the article: “President Robert Spitzer has asked for a task force to investigate the campus climate.” Bah. Keep up the good work, I say. That’s definitely more creative than those stupid, “ooooooooooo” chants I hear more and more crowds performing nowadays.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 16, 2006 at 8:01 pm

Posted in Sports

Same Message, Wrong Address

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This incident reminded me of a funny story that took place when I lived in Ohio. The better half was applying to a few dozen schools for Ph.D. studies and of course she got rejected by all of them. One of them was the University of Miami of Ohio. Now these people had been assholes to Mrs. kkk because she actually had the nerve to follow up with a phone call confirming her materials were successfully received. Well, when she got the customary “You are impressive but you suck” rejection letter, there was something odd about it.

It was addressed to some chick in Toledo.

Not wanting to pass up a good chance to zing some faceless bureaucrat at an academic institution, I called the contact number that was on the letter and said “Hi, my name is Frank Winters, and I’m calling because there’s something that’s disturbing me. You see, my fiancée *Mrs. kkk* applied to your Ph.D. program, and I received a rejection letter for *I forget the name* from Toledo, Ohio. I’m worried because now I’m wondering if the woman I go to bed with every night is some sort of secret agent who goes by a variety of aliases. Either that or you people are so goddamn stupid that you can’t even stuff an envelope correctly. She paid *I forget the amount of money* to apply to your piece-of-shit school and you can’t even give her a proper rejection letter. How the fuck do you people keep your jobs? Call me at *home number* when you are able to figure this out, you incompetent pieces of shit.”

This is great stress-relief technique, by the way. And I sent the rejection letter to the Toledo chick. Never heard back from her.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 16, 2006 at 8:00 pm

Posted in Life

Olympic Ratings Singing A Sad Tune

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So the Olympics are getting trounced in the ratings to Fox’s American Idol.

The singing contest, TV’s top show, drew 27 million viewers in the 8 p.m. ET/PT hour, 11 million more than the Olympics. An hour later, medical drama House was a close second to the Olympics among all viewers but easily outpaced it among young adults.

Overall, Tuesday’s figure skating coverage, which normally boosts ratings, instead marked two lows:

• It was the lowest-rated winter Olympics night since at least 1988, according to Nielsen figures.

• And it was the first night of Olympics competition won by a rival network since February 1992, when ABC topped CBS’ Albertville coverage with a lineup led by Full House, Roseanne and Home Improvement. Fox claimed a 5-million-viewer lead Tuesday.

Analysts say that NBC’s competitive standing — in third place with no top 10 shows — made it difficult to promote the Games. Other networks sensed opportunity, and with more hit shows — including Lost, Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Idol and House – they countered more aggressively. Grey’s beat the Olympics Sunday.

Good. I don’t care about the Olympics, no matter what season it is. If other countries give a shit about their athletes winning in curling or some skiing competition, more power to them. For me, I don’t care if Bodie what’s-his-name finishes first or tenth in a race, nor do I care if Michelle Kwan dresses up and does a triple axle. It’s not like I’m a fan of American Idol either, although I might watch bits of the first few episodes of a new season if only to watch the freaks that think they can sing. However, in this case, I’m glad Simon Cowell is trouncing this year’s Winter Games.

Hey Olympic honchos, don’t feel like you’re getting whipped in the ratings. Think of it as taking the Silver.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 16, 2006 at 7:59 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Around The Horn’s B-Team Gets An “A”

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This was odd. I watched ESPN’s “Around the Horn” today and Jay Mariotti, Woody Paige or Bill Plaschke were on the program. The lineup featured Michael Smith, Jim Armstrong, Jackie MacMullan and Gene Wojciechowski. Wasn’t a bad show. I’ll say this about Gene Woj-something-or-other, he’s not on the show much, but he’s pretty good. I remember the last time Jay was away for a while and Gene stepped in; he won a few Showdowns but could never fill out his face-time and with five seconds life he’d just go “That’s it. I’m done.”

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February 16, 2006 at 7:56 pm

Posted in Sports

V-Day, Or Lack Thereof

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Well V-Day came and went, and I was rather impressed. Did the better half and I go out for a romantic dinner and a carriage ride? No. Did we go to where we got married and think back to that glorious day where we no longer lived in sin? Nope. Did we frolic in some hippie meadow barefoot? Not even close.

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Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 15, 2006 at 7:52 pm

Posted in Life

About Times I Agreed With This LA Publication

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Darryl Hannah, in a show of protest, climbed up some tree to prevent a private property owner from getting rid of this hippie garden where illegals grew crops or something.

The actress Daryl Hannah has been forcibly removed from a walnut tree as police in riot gear evicted dozens of protesters trying to save a community garden in the blighted South Central section of Los Angeles.

God forbid this guy do what he wants with HIS property. This sounds like another case for the Supreme Court. I think the funniest thing from all of this is that with the Hollywood celebrities who came to the garden’s defense (Hannah, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ed Harris and Martin Sheen to name a few), you think they could have all chipped in and purchased the land with the $16 million price its owner was asking for. However, the biggest story in all of this is that the Los Angeles Times actually wrote something I agree with.

“The main argument of the protesters seems to be that because the farmers have been squatting for more than a decade on property they don’t own, they have earned the right to stay there permanently. One wonders how the luminaries joining the protests would react if urban farmers camped out full time on their assorted Malibu or Hollywood Hills estates.”

Now you don’t read stuff like this everyday from this commie publication. Whatever could be the reason for this turn to common sense — could they be trying to put a somewhat normal face on this rag to prospective buyers? Nah.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 14, 2006 at 11:44 pm

Posted in News

In The Valley Of Wolves There’s A Turkey Of A Movie

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Just in case you haven’t heard enough about the U.S. military torturing Arabs from Medium-Large Media, the overseas entertainment industry is getting in on the action.

While “The Road to Guantanamo” is based on the true story of three friends who set off from Britain for a wedding overseas and end up as terrorist suspects in Guantanamo Bay for more than two years and ended up not being charged with anything might make for a good tear-jerker, I am not one for these hippie films. I want a movie with action, you know, something I can check my brain out at the door to watch. I think I found the perfect fit for the next summer blockbuster.

Titled “Valley of the Wolves” this is the biggest-budget movie ever made in Turkey, and it stars American actors Billy Zane and Gary Busey. Here are some highlights from the article.

Valley of the Wolves — Iraq,” which opened last week in movie theaters in Turkey, Austria and Germany, is a Rambo-like action story involving Turkish gunmen who seek revenge against a tyrannical occupying army.

The commander, Sam William Marshall, played by an American actor, Billy Zane, is a sociopath, killing people without a second’s thought and claiming that he is doing God’s will. While fictional, some of the movie is based in part on real events, and many of the scenes elicit knowing looks from the audience. The opening sequence portrays an incident that made headlines here in 2003, when a group of Turkish special forces soldiers in Iraq were taken into custody by American marines. The Turks, mistaken for insurgents, were handcuffed and held with hoods over their heads, which rankled many Turks.

Of course, because you know handcuffing and putting hood on a Turkish male is one of the worst things you can do to them. And here’s my early vote for the Jihad Academy Award in the “Best Infidel” Category:

Other scenes show ruthless marines killing Iraqis and soldiers mistreating inmates at Abu Ghraib prison, as well as an American Jewish surgeon, played by Gary Busey, who takes what look like kidneys from inmates during surgery to New York, London and Israel — all, according to the screenwriter, Bahadir Ozdener, inspired by real events.

I can’t wait to hear the commentary on this DVD when it comes out. Maybe there will be an Easter Egg giving us a list on what makes Allah mad.

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February 14, 2006 at 7:48 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Katrina Kountdown?

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I don’t want to sound like an evil conservative (oh who the hell am I kidding?) but just how long should we be housing Hurricane Katrinia evacuees in hotels with the taxpayer footing the bill? It’s been around six months since these people were evacuated and put up in these accommodations. Personally, I’m curious to know what these evacuees have been doing since the time they left New Orleans. If they were looking for a more permanent place to re-locate, or searching for employment, I would be sympathetic. However, if they stayed in and watched television, expecting to stay where they were rent-free, then check-out time is at noon.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 14, 2006 at 7:46 pm

Posted in News

Disturbing Graduate Stats

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“Better than three in 10 New York students in recent classes failed to graduate from high school in four years, according to a study tracking students who entered the ninth grade in 2000 and 2001.” That’s the lead to an article titled “High School Graduation Rates ‘Disturbing.’” They’re disturbing all right. Disturbing in the sense that if you can’t graduate high school you deserve whatever shithole you end up in, especially since most of these dropouts weren’t taking AP classes.

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February 14, 2006 at 7:45 pm

Posted in News

Narrow Congressional Loss = Retirement?

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So Paul Hackett, a Democrat Iraq vet who almost won a Congressional seat in a conservative district, has decided not to run for an Ohio Senate seat and retire from politics altogether? I thought the Democrat Leadership told us that even though he lost the election, the Party as a whole won because this showed how the voting public hated Bush’s policies. You would figure he could easily coast to a victory in a moderate swing state, especially when pitted against a weenie like Mike Dewine.

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February 14, 2006 at 7:43 pm

Posted in News

Big Bet In The Bighorn Mountains

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I didn’t realize people up in Wyoming cared enough about the Super Bowl to bet on it. At least this guy had the gumption to plan his escape just in case his $40k bet didn’t turn out as planned.

A man staged his own disappearance in the Bighorn Mountains after losing $40,000 on a Super Bowl bet, police said Monday.

Marvin Hackworth, 46, of Gillette, was reported missing on Feb. 6, the day after the Super Bowl, according to the Big Horn County Sheriff’s Office.

Search and rescue teams spent two days looking for him in the rugged Bighorn Mountains in north-central Wyoming where he had told his wife he was headed to “clear his head” after losing the money, the sheriff’s office said in a statement.

Only Hackworth’s pickup truck and a trailer with one of the two snowmobiles missing was found.

The search was suspended Wednesday evening due to lack of clues or any evidence of where he might have been.

On Friday, police received a call from a person identifying herself as Hackworth’s daughter, saying she had received a voice mail message from her father saying he was OK, police said.

Police traced the call to Chadron, Neb., which is about 200 miles from Gillette, and they found Hackworth.

Turns out Hackworth had stashed a new pick up truck in the mountains before the Super Bowl in order to “disappear for a while” in case he lost the bet, police said.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 14, 2006 at 7:41 pm

Posted in Sports

Don’t Be A Dick, Please Don’t Be A Kennedy

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A follow-up thought on the Dick Cheney shooting from yesterday. At least he got his victim to a hospital and didn’t drive into a river, leaving his unconscious passenger to die. I wonder if that would be a criminal offense in Texas?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 14, 2006 at 7:38 pm

Posted in News

Bonnie Went Bump Against The Glass Ceiling

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So Bonnie Bernstein has left the CBS’ NFL coverage because she has hit the glass ceiling in regards to her football reporting/announcing career.

Good. I despise female sideline reporters, and Bonnie was no exception. Now give the job to some ex-player who can’t properly pronounce half the words he’s saying. Oh, and if there are any ideas to have Terry Bradshaw host Fox’s NFL Pre-Game show in place of the departing James Brown, please scrap them now for the love of God.

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February 13, 2006 at 7:28 pm

Posted in Sports

Even Real Weddings Aren’t This Long

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I finally got around to watching the “Wedding Crashers” yesterday. Eh. Comedies are tough for me to judge because I consider many of them to be unfunny. Comedy is a hard art to master, and it is so subjective. There were a few moments that got a chuckle out of me (Vince Vaughn’s “quail hunting” bit now seems a little erie, given what just happened to Dick Cheney), but did it have to be more than TWO HOURS long? Christ almighty, couldn’t they have wrapped up the story while at that post-wedding weekend retreat? I’m almost afraid to see the “UNCORKED” version, which will be painfully longer. I was also kind of disappointed the theatrical version didn’t include some “wedding crashers” at the end wedding.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 13, 2006 at 7:25 pm

Posted in Entertainment

War On The Poor

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Well we now know the terrorists are Republican.

A suicide bomber detonated an explosive belt Monday in a line of people waiting to receive government payments, killing at least eight other people and wounding about 30, including children and police, hospital officials said.

Maybe their next stop will be ACLU headquarters.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 13, 2006 at 7:24 pm

Posted in News

At Least Dick Wasn’t Hunting Bush

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Say, did you all know that not only has Dick Cheney worked at Halliburton but also he shot some guy while hunting quail? Gee, I knew Dan wasn’t one of the best vice presidents out there, but did he really deserve to get shot for misspelling potato? Lolz. I guess the place where Cheney was hunting at ran out of young black males or something. Lolz2. I guess now he finally knows what it’s like to shoot another person, seeing how he skipped out on doing it in Vietnam. Lolz3. Quail? They should have been hunting “duck.” Lolz4. The guy he shot was a lawyer, so it’s not all that bad. Lolz5 Well, that covers what the late-night talk shows are going to talk about tonight. You heard ‘em here first, folks.

Maybe Hitlery will go with Cheney on his next hunting trip. No, that wasn’t a joke. I really hope she does accompany him.

Anyway, I was listening to Hannity’s show on the way home, and for the first time in a while it was actually somewhat interesting. Well, at least the part where he played the audio of what reporters were asking the White House press guy. While there were some funny ones like “Will he resign over this?” and one reporter comparing the delayed announcement to the Katrina relief efforts, my personal favorite was “Would it have been more serious if the person he shot died?”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 13, 2006 at 7:21 pm

Posted in News

An All For One Office Lottery Pool

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Well, I didn’t win the Powerball jackpot, but I did learn something today. This one psycho bitch I work with is playing the lottery, but she is doing it herself and not taking part in the office pool. Now I want to win this thing more than ever.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 13, 2006 at 6:06 pm

Posted in Life

Million-Dollar Babies, Top 40 Vh1 Lists

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Well yesterday was a joy. As I was finishing up the weeklong task of cleaning up the house, I went into the last carpeted room that wasn’t vacuumed yet. After I sprinkled some carpet deodorizer onto the floor, I noticed that the vacuum cleaner wasn’t picking up any debris. We bought this thing a few months ago and now it’s on the fritz, yippie. After spending 20 minutes trying to figure out how to open it up, I noticed some band was busted/burnt off, which is probably the reason for the machine’s malfunction. Fortunately, I have an extra vacuum cleaner I use for the basement. It’s designed for hardwood floors, so it didn’t work all too that well but it sucked up the carpet cleaning stuff, so now I at least don’t have to worry about the cats rolling around in this shit.

After vacuuming (or at least attempting to vacuum), I went to use the digital camera and that didn’t work. My guess is it needs new batteries, but I don’t recall seeing the “battery low” being displayed the last time I used it. Hopefully, I just need to put in a new set of batteries and don’t have to replace it altogether. Of course there were no batteries in the house, so I had to drive to the Kmart down the street and buy some. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. When I got into my car, the damn thing wouldn’t start; hopefully this vehicle just needs a new battery as well, but who knows? When it rains it pours.

After breaking these three appliances/electronic devices, I watched for the first time “Million Dollar Baby.” I remember when this film came out there was some controversy about its supposedly “pro euthanasia” theme. I didn’t really get that vibe from watching the movie.

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Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 12, 2006 at 11:50 am

Posted in Entertainment

You Can Bet On Not Winning The Lottery

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Well, the Powerball jackpot has reached the $250 million mark, which of course means now that businesses across America are now engaged in office pools in hopes of getting the ultimate workplace bonus. Naturally my place of employment engages in this behavior whenever a lottery reaches the $150+ million mark, and I participate in my office lottery pool. Do I think I’ll win a share of this prize? Not at all. But I do know that if I don’t chip in my $5 it’s assured that my co-workers will win, and lord knows I don’t want that to happen.

A few jobs I worked at over the years have done these lottery pools, and I have always suggested the following in hopes of getting an easy win: Always have one person that regularly partakes in the office lottery not put in any money. The reason I say this is because nearly every office pool that wins these mega-lottery winnings always has some disgruntled employee suing because they weren’t offered a chance to put in a few dollars. Of course, this idea always gets shot down, but if I won part of a $100 million jackpot, I’d gladly skim a few million off the top to the person who didn’t put money in because the karma that helped us get this money was worth much more than any monetary contribution the “stiffed” person would have given.

Anyway, I know playing the lottery is like flushing your money down the toilet, but there’s no way I want to be left out of an office pool. Would you want to be that one schmoe the day after the winning numbers are called watching everyone else turn in their resignations because they each won several million? Of course you wouldn’t. And believe it or not, but the main reason I’d want to win the lottery is so when the several co-workers at my job who never participate in these pools ask to get a cut of the proceeds (and believe me they will), I can tell them to kiss my ass. Also, it would feel so great to tell any family members who I haven’t seen in at least a decade approach me with their hands out so I can say “fuck off.” The seven-digit bank account is a mere afterthought when compared to the glory of telling people you hate to jump off a bridge.

Even though I don’t regularly play the lottery, there have been two instances where I came close to winning. The first time took place years ago. I was no older than seven or eight, and I was in downtown Shittsburgh with my dad for some reason. We walked by a store that had a lottery machine, and he told me to pick three numbers for the Pennsylvania Daily Number. Not really wanting to do this, I just blurted out “804.” The old man bought the $1 ticket and gave it to me for safekeeping.

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Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 11, 2006 at 11:47 am

Posted in Life

Busted Rhymes For Missing Wake?

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I don’t know much of this case, but I’m not going to cast judgment on Busta Rhymes for missing the wake of his slain bodyguard.

Rapper Busta Rhymes isn’t making any friends since the shooting of his longtime bodyguard Israel Ramirez. Family and friends of the slain bodyguard are reportedly angry with the star due to his absence at the 29-year-old’s wake, while NYPD is frustrated with the Rhymes’ silence regarding the death of the man who may have saved his life.

While some might think he’s being inconsiderate, it’s possible Mr. Rhymes just doesn’t want to attract media attention to the bodyguard’s family in this time of mourning. If he would have been in attendance during this somber occasion, the place would have been overrun by photographers and reporters. However, if Mr. Rhymes isn’t cooperating with police regarding this shooting, then he truly is a busta.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 10, 2006 at 11:46 am

Posted in Entertainment

Draft Day Trades, On And Off The Field

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After giving their starting quarterback a contract extension, it looks like the Houston Texans will stick with David Carr rather than go with Vince Young or Matt Leinhart in the upcoming NFL Draft. Now the stage is set for the Texans to take running back Reggie Bush with the first overall pick, but I’m not sold on Houston making Bush their top choice. Of course Bush has all the tools to be a NFL star, but Houston already has a solid halfback in Dominack Davis. There might not be any offensive linemen in this year’s draft with superstar potential (I don’t pay much attention to college football or draft prospects), but if there were I’d trade this top pick and draft down a few spots to get a top offensive lineman or three, which would help Carr out much more than another running back. Look at what having a good offensive line did for Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who has progressed from wide-eyed rookie to Super Bowl champion in just two years. Hines Ward may catch Ben’s passes, but Alan Faneca and his fellow line mates are the ones who allow Ben to toss the ball to his receivers.

Even if the Texans pull off a draft-day trade, the most interesting swap this year in the NFL has just taken place. Oddly enough, it didn’t involve any active players. NBC sent “Oswald the Lucky Rabbit” to ABC for broadcaster Al Michaels, so he can announce next season’s Sunday Night Football games. For those that weren’t around at the time, Oswald was created in the 1920s by Walt Disney in the days before Mickey Mouse. So an award-winning 30-year broadcasting career is worth a few dozen silent cartoons? Think about that the next time you feel undervalued at your job. Actually, there were some other transactions in this deal. From the article: “As part of the deal, NBC sold ESPN cable rights to Friday coverage of the next four Ryder Cups through 2014. NBC also granted ESPN increased usage of Olympic highlights through 2012 and other NBC properties through 2011. NBC, in turn, gets expanded highlight rights to ABC and ESPN events.”

So who got the better of this deal? I’d say ABC, unless Michaels stays in the booth through 2014. And even then Oswald will still outlast Al if properly preserved.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 10, 2006 at 11:44 am

Posted in Sports

Raiders: Then And Now

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Oh how the mighty have fallen. At one time the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders were the envy of the league. Now Al Davis can’t even find a head coach to take the helm of his built-for-offense team. It looks like former coach Art Shell is now the front-runner, after Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt and Louisville head coach Bobby Petrino both pulled out of consideration.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 10, 2006 at 11:44 am

Posted in Sports

Bush/Dictator v 384902

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Look, I get that Democrats don’t like President Bush, but is it really necessary for Howard Dean to say things like “All we ask is that we not turn into a country like Iran where the President can do anything he wants.” You are aware that in another in 2-3 more years Bush will be leaving the presidency forever. Now if he stays in the Oval Office past 2008 then I’ll join Howie and Harry Reid in calling for W.’s removal from office. But until then, can you please lay off the “dictator” talk; say he’s a miserable failure, say he sucks, say he doesn’t care about women, minorities and the poor, but please stop with whining about how we’re turning into some Third-World country where the person in charge stays that way until he A) dies, or B) is overthrown. Saying stuff like this only makes you guys look silly.

On second thought, keep up the good work.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 9, 2006 at 11:41 am

Posted in News

Too Many/Not Enough Men In Children’s Entertainment

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I thought we were over nitpicking animated/G-rated movies after the “outrage” over “The Lion King” and its RACIST overtones, what with the evil hyenas being black and all, but apparently I was wrong. Now these family films are SEXIST. According to some hippie study, male characters outnumbered female characters 3-to-1 overall in the top-grossing G-rated films from 1990-2004. From the article: “Joe Kelly, co-founder of Dads & Daughters, said as much as he loves ‘Toy Story,’ the study made him think about the movie differently. The movie has a positive message about two characters – Tom Hanks’ Woody and Tim Allen’s Buzz Lightyear – overcoming their differences and working together, but it does have a flaw, Kelly said. ‘It wasn’t until the study that I went back and realized there’s only one toy that’s a female character, and it’s Bo-Peep. She’s standing at the window going, ‘Oh, Woody, don’t hurt yourself,'” Kelly said. “Not that I want ‘Toy Story’ to be changed. I don’t think there should be any sort of gender formula. But there are other movies to be made with powerful messages featuring female characters.’

Well, whenever a kid’s movie featuring a strong female character, see it a bunch of times in the theater and buy the 20 DVD versions that come out. Give movie studios a reason to make more of the same. And while you’re at it, go produce a study comparing the ratio of male-to-female evil characters on Lifetime Movies of the Week.

While there are too many men in kid’s movies, apparently there aren’t enough in the doll world. After a two-year absence, Ken is going back to Barbie. I’m not too keen on the life and times of dolls, but from what I read these two kids split up after more than 40 years of cohabitation (I’m surprised they last this long, what with Ken missing some essential parts to his male anatomy). To add insult to injury in this breakup, Barbie took off with a new Aussie mate named Blaine. But now Ken is back on the scene. What was he doing all this time? Well, according to the N.Y. Times, “Ken, heartbroken, traveled the world in search of himself, making stops in Europe and the Middle East, dabbling in Buddhism and Catholicism, teaching himself to cook and slowly weaning himself off a beach bum life.”

I’ll say this: These toys have more backstory than a number of movies I’ve recently seen.

Even though I’m poking fun at Barbie (and making fun of Ken’s inability to “poke” at Barbie, as well), I do feel pity for them. After all, with more and more kids avoiding toys that don’t need a microchip or URL, playing with dolls or action figures seems to be going the way of the dinosaur. I hate to sound like an old-timer, but back in my day, even though I spent way more time with my Atari 2600 than I should have, there was always a place in my heart for playing with my Star Wars action figures in the backyard.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 9, 2006 at 11:38 am

Posted in Entertainment

Announcing A New MNF Lineup

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Monday Night Football is not only moving to a new station, but it’s also getting a new announcing team. Replacing Al Michaels and John Madden will be Joe Theismann, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Tirico. Eh. Don’t really care. I was probably one of the only people in this world that didn’t mind the Sunday Night crew of Theismann, Mike Patrick and Paul Maguire, although it wouldn’t have killed them to say a team they were commenting on was “average” or “not quite up to playoff caliber.” Even though I have some issues with Michael Wilbon, I wouldn’t mind having him replace Theismann in this lineup. This way we could listen for three hours of him and Kornheiser bicker back and forth, much like they do on “Pardon The Interruption.” However, I’d be sure to have the TV on mute whenever the Philadelphia Eagles are slated to appear during a telecast; the knob-slobbing of Donovan McNabb would be too much, even for Patrick to bear.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

February 8, 2006 at 11:54 am

Posted in Sports