KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for August 2006

The Dr. Laura Call Of The Day: 8/31/06

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Today’s caller was a 28-year old chick that doesn’t know what to do about her husband. She has been married for eight years and has two kids. Recently she’s had concerns about the way her hubby has been acting, especially when a few days ago he got drunk at 4 p.m. and got verbally abusive with her when she told him they weren’t going to have sex. Oh, and also their one kid had a friend over for a play date at this time, too.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2006 at 7:33 pm

Posted in Dr. Laura COTD

Change Is Good, Counting It Isn’t

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So on Sunday the better half is having some sort of Tupperware party or whatever. I have no clue what the hell is going on, but she’s inviting some people over to buy some crappy houseware items and I’ll be confined to either to top floor or the basement. Whenever Mrs. kkk is expecting visitors she cleans up the house, and this upcoming event is no exception to this habit. To help her with the illusion that we’re not white trash, I decided to mow the lawn in preparation for her big brouhaha. Actually, I mowed the lawn today because the remains of Hurricane Earnesto are scheduled to make an appearance in the Mid-Atlantic region on Friday, and today would be the only time I would probably have in the next week or so to mow the lawn. Besides, I hate cutting the grass on a weekend; it takes away from the whole concept of doing nothing for a few days before going back to work. As I was preparing the lawnmower for another go around the kkk estate, I checked the amount of gas the mower had in the tank. There wasn’t a huge reserve, but I thought there would be enough to last one more mowing session.

I thought wrong.

Sonofabitch. I was about three-quarters finished with my mowing when the lawnmower began to sputter. I knew then that I’d be making a pit stop to the local Quickie Mart because the reserve gas can was empty. Since the better half mowed the lawn last time, she must have used up the last of the petrol. Oh well. I didn’t feel like using a credit card to pay for only two gallons of fuel, so I busted into the change jar and got out $3.50 in change to go along with the $2 cash in my wallet. Now I know what you’re thinking, “OMG he’s one of those ‘pays-with-change’ assholes.” Well, this time I was. However, I have a rule about paying with change. I try to make the transaction as easy as possible for the cashier because I HATED having someone just toss several dollars worth of quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies onto my workstation in order to pay for their purchase. I counted several times the $3.50 amount I had in just quarters, dimes and nickels (no pennies this time) and headed off to the local Quickie Mart.

As I pulled up to the store I stood by the entrance (out of the way of other customers mind you) to sort out this change once again. I put four quarters in one hand, along with ten dimes. I then put two dimes and six nickels on the other side of the quarters. In my other hand I had 20 nickels. I then went into the store and waited my turn. To my surprise there was only one cashier working during afternoon rush hour, but whatever. I approached him and said in a clear voice, “I’d like to prepay $5.50 for pump #3. I’m going to pay with $2 in bills and $3.50 in change.” I then put the four quarters on the counter. I followed it up with the 10 dimes followed by the 20 nickels and then the two dimes and six nickels. I had these coins spaced out so any right-thinking person could tell that I was trying to make the cashier’s job easer by separating the coins by type and in increments of $1 per pile. Hell, I was even telling this kid what I was doing as I was making my piles: “Here’s $1 in quarters, $1 in dimes, $1 in nickels and 50 cents in dimes and nickels.” So what does this asshole do? He takes all of the change, puts it into one big piles and asks, “Did you want to pay for this with exact change?”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2006 at 7:32 pm

Posted in Life

The Dr. Laura Call Of The Day: 8/30/06

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We have a tie.

Caller A: This woman used to be married to this guy. They already had a few kids (I didn’t hear if they were through adoption or screwing), and then they adopted this girl. Well, it turns out her man was molesting the kid, and eventually he got busted. The happy couple has since split up, and the ex-hubby’s jail sentencing hearing is quickly approaching. This lady was asked by the State to appear and give some testimony as to what a bastard this guy was, but she’s not sure if she wants to do this. The reason? Because it might give her ex a longer sentence.

Caller B: This divorced mom, complete with 14-year old boy, started a relationship with this guy who was also the father of a 16-year old girl. One day the caller walked in on the kids having sex. Her question was how to keep these two kids away from each other.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 30, 2006 at 7:32 pm

Posted in Dr. Laura COTD

Global Warming Millions Of Years Before SUVs

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The hell?

A 30-mile maze canyons in Antarctica was carved out of bedrock by the catastrophic draining of subglacial lakes during global warming between 12 million and 14 million years ago, according to university researchers who warn a similar event today could have serious environmental consequences.

You mean to tell me Republicans were around back then? Damn. Oh, speaking of wacky weather, I had Hannity’s radio show on for a few minutes today (Why oh why did Salem Radio get rid of Dave Ramsey?) and he had a caller that said if Bush caused Hurricane Katrina last year, shouldn’t he get some credit for moving Hurricane Ernesto away from Florida? For some reason this made me laugh. I guess Bush’s decision to steer Ernesto away from the Sunshine State was because the hurricane was going to hit some white neighborhoods. Think about that before you go vote in this year’s elections. Should Democrats take control of Congress, W. is going to fuck some shit up for you Seaboard districts with next year’s wave of hurricanes. Hell, I’m sure he also has power over tornadoes, earthquakes and volcanoes, so even if you live away from a large body of water, be warned.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 30, 2006 at 7:29 pm

Posted in News

Pirate Player Has Something Positive To Play For In September

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This headline made me laugh: Bucs’ Sanchez Has Something to Play For.

Freddy Sanchez and Jason Bay are among the few Pittsburgh Pirates with something tangible to achieve in September. They hope it’s not too long until the entire club is playing for something in the final full month of the season.

Sanchez’s second two-run single of the game finished off Pittsburgh’s three-run rally in the 11th inning and the Pirates withstood 20 hits to beat the Chicago Cubs 10-9 Wednesday and sweep their series.

Michael Barrett’s run-scoring single and Ronny Cedeno’s sacrifice fly off Marty McLeary (1-0) put the Cubs up 9-7 in the top of the inning. But Jose Castillo’s fourth hit, an RBI single, got the Pirates to within a run and Sanchez won it with a pop-fly single down the right field line against Ryan Dempster (1-7).

Sanchez is the NL batting leader with a .347 average, and is better still in clutch situations with a .423 average (52-for-123) with runners in scoring position.

You bet he does – to be good enough to get the hell off this team via a trade or free agency.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 30, 2006 at 7:27 pm

Posted in Sports

Teaching Pays, But How Much?

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So yesterday I got this pseudo-magazine in the mail that my local government school district publishes. As I was thumbing through it I got to a section where I was introduced to the new teachers at Norwin High School. Goddamn are these people young; at least three-fourths of them have to be in their low- to mid-20s (I can’t remember a non-substitute teacher I had that was in his or her 30s, let alone 20s, during my school days). Most seem to be doing lower-grade subjects, which got me the thinking of a conversation I had with this chick back in Ohio about teacher’s pay.

This chick from my time in Ohio had a degree in elementary education, or something similar, and was looking for a job teaching these little brats. Somehow we got on the subject of teacher’s compensation. Genuinely curious about this subject I asked her if she thought she should be paid the same as a high-school professor. She said yes, and I asked why. She couldn’t give an answer, and when I compared her job of making sure everyone has a blankie for naptime to the 12th grade AP Science prof dealing with chemicals that could blow up the school he or she is teaching in, I could tell by the stare I was receiving that I was getting into trouble. Oh well. Too fucking bad.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 30, 2006 at 7:24 pm

Posted in Life

Bathroom Banter

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Now this is funny.

Today, CNN’s Kyra Phillips got caught, well, with her skirt down. Someone in CNN left her mic open and on the air as she went to the loo in the middle of President Bush’s speech commemorating the Katrina anniversary. So instead of getting the president’s remarks, CNN’s audience got that and Phillips in some girl-chat.

However I’m a bit suspicious over the authenticity of this bathroom banter.

Yeah, I’m very lucky in that regard with my husband. My husband is handsome and he is genuinely a loving, you know, no ego.[unintelligible] you know what I’m saying. Just a really passionate, compassionate great, great human being. And they exist. They do exist. They’re hard to find. Yup. But they are out there.

Bitch you knew your mic was on the whole time. No married woman says such things about her lesser half.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 29, 2006 at 9:51 pm

Posted in News

Horny Lil’ Devil

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If this is indeed true, I’m surprised Amnesty International isn’t all up in a tizzy over this. After all, one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male is have him watch an animation of himself having gay sex with Satan.

Saddam’s cartoon capers

Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein is being made to watch his appearance in cult cartoon South Park while he is behind bars.

The deposed leader on trial in Iraq was featured in the movie spin-off as the lover of the devil. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut featured Hussein and Satan attempting to take over the world together.

Speaking at the Edinburgh International Television Festival, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone said US Marines guarding the former dictator during his trial for genocide were making him watch the movie “repeatedly”.

“I have it on pretty good information from the Marines on detail in Iraq that they showed him the movie last year. That’s really adding insult to injury. I bet that made him really happy,” Stone said.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 29, 2006 at 9:48 pm

Posted in Entertainment

If You Have To Die, Don’t Do So In Front Of CHILDREN

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This is why I hate it when “children” are mentioned in a story.

A hot-air balloon caught fire during a circus stunt, killing a clown acrobat as dozens of children watched, police said Tuesday.

Who gives a shit? The man died. Would it have been better if this happened during rehearsal or something when nobody was around? Damn this acrobat. Why did you have to die in front of the CHILDREN?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 29, 2006 at 9:47 pm

Posted in News

Caught With His Pants Hiked Up

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So it looks like that guy who claimed to witness JonBenet Ramey’s death probably lied about his involvement with this case. Don’t care. Whenever there is a media storm like this I run for cover by watching DVDs and playing video games until it is safe to turn back on cable news. My only question in this whole fiasco is what the hell is up with those pants?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 29, 2006 at 9:42 pm

Posted in News

Fair Weather Fan

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Well it’s been one year since Hurricane Katrina hit and we got to see the Great Society in all of its glory. And while journalists are commemorating the occasion with reflections of how heroic they were during this time last year in their reporting of mass rapes and cannibalism at the Superdome, it’s made me reflect and think of how lucky I am to be living near the Shittsburgh area.

Yeah, you heard me.

It’s hard for hurricanes to move in this far inland, and if Shittsburgh gets slammed, then I’m sure Philadelphia would be taken out first, which is a sacrifice I can deal with (wiping out Harrisburg when the state legislature is in session would be a bonus, too). I don’t think there are any nearby active volcanoes, and although we see a tornado every now and then we aren’t in Tornado Alley. The area doesn’t face water shortages like the Desert Southwest, and it’s never too hot or too cold, at least when compared to Alaska and Florida. I guess nothing, not even bad weather, wants to stop by this neck of the woods. In fact, the only disasters I have to deal with around here are Democrats. Sure they may take my house via eminent domain (as probably would most Republicans), but at least I’d get “fair market” value and not be butt-fucked by my insurance company should a tornado touch down on my property line.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 29, 2006 at 9:41 pm

Posted in News

The Dr. Laura Call Of The Day: 8/28/06

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Some lady phones in and wants to know … actually, I don’t really know the reason for her call. All I was listening to was how she was unemployed and that she never gets along with the upper management at any of her places of employment. The problem, according to her, was the lack of support her bosses gave her when it came time to “back her up” with the employees she was supposed to supervise. You go girl. It sucks having to supervise people you had no part with during their hiring process. And yes, most upper managers are spineless, but that’s why they make the big bucks. However, when asked how many jobs she had worked the caller replied, “Three jobs in four months.” Goddamn, even I’m not that big of an insubordinate.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 28, 2006 at 9:40 pm

Posted in Dr. Laura COTD

One-On-One With Customers, ATMs

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I’ve been on a customer kick as of late, so I might as well keep the trend going. Now normally bitching about stupid customers is what many former customers service representatives remember during their time at these go-nowhere jobs, but that isn’t always the case. I think one problem many customers have is that they always seem afraid to admit when they’re wrong or when they fuck up. One of my favorite customer exchanges came while working at the Quickie Mart. The store had an ATM and one afternoon a middle-aged woman went to use the services of this machine, which was one of those that you only had to swipe your card through rather than insert it into the machine. For some reason I caught the end of her transaction, and once her receipt was spit out she stood there in bewilderment for a few seconds. She then turned around to me and said, “The machine ate my card!” I replied, “No it didn’t.” When she asked, “How do you know?” I answered, “Because it can’t” and pointed to her one hand. It was at that time she looked down and saw that she was holding her ATM card. Now while many customers would probably get pissed off at this point, seeing how the lowly cashier had just “dissed” them, this lady just busted out laughing and did a variation of the “whoosh” gesture with her hand and the top of her head and left. If only more customers were like that. We all do dumb things every now and then, and if you can’t laugh at yourself then you can’t laugh any other people.

On the flip side of this spectrum are the asshole regular customers. There were many at the Quickie Mart, but one that really sticks out was “One and One Man.” This miserable old bastard always came in and would order a small coffee and a newspaper. Since a small coffee and newspaper was something like one dollar and change he would always walk by a register, say “one and one” and toss the money on the counter and proceed to make a fucking mess of sugar and creamer juice by the coffee station. Now all of this was tolerable enough, but one time he pissed me off for what he did to a co-worker of mine. To say that this kid was portly would be an understatement; he was a big boy. However, he was a nice guy, but for some reason customers always gave him shit; probably because of his girth or something equally lame. Well one day One and One Man came up to his register with just a coffee, and this kid asked him, in a polite and courteous way, “Did you already buy your newspaper today?” One and One Man snippily replied, “Did you eat?” which I managed to hear. This pissed me off, and the stare I shot at him from the time he said that until he walked out the door made him aware that I heard what he said. For the next week or two I was a bastard (well, at least more than I usually was) to One and One Man. I didn’t say anything to him, but rather I would just accept his money and return change in the same manner he would behave toward us who worked at the Quickie Mart. One Saturday morning he threw his money at me for his “one and one,” and I proceeded to throw his change right back at him, turn my back and walk away in one swift motion. He then began screaming and my co-worker (a different chick from my 8/28 entry) had to play damage control, which was nothing new considering she was the “good half” to our morning tandem. Of course One and One Man would return and return again, and I don’t think I ever said anything to him. Hopefully he’s dead by now.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 28, 2006 at 9:39 pm

Posted in Life

I’m Playing Bas-ket-ball

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So there I was a week or so ago winning the Stanley Cup in NHL ’06. Uh, yay, I guess. A few days later I proceeded to do all the off-season stuff this game has to offer (which isn’t much, but whatever). I generally like console off-season features. It’s a nice break from playing the actual games, plus it’s usually not too detailed with tedious shit that you have to do. Well after signing draft picks and a free agent or two, I decided to save. Now you know whenever you save a Playstation game it has that wording on the screen, “Don’t remove card, shut power off, etc.”? Well I now know why you shouldn’t do this. The fucking power went out in mid-save. The kicker? It went out for about 2 seconds. File corrupted. End of story.

I figured this was God’s way of telling me to get up and do something with my life. Was this “something” to devote my time to charity, mentor a youth or visit a retirement home? Well I certainly hope not because my definition of “something” in this case was to go and get more video games. One type of sports game I haven’t purchased in a long time is basketball, so I decided now would be a good time to try this genre out. A few days ago I bought NBA 2k5, ESPN College Hoops 2005 and NCAA Football ’05. Not only did these games cost me less than $10 total, but I think they will tide me over until/if I get a next-gen console a few years from now. I normally buy Electronic Arts sports games, but the ESPN brand seems to get much better reviews over the EA titles when it comes to basketball. I also went with the ESPN brand for basketball because you can import draft classes, which for some reason I want to do; that’s why I also purchased NCAA ’05.

Getting beat by the Charlotte Bobcats is telling me it will take some time to get the hang of the game play for the basketball titles; the last NBA game I remember playing was NBA Live ’95 and NBA Jam on my Genesis. One thing I could have really done without was hearing Stuart Scott on the loading screens. Christ, the developers thought this was a good idea? After a few games Bill Walton’s commentary is still making me laugh. I think I committed only a half-dozen “inexcusable” errors my last game, which tells me I’m improving.

One thing I like about NCAA Hoops is that you can generate random names instead of those annoying jersey numbers. Thankfully most of the controls are the same as NBA 2k5, although I HATE the way you shoot free throws in this game. In addition, I don’t think you can change the screen angle, which is odd. However, for some reason I’m having more fun playing the NCAA game than its NBA counterpart.

Since I talked about my first two purchases, I might as well give my opinion on NCAA ’05 Football: it’s Madden-lite, which isn’t a negative criticism. The only thing I don’t like with this game are the numbers replacing player names. I’m not complaining though because there are worse things out there, like having to listen to Stuart Scott during loading screens.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 27, 2006 at 9:38 pm

Posted in Life

Bills Of Right (And Wrong)

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A while back I was talking about Lottery People and mentioned some of my fun exploits with this breed of customer. In one entry I mentioned how my Quickie-Mart’s management had two sets of rules: one set were rules that were flexible and another set that were rigid. The flexible rules were ones that our district managers would tell us we had to perform, but everyone never did, including our store manager. One such rule was not being allowed to accept anything bill denomination higher than $20. Sometimes when our manager who was one rank above our store manager was on the rag she’d bitch about us having too many $100 bills in our safe, but otherwise we would always accommodate our customers who would pay with a $50 or $100 bill.

Did I say “we”? I meant “everyone but me.” Below are my top three customer experiences with people wanting to pay for $10 worth of gas with a $100 bill, or something close to that nature.

3) I had this guy with some bratty kids come up to my register, and when he opened his wallet he handed me a $100 bill for $20 or so worth of gas. After telling him I couldn’t accept his currency due to store policy he said that he had no other way to pay for his order. I was calling bullshit on this one for two reasons. Reason A: When he opened his wallet I saw several credit cards. Reason B: When he opened his wallet, I noted a number of dollar bills in his wallet that were of acceptable denomination. Now we were told that if a customer couldn’t pay for his or her fuel, we were to take their driver’s license until they returned with payment. Naturally, I told him that if he was unable to pay for his order that I would need his license. He said, “You can look at it, but you’re not going to take it from me.” I responded with something like, “Well if you drive off this lot I am going to call the police and report a gray Buick with the plate numbers *I called them out while writing them down on a slip of paper* just drove off without paying.” Surprise. He pulled out a $20 bill and paid for his purchase.

2) This guy came in to pay with a $50 bill and I said that I wasn’t allowed to accept anything over a $20. I then got one of my favorite customer lines. “Well where’s a sign that says this, huh?” I love it when a customer pulls this, because then I get to point out all the signs they missed on their way to the register. I pointed to the two signs at my counter, the two at my co-workers counter, the half-dozen or so that were posted throughout the store, the several that were posted by the entranceway, and the signs posted on EVERY ONE OF MY STORE’S EIGHT PUMPS. The customer wasn’t amused, but I sure as hell was.

1) Some guy tried to pay for his fuel with a $100 bill, which I told him I wasn’t allowed to accept. After he threw a fit for several minutes about how I had to accept this because it was “legal U.S. tender,” I told him that he could go the other cashier standing next to me because she’d probably accept your payment. I, on the other had, wouldn’t because that’s not our store policy and that I had been reprimanded before for accepting a $50 bill. (OK, so this was a lie. Big deal.) Instead of going to the other cashier, who had a deer in headlights look because I had dragged her into this mess, this guy threw a fit for a little while longer and asked for our company’s customer service number. I said it’s posted right outside the entrance door. He then went outside and pulled out his cell phone to call our 1-800 number and complain about me. One problem. He called the local phone number posted out by the door instead of calling the 1-800 number. I picked up our ringing phone and got to hear this guy say how he has been a loyal customer of our company for years and spends A LOT of money with us. He then said that a cashier at one of our stores was refusing him service because he wanted to pay with a $100 bill. You would think this guy would realize that he was talking to the cashier he interacted with just a few minutes ago, but he didn’t (I’m surprised he didn’t pick up on the background noise, like, say, ringing registers and all those other Quickie-Mart noises). I said the cashier was in the right and that they aren’t allowed to accept any bills higher than a $20 because it was a safety issue and that our store’s insurance carrier demands this policy be adhered to. I then added some bullshit about how there are these “mystery shoppers” who try to pay with $50 or $100 bills just to see if the cashier would accept the payment, and that if the cashier would accept these bills they would be fired. He bitched about something or other, hung up, went back into the store and paid for his purchase with a $20.

With these tales you may wonder why I would be such an asshole to customers? Well, 1) I am an asshole. 2) You need to entertain yourself somehow during an eight-hour shift.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 26, 2006 at 9:36 pm

Posted in Life

Scratch Off This Lottery Winner

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If you had any questions regarding my recent rants about lottery people, this should put any doubts to rest. Why bother to bold-face all the funny parts of this story?

Man Settles Over Lottery Ticket in Trash

A man who retrieved a $1 million lottery ticket from the trash reached a settlement with the family of the man who claimed he accidentally threw it away.

Edward St. John, 83, agreed to give up $140,000 of the winnings because he wanted to enjoy the windfall before he died, his attorney said.

St. John was sued after finding the “Hold ’em Poker” scratch ticket in October 2005 while searching through the trash at a local convenience store for discarded winning tickets, something he regularly did.

Kevin Donovan, 49, who said he had bought every “Hold ’em Poker” ticket in the store earlier in the day but accidentally threw out the winner, protested St. John’s claim to the winnings before the Massachusetts Lottery Commission. The commission rejected the claim in April, ruling that a lottery ticket was like cash, requiring only possession to show ownership.

Donovan died of a heart attack shortly afterward. His surviving children then challenged the commission ruling in court.

St. John’s attorney, Scott Ambler, said his client was reluctant to agree to the settlement because he believed he deserved the entire prize. But Ambler said that Donovan’s estate could have conceivably kept the case in court for so long that St. John might have died before it was resolved.

“If Mr. St. John had passed away before he got a chance to enjoy anything, that would have been the biggest shame of all,” Ambler told a local newspaper.

Under the settlement, approved Tuesday by a judge, St. John gets $43,000 annually for 20 years, before taxes, while Donovan’s estate gets $7,000 annually.

St. John said he planned to share the money with an older brother.

He also indicated that the windfall might force him to move because he lives in subsidized housing and might now exceed the maximum allowed income.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2006 at 9:33 pm

Posted in News

So That’s Why They’re Called The Milwaukee Brewers

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So Forbes Magazine declares Milwaukee to the America’s drunkest city.

Milwaukee has been ranked by Forbes.com as “America’s Drunkest City” on a list of 35 major metropolitan areas ranked for their drinking habits.

Forbes said Tuesday it used numbers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to rank cities in five areas: state laws, number of drinkers, number of heavy drinkers, number of binge drinkers and alcoholism.

Minneapolis-St. Paul was ranked second overall; followed by Columbus, Ohio; Boston; Austin, Texas; Chicago; Cleveland; Pittsburgh and then Philadelphia and Providence, R.I., in a tie for ninth.

I guess those people really do like to have some wine with that cheese.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2006 at 9:31 pm

Posted in News

All The News Fit To Print … In China

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Dear New York Slimes,

Please please please transfer Paul Krugman to Beijing. If some researcher can get three years in jail for “fraud,” Krugman will get at least 25 to life with his next economics-based column.

The surprise acquittal of a New York Times researcher Friday on charges of leaking state secrets was a blow to state security officials and suggested former president Jiang Zemin’s power has ebbed, according to human rights lawyers and advocates.

Although Zhao Yan, a researcher for the newspaper’s Beijing bureau, was sentenced to three years in prison on an unrelated fraud charge, the dismissal of the more serious charge was greeted with relief by Zhao’s supporters. He had originally faced as long as 10 years in prison.

Calling the verdict a “welcome surprise,” Jerome A. Cohen, an expert on Chinese law who advised the Times, said the case was “a rare example of a court being allowed or instructed to acquit on a charge of the utmost sensitivity.”

Zhao, 44, was detained in September 2004, 10 days after a Times story accurately predicted that Jiang would resign his last official position as head of the Communist Party’s Central Military Commission. The Times has denied that Zhao was the source for news about Jiang’s retirement, which was viewed as a highly sensitive state secret, and Zhao has maintained his innocence. President Bush had lobbied on Zhao’s behalf.

While I’m on the Journalists-in-trouble kick, I don’t know why terrorists thought they could get anywhere by capturing cable television reporter Steve Centanni.

A Fox employee in Gaza, who declined to give his name because he was not authorized to release information about the incident, said the two kidnapped people were reporter Steve Centanni, a U.S. citizen, and a cameraman from New Zealand.”

What, did they think they now have a direct line to the White House? OMG FAUX NEWS LOL2006.

Wait a second. There are people who seriously think this.

Are FOX News Employees really “Noncombatants”?

By Mike Whitney

08/24/06 “Information Clearing House” — — Are FOX employee’s innocent bystanders or an integral part of the American war machine? That may turn out to be an important question now that 2 FOX workers have been captured by a group of Palestinian militants.

This article has been withdrawn at the request of the author.

Oops.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2006 at 9:24 pm

Posted in News

Pooch Pouch

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The hell?

It’s the ultimate fashion accessory for people who “love their dogs a bit too much.”

Imported from the United States, these colourful and stylish “doggie bags” enable devoted dog owners to carry their puppies and little pooches wherever they go.

Designed to be “lightweight” with an adjustable strap, the “PuppyPurse” is exactly as it sounds.

Normally it’s the dogs that are in front of their owners running in every which way.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2006 at 9:22 pm

Posted in News

Pluto’s Hard Rock Life

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Something I had believed all my life has just been taken away from me. No, it’s not blacks having the same voting rights as me (that news hit hard a few elections ago). It’s Pluto no longer being classified as a planet.

Science teachers consider Pluto’s flunking out of planet status a plus rather than a minus.

“It’s exciting. It’s a chance to teach kids that this is the nature of science. Things are always changing,” said Rich Hogen, who taught fourth grade for 32 years in the Arizona school system.

At the beginning of the week, it looked as if Pluto would be spared the subtraction as the International Astronomical Union considered increasing the number of planets to 12.

But Thursday’s vote reversed course, categorizing Pluto and two of the planet hopefuls, Ceres and Xena, as dwarf planets.

“I think it would have been more difficult had they added more,” Hogen said. “There’s a lot of research out there on the nine planets. They just dropped one.”

And to think there are actual people out there who debate this kind of shit.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2006 at 9:20 pm

Posted in News

The Dr. Laura Call Of The Day: 8/24/06

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Some lady says that her husband was told by a friend of his to put a note in the back pocket of his jeans that were going to be washed. That way the wife will pull it out while searching through the pockets before they went into the washing machine and read it. Well this stupid idea actually worked, and the guy wrote that he didn’t know if this marriage would last. The reason? Due to the wife’s lack of sexual desire.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 24, 2006 at 9:19 pm

Posted in Dr. Laura COTD

A Real Vet With Dipship Cashiers

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There are certain professions that once you find a good person at his or her craft, you latch onto them for dear life. Some examples include those in the car repair and medical field. I’d also include veterinarians in this category, too. When our one kitty got sick a few years ago our vet at the time did nothing but say, “Well he probably has cancer,” and that was it. Infuriated with the lack of service we received, the better half went to another veterinarian that was nearby. Even though there was really nothing that could be done with our cat (he died a few months later after putting up one hell of a fight against medical conditions that couldn’t be cured, and it wasn’t cancer), we were, and will be, forever grateful for the care he received. As much as I like this vet, her receptionist/customer service representative staff could use an overhaul. They’re not rude or anything like that, but God are they stupid. Our one cat Max needs a special brand of food that is not available with the brands offered to the public. Last Tuesday I placed an order for a bag of dry food, since his supply was running low. We were told that they would call us when the order arrived. Well, yesterday (one week later) I called to inquire about the status of our order, and I was told that it had been at the office for several days. I don’t think Max minded though, considering we were feeding him soft food for the previous few days when his kibble ran out, much to the chagrin of his brother and sister. It’s bad enough we have to feed Max in a separate room of the house because the other two cats always want to eat his specialized cat food, but when he’s getting specialized SOFT food it’s like a revolt is taking place in our house.

Oh, and back to the staff at this vet clinic. I had to wait 10 minutes for them to ring up my order of two bags of specialized formula and one bag of another brand of dry cat food. These people couldn’t figure out how to ring up the price. And, yes, I do keep track of how long I’m waiting to pay for a bill at this place. I don’t get mad by having to wait; it’s just something to do to pass the time away. Another observation about this place: just about every cat that is brought in for examination is quiet and well behaved. When one of my three are in their carrier, which is big enough for a medium-sized dog, they never shut up on the way there, during the examination, and on the way home.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 24, 2006 at 9:17 pm

Posted in Life

Fits Like A Glove Compartment

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Yet another difference between men and women. A conversation the better half and I had a few days ago.

Her: “What did you do with the new proof-of-insurance card we got?”

Me: “I put it in the glove compartment.”

Her: “Did you put it in that book in there with all of the other car-related information?”

Me: “I put it in the glove compartment.”

Her: “So are you telling me you didn’t take the old card out of its plastic sleeve in that book and replace it with the new card?”

Me: “I put it in the glove compartment.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 24, 2006 at 9:16 pm

Posted in Life

A Race For Survivor

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This stuff just writes itself.

Get ready for a segregated “Survivor.” Race will matter on the upcoming season of the CBS show as contestants will be divided into four tribes by ethnicity. That means blacks, whites, Latinos and Asians in separate groups.

The announcement was made on CBS’ Early Show. Host Jeff Probst says the idea “actually came from the criticism that ‘Survivor’ was not ethnically diverse enough.” He says the twist fits in perfectly with what “Survivor” does, saying the show is “a social experiment. And this is adding another layer to that experiment.” Probst says contestants had mixed reactions to the racial divisions.

This time the new Survivors are stranded on the Cook Islands in the South Pacific. The castaways include a police officer, a heavy metal guitarist, an attorney and a nail salon manager. The new season of Survivor debuts September 14th.

Bwahahahahaha. Man, I don’t know where to begin with this. Earlier today I was flipping channels because the usual NFL Live/Jim Rome/Around the Horn lineup I watch while exercising was canned due to those brats in Williamsport. I came across a Tucker Carlson show on MSNBC. Normally I’d just keep on flipping, but something caught my eye. Was it? Could it be? It was!

My n*gga Neal Boortz was on the show commenting on this very subject! And he stole my line of, “Well if the challenges deal with math the Asians have this won.” Bastard. But I digress. Now it’s time to play the game that’s sweeping the nation.

GUESS THAT RACE

Because I don’t want to ruin your playing experience, first I’ll just list the names and profiles of this season’s Survivor contestants. Next I will make my guesses as to each person’s race and give the reasons for my picks. Finally, I’ll post the answers followed by my reaction to each one. Let’s see how well I do. I’m only going to go through this list one time, and there will be no backtracking or editing of my answers. Reading all the names and doing a process of elimination is for hippies.

THE CONTESTANTS:

Rebecca Borman, 24, makeup artist, Laurelton, New York.

Anh-Tuan “Cao Boi” Bui, 42, nail salon manager, Christiansburg, Virginia.

Sekou Bunch, 45, jazz musician, Los Angele.

J.P. Calderon, 30, pro volleyball player, Marina Del Rey, California.

Cristina Coria, 35, police officer, Los Angeles.

Stephannie Favor, 35, nursing student, Columbia, South Carolina.

Billy Garcia, 36, heavy metal guitarist, New York City.

Adam Gentry, 28, copier sales, San Diego.

Nathan Gonzalez, 26, retail sales, Los Angeles.

Jenny Guzon-Bae, 36, real estate agent, Lake Forest, Illinois.

Yul Kwon, 31, management consultant, San Mateo, California.

Becky Lee, 28, attorney, Washington, D.C..

Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth, 25, waiter, Venice, California.

Cecilia Mansilla, 29, technology risk consultant, Oakland.

Sundra Oakley, 31, actress, Los Angeles.

Jonathan Penner, 44, writer/producer, Los Angeles.

Parvati Shallow, 23, boxer/waitress, Los Angeles.

Jessica Smith, 27, performance artist/rollergirl, Chico, California.

Brad Virata, 29, fashion director, Los Angeles.

Candice Woodcock, 23, premed student, Fayetteville, North Carolina.

THE GUESSES:

Rebecca Borman, 24, makeup artist, Laurelton, New York.
A tough one right off the bat. I want to say Asian, but they didn’t say she did nails at the mall. Because of that I’m going with White or Black, but which one? I’m going with White because I don’t visualize many Blacks in a place called Laurelton. Unless she’s light-skinned, which is possible. Shit. I’m going with my first thought and saying Black.

Anh-Tuan “Cao Boi” Bui, 42, nail salon manager, Christiansburg, Virginia.
You got to be fucking kidding me. Asian.

Sekou Bunch, 45, jazz musician, Los Angeles.
The style of music cinches it for me. Black.

J.P. Calderon, 30, pro volleyball player, Marina Del Rey, California.
Hard. The “J.P.” it signaling a minority, but pro volleyball? White.

Cristina Coria, 35, police officer, Los Angeles.
Well I know which person the blacks will throw off the island first. My initial thought was White, but I’m going to go with Hispanic because I’m sensing a swerve here.

Stephannie Favor, 35, nursing student, Columbia, South Carolina.
Deep South, older nursing student. I’m going to say Black.

Billy Garcia, 36, heavy metal guitarist, New York City.
Asian. Nah, just kidding. White as rice, err, snow, even with that last name. Wait a second. I’m not a heavy metal guy; I can’t think of many (fuck that, I can’t think of ANY) Hispanic front men, but could they be playing instruments? I’ll still go White.

Adam Gentry, 28, copier sales, San Diego.
A person in California with a job not picking produce? He ain’t Hispanic. I’ll go with Black because I sense another swerve. My reasoning? Copier sales = rappers copy other people’s music. Close enough.

Nathan Gonzalez, 26, retail sales, Los Angeles.
Hispanic. I feel bad for his boss who is trying to figure out why there’s a high rate of theft at the store.

Jenny Guzon-Bae, 36, real estate agent, Lake Forest, Illinois.
Asian, although the feminazi hyphenated last name is drawing a red flag. On second thought, I’m going Hispanic. Another good front. They sell the house to a family, then clean them out after they move in. No. Hispanics work in slaughterhouses in Illinois. Asian it is.

Yul Kwon, 31, management consultant, San Mateo, California.
They’re not even trying with this one. Asian.

Becky Lee, 28, attorney, Washington, D.C.
Eww. You got the “Becky” for white and the “Lee” for Asian. Shit. I see more White chick attorneys than Asian. I’m playing the numbers on this one.

Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth, 25, waiter, Venice, California.
I don’t know many blacks with the nickname “Ozzy,” although I’m skeptic at a White guy being a waiter in California. He might be a pseudo-actor though. Sorry Hispanics, I’m going White here.

Cecilia Mansilla, 29, technology risk consultant, Oakland.
I’m glad I went White above, because I’m going Hispanic here.

Sundra Oakley, 31, actress, Los Angeles.
Charles Oakley was black, and a damn good rebounder, too. Sundra sounds like the Sudan, so I’m going Black.

Jonathan Penner, 44, writer/producer, Los Angeles.
“Pen”er and a writer? Only a White guy would be that lame.

Parvati Shallow, 23, boxer/waitress, Los Angeles.
If it were a kick-boxer I’d go Asian, but the fact she is a waitress makes me guess Hispanic.

Jessica Smith, 27, performance artist/rollergirl, Chico, California.
I don’t need to comment on this one. Do I? White. This only thing of color in this profile is the name of the city.

Brad Virata, 29, fashion director, Los Angeles.
Crap. I don’t know. I’m going to say Hispanic just because. I do know that whatever race this guy ends up being, he’s gay.

Candice Woodcock, 23, premed student, Fayetteville, North Carolina.
The better half knew a Black chick studying for a Masters/Ph.D. during her time in grad school who had the same first name as Ms. Woodcock, so I’m not falling for the “premed” trap on this one.

THE ANSWERS:
The proof.

Rebecca Borman, 24, makeup artist, Laurelton, New York.
Black. 1 for 1.
I was right on with this one.

Anh-Tuan “Cao Boi” Bui, 42, nail salon manager, Christiansburg, Virginia.
Asian. 2 for 2.
This one shouldn’t even count.

Sekou Bunch, 45, jazz musician, Los Angeles.
Black 3 for 3.
That first name and the choice of music was just too much for me not to pass up.

J.P. Calderon, 30, pro volleyball player, Marina Del Rey, California.
Hispanic. 3 for 4.
Even with this mistake, I know Al Keiper would still give me a good win-share figure.

Cristina Coria, 35, police officer, Los Angeles.
Hispanic. 4 for 5.
Ha. I knew it.

Stephannie Favor, 35, nursing student, Columbia, South Carolina.
Black. 5 for 6.
OK, now I’m starting to scare myself.

Billy Garcia, 36, heavy metal guitarist, New York City.
Hispanic. 5 for 7.
Damn. I should have went with the name over the profession on this one.

Adam Gentry, 28, copier sales, San Diego.
White. 5 for 8.
I missed the boat on this one, but these California contestants could go any way.

Nathan Gonzalez, 26, retail sales, Los Angeles.
Black. 5 for 9.
Like I said above about Adam.

Jenny Guzon-Bae, 36, real estate agent, Lake Forest, Illinois.
Asian. 6 for 10.
Whew. That was a close one.

Yul Kwon, 31, management consultant, San Mateo, California.
Asian. 7 for 11.
Next. Say, with my current score, how come India or the Middle East aren’t being represented in this season of Survivor?

Becky Lee, 28, attorney, Washington, D.C.
Asian. 7 for 12.
Shucks. If I watched more Alley McBeal I might have gotten this one right. Oh well, I’ll take the wrong answer over watching that show any day.

Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth, 25, waiter, Venice, California.
Hispanic. 7 for 13.
I hate these California entries.

Cecilia Mansilla, 29, technology risk consultant, Oakland.
Hispanic. 8 for 14.
I went with the name over the job and am glad for it.

Sundra Oakley, 31, actress, Los Angeles.
Black. 9 for 15.
Yeppers.

Jonathan Penner, 44, writer/producer, Los Angeles.
White. 10 for 16.
I know my own people too well.

Parvati Shallow, 23, boxer/waitress, Los Angeles.
White. 10 for 17.
Well maybe I don’t know my own people all that well. I forgot about Million Dollar Baby.

Jessica Smith, 27, performance artist/rollergirl, Chico, California.
White. 11 for 18
Even if she wasn’t part of “your own people” you had to get this one right.

Brad Virata, 29, fashion director, Los Angeles.
Asian. 11 for 19
The hell? I just guessed on this one anyway.

Candice Woodcock, 23, premed student, Fayetteville, North Carolina.
White. 11 for 20
That last name sounded WASP-y, but I was going with personal experience. Looks like I need to broaden my horizons.

FINAL SCORE: 55 percent. 😦

Well there you go. No matter which race becomes the ultimate Survivor, the true winners in this competition are the Jews in charge of this show.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 23, 2006 at 4:30 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Painting This Coach As A Villian Strikes Out With Me

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This story cracks me up.

My oldest son recently finished his first year of 9- and 10-year-old PONY league baseball, and let me tell you, some of the coaches could be real jackasses from time to time. There were guys who dropped f-bombs, guys who tried to game the rules and umpires to their advantage, and, worst of all, guys who smoked in the public parks hosting the fields even though that was expressly forbidden.

But none of these guys would ever consider pulling the stunt Bob Farley and Shaun Farr pulled in the 9- and 10-year-old Mueller Park PONY baseball league in Bountiful, Utah — ordering an intentional walk.

If the story were just about ordering an intentional walk, Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated and others outside of Bountiful wouldn’t have bothered this week to dissect Farley and Farr’s action, which took place in late June. But it so happens the weak hitter they wanted to set up for the last out of the championship game against, naturally, the Red Sox, was a 9-year-old brain cancer survivor.

Reports from the game have the fans booing, the pitcher — one of the league’s best — visibly shaken, and the child himself, Romney Oaks — who has a shunt in his head, and who, unlike major leaguers, requires human growth hormone to keep up his strength — crying almost before he got to the plate.

Now these coaches who ordered the intentional walk are going to be vilified more in the press than Hezbollah. I think there are more important things in life than having your pee-wee squad winning some hippie championship, but so what if the weaker hitter was a cancer survivor? Would this story become a nationwide topic if this kid were just naturally not athletic? Fuck that. If you are going to put a kid like this behind your team’s best hitter, even at the 9-year-old level, then you run the risk of having some win-at-all-costs manager on the other team willing to take advantage of this situation. The only thing I would see “wrong” with this story would be if not allowing intentional walks was an “unwritten” rule or something in this league. If that was the case, then that manager who issued the intentional walk pulled a bitch move; otherwise, all is fair in baseball. If you want to complain that the opposing manager issued an intentional walk of a team’s best player to get to a weaker hitter in a crucial game situation involving grade-school kids, that’s fine. But don’t play up the “cancer” angle because that won’t score any points (not to mention runs) with me.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 22, 2006 at 4:26 pm

Posted in Sports

Praying The ACLU Takes Action

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Well I’m offended. Shittsburgh’s mayor was recently diagnosed with several brain tumors and has been seeking treatment for his condition. No, that’s not what got my panties in a bunch. It’s that today a public prayer vigil was held from 11 a.m. to noon. On city property. OMG CALL THE ACLU! Where’s The Fascist Barry Lynn to tear shit up when you really need him? What a travesty. There could have been a little atheist walking by this public display of religious activity, and he or she could have been offended by what I had only thought went on in red states. I certainly hope the ACLU does something about this; at the very least they better write a scolding letter to the city threatening legal action if this sort of thing should ever happen again.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 22, 2006 at 4:25 pm

Posted in News

2006 NFL Preview (NFC)

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Yesterday I gave my uninformed predictions about the AFC. Now it’s time to do the same with the NFC.

NFC EAST
I’ve been hearing about how this may be the toughest division in football. Is it? I have no idea. However, I know this will be the most entertaining division in football, especially with the ESPN crowd rushing to Donovan McNabb’s defense every time he throws an interception. I can hear Chris Berman blaming Terrell Owens already for all of McNabb’s problems. Anyway, I think Philly will finish in last place, followed by Emily Manning and the Giants. Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will. Having said that, he’ll probably rush for 2,000 yards, which if that’s the case and my predictions are that off base, I hope Emily passes for 5,000 yards and wins the Super Bowl MVP award. I’ll give Washington the nod to win the division with the Cowboys coming in a close second.

Washington Redskins
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Philadelphia Eagles

NFC NORTH

Oh my God what a pathetic division. I feel for the Vikings in a way because this preseason has gone to shit for them, what with their top pick out with an ACL injury and that Robinson guy getting busted for drunk driving. If the Bears don’t win this division then they have no business being in the NFL. I’ll put Minnesota at number two because, despite all the stuff that’s happened to this team over the past year or so, they are still in a division with Detroit and Green Bay. Speaking of which, I’m guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12?

Chicago Bears
Minnesota Vikings
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Packers

NFC SOUTH
I’ve liked what the Carolina Panthers have done over the past few years, and I’m predicting them to finish first once again. The Bucs will come in second, followed by the Falcons. While I’m on the subject of Atlanta, I don’t understand why some coaches feel it necessary to try and make scrambling quarterbacks into pocket passers. Let them do their thing, and if they have to retire a few years early so be it. I remember back when the Philadelphia Eagles tried to harness Randall Cunningham; what happened to their franchise quarterback? He got hurt in the pocket. New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose. The only difference is I’ll probably get sick of the Bush/Mario Williams comparisons by Week 4.

Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccanneeers
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints

NFC WEST
No wonder Seattle always goes to the playoffs – look at this division. Spot any team six wins and they’ll get a wild-card entry at the very least. I got the Rams coming in second, even though I have no idea who is on that team. I’m sick of hearing each year how the Cardinals are a “sleeper pick” with all those wide receivers. You know why they have such good receiving stats? They’re always playing catch-up. You don’t go three yards and a cloud of dust when you’re trailing by 20 points by halftime. The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse.

Seattle Seahawks
St. Louis Rams
Arizona Cardinals
San Francisco 49ers

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 21, 2006 at 4:23 pm

Posted in Sports

2006 NFL Preview (AFC)

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Here are the parameters. I have put no research into how I think all 32 teams will fare this year. It’s the NFL: who the hell knows what will happen. I’ve heard a few headlines dealing with team issues, but other than that I have no clue who went where in the off-season. So with that in mind, let the predictions begin.

AFC EAST
Miami played well in the second half of last season, and many people are talking about this being the year for them to take the division. That is certainly possible, what with the free-agent losses the Pats faced in the off-season. However, I usually go by the rule of putting the champ on top until they get de-throned, and I will do so with the Patriots. I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because.

New England Patriots
Miami Dolphins
New York Jets
Buffalo Bills

AFC NORTH
I have no clue what’s going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year. I have Shittsburgh up at the top for the same reason I have New England winning the AFC North. (EDIT: haha PK. Faggot.) For the last few years I’ve been hearing about how dangerous Baltimore can be, and this year I’m actually taking this hype somewhat seriously with McNair coming over from the Titans. I hear Cincinnati has a tough schedule, and with Palmer’s health issues along with the off-season troubles some of their players have been experiencing, I have to put them at third. Cleveland is in last place because, well, it’s Cleveland.

Shittsburgh Steelers
Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals
Cleveland Browns

AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they’re still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them. Jacksonville is a nice second-place team. I’m pulling for Houston because I’m already tired of the OMG THEY DIDN’T DRAFT REGGIE BUSH LOL MARIO WILLIAMS ONE-AND-A-HALF-TACKLES talk. I have no idea what’s going on with Tennessee, although I think it’s funny they have LenDale White and Vince Young on the same roster.

Indianapolis Colts
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Tennessee Titans

AFC WEST
Much like the AFC North, I have no idea what’s going to happen here. Oakland is in last place because they are in a division with three good teams. San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback. Kansas City is in second place because I like their running game and that defense has to be better than previous years. I have Denver in first just because I’ve been hearing too much hype about the Chiefs being the “surprise” team of the league, which really isn’t much of a surprise considering they just missed the playoffs with a 10-6 record last year. Preseason hype tends to shoot up a red flag for me.

Denver Broncos
Kansas City Chiefs
San Diego Chargers
Oakland Raiders

That’s all for the AFC. Tomorrow I will evaluate the NFC for a minute or two with my uninformed opinions.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 20, 2006 at 4:21 pm

Posted in Sports

Preseason Game, Preseason Political Ads

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This is why I don’t donate money to political causes. I just saw a Rick Santorum television ad where he’s in some senior polka center talking about all the great things he does for old people. Who comes up with this shit? Oh well, at least it looks like he combed his hair in this ad, so that’s a plus. Gag. Now Ed Rendell is airing an ad. Go to hell you asshole. He’s bragging about not raising taxes this year – what about the previous years of your administration you piece of shit. Both of these ads were aired during the first half of the Steelers game against the Vikings. I guess focus groups indicate Steeler fans are stupid and will fall for these things. Now that’s a newsflash.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 19, 2006 at 4:20 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Shitty Citi

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So those bastards at Citi pissed me off today. I have a Dividend card that gives me cash back – 5 percent for all grocery, gas and drug store purchases, 1 percent for everything else. Now I get a letter saying that starting in October my cash back for grocery, gas and drug stores will be 2 percent. But wait, I’ll be able to get 2 percent for all utility bills I put on my Citi card. Bastards. And why did they do this? Because, the letter claimed, they were doing what their customers wanted them to do. Yeah, right.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 19, 2006 at 4:19 pm

Posted in Life

Football Memories

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So I went into the office today due to the fact I’d rather work alone without any distractions and take a weekday off – it’s like a buy-one-get-one-free in regards to being away from co-workers. Anyway, on my way home I was taking this one interstate that is pretty empty on the weekends. This wasn’t one of those times. As I was wondering which idiot crashed their SUV into someone else’s vehicle, I noticed that a passenger in the car behind me was waving a Terrible Towel. It was then I realized that the Steelers were playing a home game tonight. Shit. On the bright side, at least it’s a preseason game, so the drunken idiots won’t be out in full force as they would be come September. Fortunately, I was driving right as the Steeler gridlock was beginning to form. As I was driving outbound on another interstate, I saw inbound traffic backed up for at least several miles. Yet another reason why I don’t go to football games.

I remember my old man taking me to some Steeler preseason games back in the 1980s when I was a kid, and I think my disdain for attending football games began here. Every time a pass was thrown people around me would stand up and I couldn’t see a damn thing. The only two regular-season games I remember attending was a home opener against the Chiefs one year, which I think was Jack Lambert final game. All I remember about that game was some guy being helped off the field and the Steelers losing. My more recent memory was a better experience. It was a 1993 Monday Night Football game against the Buffalo Bills. My one friend’s dad had tickets for this game, and they brought me along. If memory serves, the Steelers put a whooping on the Bills, something like 24-3. The best moment came late in the game when I had my binoculars focused on Bills wide receiver Don Beebe, who made a pretty impressive catch, only to get smashed by a Steelers defenseman. In a split second, I saw this guy in a white uniform suddenly disappear from my sight only to be replaced by a black and gold blue. I had to put my binoculars down to see how far Beebe got moved, and I think he ended up somewhere out of bounds. Either way, it was a vicious hit.

Oh, another football moment came when I was a kid. It was some preseason game with my old man during the 1980s, and there was stop in the game for something or other. I looked at my dad and asked him “Where are the commercials?” How do I know that this happened? He reminds me of this every other time he talks to me.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 19, 2006 at 4:18 pm

Posted in Life

These Overpriced Local Grocery Stores All Look Alike

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My new hero. Remember, this guy is a so-called CIVIL RIGHTS leader:

Andrew Young, the American civil rights leader who was hired by Wal- Mart Stores to improve its public image, has resigned from that post after telling an African-American newspaper that Jewish, Arab and Korean shop owners had “ripped off” urban communities for years, “selling us stale bread, and bad meat and wilted vegetables.”

In the interview, published Thursday in The Los Angeles Sentinel, a weekly, Young said Wal-Mart should displace mom-and-pop stores in urban neighborhoods.

“You see those are the people who have been overcharging us,” he said of the owners of the small stores, “and they sold out and moved to Florida. I think they’ve ripped off our communities enough. First it was Jews, then it was Koreans and now it’s Arabs.”

Now lets see if Mr. Young gets made fun of by some comedians posing as Bo-Sox radio announcers.

So, Denis Leary was on the Red Sox broadcast last night, and discovered that Boston first baseman Kevin Youkilis was Jewish. It sent Leary into a “Hey, Mel Gibson, HOW’S REHAB??!!” rant that, while not quite rivaling the famous Rick Sutcliffe “George Clooney’s out there solving that thing” in embarassment value, surely comes close it in pure entertainment value.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 18, 2006 at 4:14 pm

Posted in News

Pig In A Blanketed Embrace

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Sure animal-rights people will bitch about a pig having to die just so some psycho can hold and cut it up all in the name of “art” instead of putting the carcass to good use – like say, making some hickory-smoked bacon out of it.

After pickled sheep, unmade beds and painting with elephant dung, some questioned where modern art could go next.

Kira O’Reilly will provide her own answer today by spending four hours naked, hugging a dead pig – at the taxpayer’s expense.

The controversial Irish performance artist will invite one person at a time to watch her sit in a specially-constructed set and perform a ‘crushing slow dance’ with the carcass in her arms.

She claims the bizarre exhibition is an attempt to ‘identify’ with the pig, which she cuts with a knife during the show.

Visitors to the Newlyn Art Gallery in Newlyn, Cornwall – funded by taxpayers and the lottery – will be allowed to watch her for ten minutes. The gallery has defended its decision to stage the one-off show, but animal rights campaigners have labelled the performance ‘sick’.

Anita Singh, spokesman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said: ‘This seems to be a desperate cry for help that merits visits from mental health counsellors, not voyeurs.

‘As Miss O’Reilly seems to depend on the shock value of using a murdered pig as a prop, perhaps lacking the talent to make it as a proper artist, may we suggest she take up a day job instead to pay the bills. This is not entertainment – this is sick.’

However, what’s even more appalling to me is that this exhibit was taxpayer funded. Oh well, at least it’s the Brits getting screwed over this time and not Americans. And at least the “artist” will be showing her tits. That’s got to count for something, right?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 18, 2006 at 4:12 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Wikipedia and the IWC

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So a day or so ago I was chatting with one of my AIM peeps, and he mentioned that Internet Wrestling Community (IWC) writer Rick Scaia (is he still around?) has his own Wikipedia entry. For reasons unbeknownst to me I decided to head over and check this out for myself. I wonder who wrote this entry?

Rick Scaia is an internet wrestling commentator and recapper who is best known for his work on Sportline’sWrestleLine.com, which was shut down in 2001, and Online Onslaught, which Scaia founded in December 2001. Scaia took the name for the latter site from the name of his signature column for Wrestlemaniacs and WrestleLine. He has been writing online since 1995. Scaia is known for his scathing, yet constructively critical commentaries on the current state of wrestling. His tendency to point out the negatives about current wrestling stories while also suggesting positive alternatives separates his writing from the larger crop of cynical bitter-mindedness that often characterizes online wrestling commentary. The more balanced and patient take may be responsible for Scaia’s allegedly considerable audience of current WWE employees. While the larger world of sports fandom might know Scaia best as the favorite wrestling columnist of ESPN.com’s Bill Simmons, and while wrestling fans as a whole might remember him best for his former “Ask The Rick” column, within his more devoted audience, he will probably always be best known for almost being getting beaten up by professional wrestler Raven.

Curious to see if any other Internet Wrestling Reporters have their own little slice of Wikipedia, I decided to see who hit the big-time.

Dave Scheer. Nothing.

Bob Ryder. Nothing. (That “Ryder Report” ain’t what you think.)

Scott Keith. Something.

Wade Keller. Something.

Dave Meltzer. Something.

Wrestlecrap. Something.

The Shooters. Nothing. 😦

That’s about all I remember from my rasslin’ days. Oh, there was also Mark Madden. He had his own entry, too, but I was more interested in other parts of his Wikipedia references.

Madden has also worked within mainstream sports journalism. He has written for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, now-defunct Penguins Report, and the weekly Pittsburgh City Paper. … The Post-Gazette forced his resignation because of questionable taste, the same reason his column was abruptly dropped by City Paper … Madden was dropped from commentaries on WTAE-TV news after highly negative viewer reaction.”

Hmm, I detect a pattern. Actually, I cut out the rest of the WTAE part of this entry, which went on to say he is a guest on “Action Sports Sunday” on WTAE-TV, a half-hour sports discussion show. What I really found funny was that the Shittsburgh City Paper dropped him for “questionable taste,” considering this publication is one of those urban papers that you have give away for free. And what does being an Internet Wrestling Celebrity and having your own Wikipedia entry mean? I have no clue.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 18, 2006 at 4:07 pm

Posted in Entertainment

At The Scene Of The Ramsey Crime?

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So now there’s some guy who’s said he was present when JonBenet Ramsey died. Oh goodie. I haven’t been paying attention to this story, but I’ve heard that his ex-wife or someone says he wasn’t at the Ramseys during the night JonBenet died. Whatever. I’ll wait until some DNA tests are completed before caring about this story. Too bad this guy wasn’t a Catholic priest; JonBenet would still be alive today. Also, thinking back to one of my favorite South Park episodes (the one that focused solely on Butters), I can’t help but wonder if the third public figure in the You’re-A-Liar Club really didn’t kill his ex-wife. First Gary Condit has been cleared of killing his intern he boinked on the side (not to mention on her back and probably while she was on all fours), now it looks like the Ramseys might be cleared of killing their kid once and for all. Could it only be a matter of time before O.J. finds the real killers?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 17, 2006 at 4:04 pm

Posted in News

Announcing My Thoughts On The New MNF Team

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So one of the big stories coming out the first Monday Night Football game of this NFL preseason was the performance of the new announcing team, particularly that of Tony Kornheiser. Well some in the media were less than complimentary toward Tony’s performance, and I heard earlier this week about Kornheiser ripping into fellow ESPN talking head Mike Golic. I didn’t hear first-hand what Golic said about Tony’s performance, or Kornheiser’s reaction to Golic’s comments on Dan Patrick’s radio show. However, I heard both comments on Golic’s morning radio show the other day. If what Golic said about Kornheiser was indeed “offensive” to him, then Tony needs to grow some thicker skin, and this is not meant to be some sort of cancer joke. Goddamn, what Golic said was nothing – all he really said was that Tony’s performance wasn’t earth shattering. And for someone who makes a living commenting on other people through “Pardon the Interruption,” it is downright laughable for Tony to be whining about the negative criticism about his Monday Night Football performance.

I watched part of the game in question, and yeah the announcing team sounded a bit off. However, this is the first time the three of them have worked together, so naturally there will be a couple of rough edges. Being one of the few people out there who actually liked ESPN’s Sunday Night Football trio of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann and Paul McGuire, I don’t blame Theismann for not being totally in sync with his new colleagues Mike Tirico and Kornheiser. However, the announcing wasn’t godawful or anything; it was just announcing.

I remember the Dennis Miller experiment at ABC a few years ago, and I commented back then about how much I hated listening to him. Looking back, I felt that I overreacted a bit, so I’m not going to be one of those folks who want to tar-and-feather Kornheiser over not being the next Howard Cosell after just one exhibition game. (I will give Miller points for saying after he was released that he held no ill-will toward ABC and thanked them for giving him the job of his dreams for a few years; other people would have complained to any news camera within 50 feet of their shadow.) Besides, even if this trio flops, it’s not like these Monday Night games are on network television. Pro football may be a ratings beast for cable television, but it pales in comparison to network figures, even if the network ratings are on the decline.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 17, 2006 at 4:03 pm

Posted in Sports

Lottery People, A Different Breed (Part II)

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A few days ago I was talking about Lottery People and how they are different from you and me. To recap, there are two basic types of Lottery People: Those that play games like Powerball and those that go the scratch-off-and-win route. In my recent entry I talked about the “numbers” addicts, and said that for as pathetic as these people are the scratch-off zombies are worse.

Now trying to determine which faction of Lottery People are worse is like trying to decide if you would rather encounter a bunch of black people or Mexicans in a dark alley with $100 in your hand; it usually comes down to one’s personal experiences. While the “Powerball” Lottery People have annoyed me more often during my time working at the Quickie Mart, the “Instant Win” Lottery People have produced more memorable encounters. There’s one that tops them all, however, and it’s a wonder I didn’t get fired from this one.

It started off innocently enough. This middle-aged chick came in and bought a bunch of $2 instant-win tickets. She seemed harmless. Not only did she come at a time when the store wasn’t busy, but also she went to a corner of the store to do her scratching. Many times Instant Win Lottery People just stay at the register and muck up the counter with that scratch-off residue. However, about 10 minutes later she came up to me and said that the one lottery ticket was “defective” and wanted a new one. Whenever a cashier receives a winning instant lottery ticket he or she has to first scan the ticket in the lottery machine. The machine will then ask for a three-digit code that is found on the instant-win ticket. It is only then when a payout is issued. If the three numbers aren’t punched in, there’s no cash payout. (This was back 10 years ago, so I’m not sure if the same process has to be performed.) The issue this woman had was that when she scratched the shit out of her cards she was erasing this three-digit code, too, making her tickets void.

There was a problem with this woman’s request. One of the first things I was taught at the Quickie Mart was NEVER to exchange a used lottery ticket. Now when you’re at a dead-end job you have “rules” that are commonly broken in the name of shutting up whining customers or something of that ilk. Then there are those rules that you are not allowed to bend under any circumstances. Anything dealing with the Pennsylvania lottery fell under the latter. I told this woman that I couldn’t take her “defective” ticket and give her a new one. She started getting pissy with me and whipped out the old, “Well the other guy who works here gave me new tickets,” to which I replied, “I’m not that other guy. And the other guy wasn’t supposed to do that.” This bitch then took out a pen from her purse and demanded to know what my name is, even though my nametag was right in front of her face. I responded by grabbing a writing utensil of my own and asking for her name and phone number. When she asked why I said, “So when you tell your lies to my manager about me I can call you on your line of bullshit.” I never got a number. And she did end up calling my manager. It turns out the “other guy” she had referred to was the boss’s husband.

While I’m talking about Instant Win Lottery People, here is my second most memorable moment. It was Christmas Day 1996 and our lottery machine was down. Now once again one of our “never break under any circumstances” rules was that when the lottery machine goes down you don’t pay out any tickets or sell any non-scratch tickets. Well of course because there are plenty of lazy people out there who give out lottery tickets as presents, I turned away quite a few customers with winning scratch-off tickets. This one guy threw a fucking fit over not being able to get his $1 prize. I told him that the computer system is down and there is nothing I can do. He then whipped out the old, “What’s the big deal? It’s only a $1 ticket,” to which I replied, “Well if it’s only a $1 payout, then what’s the big deal of waiting for when I am permitted to accept the ticket?” He then started to storm out and said those famous words every cashier has heard a million times: “I’m never coming back here again.” This prompted my co-worker at the other register to mutter out “oooooo.” The customer was half-way out the door, stopped, turned back around and yelled, “OK, who said ‘OOOOOO’?” My co-worker put his head down and the idiot customer walked up to him and said, “What’s your name?” and looked at his nametag. “Derrick. I’ll remember that name, Derrick.” By this time I was biting down on my tongue so hard that if I had put any more pressure on it I would have tasted blood. I looked at Derrick and replied, “Good job. Now I’m going to have to laugh out loud at this guy while he’s still here,” and began to do just that. This sparked a chain reaction with the other customers in the store. When it was all said and done about a dozen people in the store laughed this guy right out of the place. I don’t know if he ever called to complain about Derrick.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2006 at 4:00 pm

Posted in Life

NHL ’06 Forbids Touching Of The Conference Cup

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After more than seven months of going through an 82-game season and four rounds of postseason play, I finally won the Stanley Cup in my NHL ’06 game after a 3-2 OT win against the Red Wings. One graphic I got a kick out of was after winning the Conference Finals seeing the players not want to touch that trophy (whatever the hell it’s called), which in real life they also don’t touch out of superstition. Uh, hooray and stuff.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 15, 2006 at 3:59 pm

Posted in Entertainment

A Billion There Is $150 Here

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I think what pisses me off most about hearing that billions upon billions of dollars are being wasted on Homeland Security aren’t the iPods and beer-making equipment being purchased in the name of protecting the homeland. It’s that at my job I have to budget $70,000 for my department, and even though I am more than 15 percent under my expenses so far for the year (and come December, if I’m still around, I expect to be more than 20 percent under) and I’m not allowed to purchase a $150 scanner for my office because I haven’t “adequately justified” the purchase to my asshole boss.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 15, 2006 at 3:56 pm

Posted in News

This Open Road Was No Accident; On Second Thought…

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So this morning there was a pretty bad accident on this one interstate I drive to and from my way to work. I heard on the news that a tour bus went out of control and crashed into a concrete road median.

A tour bus smashed into a concrete road median and careened into an electronic message board on the Parkway East this morning, sending eight to the hospital with injuries, including the driver who was not wearing a seatbelt.

Fengwen Wang, 45, was driving a tour group home from what was believed to be a day trip to New York City’s Chinatown. State police said Wang lost control of the bus at about 1 a.m. just before the Edgewood exit. No other vehicles were involved in the accident, and none of the injuries are considered life-threatening. A total of 12 passengers were riding the bus at the time.

Fortunately for me the exit I use to get on I-376 was right next to the accident, so my gridlock experience was minimal; no more than 5 minutes or so. The one good thing about an accident like this, besides not being involved in it, is that once you pass the scene there is absolutely no traffic to deal with. It feels like being shot out of cannon. One thing about this kinda bugged me though. Right by the accident there is a bridge, and in the early morning hours when the accident occurred the local media were all over that structure with their news vans and shit. On my way home that afternoon I noticed that one news vehicle was still there recording footage. Enough already, KDKA.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 15, 2006 at 3:55 pm

Posted in Life

Terrorism Charges Disconnected

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Well we can all rest safely; those Muslims that bought 600 pre-paid cell phones have had terrorism charges dropped against them. I heard that the reason given was that they were going to sell the phones for a profit in California or something. Okie dokie. Seeing how I remember reading years ago about some terrorist ring where bad guys would buy cartons of cigarettes in the Carolinas then sell them in places like Michigan, with the profit going to naughty things, I don’t blame any law enforcement agency for suspecting shenanigans whenever Abdul enters a store and says “give me, literally, all your phones.” I guess Allah doesn’t like flexible family plans.

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August 15, 2006 at 3:50 pm

Posted in News

Throwing A Former Coach Under The Bus?

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Well apparently Jerome Bettis caused a stir in Shittsburgh by saying he thinks head coach Bill Cowher will leave the team come season’s end.

Late Sunday night, after his debut on the NBC Sunday-night NFL broadcast team, former Steeler Jerome Bettis said he hoped that his old coach, Bill Cowher, would be OK with Bettis revealing a personal conversation they’d had about the coach’s future.

On Monday, Bettis found out. And Cowher was not OK with it.

During his network debut Sunday night, Bettis predicted that Cowher’s 15th season as the Steelers’ coach might be his last now that the team has won a title.

“I really think this is the last year for Coach Cowher in Pittsburgh,” Bettis said. “I talked to him after the season was over and I really think he was really a different coach, a different guy.”

Miffed by Bettis’ comments on national TV, Cowher said he has not decided whether this will be his final season piloting the Super Bowl champions.

“I was very disappointed in what Jerome said,” Cowher said late Monday afternoon after the Steelers’ lone practice of the day at training camp. “Jerome and I talked back in March and there was no confidential information shared. There has been a lot of speculation about my future, and that’s what it is — speculation. I have not made a decision about my future beyond this year.”

Of course Mark Madden, who doesn’t like Bettis to begin with, had a field day with this subject on his local radio show. I’ve been afraid to listen to any other local sports talk radio today; when it comes to the Steelers, Shittsburgh fans can rank right up there with Red Sox fans in terms of annoyance. Now I didn’t see the Sunday night football game (I forgot that it was even on), so I didn’t see the segment in question. However, I read what Jerome said, and frankly I don’t get the big deal. In a way, I think it would be good timing if Cowher called it a career and left at the end of the season. Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Wiz-something-or-other is going to be a leading candidate for a head coaching job in the NFL, and what better time to pass the torch?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 15, 2006 at 3:47 pm

Posted in Sports

The Dr. Laura Call Of The Day: 8/14/06

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This 28-year old chick says the guy she was dating turned out to be a drug addict. She told him to stop, and he claimed to be clean for two months. They got married. Six months later this guy was caught doing drugs again. Dr. Laura then says to the caller, “Whatever you say next, don’t ask me ‘what can I do?’” The caller then starts bawling. Later on, when the subject of leaving this guy is brought up, the caller says she wants to do just that, but she is worried about the “humiliation” she will feel from all the people who were part of her wedding.

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August 14, 2006 at 3:46 pm

Posted in Dr. Laura COTD

Preseason Predicament

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One of the bigger stories surrounding last week’s preseason games was Clinton Portis getting hurt tackling an opponent.

The Washington Redskins lost their top running back Clinton Portis indefinitely to a shoulder injury Sunday night during a 19-3 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals—one that Portis thinks he should have sat out.

“For whoever’s watching: Let’s get rid of some of these games,” Portis said, his left arm in a sling. “Four games is ridiculous. Then you play a 16-game season and the playoffs behind that.”

With Portis hurt, it will be more difficult for Washington to make it back to the playoffs.

Coach Joe Gibbs wanted to play his starters a couple of series on offense Sunday, trying to get them in sync for the season. Portis got the ball on the first play and ran 8 yards.

Then, he turned into a blocker for Mark Brunell, whose sixth pass was intercepted by Keiwan Ratliff. Portis ran him down and made a hard but awkward tackle with his left arm.

The shoulder partially dislocated for a moment, sending a jolt of pain through Portis’ body. He left the game for an MRI that confirmed the injury—one that will sideline him indefinitely and linger even when he returns.

“Right now, it’s tough to say,” coach Joe Gibbs said. “Obviously, it’s going to be a while.”

Much of the talk around the sports talk-radio circuit was the importance of four NFL preseason games. Personally, I don’t really see the big deal about preseason games. Does it really matter if a star player ruptures an ACL during week four of the preseason or week one of the regular season? If teams really wanted to protect their best players, they shouldn’t play them at all during the preseason; let the backups and undrafted free agents play more and evaluate their potential in case a starter does get hurt later on that year.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 14, 2006 at 3:44 pm

Posted in Sports

Tailgatinig Law Came From A Horse’s Arse

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Gee, what’s wrong government — people follow your stupid orders and then you realize that you’re doing more harm than good?

An anti-tailgating strategy on Interstate 5 backfired in the form of unexpected traffic jams, state transportation officials have discovered.

Officials from the state Transportation Department and Washington State Patrol planned to meet Monday to reassess the $35,000 Two Dots To Safety pilot program on a two-mile stretch of the freeway north of this Thurston County town. Similar programs are in use in Maryland, Minnesota and Pennsylvania.

Road crews painted dots 80 feet apart and posted signs telling drivers to stay at least two dots—160 feet—from the vehicle ahead, based on the traffic safety principle of being at least two seconds behind another vehicle when going 60 mph.

Long backups developed Saturday, the day after the program began, when drivers slowed down because of heavy traffic and continued to maintain the two-dot separation, although that much distance was not necessary at slower speeds, said Lisa Mordock, a Transportation Department spokeswoman.

Road crews covered the signs later Saturday pending reconsideration of the program, including the wording on the signs, Mordock said.

While sorta on this subject, being the slow driver that I am I get tailgated every now and then. Now if I’m in the fast lane and I’m not going well above the speed limit, then I’ll happily move over. However, if I’m in the slow lane and I have an asshole driver behind me, it just encourages me to go slower. As another aside, there are these signs along this one stretch of interstate that frequently gets clogged up during rush hour. The first ugly yellow sign reads, “Look out for aggressive drivers,” while the one after that says, “Don’t tailgate.” Them’s fighting words.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 14, 2006 at 3:42 pm

Posted in News

Keeping Trac Of Extended Family Members

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What’s the big deal here?

By now, you’ve probably read the news that the three Palestinians caught in Caro, Michigan with 1,000 TracFone cellphones are involved in a plot to blow up Michigan’s Mackinac Bridge (it connects both Michigan peninsulas).

Adham Abdelhamid Othman, Maruan Awad Muhareb, and Louai Abdelhamied Othman planned to attack the bridge which holds an annual Labor Day walk across the 5-mile long bridge. Walkers include the Governor of Michigan.

Maybe these fine Middle Eastern men have big families, thus needing 1,000 cell phones. After all, what is little Abdul to do when Jihad Camp lets out early? You actually expect him to wait out by the street with all the unholy swine? Why, that’s one of the worst things you can do to … come on, you know the rest.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 13, 2006 at 7:34 pm

Posted in News

None Of The Above Courts Will Let This Guy Use His Middle Name On The Ballot

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Is there nobody out there that the Bush Administration doesn’t disenfranchise? I’d be curious to know how much of a percentage of votes Nevada gets with its “none of the above” option.

Court Nixes Man’s Middle Name for Ballot

A man running for governor and the U.S. Senate does not have the right to use his middle name, “None of the Above,” on the November ballot, a court ruled Friday.

David Gatchell filed a lawsuit in Davidson County Chancery Court after the State Election Commission voted to nix his middle name from the ballot. The court handles lawsuits against state agencies.

Chancellor Carol McCoy ruled that Gatchell’s attempt to add an issue- oriented notification on the ballot is against Tennessee law. McCoy also said the state has no constitutional requirement to place candidates’ full names on ballots.

Gatchell, who changed his middle name from Leroy, said he planned to appeal.

He argues that a number of state gubernatorial candidates _ such as Walt “Combat” Ward and Carl “Twofeathers” Whitaker _ have been allowed to include their nicknames on ballots, and that his middle name has been widely reported by news media and is known across the Internet.
Janet Kleinfelter, an assistant attorney general representing the Election Commission, warned of a slippery slope of allowing candidates to call themselves whatever they want.

Gatchell, 58, also ran as an independent in the 2002 governor’s race on the platform that Tennessee election ballots should include a “None of the Above” choice for voters who don’t care for any of the candidates. He won less than 1 percent of the vote.

Nevada is the only state to offer a choice of “None of the Above,” beginning in 1976. The option is nonbinding _ it’s only to serve as a gauge of public opinion and could never win an election.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 13, 2006 at 3:40 pm

Posted in News

Nancy Pelosi Given Captain’s Staus Could Be Bad For Your Heath (Wow, Was That Bad)

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Woah. Heath Shuler is running for office. Too bad he’s a Democrat.

Facing a strong re-election challenge from Democrat Heath Shuler, veteran Republican Rep. Charles Taylor is going after a candidate who gets an “F” from the National Rifle Association and a perfect score from a leading abortion-rights group.

But that’s not Shuler, a former NFL quarterback who hopes his pro-gun and anti-abortion positions appeal to swing voters and social conservatives alike in this mountainous district in western North Carolina.

Instead, Taylor’s target this summer is Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, the California congresswoman who has emerged as a “boogey-woman” of sorts for Republicans campaigning this year on the idea that Democrats can’t be trusted with control of the House.

Oh, and those six words “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi” do strike enough fear into me that I would probably vote for a Republican I don’t care for over a conservative Democrat in a Congressional race. Good thing I’m satisfied with my GOP Rep. Tim Murphy.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 13, 2006 at 3:37 pm

Posted in Sports

Mascots Running Wild

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It’s bad enough NFL players have to worry about on-the-field injuries during training camp, practices and preseason games. Now they have to fret about renegade mascots driving golf carts?

New Orleans quarterback Adrian McPherson went to the locker room early in the third quarter after a golf cart ridden by the Titans’ mascot hit him at the end of halftime Saturday night.

A Saints spokesman wasn’t immediately available for an update on the quarterback, who’s heading into his second season.

The mascot was riding on a golf cart and throwing items into the stands during halftime, and was heading off the field when the Saints were returning from their locker room for the third quarter.

The cart hit McPherson, who stayed on the field for a few minutes being checked out by a trainer on the sideline. He then walked off the field.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 13, 2006 at 3:36 pm

Posted in Sports

Lottery People, A Different Breed (Part I)

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In previous entries I’ve mentioned my opinion of state-run lotteries. I consider playing Powerball equivalent to flushing your money down the toilet, but if you have an office pool going when a jackpot reaches $100+ million, then chip in your $5 because if you don’t you know your co-workers will have a winning ticket, thus making you the only person in the office for the next workday. Back when I used to work at the Quickie-Mart during my college days, I got to interact with these gambling junkies on a frequent basis, and let me just say that these are some of the scariest, not to mention most pathetic, mo-fo’s out there. They were so scary that I dubbed them “Lottery People.”

There are two types of Lottery People. You have the ones who play Powerball, Daily Numbers, etc., and then you have those that indulge in those instant scratch-off games. Today’s entry will deal with the former; I’ll get to the latter another time. A considerable amount of Lottery People are these little old ladies who have been playing certain numbers for their entire lives, but there are also younger, equally dumb, contestants. However, the most aggravating are the blue-haired seniors.

During my Quickie-Mart days we had two cashiers, and in-between our registers was the dreaded lottery machine. When a customer had numbers to play, the person whose register she approached had to go to the lottery machine and enter the numbers, all the while your customer line grew and grew. I think the biggest annoyance was that our regular customers who played the lottery always had with them a piece of paper which had their list of numbers written on it. Now of course instead of handing the sheet over to us so we could enter in the numbers, they would proceed to READ THEM OFF ONE AT A TIME. Even when we asked for their precious chicken-scratch many of them would refuse to do so. One time I had this regular customer who was an old hag that always refused to let me read off her list. A day or so later when she came back to play her numbers she claimed I previously messed up her numbers, and the number I erred on hit for the first time in her life. Did I screw up her numbers? I don’t know, but seeing as how Rule #2 of the Lottery People Handbook is to double-check your numbers after you received your tickets, I don’t really care if I did or not. Then again, there are many rules in the Lottery People Handbook that aren’t followed, such as:

#4: If you place a certain set of numbers, MARK THEM DOWN on one of those insta-sheets you can just give to a cashier so he or she can run them through the lottery machine error-free.

#8: If you have more than several numbers and are in a hurry, don’t buy your tickets during the MORNING or AFTERNOON RUSH HOUR, when the Quickie-Mart is at its busiest.

#15: When checking your numbers, don’t do it at the register, and don’t be surprised if customer who has been waiting behind you for 10 minutes pushes you out of the way so he can pay for his gas and pack of beef jerky. Go to a low-traffic area, double-check your numbers, and return back to the register if there’s a ticket that’s incorrect.

#16: If the lottery machine ticket paper needs re-filled, getting pissy and impatient will not help matters, considering those machines are a bitch to re-fill. If you get pushy or annoying, the customer service representative may deliberately take his time re-filling the machine just to piss you off even more.

#23: Should you enter a store and find a long-ass line at the lottery machine, don’t act all surprised. There are many idiots in this world, and sometimes you’ll have to wait if you wish to part with your money in a senseless fashion.

#42: In the rare case you actually get a winning ticket for a nominal amount of cash, please let the cashier know this and what the amount is before this customer service representative goes to pay you out. Believe it or not, a Quickie-Mart employee is not supposed to have $300 readily available in large denominations somewhere within his or her cash register.

Back to that person earlier in this entry who claimed I screwed up her winning number. Being the remorseful soul that I am, I told her that from now on I would no longer enter her numbers for her and told her to have our other customer service representative perform this service. And just who was my other co-worker? This old broad who didn’t know, nor ever bother to learn, how to operate the lottery machine; when she had to get her picks entered (of course she played the lottery – she was old), another co-worker had to punch in the numbers for her. The look of terror my elderly customer had on her face told me that I knew she would never bitch about her incorrect lottery numbers ever again. Even though during my times as a cashier I experienced many infractions from the Lottery People Handbook, I have never witnessed anyone breaking the #1 rule of this guide: Never have someone old enough to receive senior discounts ring up your numbers.

With all of these wacky incidents, one would think that the instant scratch-off breed of Lottery People would be better behaved. Hey, it’s not like you have to do any kind of data entry service for them. Well you would be wrong. In fact, some of my more egregious encounters with Lottery People were via the instant win method.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 12, 2006 at 3:29 pm

Posted in Life