KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for July 19th, 2009

Not The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

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Yes, I’m an oddball. We all are. Each of us has some quirky habits. That’s what makes us all wonderful. Most of mine are no more special than yours. However, I had to pause for a moment today to reflect on just how stupid my one is when it comes to making toast.

You see, in a loaf of bread there are those heel slices. We all know ‘em. Most of us hate ‘em. However, while I’m not particularly fond of these things, I don’t throw them away. There’s starting children in Africa/Asia/etc. that would kill for these mini-slices. Here’s what I do.

Usually I eat the front end of the heel with my first use of a bread loaf. When I open a new loaf, I take that heel and a regular slice and either make a sandwich or toast. But when I get toward the end of a loaf, I move the other loaf’s heel up in the batting order. When I’ve got about 6-8 slices left, I normally grab the heel and use a regular slice for something. Guess I don’t want to get to the end of my loaf and go, “Oh man, I don’t wanna eat the heel.” Get it over with early, I say.

Oh, yeah. I had toast today for breakfast. Oh, yeah. I had about eight slices of bread remaining with my current loaf.

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Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 19, 2009 at 10:14 pm

Posted in Life

Don’t Stop And Wave

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So there I was today at a three-way intersection. Each side has a stop sign to deal with. Each side also has two other sides to the intersection to deal with. Such was my case today. As I sat there, I noticed a motorist perpendicular to me zooming along without a care in the world. Because I drive like an old lady, I decided to keep my car at a standstill because I had a hunch this guy wasn’t going to be stopping at his red octogon.

I was right.

However, the best part came when, as he was midway through the intersection, he turned in my direction and gave the “OMG What are you dong there?!” look of surprise, slammed on his brakes and gave me the “go ahead” wave. Dude, you’re in the MIDDLE OF THE INTERSECTION. If I were to accept your go-ahead, there would be no room for me to go. You’re already there. Just go. This reminds me of the joke, “I attempted to swim across a lake. I got halfway through, quit and swam back.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 19, 2009 at 10:08 pm

Posted in Life

Bella Of The Ball

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I’ve talked a little bit about Bella in the past, at this place and at other previous blog locations. Because I’ve been slacking getting older blog posts up, here’s the Reader’s Digest version of how the cat formerly known as Stripe came into our lives.

bella

Early this year the crack-whore niece-in-law was kicked out of her baby’s daddy house. She had four cats in this place. The better half and I took in these cats into our house because we didn’t feel comfortable with them staying with Mr. Baby Daddy. From what we heard he wasn’t a fan of most of those cats, and years ago a kitten died while in his care. By taking these cats in, this caused our house to be a safe haven for a few months. During this time the cats all got fixed and had physicals. Yes, we had SEVEN cats in our house (these four and our three). Yes, they were all quarantined, even after the four squatters were given a clean bill of health. The two males didn’t get along with our three permanent residents. The mother of this brood didn’t get along with anyone either. Then there was a white kitty named Stripe. Out of the four she was by far the most jittery of the group. From what we learned, the crack-whore niece-in-law’s baby daddy didn’t like Stripe and mistreated her. In what ways we don’t know. But you can tell when an animal’s been abused, and Stripe had those qualities.

After these cats got fixed, we tried adopting them out. We found a place for the two males and we found a place for Stripe. Or so we thought. In hindsight, I should have never adopted Stripe to what I call the White Trash Foster Family. Mrs. kkk and I posted adoption flyers in a number of vet offices, and the White Trash Foster Family responded to one of the ads. When they came over to see Stripe, I could tell they weren’t paying at the top income tax bracket rate. Not only did they have that poor people stink, but they were also from Jeanette (local joke). However, when it comes to pets, it doesn’t matter your income level. Besides, they already had three cats – one a year old and the other two well into their teens. They wanted a younger cat, which made sense. Let the two youngins entertain each other and leave the older cats alone. Besides, they also had two children, who would have made sure the litter was scooped and food bowls filled. Also, they recently had a cat that passed away.

When they stopped over, several red flags went off for me. The biggest red flag being when the matriarch of the White Trash Foster Family talked about wanting to adopt a cat from a shelter but complaining about the $70ish adoption fee. Uh, you’re bitching about $70 – what happens if the cat needs a vet appointment? Nevertheless, I went against my better judgment and Stripe went with them.

For a month.

About two weeks into Stripe’s departure, I gave the White Trash Foster Family a call just to see how she was doing. No response. Eh, they have two kids. Life’s crazy. I’ll give that a pass. Then two weeks after that I get a call from the White Trash Foster Family saying Stripe isn’t working out. Apparently she’s terrified of everyone but one of the kids and terrorizing the other cats. When terrorizing the other cats, we were told Stripe wouldn’t let up on her assaults – even after she got squirted with water. I told them to bring her back.

The next day I got a call from the White Trash Foster Family yet again. Apparently, when being put in the cat carrier Stripe went ballistic and scratched up the parents from the White Trash Foster Family. The matriarch said she was cut up so bad that she had to go to the emergency room and the patriarch could be heard in the background calling Stripe “a little bitch.” The kids could also be heard crying. Wonderful. Well they finally arrived and I just wanted to get these people in and out as quickly as possible. They gave me the cat carrier and I just went to my first-floor bathroom, released Stripe and gave the carrier back to the White Trash Foster Family. I asked them if they gave Strip the $20 booster shot that she needed. They said no. What a surprise. They also didn’t have any of the tags or medical records that we gave them. For the record, the reason we didn’t give Strip the booster shot is because it had to be done a certain time after she got fixed. The White Trash Foster Family wanted Stripe ASAP and knew about the need for this shot. They said they would handle it.

Once the White Trash Foster Family left and I went to check on Stripe. Not only was she covered in blood but also her long left tooth was hanging on by a thread. THEY KNOCKED OUT ONE OF HER F’N TEETH! When the better half came home from work that day and saw the condition Stripe was in she went apeshit, and that’s being kind. After documenting Stripe’s condition, which by that time included Stripe’s tooth falling out, we got her checked out by our regular vet. Our vet said the only way that tooth could have been knocked out was by blunt force. My guess is that it probably took place when the White Trash Foster Family was trying to get Stripe into the carrier, but who the hell knows. My vet also had one of those I-shouldn’t-be-laughing-but-I-can’t-help-it-because-it’s-true moments when I commented that the people we adopted Stripe to were welfare trash from Jeanette. Once again, a local joke. You know this kind of laugh. It’s probably the same one you did when I first mentioned “poor people stink.”

Oh, and about Stripe being a terror…

1) When we gave her a bath to wipe the blood and poor people stink from her, she put up NO resistance. This was a shock, considering when we givie any of our other three the same treatment it usually results in shredded shirts and numerous cuts on my arm and back. (I’m the handler, Mrs. kkk is the shampoo artist.)

2) When we put Stripe in our carrier for her vet trips, there was NEVER any resistance. Now we use a much larger carrier than most so it’s easier to get our cats in the device, but even if we used a smaller cage there wouldn’t have been a struggle.

3) Now while Stripe was once again terrified of me, she acted fine around the better half. Hmmm, scared more than ever of men. I wonder what could have happened at the White Trash Foster Family Manor?

4) She HATES water. She runs off when a room’s squirt bottle is picked up because most of the time it’s intended for her. This of course made her compliance with taking an actual bath in Point 1 all the more baffling, but whatever.

Now after this ordeal, I knew the better half wasn’t going to try and adopt Stripe out to someone else. Welcome Feline Addition #4. And welcome Stripe’s new name – Bella. Mrs. kkk gave her this name as a “clean start” from the turmoil she’s gone through for the first 8-9 months of her life.

Now why am I talking about all this? Well, Bella has been with us for a few months, and our house is still a war zone of sorts. We knew our oldest female Dessa would hate her – she hates everyone. JJ didn’t like Bella at first, but JJ doesn’t like any new addition. But then after a while JJ just turns over a new leaf and treats the new addition as if he/she was a littermate. JJ’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Max and Bella have developed a connection and Bella has attached herself to him at the hip. Sure they wrestle and it usually results in drama, but Bella is a drama queen to begin with. If you’re making a sandwich on the kitchen counter and Bella hops up trying to get a slice of meat or potato chip, she’ll cry like a child when you pick her up and put her down on the floor. Yeah, there’s still some drama going on, but it’s nothing like what the White Trash Foster Family was describing. Besides, our house had feline drama before. Nothing has changed.

But despite Bella’s progress at dealing with yet another new environment, she has pretty much stayed away from me. That was until yesterday. I was sitting on the living room recliner listening to music when Bella hopped up on a nearby couch. She looked at me for a little while, and that’s when I decided to try and coax her over. We had been playing fetch with a plastic milk lid for a while earlier that morning, so I figured her guard might be let down. It was. She came over to me and became a lap cat for about 20-30 minutes. The first time she’s done this with me. (She’s only done this with Mrs. kkk one time prior.)

If you watch the “Dog Whisperer,” you’ll know that host Cesar Millan always tells dog owners not to treat dogs as people. If you rescue a dog from a bad situation don’t feel sorry of it because that hampers rehabilitation efforts. The dog doesn’t feel bad over what happened to it in the past and neither should you. Well, I try my best to carry that over into the cat world. While I was PISSED at what happened to Bella during her time with the White Trash Foster Family, I didn’t try to baby Bella once she came living with us full-time. However, unlike dogs, cats are not as social. I’ve learned that it’s usually best to let the cat come to you rather than you come to the cat. And with Bella I waited until she seemed all but willing to pay me a visit and then gave her that last little nudge.

Mission Accomplished.

Of course after our cuddle session she got squirted a few times afterward for misbehaving, but it was a nice milestone for an animal that had a rough start to her life. Hey, you take any win no matter how small.

Or fuzzy.

One side note: After taking Bella in from the White Trash Foster Family, these people called me a few weeks later. The White Trash Foster Family matriarch said they had called the DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH because she was concerned about catching rabies or some other disease from when Bella “mauled” her. In a surprising twist, I kept my composure and reminded her that Bella had all her shots except for a $20 booster that they said they were going to provide. (These records were still at their house, but I forgot to mention that during this call. Drat.) I also added that once we saw Bella had a missing tooth we took her to the vet shortly after she arrived at our house. The two vets that looked at her tested her for diseases gave her a clean bill of health. Her response to the missing tooth? “It must have happened when she was fighting with the other cats.” BULLSHIT. However, there’s a time to go ballistic on someone and there’s a time when you just want the human waste out of your life forever. I was gunning for the latter. Actually, I think this call was an indirect attempt for me to pay off some of the emergency room bill, if indeed they were charged for this medical procedure. Thankfully I have never heard from these deviants since. And more thankfully, the better half has never had to talk to them – I can’t begin to imagine how that scene would play out.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 19, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Posted in Life