KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for August 2009

A Coke But No Smile

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What’s this? Cocaine could be bad for you? Oh noes!

Nearly a third of all cocaine seized in the United States is laced with a dangerous veterinary medicine—a livestock de-worming drug that might enhance cocaine’s effects but has been blamed in at least three deaths and scores of serious illnesses.

And it takes us EIGHTEEN PARAGRAPHS into the story to get this quote:

“I think the message is the same: Don’t use cocaine, it’s a dangerous drug,” (DEA spokesman) Knierim said.

And it takes us TWENTY-TWO PARAGRAPHS into the story to get:

“In Denver, after word spread about levamisole in cocaine, one man who fell ill asked a doctor if the ‘animal drug’ could have been making him sick. Health officials including Lavonas say the public needs to be warned about the dangers.”

I’m sure coke users will be heeding the warning of possibility getting sick from their drug use.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2009 at 10:46 pm

Posted in News

Making/Exposing The Grade

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Interesting. We know what this person wrote about 20 years ago…

Virginia’s Republican candidate for governor said Monday he no longer believes his argument in a graduate thesis written 20 years ago that discrimination against gays and other groups is acceptable for the benefit of straight, married couples.

Bob McDonnell’s research paper, first reported Sunday by The Washington Post, shakes up what had been a smooth campaign. McDonnell has maintained a clear lead over Democrat R. Creigh Deeds in statewide polling.

…but we still don’t have any information about President Hussein and his time with Columbia College.

Senator Hussein’s life story, from his humble roots, to his rise to Harvard Law School, to his passion as a community organizer in Chicago, has been at the center of his presidential campaign. But one chapter of the tale remains a blank — his education at Columbia College, a place he rarely speaks about and where few people seem to remember him.

Contributing to the mystery is the fact that nobody knows just how well Mr. Osama, unlike Senator McCain and most other major candidates for the past two elections, performed as a student.

The Osama campaign has refused to release his college transcript, despite an academic career that led him to Harvard Law School and, later, to a lecturing position at the University of Chicago. The shroud surrounding his experience at Columbia contrasts with that of other major party nominees since 2000, all whom have eventually released information about their college performance or seen it leaked to the public…

…In contrast with the rest of Mr. Osama’s life story, little is known about his college experience. He attended Occidental College in Los Angeles for two years before transferring to Columbia in 1981. The move receives only a mention in Mr. Osama’s 1995 memoir, “Dreams from My Father,” which instead devotes that chapter to his impressions of race and class struggles in New York…

…Federal law limits the information that Columbia can release about Mr. Osama’s time there. A spokesman for the university, Brian Connolly, confirmed that Mr. Osama spent two years at Columbia College and graduated in 1983 with a major in political science. He did not receive honors, Mr. Connolly said, though specific information on his grades is sealed. A program from the 1983 graduation ceremony lists him as a graduate.

While I’m somewhat on this topic, this is pretty funny. (From the above article about President Hussein.)

For better or worse, voters have taken an interest in candidates’ grades since 1999, when the New Yorker published President Bush’s transcript at Yale and disclosed that he was a C student. Mr. Bush had never portrayed himself as a brain, but many were surprised to learn the next year that his opponent, Vice President Gore, did not do much better at Harvard despite his intellectual image. When Senator Kerry’s transcript surfaced, reporters found that he actually had a slightly lower average at Yale than Mr. Bush did.

And this is freaking hilarious.

More is known about Mr. McCain’s experience at the United States Naval Academy, where he was a self-described troublemaker and graduated in the bottom 1% of his class. The McCain campaign has declined to release his transcript, saying that his performance at the academy can only be viewed in the context of his larger military career.

Bottom one percent? You know, McCain actually scored some points with me on this one.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2009 at 10:39 pm

Posted in News

The Mail Must Go … Somewhere

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What is it with Detroit? Seriously.

Federal agents say they’ve recovered more than 20,000 pieces of mail from a suburban Detroit postal carrier who stored them in his car, kitchen and garage instead of delivering them.

Thirty-seven-year-old James Stempnik Jr. of Clinton Township was charged Monday with delaying and stealing mail.

Postal agents said they found government checks, utility bills and court documents, some a year old. A motive is not known.

A Postal Service spokeswoman says none of the mail was opened and all pieces should be delivered by the end of the week.

Stempnik did not return a message seeking comment.

The charges came three months after another Michigan carrier who couldn’t keep up with her route was placed on probation for a similar crime.

With the mass exodus from the Motor City, you would think that a mailman’s postal carrier’s job would be easier to perform.

And another employee did a “similar crime” and was placed on PROBATION?!

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2009 at 10:25 pm

Posted in News

I Marvel At Disney For Paying $4 Billion To Acquire Comic Book Characters

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So Disney bought Marvel. Whatever. I don’t care. I do have to wonder if this means Mickey Mouse will now make a cameo in each upcoming Marvel-related film, much like the way Stan Winston gets his 15 seconds of fame with each motion picture.

Walt Disney Co on Monday agreed to buy Marvel Entertainment Inc for $4 billion in the year’s biggest media deal, banking on Marvel’s pantheon of superheroes to broaden its lineup of movie franchises that appeal to boys.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2009 at 10:16 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Chiefs Scalp OC

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Shouldn’t this have been done a bit sooner and not less than two weeks before the regular season? Granted Haley is an offensive-minded guy, but still.

Kansas City Chiefs head coach Todd Haley fired his offensive coordinator Chan Gailey on Monday and said he would take over the role himself.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2009 at 10:13 pm

Posted in Sports

Trying To Crack This Time-Of-Death Mystery

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I have no clue who this guy is, but I wish I knew his time of death. That way I could say “AM died in the PM.”

More details have emerged regarding the shocking, sudden death of Adam “DJ AM” Goldstein, who was found dead in his New York apartment August 28th…

…As Rock Daily previously reported, after the NYPD broke down the door, police found Goldstein dead in bed, with a crack pipe and prescription pills nearby. According to People, a half bag of crack cocaine was also recovered from Goldstein’s apartment.

Actually, for some reason the better half was talking about this story today. I then associated this person with hip-hop. Mrs. kkk asked why I would do that — he wasn’t a rapper. I then had to explain that many rappers had a dj in the background producing the phat beats. Oh well.

I have no idea where this entry is going. Might as well bust out what’s being played as I type and leave on a high note.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2009 at 10:08 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Top KK’s Korner Searches For 8/31/09

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A while back I made a remark about some of my site’s “top searches.”

I can’t let these go unreported any longer. I have to create a directory where I can start archiving these.

Today’s entry:
damn wookies dancing in the kitchen

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 31, 2009 at 12:53 pm

Posted in Top Searches

Eat And Run

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Well, it could have been worse. He could have just car-jacked the poor woman. Maybe he brought her flowers or something. Then again, those flowers would have probably been in the car he stole.

It’s cases like these where I’m always curious to hear what kind of defense will be brought up in court.

Police say a first date went from bad to worse when a man skipped out on the restaurant bill, then stole his date’s car.

Police say 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy had dinner with a woman April 24 at Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. The woman says the two met a week earlier at a Detroit casino and she knew McCoy only as “Chris.”

The woman told police that McCoy said he left his wallet in her car and asked for keys. He then sped away in the 2000 Chevrolet Impala.

The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak reports that police identified McCoy by a photo he’d sent to the woman’s cellphone, and his phone number.

McCoy is charged with unlawfully taking the car, a five-year felony. He waived a preliminary exam and was bound over for trial Thursday.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 30, 2009 at 1:27 am

Posted in News

99 Memories

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So this guy just died.

Sen. Edward M. Kennedy was laid to rest Saturday night alongside slain brothers John and Robert on hallowed ground at Arlington National Cemetery, celebrated for “the dream he kept alive” across the decades since their deaths.

I’m not going to mince words. I despised this piece of shit. However, I’m not going to say any more. If this would have happened 10 years ago I probably would have had a few more comments, a few Mary Jo jokes, a few “last call” one-liners. But what’s the point?

What I will do however is reprint a fun little sing-along dealing with Uncle Ted from several years ago that a group of us did on a now-defunct message board. There are some inside jokes and a number of dated references but I’m sure you can figure most of it out. It ain’t pretty. Oh who am I kidding, there are a TON of dated references — particularly from 1969.

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 30, 2009 at 12:57 am

Posted in News

And Now A Word From Our Sponsors

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So I recently saw a new addition to the FreeCreditReport.com family of television ads. I’ve said before … at the other place I used to write at … that I liked this ad campaign. Have no desire to actually get the actual product these commercials are pimping, but whatever.

*Shakes head.* They should have quit while they were ahead.

But this got me thinking. What ad campaigns have attracted my attention over the last few years? Hey, sounds like a great way to waste time typing up another entry. Here’s my Top 5 list of favorite television ad campaigns from the last few years. Please note I’m not talking about individual commercials. I’m referring to a series of them. In no particular order, here we go:

1) FreeCreditReport.com. I can see how someone could HATE these ads. However, I think they’re generally well done. They’re different enough to stand out from each other, but there’s enough in-jokes with each one that entertains me enough not to change the channel. Here are some the ads which I liked:

2) Taco Bell’s Think Outside The Bun. Here’s another batch of ads that have been around a lot longer than they should have, but when this campaign first started I LOVED the “think outside the bun” line. Hmpf. Can’t find any of the older ads on Youtube. Not looking really hard, but oh well. I’m sure you’ve seen these.

3) T Mobile’s Dwayne Wade/Charles Barkley ads. I like Barkley. Wade seems like a nice enough person. Put the two of them together and you have a pretty effective chemistry. This series of ads has always entertained me, but my favorite one is when Dwight Howard was thrown into the mix. “Come on Dwight. Get some rebounds,” still gets a laugh out of me.

2) Burger King’s King. Some time ago Burger King began to get much better with its television ads, but when they brought back that King guy I REALLY began to enjoy the ads. I was especially partial to the Sir-Mix-A-Lot parody pimping kids meals.

1) So I was starting to run out of ideas to round out this list. One thought that came to mind was ESPN’s “This is SportsCenter” commercials, where ESPN employees interacted with athletes in a variety of ways. However, one thing that kept me from listing these ads was that there really was no prevailing cast of characters. Each time the ads featured different people. I gave the nod to another series of ESPN commercials from the College Football Gameday Crew. Meh, can’t find an ad from this batch. Wow, this list had quite the under-whelming sendoff.

Oh what the hell, here’s another ad I like. I didn’t list this because it’s just a single ad. And no I didn’t pick this because it features someone from the Steelers.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 30, 2009 at 12:24 am

Posted in Entertainment

Commitment To What?

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So I’m watching the NFL preseason game Saints at Raiders. The game’s being broadcast by the Raiders television network and after every replay or so there’s a flash on the screen featuring some “50 Years: Commitment To Excellence” graphic.

There are a few minutes left in the game and it’s Saints 45, Raiders 7.

Maybe the graphic ought to read, “42 Years: Commitment To Excellence” because the Silver and Black haven’t done jack shit since reaching the Super Bowl earlier this decade.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 29, 2009 at 7:16 pm

Posted in Sports

15 Movies With Influence~!

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Earlier this week I was tagged on Facebook with a “15 movies that made an impression on you” note. Here’s what I wrote.

According to Merriam-Webster’s first definition of “impression,” it is “a characteristic, trait, or feature resulting from some influence.” So with that in mind, here are the first 15 films that came to mind. I also included some “honorable mentions.” With the exception of the first two entries, these are in no particular order.

Star Wars (Original Trilogy)
What can I say? Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi are without a doubt the movies I have watched the most out of any others. And yes, I included all three as one “big” movie. As a kid I was infatuated with such things as the At-Ats on Hoth, the inhabitants of Mos Eisley and Jabba’s monster-thing eating one of his guards in the Pit of Doom – that was quite a fun memory for a kid watching this in the theater. As I got older, I began to appreciate other things about the Star Wars trilogy: the initial Death Star assault, Vader’s head officer obliterating the rebel forces and power generator on Hoth, Wedge having a role in each of the films and just the overall awesomeness of the Emperor. But whatever you do don’t get me started on Greedo shooting first or that newly added song and dance sequence in Jabba’s place.

Honorable Mention(s): Lord Of The Rings Trilogy.

Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade
I’m a fan of the Indiana Jones series. Raiders of the Lost Ark was great. Temple of Doom was OK. But The Last Crusade is by far the best out of the three. Outside of the Star Wars universe, this is probably my most-watched movie. Yeah, it’s mindless popcorn fun, but is that supposed to be a bad thing? The biggest peeve I have about the fourth installment is that Kingdumb of the Crystal Bedpan completely ruins the Last Crusade’s ending that has Indy ride off into the sunset with Jones Sr., Sala and Marcus Brody — a perfect way to end this movie and to end this series. What happens in the fourth installment? Sala is nowhere to be seen while Brody and dad are dead. Ugh.

Honorable Mention(s): Godfather 1/2, Mummy/Mummy Returns, Rush Hour/2, Hunt For Red October, Lethal Weapon 3.

Glory
I always tear up several times throughout this film, from John Rawlins and his “What are you so full of hate…” beatdown of Private Trip to the end battle where Trip sacrifices himself so the rest of his troops will be motivated enough to fight on — even if it’s for a losing effort.

Honorable Mention(s): Wow. I can’t think of an “honorable mention” for this one. First thought that pops in my head is We Were Soldiers Once, but I wouldn’t put it anywhere close to Glory. Oh well.

Platoon
Yes, an Oliver Stone film. I always liked this movie. In everyone there is a Sgt. Barnes and Sgt. Elias battling for possession of their soul. And truthfully, you need a little Barnes every now and then. Or else you’d just be a hippie that knows how to fire a gun.

Honorable Mention(s): Wall Street — Gordon Gekko is not my hero. Role model? Sure. But not hero. Actually, my favorite character in all this is Carl Fox. I actually see a lot of father/son similarities between my dad and I and Carl/Bud. Well, except for the fact that Carl isn’t completely insane. Oh who am I kidding? Bud isn’t a nutcase either.

Demolition Man
There are several mindless action movies in the early-to-mid-1990s that I love, but this one stands out above the others. Why? Because this was one of the first films that encouraged me to start looking for “hidden” messages. At the time this movie came out I had recently read “Brave New World” in my English class, and it was fun to catch some of the tie-ins between this movie and the book. It actually made me feel smart – for about a minute.

Honorable Mention(s): Last Boy Scout, Fifth Element. These two fall into the “mindless action movies” category rather than the “pulled from renowned literature I read in school” group.

Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood
As someone who watched just about every “hood” movie of the early 1990s, this spoof by the Waynes brothers lampooned them all. As I said in my Facebook profile, I have never laughed so hard in the theater than I did when watching this movie. It has aged a bit since the mid-1990s, but I’m not here to playa hate.

Honorable Mention(s): Spaceballs.

Dirty Harry
Yeah, this was also in my “mock” list above. So what? Harry Callahan is the man. Yeah, it’s a simplistic tale of vigilante justice, but once again, so what? That’s one thing about our Harry, doesn’t play any favorites! Harry hates everybody…

Honorable Mention(s): Death Wish 2, Death Wish 3. Man, talk about a drop-off in quality from the selected movie and its honorable mentions.

Goldfinger
I was never into James Bond growing up, mostly because I was exposed to the Pierce Brosnan films. Too long of a story to explain why I didn’t really care for these movies. However, I was then exposed to the greatness of the Sean Connery films, and the first one I saw was Goldfinger. The part featuring the “early dawn raid on Fort Knox” music score is by far my all-time favorite over-the-top movie scene.

Honorable Mention(s): Dr. No, From Russia With Love, Thunderball, You Only Live Twice.

Aliens
I never cared for “Alien.” I’m sure for its time it was a big deal, but like many people who are born after a something ground-breaking occurs or are just too young to remember, we aren’t able to fully appreciate the event. As a kid I fully related to the Hudson character from this film: the sarcasm, the poor attitude, the nonstop whining/bitching – hmm, sounds familiar. But when it’s time to go out, Hudson goes out like a champ.

Honorable Mention(s): Predator 2 – Bill Paxton played a similar role to his Hudson character in this other sci-fi sequel. And once again, if you are fighting an unwinnable battle with a being from another planet, you might as well go out the way Hudson or Jerry Lambert did.

Unforgiven
This movie would have probably been on this list when it first came out, but once I met the better half I really began to appreciate this film even more. Why? Because like Will Munny I have (or in his case, had) someone make me a better person, even though deep down inside I’m still a bastard. I have thought before about what would become of me if something should ever happen to Rachel and it was just me against the world (again). This movie’s ending isn’t very reassuring.

Honorable Mention(s): The Apostle.

As Good As It Gets
It’s hard to look at yourself the way other people see you. After all, everybody’s lost but you, right? Well every now and then you watch a movie/TV show or read a book in which a character makes you squirm a bit because he/she honestly reminds you of, well, you. Melvin Udall does that to me. Rather than recite one of his many lines that I can see coming out of my mouth, I’ll go with a line by Carol Connelly: “When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome… and then, of course, you spoke.” I’d be lying if I said I never heard something similar directed at me in the real world.

Honorable Mention(s): Peter Venkman from Ghostbusters and Eddie Valiant from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I’m sure the Grumpy Old Men movies will one day find their place here. Problem is I’m not sure which character will more resemble me at that age — John Gustafson or Max Goldman. My money’s on John but I’m still holding out for Grandpa.

Clerks
This movie has lost its shine over the years, but its release was perfect timing for me. The year was 1994. I was 18 and in the midst of working a string of similar jobs like our movie’s protagonists while going to college. I had the same pisspoor attitude as the characters in this film and the same inane conversations with co-workers/friends.

Honorable Mention(s): Mallrats.

Jaws
While the shark is the big attraction in this film, I was always fascinated with Martin Brody. A man who hates water takes the job as police chief of an island community — I can relate. And the scene in which Quint is trying to feebly fight off being lunch always freaked me out as a kid.

Honorable Mention(s): When it came to the Brody character, I had similar character fascinations with Marge Gunderson from Fargo (quirky on the outside, but a strong moral center), Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird (unafraid to take an unpopular stand) and Derek Vinyard from American History X (trying to right the wrongs of his past).

Who Framed Roger Rabbit
During my youth, whenever there was “let’s show a movie for the kids” at a day camp/social gathering, the adults always seemed to play either Who Framed Roger Rabbit or Ghostbusters. While I laughed as a kid at an animated baby cussing out a human director or at a human detective making an ass of himself in front of several animated weasel gangsters in order to save Toontown from being “dipped,” this was one of those “kid” movies that I appreciated even more as an adult. Looney Tunes and Disney characters together? Animated characters successfully interacting with humans? Wow.

Honorable Mention(s): Ghostbusters, The Incredibles, Babe.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space
I have no deep philosophical reasons for including this one. Sometimes you watch something crap-tasitc growing up and it sticks with you. We all have a Killer Klown or two in each of us.

Honorable Mention(s): Godzilla vs. Whatever, Team America: World Police – side note: The Chiodo brothers, who created Killer Klowns From Outer Space, were in charge of the puppets for Team America.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2009 at 9:40 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Dude Runs Like A Lady

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Man, talk about a lose-lose situation.

Looking shy and awkward under the glare of media attention, South African runner Caster Semenya returned home Tuesday amid questions about her gender after her 800-meter win at the world championships and South Africa’s president vowed that he would not permit her gold medal to be taken away, no matter what gender tests say…

…Semenya’s victory in Berlin came after world athletics officials said they were conducting gender tests after questions arose about her muscular build and deep voice. South Africans have embraced her achievement despite the questions.

If “it” turns out to be a “he,” then it’s embarrassing for “it.” If “it” turns out to be a “she,” then that’s probably WORSE.

Here’s what I say. If this…

wookie3

…can make a Maxim’s 100 hottest women’s list, then anything’s possible. My money’s on the vag.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2009 at 9:34 pm

Posted in Sports

Run Rudy Run

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Oh please do this.

A close ally of Rudy Giuliani said Monday night that he believes it’s “better than 50-50” that the former mayor will run for governor.

I didn’t get a chance to vote for you in Pennsylvania’s POTUS primary last year because you had long dropped out because the monkeys running your campaign decided it was a good idea to spend advertising money AFTER the polls closed in the first primary or two.

Not sure what your financial situation is, but if you’ve already made crazy jack from speeches/etc., come back. Then again, a Blubonic state deserves what it gets.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2009 at 9:29 pm

Posted in News

T.G.I.F.?

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So I just looked at this month’s blog calendar and noticed I didn’t post entries the last two Fridays. Wow, some of you may be led to believe that I have a life.

You know, now that I think about it, I can’t remember what the hell I was doing the last two Fridays. Oh hell, I can’t remember what I did yesterday. And if I didn’t bitch about work in my Facebook updates, I wouldn’t remember what I did earlier in the day.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2009 at 9:24 pm

Posted in Life

Bag Man

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So here’s what happened today at the kkk household.

Tuesday evenings usually mean grocery shopping night. I love it. The better half not so much. Actually, in my opinion, groceries are one of the few things in life that you can actually get decent value on if you play your cards right. Price of gas? Still gotta drive to work. Utilities? Still gotta heat/cool your house. Food? You have a choice.

And I do my best to choose wisely.

Mrs. kkk, on the other hand, doesn’t.

We haven’t gotten into “fights” over food, but when we first started doing the grocery store run together I would be looking at what’s on sale and what I have a coupon for while she would … just get anything she was hungry for at the time. Used to drive me up the fucking wall. Now we have a pretty good system in place. I do the shopping. She stays home. I know what she eats, and if there’s anything she REALLY wants she gives me a list. Most of the time she forgets about this list until I’m off to the store and for some odd reason my cellphone’s reception sucks on that stretch of road from our house to the grocery store. But I digress.

When I go grocery shopping I usually get one of those little produce bags and put in my wallet, keys and cellphone. I hate carrying things around in my pockets, and this prevents any of my things from falling out of the cart. When I got home tonight, the better half was changing the litter boxes. As I was putting the stuff that would go upstairs into the kitchen in one spot and the stuff that would stay in the basement in another place, I noticed that Mrs. kkk just had an unsuccessful attempt with dumping some used litter into a garbage bag. That’s putting it mildly.

Half of the litter, and other things found in weeks’ old litter boxes, ended up on the basement floor.

After some bitching and moaning, Mrs. kkk proceeded into the garage and came out with a snow shovel. She then began SHOVELING the litter into garbage bag. I stood there with my “look” before starting my trek upstairs. It was at this time the better half noticed my wallet/phone in the produce bag. The following conversation then took place. You can figure out who’s who.

“What that hell is your phone and wallet doing in that bag?”

“I put them in there, along with my keys, so they don’t fall out of the shopping cart.”

“That’s dumb.”

“Says the person USING A SNOW SHOVEL TO PUT LITTER IN A GARBAGE BAG.”

I win this round.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 25, 2009 at 9:22 pm

Posted in Life

Getting Scalped With Preseason Tickets

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So I read this gem in the local fishwrap today. Long story shorter: This guy owns Steelers season tickets. He usually gives his preseason tickets away. Thanks to the HUSSEIN RECESSION, he decides to sell them at the stadium. The tickets cost $300. He sells them to a man for $200. Man turns out to be 5-0 and arrests him.

That (Chris) Rodell was attempting to sell his own tickets for less than their original cost was irrelevant.

He didn’t have a city license authorizing him to resell the tickets. He wasn’t in the legal ticket reselling zone next to the portable toilets near North Shore Drive and Tony Dorsett Way.

Rodell has an upcoming hearing before a district judge. Ironically, he faces a fine equal to the face value of the tickets he was trying to sell — $300.

And to think this commonwealth’s motto is: “Pennsylvania: State of Independence.” It’s not like the guy was scalping his tickets. If you’re just someone trying to unload a ticket or two, how the hell are you supposed to know there’s a specific location for this activity? Good God.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 23, 2009 at 11:12 pm

Posted in Sports

Virgin Mary Isn’t The Poster Girl For Abortion Funding

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For as messed up as this story is, what I want to know is how the hell did this guy manage to snag a $100,000 painting? And if you have a $100,000 painting and a knocked-up under-age teen, why would you RETURN to the U.S.?

A Nebraska man who stole a painting of the Virgin Mary to finance an abortion for a teen he raped has been convicted of first-degree sexual assault and felony theft.

Aurelio Vallerillo-Sanchez, 39, of Omaha pleaded no contest to the charges Friday and faces up to 70 years in prison when sentenced in October, Douglas County prosecutor Brenda Beadle said Saturday.

A call to the county public defender representing Vallerillo-Sanchez wasn’t answered Saturday.

Beadle said Vallerillo-Sanchez fled to Mexico with the 300-year-old painting worth $100,000 and the pregnant teen in March 2007.

“The plan was that when they got to Mexico, she was to undergo an abortion,” she said.

When an abortion wasn’t possible, Vallerillo-Sanchez pushed to have the baby given up for adoption, Beadle said: “He wanted to do everything he could to get rid of this baby ’cause it was evidence against him.”

The teen returned to Nebraska after giving birth, the prosecutor said…

Ah, I see why you would return

…His children gave police information about the theft during the investigation into the sexual assault. His son told police he served as a lookout as his father stole the painting from St. Cecilia Cathedral in Omaha. Vallerillo-Sanchez sold the painting for $3,000 in Mexico, his daughter told police.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 23, 2009 at 12:01 am

Posted in News

When This Barber Has Beef, He’s A Real Jerk

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Forget about a refund — bad beef jerky is a cause for ROBBERY~!

Police said a Cleveland barber became so upset by what he considered bad beef jerky that he returned to the store where he bought it and tried to rob the owner. Police said the 28-year-old barber walked into the store where he bought the snack, just two doors down from his barbershop, and tried to rob the owner Thursday night.

The owner told the man he recognized him and chased him outside with a baseball bat.

The first police officer who arrived on the scene was also familiar with the barber because he cuts the officer’s hair.

Police arrested the man at his girlfriend’s house a few miles away.

And just when I thought this story couldn’t get any funnier…

The barber told police the stick of beef jerky he bought sickened him and his dog.

You know, I’ve been on a beef jerky kick for the last few months. Sam’s Club has a pound of Oberto Beef Jerky for around $10 — damn good deal. Most of the time this shit is between $5-8 dollars for a shitty 4 oz bag. It actually makes for an excellent salad topping once you rip apart a few pieces.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 22, 2009 at 11:55 pm

Posted in News

JJ Comes Out Of The Closet

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A few weeks ago, I wrote about JJ (gray) and his trip to the vet that resulted in a Urinary Tract Infection discovery. Here’s the fallout (sorta).

jjmax

We had to give him liquid medicine once a day. Now the directions said we had to give JJ this medicine for 10 days, which is when we were supposed to run out of the stuff. Here’s the problem: After 10 days we had a decent amount left over. We’ve done type of medicating before, so the measurements/amounts were correct. JJ was acting normal — well, at least “normal” for JJ’s standards. A bit sluggish, but nothing noteworthy. However, after a few days we began noticing a lack of an appetite and him throwing up clear liquid. OK, now this is appearing on my radar. Could he have a really bad hairball? This happened to Max (black cat pictured above). He threw up clear liquid, didn’t want to eat and didn’t move around much — well, at least “move around much” for Max’s standards. It was Friday. We decided to make JJ an appointment with the vet if he didn’t improve by Monday.

Saturday JJ still didn’t want to eat. The better half is freaking out. I’m not in a state of hysteria, but JJ has definitely acted up to the point of where a trip to the vet is all but a formality. But there was something else that caught my attention. Max and our newest cat Bella weren’t eating much either. In fact, Bella, who usually inhales her food and cries for more afterward, was lucky to be finishing half her food. Odd. Are they all infected with something? Just what the hell is going on around here?

I’ll tell you.

Saturday night I was walking toward the kitchen when I saw that Bella, who was down the hall in the “cat’s room” (which features two litter boxes, their water fountain, and food), pounced on JJ’s head and JJ ran behind the door to that room. The door was slightly open and JJ ran in-between the space between the door and the closet doors. Here’s a diagram:

catroomlayout

I walked down the hall and looked into their room. No JJ. Hmm, I didn’t see him run out the door and he’s nowhere to be found. Wait, what’s this?

The closet door is open.

The closet that houses all the bags of cat food we keep in reserve.

I suddenly see JJ go out of the closet and down the hall. I look in the closet and see that the 20lb bag to Max’s special diet formula for his urinary problem is ripped apart. There is also kibble all over the floor.

Those little bastards opened the closet door and have been treating themselves to a buffet.

And just how long has THIS been going on?

I think I just solved this groovy mystery, but the problem is it would probably take JJ a few days to have all this food pass through his system. It was still off to the vet early next week for him.

Early next week came and went, and JJ had been poked and prodded for half-a-day getting various tests/bloodwork done. Two hundred dollars later this little shit had a clean bill of health. The vet didn’t have an “official” diagnosis for JJ but guessed that he was suffering from some gastral problems as a result of eating Max’s food. That was also my guess, but my guess didn’t include a bill. Whatever, I’m not complaining about the price tag. At least we know JJ is currently clear of any cancers/etc.

And when we brought JJ back home and gave the brood their evening feeding, guess how much food JJ consumed in his bowl?

All of it.

He has since finished his food at EVERY FEEDING since his vet visit.

And the reserve cat food is now in the basement, which is closed off to the felines of the house.

At least until they figure out a way to open THAT door.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 22, 2009 at 11:48 pm

Posted in Life

Major Mispelling

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So last night I was channel surfing when I came to the local Fox Sports station, which was broadcasting a Pirates game. On the channel guide which gives the program’s title it read “Major League Baseball.” I promptly reported this type-o to Comcast.

And here I thought this was bad.

natinals

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 22, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Posted in Sports

Novak, Hewitt and …?

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First there was Bob Novak.

Reporting from Washington – Robert Novak, the longtime syndicated columnist and television commentator who was at the center of a furor late in his career as the first journalist to disclose the identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame, died Tuesday. He was 78.

Oh for fuck’s sake — VALERIE PLAME is in his opening paragraph? But I digress.

Next was Don Hewitt.

Don Hewitt, a TV news pioneer who created “60 Minutes” and produced the popular CBS newsmagazine for 36 years, died Wednesday. He was 86.

OK, there’s got to be a third in the journalism field coming up soon. And there’s a bunch of media folk I wouldn’t mind rounding this list out.

Wish I could say something about Hewitt, but I never cared about “60 Minutes.”

Regarding Novak, I liked him. He was a real miserable bastard, and I liked that. I read his columns from time-to-time. Once in a while I’d watch “Crossfire.” There was one bit when he was arguing with someone about government health care, and the commie fag on the other side of the table made some bleeding heart case. Novak’s counter? I can’t remember the actual words, but “life’s losers” was mentioned. While the live audience groaned and his co-host winced, I was laughing.

Peace out.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 20, 2009 at 10:29 pm

Posted in News

From Special Election To Special Successor

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From in the heart of the Bluebonic Plague.

For nearly half a century, Sen. Edward Kennedy has guarded his family’s political legacy. Stricken with cancer and as Congress takes up his signature issue, he is tending to his own.

Aww, that’s nice.

Wait, hold on a second…

“Guarded his family’s political legacy.” LOL — I can’t let that one go by. Sorry.

Back to the story…

Kennedy asked Massachusetts lawmakers to change state law to give Gov. Deval Patrick, a fellow Democrat and supporter of President Hussein, the ability to appoint an interim replacement to Kennedy’s seat should Kennedy be unable to continue serving…

Hmm, didn’t Massachusetts used to have this law before where the governor appointed these sorts of things?

Well whadda you know?

…The state last changed its succession law in 2004 to require the special election. Before that the governor was allowed to name a successor. At the time, Democrats were worried that then-Republican Gov. Mitt Romney would be able to fill any vacancy created if Democratic Sen. John Kerry was elected president.

Republican House Leader Brad Jones said he proposed virtually the same idea in 2004 as Kennedy is proposing now—which would have allowed Romney to name someone to fill the seat on an interim basis—but it was overwhelmingly rejected by Democrats.

And what a shock. We learn of this in the article’s 17TH PARAGRAPH. After reading a bunch of bullshit about Uncle Ted and how he’s all about health care — especially after he had to wear a neck brace many moons ago.

OK, so I made that last part up. Well, not the actual neck brace. The part about it being mentioned in the actual article.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 20, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Posted in News

Master K Of The Computer Room

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So this evening I was about to get on the computer and post some evening updates to KK’s Korner. That’s when the better half decided to get on and spend 20 minutes trying to get some stupid e-birthday card to play that featured a singing frog with a party hat.

Time to play hardball.

When I get kicked off the computer, I retaliate. Do I smack Mrs. kkk around? Sometimes. Do I grab her hair and drag her down the steps. Most times. Do I pick up the mini-fridge and chuck it at her head? Heck no. The soda inside might get shaken up and the next time I open a can it will shoot out all over the place.

OK, so what I REALLY do is turn on the CD player and get jiggy with it.

And by “jiggy with it,” I mean “play something that annoys her.”

And by “play something that annoys her,” I’m talking about “Playing one of my Master P CDs.”

Aw, yeah. Out of all the hip-hop I own, this is the only rapper that has made the better half say, “this hurts my ears.”

I was unlucky enough to obtain a few P CDs from the Used CD store back in the 1990s when he was the new craze. Didn’t really like the CDs I bought then, don’t really like them now. I take that back — “99 Ways To Die” isn’t too bad. In fact, that’s the CD I used tonight to make the better half’s stay on the computer that much shorter. If I play the other two CDs it’d be like cutting off my nose to spite my face. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I had “Ghetto D” and “Da Last Don” in rotation. I also can’t fathom the next time these two LPs ever will be in the rotation, but I digress.

Now what is noteworthy about this story isn’t the music being played but rather an insert I saw upon opening this CD’s case. I can’t remember what she was bitching about to me during this time, but whatever it was I countered it with, “That’s OK. I got my Fine Ass No Limit Bitches.” She said, “What the hell are you talking about?” and then I showed her what I was looking at thanks to my opening the “99 Ways” CD case:

masterp

The look on her face as she read this was priceless. I was laughing so hard I was crying.

I think my favorite part about this ad is the bottom: “$2.95 per minute. (Adults only please, kids under 18 must get parents permission)

ADULTS only, but if you’re a kid you MUST get your parents permission.

I can only imagine back in the 1990s the way parents across America reacted upon opening their phone bill and seeing this charged to their statement. And I thought I was hardcore because I once called in and voted during an episode of MTV’s “Friday Night Video Fights.” Yeah, I’m dating myself here. Can’t remember who I voted against, but I voted for ZZ Top’s “Sleeping Bag” video. It lost. 😦

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 20, 2009 at 9:59 pm

Posted in Life

Packin’ Plax

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I hope Plax invested wisely, because his peak earning years are done.

Facing the prospect of spending at least 3 1/2 years behind bars, one-time Super Bowl star Plaxico Burress on Thursday accepted a plea bargain with a two-year prison sentence for accidentally shooting himself in the thigh at a Manhattan nightclub.

The former New York Giants wide receiver pleaded guilty to one count of attempted criminal possession of a weapon, a lesser charge than he had faced. He will be sentenced Sept. 22, and lawyer Benjamin Brafman said he expects Burress to begin serving his sentence immediately after.

I always thought Burress was a talented receiver with a shit attitude. While I thought he showed his true colors after that 2004 AFC Championship loss to the Patriots when he complained about not getting the ball enough while dropping a touchdown pass, he showed what he was capable of that season the Giants won the Super Bowl by playing on a bad wheel for the entire season.

I’ve heard Noo Yawk has strict gun laws and Plax should have known all that, but there’s just something wrong about him serving more jail time than NFL athletes who have actually KILLED people (Leonard Little/Donte Stallworth). Guess the lesson here is instead of packing heat to just get shit-faced and drive home. If that was the case, Plax would have already served his time and would only be suspended for one season.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 20, 2009 at 9:28 pm

Posted in Sports

Thank God For Al Davis

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Dear God,

I know you are really busy trying to resolve peace in the Middle East and helping our doctors try to cure cancer. But can you do me this one little favor?

Oakland Raiders Coach Tom Cable denied a report he hit one of his team’s defensive assistants in the jaw during a meeting, resulting in an injury that required treatment at a Napa, Calif., emergency room earlier this month.

Can you let Al Davis live forever? And can you let him own the Raiders for all eternity, or at least for as long as I’m alive?

Pretty please?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 19, 2009 at 10:15 pm

Posted in Sports

Striking Out In Solving My Summer Apathy

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It’s odd. As a kid I always followed baseball. Back when there were only four divisions I always pulled for one team in each division. The NL East were the Pirates, of course. The NL West had me bleeding Dodger Blue. The AL East was all about the Blue Jays. The AL West … well, I started out liking the Mariners, but this was during the 1980s. I eventually switched my boyhood “allegiance” to the Twins because they won more.

Why am I talking about this?

Well, as the 1990s came and went my interest in America’s National Pastime waned. Not sure why. Maybe it was because I went to college, worked and just didn’t have time to watch the sport. Then a few years ago I started to get back into the game. I often had it on as background noise or as something to sit back and relax to. Each of the past several years had me watching more and more of this sport I grew up watching.

That was until this year.

I can’t explain it, but I seem to have lost all desire to watch baseball this year. Usually I barely follow a season until after the All-Star Break, but this year that urge to start watching baseball never came. Can’t be the drug scandals because I really don’t care about this OUTRAGE~! We’ll find out who was roiding up once they start dying in their 40s. Actually, the return to “small ball” should be luring me even more into the game.

Why am I indifferent to baseball this year? Don’t know. But I hope this doesn’t carry over into the playoffs.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 19, 2009 at 10:08 pm

Posted in Sports

Raging Road

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So yesterday on the drive home from work I witnessed a near-accident. What happened was that a mini-van in front of me took a left turn. Instead of yielding to oncoming traffic, the driver just went and almost collided with another car. Granted I’m sure the other motorist wasn’t going the speed limit, but the mini-van driver would have been clearly at fault. The passengers in the car then proceeded to go off on the mini-van.

And frankly, I don’t blame them.

The topic of road rage hasn’t been in the news much as of late, but I remember in the late 1990’s it seemed every other day there was a new road rage-related story. I remember reading these stories and thinking, “most of these road rage stories are b.s.”

I have always considered “road rage” to be getting upset for no reason. If you get pissed off at someone for not turning at red light when there’s a sign at the intersection which says “No turn on red,” I consider that road rage. If you are ballistic because someone is driving the speed limit in the right lane, you have road rage. However, if you scream until you’re red in the face because someone almost carelessly rammed into your vehicle, you SHOULD be angry. To me that’s not road rage. Now maybe if you take a gun and shoot the motorist I might say otherwise. But too many times in this society we’re not supposed to cast judgment. Fuck, you could almost be KILLED by a careless driver. If you want to unload your vocal chords, go right ahead. Maybe you’ll freak out the other driver to the point he/she might actually drive more carefully in the future.

For the rest of my commute behind that mini-van, that driver made it a point to look both ways at every intersection thereafter.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 19, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Posted in Life

Not Free Of Stupidity

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So I noticed tonight while grocery shopping that the “Caffeine Free Pepsi” I buy from time-to-time isn’t “Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi.”

150 calories, 40 carbs/sugar per can.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 18, 2009 at 10:06 pm

Posted in Life

Your Own Worst Enemy

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So last night I was watching the Panthers/Giants game. Other than the starters, I have no idea who was on the field. I only watched the first half of the game, but one thing I noticed was that a number of players, particularly on the Panthers’ side, were making their fair share of mistakes — fumbles, dropped passes, etc.

And I felt bad for them.

Look, many of these guys will not play in the NFL. And while it’s one thing to be cut because the people in front of you are much more gifted physically, or to be the victim of playing a position where your team has a stockpile of talent on the depth chart, it’s another thing to have your time in the spotlight and flub. But to get cut because of a preventable mistake like a dropped pass, fumble or even several penalties … well, that’s going to stick with someone for a long time, especially if they don’t get signed by another team. I can’t even begin to imagine the “what ifs” going through a released player’s head.

What if I had tucked the ball into my chest instead of looking downfield?

What if I didn’t try to go for that extra yard and fumbled?

It’s one thing to get beaten out by someone. It’s another thing to beat yourself. Then again, many times you usually end up competing against yourself.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 18, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Posted in Sports

Twittering My Thumbs

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Only 40 percent? Damn, that’s way lower than I thought it would score.

Forty percent of the messages on Twitter are “pointless babble” along the lines of “I am eating a sandwich now,” according to a study conducted by a US market research firm.

Pear Analytics, based in San Antonio, Texas, said that it randomly sampled 2,000 messages from the public stream of Twitter and separated them into six categories.

The categories were: news, spam, self-promotion, pointless babble, conversational and pass-along value.

Pear said “pointless babble” accounted for 811 “tweets” or 40.55 percent of the total number of messages sampled.

I don’t get Twitter. I don’t want Twitter. Then again, back in 2005 I probably said the same thing about blogs. And the world is a much better place for me changing my mind about that topic.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 17, 2009 at 8:24 pm

Posted in News

Hating Defense Lawyers Is Not A Crime

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I love scumbag shithead lawyers. And by “love” I mean “take out into a field and beat the ever-loving shit out of them.”

One of four people facing a possible death sentence in the carjacking, rape and murder of a young Tennessee couple was a “coward” who should have stopped the killings, his attorney said as his trial began Monday.

The attorney said, however, that Letalvis “Rome” Cobbins wasn’t a killer. Cobbins, 26, of Lebanon, Ky., pleaded guilty to five counts of facilitating a robbery or theft and one count of rape as prosecutors formally read the 38 counts against him in the January 2007 abduction and torture deaths of Channon Christian, 21, and her boyfriend, Christopher Newsom, 23.

So he’s not a killer. Just a robber and rapist. That’s MUCH better. How do these people things sleep at night?

Cobbins’ attorney Scott Green said his client “manned up” to the crime.

“Manned up.” lol.

Oh? It takes five paragraphs to learn THIS…

Cobbins pleaded not guilty to the other counts, including two counts of first-degree murder in the racially charged case. Prosecutors must prove he directly participated in the killings and have said they will seek the death penalty if he is convicted.

And seven paragraphs for THIS…

The victims were white and middle class, and the defendants are poor and black. Some conservative Internet commentators and white supremacist agitators accused the national media of reverse discrimination by failing to give the case the same attention paid to white-on-black hate crimes.

Uh-oh. I smell a….

siren

HATE CRIME~!

How the parents of these poor victims have not yet killed everyone associated with the defense team — lawyers AND defendants — is beyond me. Wouldn’t blame them one bit either.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 17, 2009 at 8:17 pm

Posted in News

DeLay This Opening Act

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You know, if liberals were smart, they would want DeLay to stay on this show for as long as possible just for the sheer embarrassment factor. Good God.

Dancing With The Stars is a long way from Washington D.C.’s world of politics, so we’re anxious to see just how well this Texas native can do the two-step!

One of the most influential Republican figures in the early 2000s, Tom DeLay rose through the ranks in the United States House of Representatives to become the Majority Leader of the Republican Party. His aggressive “Grow the Vote” method of party discipline, where he never lost a vote, earned him the nickname of “The Hammer” from the Washington Post.

The site is loaded with overwhelmingly angry comments from the entitled Left show’s fans making it clear the choice of Delay will cost ABC viewers:

* This is the most despicable, self centered man in the country.
* I will only start watching after he has been eliminated.
* This man is a criminal!!!! I live in Texas and this is a big state. Maybe DWS thought we might like to see this guy slither across the dance floor. WRONG! The man is a criminal!!!!

This man is a disgusting loser. Why on earth would you have a viewer repellant [sic] on a once most fabulous show. I’m wondering if he is blackmailing the casting director. Don’t think I’ll watch this season unless I hear he is voted off the island..sorry..just sayin’

Actually, the “criminal” comment made me chuckle, especially after reading one of the comments from where this story was originally published.

It’s funny that they keep commenting about DeLay being a CRIMINAL… yet… DeLay was merely indicted by a clearly partisan prosecutor.. he has not been convicted…

However… Michael Irvin IS a criminal and he was announced for this season. And last season Li’l Kim was a fan-favorite on the show and she was ALSO a convicted felon (They even made light of it on the show by having her dance to “Jail House Rock”.)

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 17, 2009 at 8:06 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Roxana The Pseudo-Physician

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And I’m sure “Roxana The Physician” will have her private information hacked into by government workers just like Joe The Plumber. It’s probably happening right now as I type.

U.S. Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee on Thursday distanced herself from a University of Houston graduate student and Texas Osama delegate who falsely identified herself as a pediatric physician at the congresswoman’s health care reform town hall meeting this week.

“I’ve never met her,” Jackson Lee said as she prepared to take questions from doctors and other health care workers in a session at St. Joseph Medical Center.

Roxana Mayer, who warmly embraced Jackson Lee at the close of Tuesday’s session at a Fifth Ward community center, had spoken in favor of the president’s health care package. The Texas Medical Board, which oversees doctors in Texas, has no record of Mayer, 31, holding a physician’s license.

In a West Coast political blog, Patterico’s Pontifications, Mayer admitted she is not a doctor.

When queried by the Houston Chronicle if she held a medical license outside Texas, she responded via e-mail: “If my initial statement to the Houston Chronicle can not be substantiated, then I understand your responsibility to omit it.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2009 at 9:13 pm

Posted in News

Yes You Can

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Of course it’ll be dropped now — only to be included in some bill later on. I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.

Bowing to Republican pressure and an uneasy public, President Hussein’s administration signaled Sunday it is ready to abandon the idea of giving Americans the option of government-run insurance as part of a new health care system.

Facing mounting opposition to the overhaul, administration officials left open the chance for a compromise with Republicans that would include health insurance cooperatives instead of a government-run plan. Such a concession probably would enrage Osama’s liberal supporters but could deliver a much-needed victory on a top domestic priority opposed by GOP lawmakers.

I also love the “You can still keep your current insurance” bullshit that President Hussein has said during his whizbang, authentic Townhall Tour. God, he sounds just like my ex-idiot boss that used to always say, “You can do this….” or “You can do that…”

My ex-coworker, who was my ex-workplace’s marketing director and lead salesman, always tried to get approved to travel on the road to various events and, you know, promote and sell products. Problem was he was always told the travel/lodging was too expensive. Of course, this guy would always stay in the cheapest hotels and eat at Subway — not exactly breaking the expense budget. Well, actually, for my ex-place of employment a Motel 6 and $5 footlong would probably max out the year’s account. Anyway, while my ex-coworker was still new to the job, and had hopes and ideas of great things, he pleaded with some of our directors to be given the ability to travel to various events. One could say if he was REALLY dedicated that he could have just used his own money, but he was getting paid jack shit and just starting out selling products with this fine company. Translation. The commissions were non-existent and he didn’t have the money to pay for all his expenses.

Anyway, after pleading with a few directors, one of them asked my idiot ex-boss why “Bob” wasn’t being given the resources to promote the company. The idiot ex-boss’ response: “Bob can go anywhere he wants.” Yeah, he CAN go ANYWHERE he wants. But how’s he going to pay for food and lodging? Our directors weren’t bright enough to ask follow-up questions.

Where the hell am I going with this? Meh, I dunno. And now I’m spent.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2009 at 8:56 pm

Posted in News

Where Was I When…?

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So my Facebook account was recently tagged with a “Where Were You When…?” note. After typing up my responses, I figured It’d be worth an entry. After all, I already typed this shit. Thank you, copy+paste keyboard commands.

Where were YOU…

….when 9/11 happened?
Asleep at home. Didn’t find out what happened until I turned on the local Hate Radio station in Cincinnati (WKRC). Instead of getting my daily talking points/marching orders, there was a newscast. That’s never a good sign.

….when Kennedy was shot?
Chilling inside my mom’s ovaries.

….when Elvis died?
No clue. I was 1. Probably waddling around somewhere.

….when Princess Diana died?
I was probably asleep at home or working late at the theater. (Didn’t this happen in the middle of the night over in Europe?)

….when OJ Simpson verdict came down?
I was in the CCAC student lounge with a few friends. I had my Walkman with the volume cranked up so we could hear the audio from my headphones. We were all shouting “Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!” When the verdicts were announced we all groaned and booed (if memory serves there were actually two verdicts read). In a fit of faux rage I threw my Walkman against the wall. I then realized that I BROKE MY WALKMAN BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO BE A SMART-ASS OVER THE OJ SIMPSON VERDICT. A few of my friends then pretended to riot. Good times.

. . .during OJ’s White Bronco car chase?
I was watching Game 5 of the NBA Finals at a friend’s house when that stupid chase cut into most of the broadcast. It was an odd Finals for me because I had always liked both Patrick Ewing (Knicks) and Hakeem (Rockets). I do like Hakeem more, so yay for him going back-to-back. At the time I wanted this murderer to off himself, thinking that NBC would go back to the game. Man would I have been disappointed at that result — there would have been MORE news coverage. Wouldn’t have been disappointed with OJ pulling the trigger, though.

….when Michael Jackson died?
No clue. I first learned about this on the Drudge Report.

….when John Lennon died?
Dunno. I was 4. The only thing I remember about this event was afterward there was some TV station airing photos of Lennon. Several of these pics featured him with long hair and, in my opinion, looking rather disgusting. I then shouted to my mom in the other room, “I’m glad they shot him.” Sigh. Why the hell do I remember this? Mom wasn’t amused. Not too long after that I began seeing a psychiatrist, although I think that was more for dirt-digging purposes against my dad for the upcoming divorce.

. . . when Columbine Shooting occurred?
Was in my Sappy Valley apartment. My one seasonal job had ended earlier that month and I was looking for work. Had the cable news stations on most of the day.

….when Challenger space shuttle blew up(1986)?
Was in school having lunch when the principal of my K-8 Lutheran School came in, gave us the news and told us to pray for those who perished. The only thing I remember from this was that there was a teacher on board.

….when JFK Jr.s plane went down?
Still at Sappy Valley — only this time working. I was either at one of my jobs or asleep (or both).

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2009 at 12:25 pm

Posted in Life

Does The Flex Need Fixed?

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So I was looking at the NFL schedule this morning and noticed that the Sunday Night games have already been penciled in. No “flex scheduling” this year? If memory serves, there weren’t any Sunday night games penciled in for the regular season — just an announcement that one of the Sunday afternoon games could be moved to Sunday night.

I tried looking up online if whether or not flex scheduling will be taking place this season and can’t find an answer.

If the flex scheduling is indeed gone — bummer. It was fun trying to guess which games would be marquee matchups late in the season.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2009 at 9:53 am

Posted in Sports

Preseason Programming

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So I have been watching the preseason games available on the NFL Network with almost as much interest as I do regular season games. You know what? I like this stuff. Have no idea who these players are that will soon get cut from their respective teams (although I am getting better thanks to my increased college football viewing), but what’s neat to hear are all the different announcing teams each franchise features. Not only that, but it’s fun to see who the color commentators (and sometimes sideline reporters) are and if I can remember them from their playing days.

In addition to seeing/hearing different announcers, it’s interesting to see the local promos that I don’t normally get to see due to living in the southwestern Pennsylvania region. I started watching preseason games last year and it has really taken effect this season. Actually, I also do this for other sporting events, but for some reason I get a kick out the NFL’s out-of-market games.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2009 at 9:43 am

Posted in Sports

Chewie’s Revenge

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So right now I’m in a HUGE pile of regret over my recent Wookie-fest.

I was watching Star Wars: A New Hope tonight, and I continuously laughed out loud every time Chewbacca appeared on screen. So much so that the better half woke up and said, “The hell’s your problem?”

I think Chewie’s Sister may have ruined Star Wars for me.

FUCK

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2009 at 1:54 am

Posted in Life

Taking Racist Threats To Hart

with 3 comments

Aw, shucks. Looks like I’m going to have to take Dyron Hart off my Facebook Friends List. 😦

An African-American man from Mississippi admits posing as a white supremacist to send a death threat across state lines by Facebook.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office says 20-year-old Dyron L. Hart of Poplarville pleaded guilty Wednesday in federal court to making a threat in November 2008.

Hart admitted creating a name and using a white supremacists’ photo to pose as a white man who planned to kill blacks because Barack Osama had been elected president.

He originally was charged with threatening three black students at Nicholls State — where he had attended one semester — but pleaded guilty Wednesday to one count.

He sent the threats from a computer in Poplarville.

The maximum sentence is five years in prison and a $250,000 fine; sentencing is Nov. 18.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 16, 2009 at 1:32 am

Posted in News

Here Comes The Bride, There Goes The Friendship (Part 3 of 3)

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Not sure if I meant this to be a “trilogy” of sorts, but now I’m starting to understand why I kept putting this writing excursion off.

So I’ve established the events leading up to this debauchery of a wedding and the actual events of the big day. But there’s something else of note that took place. Most of you didn’t follow KK’s Korner back in the day when I posted at other places. And since I haven’t yet transferred those older entries here, you have no idea about the backstory to what I’m about to say. So here’s some backstory.

The better half’s brother, who is about 10 years older than me, has a wife and two kids. The nephew-in-law just turned 13. The niece-in-law just turned 11. For some reason unbeknownst to everybody (me included), the niece ADORES me. Why? No clue. I do have a theory: All these kids’ lives, I’ve treated each of them differently than other relatives. I treat them like little adults. No, I didn’t discuss the events of the day with them, but I didn’t engage in that stupid “little kid” talk either, if you know what I mean. Here’s a recent example: Earlier this year the nephew-in-law decided to go for the “spiked hair” look. When Mrs. kkk first saw this new hairstyle she yelled out, “HI SPIKEY!”

Oh for God’s sake.

“He’s 12, not 2,” was my response to the better half, and I could see that the nephew-in-law was trying to hold back laughter. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this “little kid” shit. I know they’re kids. And kids do what kids do. But I also remember when I was that age I hated when adults still treated me like I was wearing diapers and believed in Santa Claus. But I digress.

So the niece-in-law got to sit next to me at this reception, and we talked about a number of things. Mostly that useless crap you learn in school that has no bearing on the real world. She’d talk about something – an exotic animal/dinosaur/etc., and I’d add in my two cents. For example, she talked about the Triceratops (my favorite dinosaur) and I’d tell her about how the Triceratops is part of the Ceratopsian family and gave her some descriptions of other similar dinosaurs – ones with spikes coming out of their neck shields (Styracosaurus) and others with no horns at all (Protoceratops). Anyway, our conversation turned to the new Transformers movie.

Now I already talked about my movie-going experience with Transformers 2, but there was one thing I neglected to mention in my thoughts about the movie. When the government started talking about kicking the Autobots off the planet I made a remark to the better half, “But yet they’ll keep the 30+ million invaders we already have here.” Keep this in mind as you read onward.

As the niece-in-law and I talked about Transformers 2, I was telling her a few things from my extremely limited knowledge of the Transformers cartoon series from when I was a kid. I then brought up how funny/dumb it was that the government wanted to kick the Autobots off the planet when they were actually protecting us from the Decepticons. The niece-in-law then said the following:

“Yeah, and yet they let all those illegal immigrants come in through the southern border.”

WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!

Keep in mind when I brought this topic up to the niece-in-law I wasn’t making a reference to the south-of-the-border invaders – this was just a general, “yeah, how dumb is it to get rid of the heroes” remark. The following conversation then took place. You can figure out who’s who:

“You’re still a kid. You don’t need to concern yourself with things like this.”

“I’m ELEVEN!”

Oh Christ. Even though I am MARKING THE FUCK OUT on the inside, I should NOT be having this conversation with an ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD! We talked a bit more about kids following current events, and I told her that when she gets older (high school/college age) that she’s going to be taught more about topics of the day and that she’ll probably be told to think a certain way by a teacher or a textbook. I said she needs to think for herself and that whatever opinions you come up with at that age will probably not be the same opinions you will have when you’re older. I then brought up some “there’s no substitute for experience and the wisdom you get from living” nonsense. I think she understood what I was talking about, but there was one more thing I had to do.

Later on that night, I went up to my sister-in-law and said that if her daughter says on the ride home “I was talking to Uncle kkk about illegal immigration,” that it was HER who started the conversation. The niece-in-law then exclaimed, “Na-uh! And you said my parents were raising me well!” (Which I did say after hearing her south-of-the-border invaders comment.)

I’ll tell you what. If anything happens to this kid’s parents, I WILL adopt her.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 15, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Posted in Life

Here Comes The Bride, There Goes The Friendship (Part 2 of 3)

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So I just did an entry about the better half and her experience with a longtime friend and the events leading up to the friend’s wedding (Part I). But what actually happened on this big day?

We had decided a while back that this wedding would be the last time Mrs. kkk or I would ever have anything to do with this “friend.” I kept repeating this agreement between us whenever the better half would become frustrated with this whole situation. Well the actual wedding came and went – with me being a few minutes late. Whatever. I don’t give a shit. One of my rules of life is if you don’t want to be somewhere, don’t stay longer than you have to. Why arrive early and be miserable when you can just pull in at the very last minute and have minimal exposure? Besides, we were going to be staying for the entire reception; no way in hell I wanted to be around these people any longer than I had to be.

The ceremony was over and done with – it was now time for the reception. Yay. So I get to the fire hall and find out what table I am assigned to. Table #9 – isn’t that the “freak table” from the Wedding Singer movie? Meh, I can’t remember. Anyway, I head over to my table and see that I’m one of the early attendees. There are four chairs to a table’s side, and three people have already taken up residence at one corner. Works for me. Because I’m left-handed, I set up shop at the other corner of the table. So along the one side of the table there’s me at one end, an open spot and a guy from the group before me. On the table side perpendicular to this guy are two people from his group. Keep this in mind.

guesttable

A while later this hippie-looking couple shows up. They then decide to sit next to me. The hell? You have a near empty table to select from and you choose to sit next to ME? So much for reserving seats for the in-laws.

guesttable1

Actually, I’m not big on reserving seats, especially since the mother-in-law gave me shit for showing up late to the actual ceremony. So as time went on and the rest of our table’s seating started to fill up, the mother/father-in-law had to sit next to the hippie couple. Why the fuck did these people decide on sitting here? Ha, my brother-in-law’s family was the last to arrive, which meant the brother-in-law and his wife had to sit at one section of the table while the niece-in-law had to sit next to me.

guesttable2

What’s this I hear?! These hippies sitting next to me are the parents of one of the wedding’s bridesmaids? The bridesmaids that made Mrs. kkk’s life a living hell for months on end? Oh, I’m going to enjoy this.

A short time later the mother-in-law starts trying to talk to me about something or other, which gives me the opportunity to exercise my boisterous vocal chords. I can’t remember what I said, but I know it didn’t please the hippies, who were now caught in the audio crossfire of a conversation between two loudmouths. It was then that the hippie couple told me that their son-in-law was sitting one seat away from me. Your family members were sitting across from me all along yet you still decided to sit next to me? And what’s this? You NOW want to switch seats so you can sit next to your son-in-law? Here was my response to that question.

“No, that’s OK. I like where I’m sitting.”

You chose … poorly. Especially since your daughter was part of the clan that treated my wife like shit for nearly a year. I’m a rotten human being, but I don’t go out looking for trouble. Most of my incidents take place with me being on the defensive side of an issue. However, if you do wrong by my wife, I will go into “kkk mode.” I don’t care if these hippies are free of any wrongdoing, they’re going to be collateral damage. You’re related to one of the bridesmaids, so you are just as guilty in my eyes. Hell, if you two did a better job of raising your kid, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.

As the reception went on, I made sure to have more verbal exchanges with the mother-in-law during this hour or two than I had in the last six months, much to the chagrin of the hippie couple. Maybe next time you’ll just sit next to the people you wanted to sit next to all along. I wish I could remember what I shouted across to the mother-in-law because I knew there were a few things that the hippie couple didn’t appreciate, but most of this evening has since turned into a blur. However, there was one conversation I with the niece-in-law that I will remember until the day I die. What was this conversation?

Tune into Part 3…

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 15, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Posted in Life

Here Comes The Bride, There Goes The Friendship (Part 1 of 3)

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So I’ve been meaning to get this story off the back-burner for a while now.

So I’m not the nastiest person in the world. Sure I’m a terrible human being (my upcoming entry about last night’s wedding is going to prove this), but I’m not ALL bad.

Better late than never, I guess.

Earlier this summer I had to attend a wedding in which the better half was part of the bridal party. Long story shorter: The whole event planning leading up to this ceremony was horrid. And by that I mean Mrs. kkk was used and abused to the point where it made me pissed off. Here’s a recap of some of the things that went down in the year leading up to this event:

— As a cost-cutting measure for the bride, the better half agreed to create, print and assemble ALL of the wedding invitations (a few hundred, if memory serves). It was agreed upon that Mrs. kkk would be reimbursed for the ink used for this project. After completing this task, the better half got no thanks at all for the hours upon hours she put into this task. And that ink reimbursement? I think you know what happened to that. (For the record, I told the better half to just put the receipt of the purchased ink cartridge in our wedding card to this newlywed couple. Mrs. kkk wussed out and put in $50 earned from her second job, which is hers to spend however she wants. There was no way this $50 was coming out of our household budget.)

— Mrs. kkk spent several hours looking up deals for the bachelorette party, which was going to be some day at a spa. After the research was done, several people in the bridal party decided it was “too expensive” and a Plan B was then determined without the better half’s knowledge. When the better half heard of this Plan B via text message, she began questioning the logic behind this plan (with some encouragement from me). Basically, instead of a day out to the spa, the girls were now going to go to a local amusement park for several hours, then out to dinner and then out to the local fire hall for drinks. After a quick rundown of likely expenses, it was determined but us that this Plan B event would be AS MUCH if not MORE EXPENSIVE than the day at the spa. This Plan B was also made “optional” for people in the bridal party, meaning someone could either go to the amusement park or out to dinner. Mrs. kkk informed everybody that she was just going to attend the dinner/drinks portion of this day, which apparently caused a bit of a stink. So much for being “optional,” even though there were other members of the bridal party that were only attending one portion of this day’s events. Fortunately, a week or so later I got a call from my idiot mother informing me that she was getting married – on the same weekend as this stupid bachelorette party. Mrs. kkk had a legitimate out, which I’m sure caused an even bigger stink.

— On top of these two events mentioned above, the better half was pretty much kept out of the loop for all the planning for several months leading up to the wedding. And the bridal party correspondence was supposed to be done by text messaging, so there was no excuse for her to be the black sheep of the group – especially when she did nothing to deserve this treatment. Hell, even at the reception hall she was seated at the far end of the wedding party table. Please note I’m not talking about just being seated last in the group. I’m talking about being seated here:

bridaltable

Yeah, it was that bad.

During the wedding planning phase of this ordeal, the better half said that she was through with her childhood friend, who was the bride of this hoopla. I don’t tell Mrs. kkk who she can and cannot be friends with, but I had said for years that this friend of hers only came around when she wanted something and whenever they planned something this friend would often flake out without even giving notice. For example, when the better half and I got married, this friend was in the bridal party. Not only did she fail to show up at the vast majority of events Mrs. kkk planned, but she didn’t even bother to attend our day-after-the-wedding event. I would like to say she didn’t attend ANY of the better half’s pre-wedding events, but I’m sure there was one or two functions she showed up at; so one can never say NEVER. But this I can say for sure: there have been a number of instances when this friend would tell the better half over the phone that she’d be right over our house in 10 minutes and not show up at all. Best of all, there wouldn’t even be the courtesy of a phone call saying, “Sorry, I can’t make it over. Something came up with the kids.”

Whenever the better half says she’s through with someone, I often just roll my eyes and say “whatever.” However, I think this one may have legs. Mrs. kkk has not been in contact with this friend since the wedding, even when this friend recently sent her several texts asking her to attend some at-home jewelry event. (Remember what I said about this friend only contacting the better half whenever she wants something?) The big test is going to come this holiday season when this friend routinely starts getting in touch with Mrs. kkk. The reason? Because the better half always ends up asking this friend what her two kids would like for Christmas/birthdays. I told the better half that if she could go through this year and next year without contacting this friend then I would believe her when she says she’s done with this friend.

But there’s another chapter to this story. The actual wedding/reception itself. That’s to be continued in another entry…

Oh, remember my story about the wedding invitations? When Mrs. kkk agreed to do this task, she was unemployed at the time. As the better half was completing this project, she finally found gainful employment. With this being her first real experience trying to find a job while unemployed, this six-month ordeal was an all-new adventure for her. When the better half decided to call her friend and tell her this news, here were the first things out of the friend’s mouth: “Does that mean you can’t do the invitations?”

That went over about as well as you could imagine.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 15, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Posted in Life

Did Rick Break A Cardinal Rule?

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I have no real opinion on Rick Pitino. So when I heard about his out-of-wedlock hanky panky and possible abortion funding, I was actually more annoyed with the person accusing him of “rape.” Six years after the fact.

University of Louisville men’s basketball coach Rick Pitino told police that he had consensual sex with Karen Cunagin Sypher at a Louisville restaurant where he’d been drinking on Aug. 1, 2003.

He also told police that he later gave Sypher $3,000 to have an abortion, according to Louisville Metro Police reports The Courier-Journal obtained under the Kentucky Open Records Act.

But Pitino denied Sypher’s allegations that he raped her at Porcini, after the restaurant closed, and again a few weeks later at a different location, police records show. And prosecutors who have reviewed Sypher’s claims say Pitino won’t be charged.

You know, it’s people like this that make it worse for actual rape victims. I hope they throw the book at this bitch. And I’m just waiting to hear her excuse — I’m going with “she needs therapy for depression” over “she’s an alcoholic.”

As for Rick, the damage has been done in a PR sense. I’m sure opportunities for him have already been shut off. And it’s not like he’s the one on trial here. While I consider myself a pro-lifer, it’s not like he was the one who spread this chick’s legs and killed the living being inside of her. Well, OK, he did spread her legs at one point.

Oh, and that 9/11 statement at your apology-fest was idiotic, for the record.

“Besides my apology to the university — and in particular to Tom Jurich and Dr. Ramsey, who have been very strong with me throughout this period — I also apologize to my extended family, which is all of the fans. I came here at a very difficult time. When 9/11 hit, you needed a community to get you over it. In New York City, it was easy because everybody knew the devastation of that and they got each other over it. In Louisville, the impact wasn’t felt like New York City, but I needed this community to help me get over it. The university officials and my friends and loved ones have helped me through this very difficult time.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 13, 2009 at 9:34 pm

Posted in Sports

Vick Still A Dirty Bird

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If there’s one thing the better half hates more than Michael Vick, it’s the City of Brotherly Love.

God help me.

Michael Vick is back in the NFL, landing a job with the Philadelphia Eagles. “He signed with the Eagles,” agent Joel Segal told The Associated Press in a telephone interview Thursday. He said it was a two-year deal.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 13, 2009 at 9:23 pm

Posted in Sports

Convenient Headline Alignment

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Oh Drudge Report, I love you so. I’m sure these two stories just so happened to be next to each other by coincidence.

herpes

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 11, 2009 at 10:39 pm

Posted in News

Here Comes The Hammer

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What the hell is going on here?

A cousin of MC Hammer who appears on the rapper’s cable TV reality show has been charged in California with raping a 40-year-old woman he met through an online social networking site.

MC Hammer has a REALITY SHOW? And when did he put the “MC” back into his name?

I don’t know what’s sadder — the fact I knew he removed the “MC” from his name at one point, or the fact that I actually knew he had a reality show. Actually, I only found about this show a few days ago while scanning through Comcast’s OnDemand.

But what’s the real reason I decided to post this? Sigh.

You know, I think someone should have taught MC Cousin that when a woman says no…

Allegedly, of course.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 11, 2009 at 10:21 pm

Posted in Entertainment

A Meth-od To This Post’s Madness

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So yesterday morning the better half and I were driving to work. Yes, we are evil suburbanites who suck the lifeblood out of Shittsburgh – bwahahahaha. Anyway, we commute through, well, not through the nicest neighborhoods the southwestern Pennsylvania region have to offer. But whatever, it’s not like we get out of the car. Besides, we drive through this shithole in the morning, which means all the ghetto trash is fast asleep.

Why am I talking about yesterday morning’s commute? Why, because my crack-whore niece-in-law was behind us for about 20 minutes of this leg of our commute. What care was she driving? She doesn’t drive. Her car is totaled and her license is suspended. She was being driven by the Access van. Where was she going? Why, to the Methadone Clinic. Yep. She’s driven there five days per week. In a gas-guzzling van. For a roughly one-hour trip one way. Compliments of me and you.

The bright side of all this? When your blood pressure shoots up 100 points in less than five seconds, you tend to stay away for the rest of the day.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 11, 2009 at 10:12 pm

Posted in Life

Hostile To Hostel

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So I saw the first 15 minutes to Hostel II before falling asleep. That’s how riveted I was. Bad thing is now I know who survived the first Hostel and have no reason to watch the first installment. I’m a sad panda.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 11, 2009 at 10:07 pm

Posted in Entertainment

A Statement Concerning Verizon Wireless

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Seriously, Verizon Wireless. You need almost a half-page to tell me I had TWENTY CENTS worth of “data” charges on this month’s bill? SEVEN PAGES of statements? Is this really necessary? I shudder to think what would happen if I actually called anyone other than the better half, who is part of the “family plan,” or whatever that shit is called.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

August 10, 2009 at 11:12 pm

Posted in Life