KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for April 2010

Needing A Time-Out From Work

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So let me tell you, I sure love working working with online-related materials, getting misdirected calls, wasting my time with these people, and then discovering my online session has timed out. This of course erases all the work I previously did and I have to start over from scratch.

W00t~!!!

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 30, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Posted in Life

When Sports Columnists Go Political

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He can be a polarizing figure, but I don’t mind Jason Whitlock. When I heard he was doing a column not related to sports, I gave it a look. The headline, which reads “Beck, Palin adopt tactics of Jackson, Sharpton,” had me rolling my eyes, but I still gave it a quick read.

We’re Trading Places.

From his OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2010~!!!! pulpit, Rev. Right (Glenn Beck) begs God to damn America for empowering President Hussein.

Gal Sharpton (Sarah Palin) travels the country stoking the fears of white Americans telling them their country has been stolen by a mixed-race president.

Meanwhile, Nation of Idiots leader Rush Limbaugh inflames his underground radio audience, convincing his followers there’s a brown-eyed devil inhabiting the White House.

Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy — the stars of the 1980s comedy smash “Trading Places,” which explored a racial and social experiment/wager between Wall Street tycoons — might find humor, satisfaction and vindication in what is occurring across America’s political and social landscape.

I do not. It’s disheartening. It’s uncomfortable. It’s dangerous.

And I’m bored. Just more blahblahblah. If you want to read on, you know where to go. Then why am I talking about this column? Because there was on paragraph in particular that made me LOL. Out loud.

This is not intended as a defense of Osama’s policies. I admired his stubborn, courageous push for health care reform, but I am displeased by the tax increase I’m about to endure. My feelings toward the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher and all politicians remain conflicted and cynical.

So you admire his health care deform but displeased about tax increases.

lol wut?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 30, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Posted in News

Saying Goodbye Way Too Soon

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Looks like someone’s thinking about an upcoming date night…

…I could end this entry right now, but due to context of the above photo (Hussein was at a funeral for longtime activist Dorothy Height), there’s more to say on this subject.

On Friday I was at work doing something-or-other; typical white-collar craziness. I made a quick stop on Facebook, which I usually do whenever I need to take a quick break and regain my sanity. I then read a message from someone who said her brother had just passed away. Her brother was a friend of mine I first met in 2000 at my job in Ohio.

My priorities as to what was important at that moment then got straightened out real fast.

Back in 2000 I was a newly hired test-scoring evaluator and was getting trained with a group of 100+ other people on a temporary project. During this training session there were several idiots in the room that were giving their opinions on how they thought this project should be conducted. While one of these idiots got up on his soapbox for the upteenth time, I looked at the person conducting this training session and rolled my eyes at him. He acknowledged my action with a smirk, only because he couldn’t laugh out loud at that particular moment. As time went on, I got to know this person and he got to know me. Three years later when I moved from Ohio to Pennsylvania, I was leaving a wonderful group of friends — him being one. A few years later, when the better half officially became Mrs. kkk, he was one of my groomsmen. We kept in touch and about once or twice a year I’d give him a call and we’d talk. The communication frequency went up a notch after we both got Facebook accounts.

I knew his family had some health problems, but he never spoke about anything inflicting him. With the sudden announcement of his passing and the lack of a cause of death, the better half and I were coming to the unfortunate conclusion that he instead committed suicide. And when we traveled to Cincinnati earlier this week to pay our final respects, the suicide hypothesis was looking more and more conclusive.

I’m not sure how I feel; “disappointed” is a close description but it’s not entirely accurate. He had options in his life. He had people that would do anything for him. Sadly, he never seemed to take that step forward to make his life feel complete. He didn’t like his situation in life — it wasn’t a bad one, but he wanted more. However, he never took charge and tried to make the changes needed to get where he wanted to go. He didn’t have to stay in Cincinnati — he could have tried his luck in a city more suited to his liking — Chicago, New York, Boston.

We were polar opposites — I a loudmouth conservative/libertarian, he a quiet progressive — but for whatever reason we got along flawlessly. I think part of the reason I attract certain people from the opposite side of the political spectrum is because once two people realize that they will never change the other person’s mind on various issues, and don’t care if they do or not, any fears of offending someone are thrown out the window. I had similar feelings with the opposite sex after I hooked up with Mrs. kkk — some women treat you much differently when they realize you have no interest in getting between their legs. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah…

Over the years I kept telling him that he had the ability to change his life; if he needed a “base of operations” he was more than welcome to use the kkk manor’s spare bedroom as a place to crash while venturing out to other regions of the country looking for a new start. It was an offer he never took me up upon. It was funny –his mindset was one of a progressive living in a loft somewhere in a city’s cultural district, but his actions were mostly that of a person who preferred the nonchalant suburban lifestyle. I’m not sure if he would have succeeded away from his hometown in a fast-paced city environment, but then again I wasn’t sure if I was going to succeed back in 1998 when I decided to pack my things and move in with Mrs. kkk halfway across the Keystone State. It was either move with her while she finished school or part ways forever. I took the plunge into the unknown. What would have happened if he would have made a similar leap of faith? We’ll never know.

Bryan, you were my boy. I may be a terrible human being, but I try to be as good a friend as I can. You had a number of choices in your life, and you took one that I wish you hadn’t. But that was your choice and there is nothing anyone could have done to sway you. A lot of people wish you have chosen otherwise. I know because I was there when a packed funeral home full of family and friends came to say goodbye.

Whenever someone unexpectedly passes away, you sometimes try to remember the last thing you said to them. Thanks to the wonders of Facebook and the written word, I have this conversation in print. This was the day after Xavier’s loss in the NCAA tournament the Kansas State. (Xavier was his alma mater.) Because this was the last exchange we ever had, it’s only fitting that it ends this entry. Peace out.

Me: I watched the first 10 minutes. The final score looked respectable. How bad was the game? [March 26 at 8:46am]

Him: game was awesome — xcept the first 10 minutes and the final score [March 26 at 9:32am]

Me: I was watching the first 10 minutes and was like, “Xavier CAN’T be that bad.” [March 26 at 10:33am]

Me: LOL — I didn’t realize until now that the game went to 2OT. I just looked at the score and moved on. [March 26 at 5:47pm]

Him: “instant classic” — yeah it was worthy of some of the most overwraught sports cliches. down for the count at the end of regulation and the end of the first ot, x pulled off some heartstopping last-second heroics each time, only to just barely lose in the final seconds of 2ot. heartbreaker, but no shame … u shoulda watched. people are already calling it one of the best game in tournament history. [March 26 at 6:13pm]

Me: I’m not staying up past midnight to watch a basketball game on a worknight. (My God what’s happened to me? I used to watch the TNT west-coast NBA games in high school.) [March 27 at 6:24am]

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 29, 2010 at 10:25 pm

Posted in Life

Crapitals

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This year, throw the bums out of Washington. Even it if takes seven games and a hot goalie.

Led by Jaroslav Halak’s spectacular, acrobatic goaltending, the Montreal Canadiens slowed Alex Ovechkin and the rest of the Washington Capitals’ high-powered offense to complete an unlikely comeback and eliminate the NHL’s best regular-season team in the first round.

Halak made 41 saves, Marc-Andre Bergeron scored during a 4-on-3 goal in the last 30 seconds of the opening period Wednesday night, and eighth-seeded Montreal held on to beat Washington 2-1 in Game 7, stunning the Presidents’ Trophy winners by reeling off three consecutive victories.

The Canadiens are the ninth No. 8 team to knock off a No. 1 in 32 matchups since the NHL went to its current playoff format in 1994—and the first to come back from a 3-1 series deficit.

Wow. So now the top-seeded team in the East is the #4 Penguins. Hilarious.

I’ve never really like the Canadians. In my youth I cheered for one team in each of the old divisions…

Adams Division: Boston Bruins
Patrick Division: Pittsburgh Penguins
Norris Division: Minnesota North Stars
Smythe Division: Calgary Flames

…so you think there’s any way I could cheer for the Habs?

With that said, the Habs earned this win. Hell, they should have won Game 2 before giving that one away.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 28, 2010 at 10:00 pm

Posted in Sports

Hooking In Draftees With Questions

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Maybe someone should ask the GM when he stopped beating his wife.

Dolphins owner Stephen Ross will “take appropriate actions if necessary” against general manager Jeff Ireland for asking former Oklahoma State receiver Dez Bryant whether his mother was ever a prostitute.

Ireland apologized for the question, and the NFL players union raised concerns Wednesday about discrimination and degradation.

I wonder if a question like that is a spur-of-the-moment question or if it’s written down beforehand?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 28, 2010 at 9:54 pm

Posted in Sports

Win (Half Your Games) And You’re In

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“Purity” and “Amateurism”? LOL.

A bowl game is supposed to be a reward for a good season. Now, with the glut of postseason contests, a team with a losing record might get an invitation.

“I think it stinks,” former Nebraska player Aaron Taylor said Wednesday in a text message. The CBS college football analyst said the sport “is becoming perilously close to losing the purity and amateurism that separates it from it’s pro counterpart.”

Finding enough winning teams to fill bowl slots is a fairly recent concern. The number of bowl games has nearly doubled from the 18 held in 1996.

The NCAA recently licensed the Dallas Football Classic and the New Era Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium, pushing the number of bowls to 35. The International Bowl didn’t apply for a license, so there will only be one more bowl than last season.

That still means 70 of 120 Football Bowl Subdivision teams will get to go bowling, even if one or two happen to be 5-7.

“I’m not one of those guys that’s like, well, that’s too many bowls,” said Tony Barnhart, who covers college football for CBS Sports and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “But everything can have it’s excess, and to me, I think that’s kind of where we need to draw the line is having 5-7 teams playing in the bowl games.”

Based on recent history, the NCAA’s margin of error is two.

In the past three years, 72 FBS teams were at least 6-6. FBS programs switched to 12-game schedules in 2006, when 73 of 119 teams had .500 records or better.

Though the NCAA doesn’t think a losing team will get in a bowl game, especially with wins over Football Championship Subdivision teams counting toward bowl eligibility, it is still coming up with a contingency plan—just in case.

I’ve said this before, I was never a fan of college football. One reason being there is no real champion. But then I started watching the games just to watch the game and I started liking the sport more. When I decided that after division winners are determined, the bowl season is nothing more than a glorified exhibition season, I didn’t care how many of these games took place.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 28, 2010 at 9:45 pm

Posted in Sports

This Tea Party Put On Ice

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Ewww, Arizona Iced Tea started out in Brooklyn? And in 1992? Now that makes me feel old.

Opponents of Arizona’s new anti-invader law are calling for a boycott of the state’s products – including the popular Arizona Iced Tea.

The problem: Arizona Iced Tea is actually brewed in New York.

Online, misguided tea fans vowed to switch to Lipton or Snapple.

“Dear Arizona: If you don’t change your immigration policy, I will have to stop drinking your enjoyable brand of iced tea,” Twittered Jody Beth in Los Angeles.

“It is the drink of fascists,” wrote Travis Nichols in Chicago.

The company did not return messages asking if they planned to set the public straight.

Founded in Brooklyn in 1992, the firm was based in Queens before moving into a new $35 million headquarters in Nassau County last year.

The new state law allows cops to demand citizenship papers from anyone they think looks illegal.

Actual Arizona firms facing a boycott: Cold Stone Creamery, U-Haul and Best Western.

Well I pretty much boycott U-Haul, but not because of Arizona’s recent policies toward invaders. That story needs to get posted some day at this place.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 28, 2010 at 9:07 pm

Posted in News

Bit Off More Than She Could Chew?

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So Jim Rome had the basketball coach of Oregon State University men’s basketball team. What’s so special about this guy?

He’s the brother of the First Wookie.

My favorite part of the interview? Jim asked the guy what his parents thought of President Hussein when he began courting the Wookie. Coach’s response? “They thought she was going to eat him alive.”

Always thinking with your stomach, Chewie.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 28, 2010 at 9:02 pm

Posted in Sports

Comedy Central Is The Biggest Joke Of All

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Oh what a bunch of bullshit.

In its run of 200 shows, the irreverent animated program “South Park” has mercilessly satirized Christianity, Buddhism, Scientology, the blind and disabled, gay people, Hollywood celebrities and politicians of all persuasions, weathering repeated protests and threats of boycotts. But this week, after an ominous warning from a radical Muslim website, the network that airs the program bleeped out all references to the Prophet Muhammad in the second part of a two-episode storyline that featured the holy figure dressed up like a bear.

In episode 201, which aired Wednesday night, Comedy Central covered the character with a block that said “censored” and bleeped out audio apparently referring Muhammad.

Many Muslims consider visual representations of Muhammad offensive.

The incident provides the latest example of how media conglomerates are still struggling to balance free speech with safety concerns and religious sensitivities, six years after Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh was shot to death for making a film critical of Islamic society.

“Religious sensitivities?” More like Comedy Central is run by a bunch of bitch-ass cunts that kowtowed to one religion because that religion has a knack of using the threat of violence whenever something offends them, like piggy banks or cartoons.

Comedy Central declined to comment on the incident. But “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone clearly disagreed with their bosses’ handling of the situation. A statement posted on their website said executives “made a determination to alter the episode” without their approval and noted that the usual wrap-up speech from one character didn’t mention Muhammad “but it got bleeped too.”

The network may have felt it had no choice after revolutionmuslim.com, the website of a fringe group, delivered a grim warning about the previous week’s episode, which seemed to depict Muhammad dressed as a bear. “We have to warn Matt and Trey that what they are doing is stupid and they will probably windup like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show,” the posting said. A photo of Van Gogh’s body lying in the street was included with the posting. “This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them.”

OK, so now I guess all it takes is for some religious extremist to threaten a Comedy Central program with violence in order to keep a religion from being mocked? Way to go, Comedy Central. You’re a fucking parody of a South Park episode — when one group is immune from ridicule, every group is immune.

Revolution Muslim, the extremist group that issued the graphic warning, is a relatively small fringe organization based out of New York, according to Oren Segal, director of the Anti-Defamation League’s Center on Extremism.

The organization, which formed in 2007 and includes about a dozen members, is mostly known for posting inflammatory and often threatening comments on its website, including a poem in October during Jewish High Holy Days asking God to kill all the Jews. Its members also stage protests in front of New York mosques, advocating a more fundamental form of Islam.

A DOZEN MEMBERS!?!? You bitches at Comedy Central altered an episode because of a group with A DOZEN MEMBERS?!?! Are you KIDDING ME?!

I hope Matt and Trey now bleep out ANY image of religious figures from here on out. OH NOES IT’S JESUS!!!! Get that black box around him!!! My God bleep.

Jihads for everyone!

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 22, 2010 at 10:12 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Hussein Health Care Deform Will Increase Costs — Who’da Thunk It?

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HOLY FUCK STOP THE PRESSES YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME ON THIS ONE I’M SHOCKED BEYOND ALL BELIEF…

The Kenyan Koffee Fetcher’s health care overhaul law will increase the nation’s health care tab instead of bringing costs down, government economic forecasters concluded Thursday in a sobering assessment of the sweeping legislation.

Do I really need to post the rest of this story? I’m not even bothering reading it. What’s the point? But…but…the Muslim Wookie Fucker said his health care deform shit sandwich wasn’t going to add ONE DIME to the deficit. Oh how the room is spinning right now…

I don’t care. Elect 500 Republicans to Congress. They’re not going to do jack shit. The Kenyan Taint Infection has begun. No way this abortion is getting repealed.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 22, 2010 at 9:53 pm

Posted in News

Drafting Up A Thursday Night Entry

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So the NFL draft is going on, and if you haven’t noticed it’s in a new format.

Before: A weekend’s worth of picks.

Now: Thursday = Round 1. Friday = Rounds 2-3. Saturday = Rounds 4-7.

I understand why the NFL went this route. The first round takes place in prime time on a Thursday night. This equals more exposure for the league and it’s future stars. I don’t like it. Yeah, I know. I’m a grouch that hates change. Hey, if the NFL likes it, then more power to the league. I liked spending a weekend tuning in and out to see what teams picked what players, even though I had no clue who anybody was.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 22, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Posted in Sports

An Observation At The Eye Doc

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So today was my trip to the eye doctor. Still blind as a bat, but my vision hasn’t worsened. So go me.

Anyway, the eye doctor the better half and I go to is some guy probably in his 50s and reminds me of a bit of … well, me. This is the third time I’ve seen this guy and each time his grumpy ass goes off on some rant about something-or-other. One year it was about the health care industry. Another time was … I forget. I think because I schedule my appointments near the end of the day he just takes the extra time to bs with me. Anyway, he began talking about Ben Roethlisberger and the whole mess surrounding him and his time banging 20-year-olds in bar bathrooms. Now the doctor’s tone in his vocal delivery had it sound like he was one of those yinzers who wanted Ben in jail and out of the league. I’m not nearly that extreme, and in fact I consider myself a “Ben defender” when compared to other people I’ve heard comment on this situation.

Well I told the doctor my opinion; Ben’s a dumbass and shouldn’t have put himself in that situation. However, I also think the female involved wasn’t an innocent victim. I have no idea what happened that night, but I’ve witnessed enough of these situations over the years to know that when you put yourself in these situations, sometimes shit like this happens. The doc’s demeanor completely changed and then spent 10 minutes talking about his encounters with groupies gunning after pro athletes and his one time at a frat party. His witnessing of a drunk gal getting gang-banged was probably the highlight of his tale-telling. (And no, he didn’t take part in the pseudo-orgy. Or so he said.)

Why am I talking about this? Because as he was talking I got the thinking. Was his sudden change in opinion on this hot-button local story because he was just going along with his patient’s opinion on the matter, or did he really feel the way I did but didn’t say anything at first because my opinion isn’t exactly the “popular” take to have in this region? Dunno. But this made me laugh.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 22, 2010 at 9:30 pm

Posted in Life

South Park’s Rumble In The Media Jungle

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Don’t you know that showing Muhammad in a bear suit is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?

A radical Islamic website is warning the creators of “South Park” that they could face violent retribution for depicting the Prophet Muhammad in a bear suit during an episode broadcast on Comedy Central last week.

A radical Islamic website is warning the creators of “South Park” that they could face violent retribution for depicting the Prophet Muhammad in a bear suit during an episode broadcast on Comedy Central last week.

RevolutionMuslim.com posted the warning following the 200th episode of Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s “South Park,” which included a caricature of the Prophet Muhammad disguised in a bear suit. The Web posting also included a graphic photo of Theo van Gogh, a Dutch filmmaker who was murdered in 2004 after making a documentary on violence against Muslim women.

“We have to warn Matt and Trey that what they are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show,” the posting reads. “This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them.”

Reaching by phone early Tuesday, Abu Talhah al Amrikee, the author of the post, said he wrote the entry to “raise awareness.” He said the grisly photograph of van Gogh was meant to “explain the severity” of what Parker and Stone did by mocking Muhammad.

“It’s not a threat, but it really is a likely outcome,” al Amrikee said, referring to the possibility that Parker and Stone could be murdered for mocking Muhammad. “They’re going to be basically on a list in the back of the minds of a large number of Muslims. It’s just the reality.”

Jihads for everyone!

You know what the funniest thing about this whole thing? Back in July of 2001 South Park actually did an episode WITH Muhammad as a character and nobody cared.

I wonder if Comedy Central is going to “censor” out Muhammad in future Season 5 DVDs? Now that I think about it, maybe other religious groups should adopt Muhammad as their prophet. That way they could terrorize media outlets that talk about them or … show pictures.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 21, 2010 at 9:52 pm

Posted in Entertainment

RIP IOC Guy

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So this guy died…

Juan Antonio Samaranch

…and Michael Wilbon on PTI said some shit about him. Guess that means he’s a racist or something. Let’s visit Wikipedia and look under the “Criticism” part of his entry.

Besides his accommodation, he was criticised for several scandals and instances of corruption that occurred within the IOC during his tenure as president. In the aftermath of a bribery scandal surrounding the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, Utah, an inquiry held in camera expelled several IOC members, but cleared Samaranch of wrongdoing. Samaranch set up a commission to investigate the corruption and introduced reform of the bid process as a result of the scandal.

Samaranch was also accused of not taking the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sport seriously enough.

In 2009, a photograph came to light showing Samaranch giving the Fascist salute at a rally in 1974 held to celebrate the anniversary of Franco’s coup in Spain.

Well that’s not very sensitive.

As you can see, I’m a HUGE fan of the Olympics.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 21, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Posted in Sports

Jacked Off

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Seriously now. How many times can Equitable Gas dig up the same hole in the ground outside my office? The number is currently at three. Check that. The number is four — I was told they dug up/patched up the hole Monday when I was home.

One person’s jack-hammering. Three others are standing around. And they now also have a yellow digger. This must be serious.

Then again, if they did nothing, I’m sure there would be an explosion or something. I don’t object to the noise; just try and get the job done right the first time. (Or even the second time; I’m not a demanding person.)

Then again … err, again, hearing a jack-hammer in the background is no worse than having the office dog incessantly bark at a person of color ringing the front doorbell.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 21, 2010 at 9:51 am

Posted in News

In-Law’s Baby Daddy Out Of House

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In the latest news concerning the crack-whore niece-in-law, the boyfriend of the week got officially recognized in the local weekly fishwrap’s police blotter. A true lamination moment if there every was one. But that’s yesterday’s news. We then found out that the crack-whore niece-in-law’s baby daddy is getting his house foreclosed upon.

DAMN YOU HUSSEIN RECESSION~!!!

Truth be told, I’m surprised he hasn’t been kicked out of his house already. He owes so much debt, child support and other bills I’m amazed he only got his walking papers now. And I bet this idiot thinks that once his house gets foreclosed he won’t owe any more on the property.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 20, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Posted in Life

Home Displaced Home

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Upon reading the headline to this story, you would think, “It’s been six years. Better late than never.”

Pittsburgh finds permanent homes for 2004 flood victims

The Pittsburgh Housing Authority has nearly completed a $4.2 million project to put people displaced by Hurricane Ivan-related flooding in 2004 into permanent housing, an authority official said.

The authority used federal grant money to buy and fix up 32 homes for people who lived in Fairywood’s Broadhead Manor until flooding destroyed almost all of its 64 units, forcing its to be closed. Some displaced residents opted to move into other authority housing or leave public housing altogether.

The homes the authority bought are scattered throughout Pittsburgh neighborhoods, but predominantly in the West End, said Michelle Jackson-Washington, the authority’s chief community affairs officer.

Jackson-Washington wouldn’t provide addresses of homes purchased, citing confidentiality rules. The authority protects clients’ privacy because relocation efforts have drawn neighborhood opposition in the past, she said.

“Our goal is not to upset the fabric of the community. We want to (relocate clients) in a way that they can blend in,” Jackson-Washington said.

That isn’t always easy.

Public housing? “Blending in.”

lol wut?

“You can take people out of the housing projects, but they still act like they’re in the projects,” said Mary Ann Sichak, 63, of Windgap, where several displaced public housing residents relocated. “I’ve had to struggle to pay the mortgage and my (property) taxes, and these people just come in and get a house handed to them, tax-free. It’s a real slap in the face.”

Properties the housing authority owns are tax-exempt, because it is a government agency. Residents put 30 percent of their income toward rent.

Neighbor Karen Christian, 55, agreed. “If you’re just handing people homes, they don’t take as much pride in it,” she said. “The authority has all these rules for their residents to follow, and they make it sound nice, but they’re not enforcing (the rules).”

I don’t blame these people one bit for being pissed. How dare they not be part of some social engineering experiment. What’s the worst that can happen? Lower property values? More crime? People are so prissy nowadays.

And of course, the one person interviewed for this story is probably the most politically correct of those receiving housing. How could you be against a 69-year-old in a wheelchair from planting a garden?

A 69-year-old housing authority resident who moved into an Oakwood home last month isn’t surprised by such sentiments, but said she hasn’t encountered problems. She did not want to be identified because she doesn’t want to be stigmatized.

She plans to keep up her property and, although she uses a wheelchair, her lawn is trimmed and she intends to plant a small garden. She couldn’t do that in Bedford Dwellings in the Hill District, where she waited for a home for five years.

Jackson-Washington said integrating people from public housing into traditional neighborhoods is how it should work.

“There’s not an all-public housing bus or an all-public housing grocery store. I disagree with anyone who says (housing authority residents) should all live in one public housing complex, set aside from everyone else,” she said.

But putting people into traditional neighborhoods isn’t easy — or cheap. Emergency federal money enabled the authority to do so with Broadhead Manor residents.

Since 2007, when the authority received a $3.5 million disaster-relief grant from the Department of Housing and Urban Development, it has bought 38 single-family homes, duplexes, triplexes and rowhouses in the city, Allegheny County real estate records show.

Almost two-thirds of them are in West End neighborhoods; others are in Brookline, Beechview, Carrick, Brighton Heights, Perry North, the Hill District and New Homestead. It’s unclear from the records which residences were for displaced Broadhead Manor residents.

County records show the authority spent a combined $2.7 million buying properties, with costs ranging from as little as $1 apiece for seven properties in the Hill District to $122,000 for the Oakwood woman’s house, which underwent substantial renovation to make it handicapped-accessible.

The properties had an assessed value of nearly $2.3 million before the authority purchased them. At today’s tax rates, they would generate more than $67,000 a year in property taxes for the city, county and Pittsburgh Public Schools.

The authority used money from the disaster grant and an unused $700,000 federal grant for renovations and other project costs. A couple of homes still are being remodeled, but that work should be completed by September, Jackson-Washington said.

Thankfully, the only public housing taking place in my neck of the woods is the groundhog under my backyard shed.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 20, 2010 at 8:36 pm

Posted in News

Vet Appointment = Preview Of My Golden Years?

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So today it was time for JJ’s annual visit to the vet for his shots. It’s always a fun time getting one of the brood into the cat carrier and hearing them cry nonstop on the trip to the vet; I actually get some sadistic pleasure from their misery. Christ, it’s not like they have to kill for their food or seek out shelter in inclement weather. Anyway, JJ’s got a clean bill of health for being 10 years old. Except for one thing: He needs a tooth removed. And he’s not the only one. When we took Dessa to the vet last month, we were told she needs a tooth extracted as well. Just a sign of age — she’s 11.

Seeing how the average indoor cat lives to be around 15 years, Father Time is creeping up on the kkk household. In fact, Dessa is already a step slower than she used to be. If getting old sucks this much for cats, Christ only knows what’s going to happen to me in my senior years. Hell, I remember I used to tear shit up at a buffet. Not any more. I don’t even eat fast food that much any more, and when I do go eat fast food it’s usually the tamer items like a Subway turkey on wheat or a Wendy’s chili and baked potato. The recent “splurge” I had last week at Golden Corral and a few other places kicked my ass over the weekend. While I don’t mind aging, there are some things that I miss from my younger days. Then again, if eating the shit that comes from the Golden Arches is the only thing I “miss”, then I guess my earlier years weren’t really all that good to begin with.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 20, 2010 at 8:22 pm

Posted in Life

Backyard Critter Paving The Way Toward Spring

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So today kinda sucked. I woke up without having the urge to go into work, so I didn’t. Thank the Maker for vacation days. The last month-and-a-half has been really busy, and this week is not as bad. I figure I’ll take it easy today before getting back on the grind for the next few weeks. Besides, I’ve had this nagging headache all day and I doubt I would have gotten much if anything accomplished. This is only my second vacation day anyway, so it’s not like I’m skipping out of work several times a week. I think part of the reason I feel blah is because my diet has been horrible this past week. I need to stop this eating like shit … now. Well, I ate good today, so that’s a start. I also exercised for the first time in a few weeks, so I’m going to start feeling better if it kills me.

While just lounging around today some guy rang the doorbell. I opened the door and he said that he is a paver and was drivng by my house after working somewhere and thought my driveway could use a touch-up. WTF? My driveway isn’t that bad. Hell, I wouldn’t say it’s bad at all. I took his card and put it somewhere. At least when the better half and I first moved in this place and didn’t mow the yard for a week or so, it made sense when some kid offered to cut the yard. This paving inquiry? No clue. Then again, maybe he was testing out to see if anyone was home and then rob us blind on a future date. That’s a nice thought.

Oh, here’s the big news of the day. The groundhog which lives under my shed came out for the first time this year. This of course means spring is officially under way — Punxsutawney Phil can kiss my ass. Of course, when he saw me looking at him through the window he freaked out and ran back under the shed. Still nice to know I can invoke that kind of fear into living beings.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 19, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Posted in Life

Taking Data Entry Errors Into Account

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Mrs. kkk’s school loan got sold to some other corporationy bank. We’ve stopped keep track. But what this means is that whenever I go to make an online payment I have to re-enter in the Account Number and Routing Number in to the new website’s electronic pay feature. No OCD taking place here regarding fear of hitting the wrong number on the keyboard. None at all. Nope.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 18, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Posted in Life

Giving Up A Three-Goal Leads Is A Capital Offense

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Just because you’re an 8 seed, Montreal, that doesn’t mean you have to play like one.

Alex Ovechkin finished Game 2 Saturday night with a goal and three assists. He added six shots on goal, eight hits and closed with a plus-3 rating. And, he did it all in a tidy 20 minutes and 22 seconds — not a lot of ice time for the Capitals’ captain.

Yes, Ovechkin answered the bell in a big way to help lift the Capitals to a thrilling 6-5 overtime win at Verizon Center that knotted their Eastern Conference Quarterfinal series with the Canadiens at 1-1 before it shifts to Montreal for Game 3 Monday.

Please note I’m not complaining because I’m from Shittsburgh and want the Penguins to avoid playing the Capitals in a future playoff round. I generally pull for the 7 or 8 seeds if they show capable of an upset. I’m all about chaos and mayhem. Sad thing here is that Montreal had this game won but played tentative and pissed away a three-goal lead.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 17, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Posted in Sports

A Stormy Friday Night

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So last night the Shittsburgh region got hit with a brief thunderstorm. I was in the office when it happened, and the power flickered once but didn’t go out. The whole storm lasted 5-10 minutes. I didn’t think it was all that big a deal.

Until I drove home.

Good God. Downed trees. Power down in a lot of communities. Street lights and a bunch of other stuff planed in concrete upended. The hell happened here?

To make matters better, the nearly dozen gas stations I pass on my way home were all closed due to power outages. And my “low on gas” light was yelling at me. Big time. Fortunately there was ONE local gas station that’s on a side road which was still in operation. Of course, this tiny station was packed with vehicles — some even spilling out onto the road waiting for a fill up. It’s always fun to watch this lawlessness take place at a gas station. There are no real lines being formed and vehicles are roaming around looking for an opening. Thankfully, I only had to wait for one person to fill up, took his spot, filled up and got the hell outta dodge.

When we got home, we discovered that the power went out at the kkk manor. Fortunately, Mrs. kkk was going out to the movies with her niece so she wouldn’t be in the dark. I was going to stay home and watch the NHL playoffs. Well that wasn’t happening now, so I tagged along with them. Well, actually, we went out to dinner and then I dropped them off at the theater and I went elsewhere. By the time we got back home it was past midnight and the power still wasn’t on. This has NEVER happened before. The hell happened during this t-storm?

When I woke up Saturday morning, I looked at my nightstand lamp and was afraid to turn it on for fear of not seeing any light emit from the bulb. Eventually I gathered up the courage and it was well worth the risk.

Let there be light.

All this over some 5-10 minute storm that I didn’t think was that big a deal. Too bad the region looked like a war zone afterward.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Posted in Life

File This Story Under…

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So yesterday was April 15, which meant your taxes were due. Here’s my comment on the matter.

As I was listening to various newscasts yesterday, the template to each story went something like, “MILLIONS of Americans are RUSHING to file their taxes.” Like this deadline suddenly appeared from out of nowhere. In other shocking news, cable rates and college tuition are both going up this year.

You are supposed to get your W-2 forms at the end of January each year. That gives you TWO-AND-A-HALF MONTHS to file.

With that being said, I have to confess that I used to be one of these procrastinators. No real reason for the last-second filing. I was lazy. Of course, once the better half and I got married we filed jointly, and that meant getting this shit done as soon as the W-9 forms arrived. There were no negotiations. No “cant’ we do this tomorrow?” None of that. For some reason, Mrs. kkk has a real hard-on about finding out how much she overpaid to the government each year. And this battle isn’t worth fighting. Then again, there’s really not reason to “fight” this. No, I don’t want to get this tax-filing over and done with as quickly as possible. I want to wait until the last minute like MILLIONS of AMERICANS.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 16, 2010 at 8:28 pm

Posted in Life

Booby Lickin’ Good

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So this morning I drove by my local KFC and saw a “Bucket for the cure” promotion being pimped on the store’s marquee.

Pink is the new black (and red), at least at KFC restaurants nationwide. From one local restaurant to the world corporate headquarters, Kentucky Fried Chicken is getting a brand-wide pink facelift — and encouraging others to join in — for breast cancer programs at the national and local levels.

KFC is joining the fight against breast cancer with a national “Buckets for the Cure(TM)” campaign aimed at educating more women about breast health, generating support for the cause and attempting to make the single largest donation in the history of Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Buckets for the Cure(TM) launches today and runs through May 23.

“Through our Buckets For the Cure(TM) campaign, the KFC family nationwide is helping to reach millions of women and men with breast health education, and attempting to make the single largest donation ever to Susan G. Komen for the Cure(R) in an effort to help end breast cancer forever,” said Javier Benito, executive vice president of marketing and food innovation for KFC. “But we don’t want our efforts to stop at our restaurants’ doors. We are asking that everyone nationwide join our efforts to raise awareness for this important cause by going pink too.”

To help generate awareness of the disease that will affect one in eight women in the U.S., KFC has taken the unprecedented step of changing the color of its iconic bucket from red to pink — a first for the famous brand that traces its beginning to the 1930s. The commemorative pink buckets pay tribute to 376 cancer survivors and those who have lost their battle by featuring their names on packaging.

Between now and May 23, 2010, KFC will be dedicating the special pink buckets to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, with KFC restaurant operators having donated 50 cents for each pink bucket purchased by the operator before May 9, 2010. Twenty-five percent of the funds raised from this promotion will go directly to the local Affiliates of Susan G. Komen for the Cure. The funds will be used for local breast cancer education, screening and treatment programs.

Fight cancer by getting a heart attack. I guess wrapping a ribbon around those Double Down sandwiches didn’t go over well with the focus groups.

Ugh. If I was 18 years old I’d be all on this “sandwich.” Now I’m running for cover.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 16, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Posted in News

The Dog Ate My Original Post

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At my job I deal with a lot of school teachers. And what amazes me is that these people actually think the bullshit that their students give them when it comes to the kids’ lack of homework production will work on me. Seriously, you educators don’t buy the “Dog ate my homework” line of b.s. that your students give you. What makes you think that I believe you whenever you say that you can’t attend an event due to a “family emergency”?

I actually get a big kick out this excuse because it’s ALWAYS being used. No wonder there is such a teacher shortage. If you’re a teacher, at least from my experiences at my current place of employment, it seems that every other week there’s one of these “family emergencies.” Good grief. If you study to become an educator, you’re putting your ENTIRE FAMILY at risk.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 16, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Posted in Life

Weakness Well-Being Checkup

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So last week I had to pick the better half up from a conference. This conference was on the way home, so driving 10 hours out of my way after work wasn’t a big deal. What was a big deal was that it was right near a Golden Corral buffet.

There are a few things that I am powerless to defend myself over, and the GC is one such force. I had been successful in past efforts to steer clear of this gut-busting trap, but that’s only because I usually don’t drive out to that part of the southwestern PA region. The last time I visited this particular buffet was back in December of 2007.

This got me the thinking: What other things in this world do I have no control over, or have serious problems with trying to keep under wraps?

Well, there’s Golden Corral.

And Black Friday.

And the Used CD Store.

You could make the case for “cats,” but it’s not like I go out and get a new kitty every time I visit the pet store. Now if they show up at my house, that’s a different ballgame we’re talking about.

Here’s another one: buying grocery items when they are on sale and I have a killer coupon. We have so much toothpaste, cat treats and cereal that the better half has threatened to go grocery shopping with me just so that I don’t buy any more of this stuff. I’ve been OK for a while, but recently I Crest went on sale and after coupon it was only $0.50 per tube. Same with these $1 boxes of cereal I recently purchased. Hey, there was some extra room in the pantry.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 15, 2010 at 10:08 pm

Posted in Life

Home Alone Typing This Entry

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So I watched this week’s Nostalgia Critic’s review: Home Alone 3.

I don’t have anything to add. Hell, I didn’t even watch this movie — I’m not THAT stupid.

But from time to time I’ll read/watch/listen to something and it will remind me of another time. A simplier time. A time when Muslims were just trying to hijack planes, not hijack the White House. What am I talking about? Oh, yeah.

When I worked at the theater during college, this piece-of-shit movie was playing. Now whenever you work as an usher, you generally walk into the auditorium of a movie during its last few minutes of playing. This is to avoid trying to get into the auditorium while the thundering herd is trying to get out of the auditorium. So on the days I played usher, I could see the end to a movie a half-dozen times in one day. Well, fortunately I wasn’t working a double-shift when Home Alone 3 spent the one week at my place of business. An added plus was that this movie was only playing during the afternoon, so it only aired three times when it was my turn to pick up the trash left by the viewing audience. Why am I talking about this?

Well, the one time I was watching this piece of shit’s final few minutes I was standing in the back of the auditorium next to some old lady who was busting a gut while watching the hilarity ensue on the silver screen. I’m not kidding. And she wasn’t laughing like, “Oh God, this is so awful.” She actually thought this was a funny movie. I’m pretty sure she was in tears, but I was afraid to look for fear of being turned into whatever she was at the time.

What, were you expecting some deep story/payoff to this? I’m talking about HOME ALONE 3.

While I’m on this subject, I will never understand how the hell Mr. Magoo was a sell-out that one afternoon. Yes, we had to TURN PEOPLE AWAY from PAYING MONEY to watch MR. MA-FUCKING-GOO. This mystery will haunt me until my dying day.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 15, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Onion Sports Network On Comedy Central

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Oh boy.

Viacom’s Comedy Central is picking up “The Onion Sports Network” series, a satire on the world of sports.

The half-hour series will premiere in the first quarter of 2011.

Comedy Central bills the pilot and 10-episode series as taking on “teams, players, leagues, sycophantic fans, ridiculous products and over-hyped coverage.”

The series is based on the Onion Sports Network’s online videos.

Financial terms were not disclosed.

The Onion in any form makes me cry — and it’s not from laughter.

I get that comedy is hard, but other than the one article I read from the Onion that went something like, “Athlete blames God for loss,” there has been nothing from the Onion that I found even remotely funny. And I mean NOTHING in the most literal of senses. But there’s apparently an audience that things the Onion is the shiznit.

Then again, there’s also an audience that thought “Napoleon Dynamite” was funny, too.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 14, 2010 at 10:36 pm

Posted in Entertainment

TV Guiding Me On Media Coverage

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I don’t know about you, but I go to TV Guide for my information when it comes to covering the news.

In a U.S. torn by dissent over health care, immigration and the Muslim Wookie Fucker, rhetorical rage is the new norm. Just turn on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2010~!!!! and MSNBC. Partisan talkers like Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity on the conservative-leaning FNC and Keith Olbermann and Ed Schultz on their liberal counterpart MSNBC inflame their eager fans with colorful, merciless and sometimes misleading attacks on the opposition.

Has TV Guide ever watched cable news before the White House got occupied by Kenya’s Favorite Son? Jesus Christ, this shit has been going on at least since the Clinton Impeachment, which is when I started watching cable news. (Please note I rarely watch this crap now.)

A generation ago, no matter how divided their politics, Americans got their news from the same source—“the lame stream media,” to quote Fox contributor Sarah Palin. Almost the entire country was watching back in 1968 when CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite declared the Vietnam War not winnable. Four years later, he was deemed the most trusted man in America.

Ah, the good ol’ days. When choices in media were much more limited. Where one schmuck could read tens of millions of viewers and give his opinion. And opposing views had no say, or a fraction thereof.

The advent of politically partisan cable news networks changed the game. If people want to hear that the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher is heroically rescuing our financially strapped nation—or that he’s driving it into bankruptcy and socialism—they can turn to the network that suits their ideology and soak in the vitriol.

Yes. And they can listen to the radio for similar opinions or read the same shit newspapers or magazines that cater to a person’s particular set of beliefs. In Shittsburgh I subscribe to the much-more conservative Tribune-Review and keep the liberal browneye-wiping material called the Post-Gazette away from my house.

“What’s been lost is a coherent common understanding,” says Kathleen Hall Jamieson of the Annenberg Public Policy Center and creator of nonpartisan website factcheck.org. “The positive side of these networks is the rising interest in politics. The negative is that you have less understanding of what the other side is saying and you tend to become more polarized.”

There’s a difference between the programs featuring commentators like Glenn Beck and Rachel Madcow and the actual news coverage. These shows are commentary and not supposed to be objective. The problem is when the commentary spills over to the so-called news sections of a cable news program or snoozepaper. If you watch one of these commentators expecting a down-the-middle news report, you shouldn’t be allowed to vote. Period.

Don’t blame the talkers, counters Dan Gainor, director of the Culture and Media Institute, which monitors perceived liberal bias. “The American people tend to choose teams—us and them. It especially happens when one party is completely in power. We saw that when the Republicans were in control with the rise of MSNBC. I don’t think it’s harmful that Glenn Beck has helped mobilize opposition to the government. People want to watch Olbermann split the atom with his scream and watch Beck make fun of the Osama administration. It’s the free market system.”

“Perceived liberal bias.” LOL.

Though no cable commentator yet matches the viewership of any of the traditional evening news shows, 73 percent of Americans check into cable news each day. And as the news sources that strive for objectivity—broadcast and CNN —steadily lose viewers…

OBJECTIVITY — ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?

…MSNBC and OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2010~!!!! gain them. Bill O’Reilly, Fox’s highest ratings winner, reaches 3.5 million-plus eyeballs; MSNBC’s Olbermann about 1 million.

OK. I’m not reading the rest of this shit. They’re comparing MSNBC with OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2010~!!!! in being a “ratings gainer.” Olbermann with “about 1 million.” O’Reilly’s peers from 5 pm through 11 pm draw a fuckload more ratings than MSNBC’s top gun. And let’s not even talk about the other programs on MSNBC. Oh Good gravy.

This entry is OVER~! There’s not a joke I can make which can top this hilarity. Hold on a second, I’ll give it a shot…

No dice. I’m done.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 14, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Posted in News

Critiquing The Critics

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So I read this article and felt the need to respond.

Yesterday, Howard Kurtz wrote a sad-sack column about the death of the legitimate entertainment critic. “It can be revealing to find out what people like you, uncredentialed as they may be, think about the new Meryl Streep movie, Philip Roth novel or noodle joint down the street. But why does that supplant the need for full-time reviewers?”

Kurtz’s column follows hot on the heels of a smiley-weepy piece by A.O. Scott in the New York Times, entitled “A Critic’s Place, Thumbs And All.” His conclusion is that arts criticism will always be around, since “The future of criticism is the same as it ever was. Miserable, and full of possibility. The world is always falling down. The news is always very sad. The time is always late. But the fruit is always ripe.”

It is linguistic Hegelian dialectics like that A.O. Scott paragraph that tell us why “mainstream” criticism is dying: who the hell wants to read that crap? Kurtz’s piece is whinier, but at least it has the merit of clarity. He hates the common man, and he thinks that even though the common man may give you better advice on whether or not to see a movie, that common man is still common. There’s a refreshingly honest elitism in Kurtz’s commentary.

For Scott, it’s all about being vague enough to never be quite wrong (or quite right). It’s about not having to take a stand. Take, for example, his review of Date Night this week. “It must be said that ‘Date Night’ … is superior to most recent movies of its kind, the marital action comedy.” So I should see it, right? Not so fast. “This is not saying much: better than ‘The Bounty Hunter’ or ‘Did You Hear About the Morgans?’ is not quite the same as ‘good.’” Okay, fair enough, so I’ll skip it. But wait – not so fast. The movie “does have moments of pleasant mischief.” But it also “tread[s] water for 90 minutes.” In the end, we’re left with a sense that Scott doesn’t really feel we should see the movie, but he’s not going to just tell us that straight out.

Which is, of course, all we really want. When we read critics, we want to know the answer to one simple question: was it worth spending my money? That was the charm of Siskel and Ebert – they told us in a simple manner whether we should go see a movie or not. Thumbs up or thumbs down. Not thumbs sideways, with a touch of wiggle in the first knuckle.

The truth is that Scott is not nearly the worst practitioner of this trade. There are others who make him look positively Manichean in his movie views (see Turan, Kenneth, who is fond of words like “droll,” “diverting,” and “elliptical” and phrases like “dark pearl” — blech).

The bigger problem even than critics’ refusal to criticize is the elitism that Kurtz represents. Three words: Lost In Translation. Nobody has ever liked that movie. Ever. Nobody. In the history of mankind. Not a single human being. I have a review for Lost In Translation that is actually shorter than the title of the movie itself. Two words: living death. It tells you all you need to know. You shouldn’t see it, and if you do, you should ensure that you have a defibrillator on-hand.

So what did our esteemed critics think of Lost In Translation? Among RottenTomatoes.com “Top Critics,” the movie received a 98% positive rating. By way of contrast, RottenTomatoes.com “Top Critics” gave Casablanca 86% (granted, the sample size is far smaller). The insufferable Richard Corliss of Time said that Lost In Translation “revels in contradictions. It’s a comedy about melancholy, a romance without consummation, a travelogue that rarely hits the road.” Or, more accurately, it’s a comedy without laughs, a romance without love, and a travelogue without travel. Only critics love the internal contradictions of banality.

David Rooney of Variety agreed with Corliss, however: “the film’s deft balance of humor and poignancy makes it both a pleasurable and melancholy experience.” Peter Travers predicted, “Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson give performances that will be talked about for years.” Not so much, Peter – the only performance anyone still talks about with regard to that piece of dreck is Johansson’s butt’s performance during the opening credits.

It is judgment like this that leaves us breathless for the blogosphere. We want recommendations from people who actually watch movies for the pleasure of watching them, not from people who watch movies so they can brag to their friends about how subtle and nuanced they are.

Good criticism doesn’t have to die. It requires only the courage of conviction, and even more so, honest critiques that reflect the movies reviewed rather than the self-aggrandizement of the reviewers. After all, the movie business isn’t about the critic – it’s about the movies and the viewers. The moment critics lose sight of that all-important fact, they cease to be of value.

Now it’s MY turn to play critic — this column is st00pid~!!!

Actually, what I wanted to comment on is the nature of the critic and my opinion on what makes a good/bad reviewer.

I prefer the laymen variety where a person gives his/her opinion and makes the article more about the actual product being reviewed rather than how many syllables and commas the author can fit into one sentence. When I choose to include a critic’s viewpoint into my reading/listening material, it’s not a one-time decision. I determine after a few entries if I like the person’s style. If not, I move on. If so, I keep them around. After a while you will pretty much figure out your similarities and differences in tastes from that particular critic and be able to draw your own conclusions on whether to expect much out of a movie or CD.

Here’s one such example: Roger Ebert. The guy’s a commie shitdick, but I’ve read his stuff for years. I know his likes and dislikes. If there’s a Spike Lee joint coming out, it’ll get ********** and five thumbs up. If the Death Wish franchise ever gets started up again, I know Roger won’t be kind. But that’s OK. I like how he writes, and I’m fine with him performing fellatio on the latest Al Gore PowerPoint presentation. Taking Ebert’s liberal commentary out of his reviews would be like me no longer making Kenyan Koffee Fetcher references and posting visual comedic masterpieces such as:

I guess it’s a good thing if a critic knows a thing or two about the subject being critiqued, although that doesn’t stop me. Over time a person’s knowledge of his/her craft will show; you can only say, “this sucks” or “one of my all-time favorites” so many times before people turn the page or head to the nearest porn website. I guess consistency would be one of the most important factors to determining a good critic. That and entertainment value. Oh, and knowledge — after all, I just mentioned that earlier in the paragraph. It would be kinda lame for me not to include it now. Wow, this entry sure turned into a mess.

I give it one-and-a-half stars.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 13, 2010 at 9:57 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Axe Moon Missions? We Have A Problem

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I’ll defend the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher on this one. Even when you try to cut a program many people see as useless, there’s always a “backlash.”

Apollo 11 hero Neil Armstrong Tuesday lashed out at President Barack Obama’s decision to axe NASA plans to return to the Moon, describing the move as “devastating” to the US space program.

Armstrong, the first human to set foot on the lunar surface, was one of three former astronauts who signed an open letter to Obama ahead of his visit to Florida on Thursday where he will deliver a space policy speech.

Budget plans unveiled two months ago proposed scrapping the Constellation program, which was developing a new rocket to take Americans back to the moon; and giving private industry the role of building the space vehicles to take humans to the International Space Station (ISS).

However Armstrong and fellow Apollo program commanders James Lovell and Eugene Cernan bemoaned the proposals for the US space effort in a letter released to NBC News on Tuesday.

Armstrong, Lovell and Cernan said that while some of Obama’s NASA budget proposals had “merit,” the decision to cancel the Constellation program, the Ares 1 and Ares V rockets and the Orion spacecraft, was “devastating.”

Whatever. Yeah, I know NASA develops other stuff than rockets that go up real high. Let’s take these minds and have them focus full-time on helping develop renewable energy sources or some shit down here on earth. We were determined enough to put a man on the moon back in the 1960s. Let’s put that same ambition about lessening our dependence on oil without the help of Al Gore.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 13, 2010 at 9:28 pm

Posted in News

Seagal Above The Law?

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But did he make her watch his movies? If so, she might have a case for cruel and unususal punishment.

A former model accused actor Steven Seagal of using her as his “sex toy” after she was hired to be his assistant, a lawsuit filed this week said.

The action movie star’s lawyer called the sexual harassment suit “a complete fabrication” and said the woman was fired for using illegal drugs.

Kayden Nguyen, 23, answered an online Craigslist ad for an executive assistant job at Seagal’s production company…

Craigslist? Ha.

And I always thought his last name was spelled “Segal.” Huh.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 13, 2010 at 9:16 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Money Talk Is Not Dirty

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So earlier today I was AIM chatting with someone I knew at the previous job. She had half-a-brain and got out of that shit hole as soon as she got in, but we talk every now and then. She’s a bit younger than me, and I give my insight on some situations that pop up in her life. Most topics involve money issues, maintaining a serious relationship and all that other crap. I don’t really give “advice.” Someone once told me I am one of the most logical thinkers he met. What he meant by that is if there’s a decision to be made, I take each choice from that decision and objectively determine that choice’s outcome. Now even though I don’t always follow my heat before my heart, I do take this Dr. Spock-like approach with many things.

What’s my point? Because as I was having this cyber-chat I realized that some of stuff we were talking about was pretty damn personal. Not on a sexual level. Quite the opposite. We were talking about personal finances. I’ve found it very rare that a person is willing to open up like this. It’s funny. America is often accused as being a sexually repressed nation, but I think we are repressed even more in terms of openly talking about finances. Are we ashamed to tell others how much money we make? Are we embarrassed to have others know that you are paying a higher mortgage interest rate than most? Are we terrified to let another person in on how much you owe on a school loan for a shit degree? I don’t know. But I do know that it’s not often when I can have a frank conversation about a person’s finances and offer unbiased insight as to what options would be best for this particular situation.

Over the last several years, there have been several people in Mrs. kkk’s life that purchased houses without asking either of us our opinions. I’m not talking about them asking our opinion on the drapes or carpeting v. hardwood floors. I’m referring to asking us about what we looked for in a house, or how we went about our house-hunting excursions. There are two instances I am thinking of in which the better half offered her insights to each household’s question for home ownership. And each time we were turned down.

Family #1 got a house with an adjustable rate mortgage.

Family #2 got a house with an adjustable rate mortgage AND without a house inspection.

Each family got bit in the ass for these poor decisions. And the sad thing is neither instance didn’t have to happen. Perhaps we could have told each family that going with an adjustable rate mortgage isn’t the way to go. Perhaps we could have convinced the one family that spending a few hundred dollars (or whatever the small amount was) on a home inspection would have saved a lot of time and trouble in the future.

Perhaps. And perhaps the moon is made of cheese and dinosaurs became extinct because none of them wanted to board Noah’s Ark.

The funny thing about all of this? The people Mrs. kkk knew in these two instances have no problems talking about their sexual lives. Yet when it came to money issues they remained silent. Don’t know why because in the end they got fucked anyway.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 13, 2010 at 8:35 pm

Posted in Life

North Korean TV Doesn’t Make Me MAD

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OK, there has to be a segment or two of this show on YouTube.

There’s little funny about North Korea’s comedy show

Stern, serious, socialist North Korea has carved out a spot in TV history for having one of the world’s longest running comedy shows, despite it being mostly devoid of jokes for the decades it has been on the air.

The show now called “It’s So Funny” is meant to uplift the morale of troops and extol propaganda about the virtues of serving under “The General” Kim Jong-il. Laughter is optional — unless the soldiers in the audience are ordered to do so.

The format of the show is usually a conversation between a man and a woman in military uniform, who sometimes sing, dance and try a little slapstick, but mostly avoid telling one-liners.

“Often, it is really hard to find the humor,” said a South Korean official who monitors the North’s official broadcasts.

“This type of show has been on since almost the beginning of the state’s official programing (in the 1970s),” he said.

The latest version that came out in the past week extolled the virtue of beans, while avoiding any flatulence humor.

It opened with the man soldier saying to the woman soldier he feels better and looks more handsome because he has been taking medicine made from beans.

“If we soldiers see beans, we become happy,” he said and laughs. “If we farm in the way the General tells us, we will become happy,” she said and laughs.

Few of the soldiers in the audience could be heard laughing.

There was one long send-up that did gather a few chuckles. The two talk about how bean-fed North Korean soldiers were able to fight off U.S. imperialist troops during the Korean War.

The women soldier, playing the part of an old woman, said bean-fed troops including her husband had amazing strength on the battle field. “But he died,” she said.

The show concludes with the two delivering homilies on Kim Jong-il’s military rule.

“He had tried so hard to fill the people’s tables,” they say in tearful voices.

There is no room for irony in the performance shown on the reclusive state’s only channel to a people who have battled chronic food shortages for decades due to the government’s bungled agricultural policies.

Kim Yong, who defected from the North and became a TV personality in the South, said the actors on “It’s So Funny” have immense talent but they are working with comedy vetted by propaganda experts and government censors.

“The show is delivering the same material over and over again,” Kim said.

“They are still talking about beans. The country hasn’t changed at all since I defected about 20 years ago.”

Actually, I think I’d prefer North Korea film/television over MAD TV.

Check that. I KNOW I would prefer the latter over the former.

And here’s one for the road.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 12, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Conan The Late-Night Lead-In

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Whatever. I won’t be watching this show no matter what network it’s on. Way past my bedtime.

Late-night entertainer Conan O’Brien has found a home, and it’s not on Fox television.

In a surprise development, short-lived “Tonight Show” host O’Brien has signed with basic-cable channel TBS to do a talk show that is expected to debut in November. O’Brien’s hourlong, yet-to-be-titled show will air Mondays through Thursdays at 11 p.m., serving as a lead-in for George Lopez’s “Lopez Tonight,” which will be moved back an hour.

From “Tonight Show” host to George Lopez “lead-in.” LOL.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 12, 2010 at 9:39 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Westside Is The Bestside

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Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 12, 2010 at 9:28 pm

Posted in News

Red Light, Green Light, Yellow Light …?

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Maybe if the people first in line at a red light would pay attention and actually go when the light turns green, less people would get annoyed and run through the intersection once the light turns red. Well, probably not. But one can dream, no?

Seriously, if you’re the first in line at an intersection, it’s your duty to be alert and get the line moving once the light turns green. ESPECIALLY if you are in a turning lane.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 12, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Posted in Life

Holmes Jets To NY

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Take one knucklehead wide receiver.

Add in the media capital of the world.

And what do you get?

Plaxico: The Sequel. Coming this fall to a stadium near you.

The star crossed Steelers career of Santonio Holmes ended abruptly Sunday night when the team traded the talented but troubled wide receiver to the New York Jets for a fifth-round pick in the NFL draft later this month.

“He’s got great memories of playing in Pittsburgh and he enjoyed his time there,” Joel Segal, Holmes’ agent, told the Tribune-Review Monday morning. “Now he’s looking forward to being a Jet.”

Holmes will forever be remembered for the top-tapping touchdown catch that delivered a sixth Super Bowl title to the Steelers in 2008. But repeated run-ins with the law also marked Holmes’ time in Pittsburgh. And Holmes’ missteps compelled the Steelers to trade their 2006 first-round draft pick even though he finished seventh in the NFL last season in receiving yards (1,248) and is entering the prime of his career.

Holmes, 26, is under investigation after a woman accused him of throwing a glass of liquor that stuck her in the face during a March 7 incident at an Orlando, Fla, nightclub. His lawyer, Adam Swickle, has said he expects Holmes to be cleared of any wrongdoing in the incident.

Holmes will be suspended by the NFL for four games for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, the league just announced.

He should do well with the Jets. There’s nothing to do in N00-Yawk that could land him in trouble…

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 12, 2010 at 9:14 pm

Posted in Sports

Sick On Sunday: Two Perspectives

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Here’s the difference between being a kid and an adult.

Then: Sick on Sunday, hope I stay sick so I can miss school.

Now: Sick on Sunday, hope it goes away by morning so I don’t have to use a vacation day.

How times change.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 11, 2010 at 10:17 pm

Posted in Life

We’re From The State Capital And We’re Here To Help

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Fitting how this city is the state capital of my wonderful commonwealth.

This capital city was near total collapse three decades ago—its department stores, theaters and trolleys were gone, replaced by vacant buildings and streets devoid of any nightlife.

A huge effort, thanks partly to an energetic mayor, brought the Susquehanna River city of 47,000 back from the brink. Today, professionals and state office workers pack the restaurants, hotels and arts venues that helped restore its respectability.

Along the way, city leaders thought they could transform their aging, debt-laden trash incinerator into a clean, efficient moneymaker. But costs exploded and massive debt payments due this year on the incinerator threaten to drag the city into bankruptcy.

So grim is the situation that Moody’s Investors Service has branded Harrisburg with the lowest credit rating of any of its 3,500-plus rated municipalities that have not defaulted, hurting the city’s ability to finance civic improvements without paying sky-high interest rates.

Some residents wonder whether fear of a huge property tax hike to help pay down the $280-plus million in debt tied to the incinerator will spur a rash of “for-sale” signs just as the city had hoped to end a 60-year population slide.

Sixty years? That’s not a “slide.” That’s a free-fall.

“We’re in trouble,” said Bill Cluck, an environmental and land-use lawyer who lives in Harrisburg and closely monitors city affairs. “If you can get out of the city, get out of the city. That’s the perception.”

Harrisburg’s bad credit rating, in part, reflects the stretched finances of a city devastated by the loss of its heavy manufacturing core. Almost half its property is tax-exempt and more than a quarter of its families live in poverty, nearly three times the national rate, census figures show.

Bad spending decisions are synonymous with Harrisburg’s recent history. Former Mayor Stephen Reed was sharply criticized for secretly spending millions of dollars in public money on such artifacts as an Egyptian mummy and a bright red Wells Fargo & Co. stagecoach for museums that never got built.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 11, 2010 at 7:55 pm

Posted in News

Masters Of His Domain

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This might be the only time you’ll every see me pulling for someone known as “Lefty.” Take a screen shot.

Phil Mickelson won his third Masters Sunday.

Mickelson, who entered the final round one back of Lee Westwood, scrambled his way out of trouble throughout the day, including a remarkable shot from behind a tree.

He managed to hold off a slew of challengers, including Tiger Woods, whose putter let him down in is return to golf. Woods finished at -11 for the tournament.

I don’t follow golf all that much, but whenever a major is on I’ll watch some of the programming. When it comes to favorite golfers, I always liked Tiger up until his Thanksgiving night fiasco. I don’t hate him or anything, but my opinion of him has changed. I also took a liking to Phil Mickelson as well. Here was someone who could win a major or blow a several-stroke lead in an instant. There’s something about this I like.

Anyway, once stories of his wife’s battle with cancer became public, I began to pull for Phil even more. Not sure why. It’s not like winning some tournament can make up for the possible death of one’s soul mate. I guess it’s that whole “overcoming adversity” thing.

And when Phil went up to his wife after winning Master #3 just minutes ago, I teared up.

What are you going to about it, bitches?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 11, 2010 at 7:10 pm

Posted in Sports

Nolan Chart Results

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So I’ve seen this stupid thing making its rounds on Facebook and figured I’ll give it a whirl and show just how stupid these “tests” are when it comes to determining political standings. See my Political Compass fiasco for proof.

Here we go… (kkk-ommentary in parentheses)

1] Speech, Assembly, Press, Internet, and Property Rights (I actually agree somewhat with option #3 in terms of regulating sex/violence on television, at least on network TV, but there’s no f’ng way I’m bolding an entry that endorses the other bullshit posed in that option.)

— Government should not restrict speech, press, media or Internet. The rights of free citizens who don’t violate other people’s rights must be respected and protected at all times. Exercise of eminent domain should be extremely limited and its use avoided whenever possible. Private property and privacy rights should be protected at all times.

— Speech, assembly, press, and Internet should be free except when it comes to protecting against terrorism and other threats to public safety. Free speech zones can be established to protect the right of free speech while insuring security at public events. Eminent domain should be maintained in practice, but it should not be available merely as a means to enrich private developers via enforced land transfers.

— Speech, assembly, press, and Internet should be free, but the government has a role in regulating certain speech, such as criminalizing hate speech, regulating sexual or violent content on television, limiting campaign contributions, protecting the separation of church and state, preventing the imposition of religious beliefs in public schools, and use of eminent domain in certain cases to serve the public good.

— Government should regulate speech, press, media, Internet, and property rights at its own discretion within reason as needed to meet all of government’s many obligations.

********************************************************************************************

2] Guns (I’m torn on this one. I don’t have a problem with some form of gun registration, but option #3’s “other regulations” is a red flag for me. I pretty much agree with the whole “armed society is a peaceful society” and “best defense against criminals” spiel, so I’m going with that.)

— The Second Amendment only applies to “militias” (such as the National Guard), and thus there is no specific protection afforded by it to individuals. It should be up to the government to decide the degree to which guns should be regulated for the public good.

— The Second Amendment to the Constitution clearly protects the right of all individuals to bear arms. Government regulation of guns is a violation of the Second Amendment. Having the right to self-defense is meaningless without also having the means to defend yourself. An armed society is a peaceful society, is the best defense against criminals, and serves as a deterrent against government tyranny. Gun control has encouraged society to become lax and negligent in teaching and training on the safe handling and maintenance of weapons by individuals.

— In general, I support the right to bear arms. However, it is prudent to have government regulate arms via registration requirements and other regulations to ensure that mentally unstable people can’t get guns and go on shooting rampages.

— Gun control is essential and must continually be made stronger if we’re ever going to reduce and hopefully eliminate gun violence in this country.

********************************************************************************************

3] Homosexual Marriage (Wow, what a terrible choice of selections. Where is the option that says there’s no such thing as gay marriage? I want to go with Option #4 for shits and giggles, but I take my political quizzes seriously.)

— Gay rights should be supported by passing laws which protect gay marriage, including civil statute alternatives to gay marriage. All government benefits that heterosexual couples enjoy should also be granted to gay couples.

— The government should pass laws that favor whatever view the majority of the population supports regarding homosexual relationships, including homosexual marriage.

— There should be no laws regarding either heterosexual or homosexual relationships among consenting adults. Marriage of any kind is a private, contractual matter between free, private individuals that should not be regulated.

— Homosexuality is an abomination and is banned by the Bible. Gay marriage should be illegal in all cases.

********************************************************************************************

4] Foreign Policy (I didn’t read Options #2-4 entirely. Whenever I got to some commie shit like, “we need to move toward more world government…” I just went, “Next.”

— A strong defense requires playing an active, interventionist role in world affairs. As the last remaining superpower, we have a moral duty to police the world at any cost, or else we will surely pay the ultimate price. If we don’t militarily wipe out terrorism, the terrorists will wipe us out. We must resolve to win no matter how long it takes. It’s better to strike now than to pay later for our inaction.

— America should play an active role in world affairs. We need to move toward more world government, particularly when it comes to issues such as global warming. The war on terror should rely heavily on diplomatic action. Military intervention should be used when there is a threat to our sovereignty, but this position can and should be reversed whenever public opinion turns against it.

— The role of our government, and the role of the United Nations, should be constantly expanded to help ensure that all of the world moves toward democracy. Complaints that government is too big already are simply counter-productive and should be ignored.

— Peace, commerce and honest friendship with all nations; entangling alliances with none. America’s interventionist policies over the past 100+ years have done little or nothing to reduce international instability, have led us into an endless series of wars, and have cost us dearly in American lives and money. The best defense of our borders is to defend our rights and liberty, not to sacrifice them while constantly growing our gigantic military, led by a parade of Presidents who repeatedly stick our nose into other countries’ affairs.

********************************************************************************************

5] National ID Card (OK, here’s the scoop. If a national ID card would be required for voting and government services so that invaders to this country are entirely shut out then I would be for it. However, I know this will never happen but I’ll play pretend anyway. And for those that think this would mess with privacy issues; there’s no such thing as privacy anymore anyway.)

— There should be no national ID card. Period. The issuance of required National IDs controlled via interconnected databases will effectively end all privacy in this country.

— We need a national ID card in order to prevent events like the attacks of 9/11 but without intruding too far into the personal privacy of the innocent.

— National ID cards should be permitted but greatly restricted in scope because the potential for danger to personal liberty is present.

— I’m not at all concerned about having a national ID card. Only the guilty need to worry.

********************************************************************************************

6] Corporate Welfare (What the hell has “safety net” welfare got to do with this? I went with Option #3 because the other options were worse. I don’t like the example given for Option #3. I think building a national interstate system would be a better example, but whatever.)

— The government has a significant role in regulating the market and should regulate corporations and have state-owned corporations, if necessary.

— End “corporate welfare.” No government handouts to business.

— Government involvement is necessary where private industry can’t do the job all by itself. As an example, agricultural subsidies should continue to support small farmers.

— Corporate welfare should be eliminated for big business, but the social safety net for individuals should be retained.

********************************************************************************************

7] Trade and Money (I’m a free-market peon but the latter half of Option #3 was too preachy for my taste. I didn’t care much for any of these options. I’ll presume, “as needed” means “minimal.”)

— Trade that isn’t fair isn’t free. Fair trade practices should be enforced as needed to ensure free trade while maintaining reasonably open borders. The Fed’s policies should be revised to help the poor rather than the rich.

— The government should involve itself in the regulation of trade as needed to ensure a healthy economy at all times. The Federal Reserve system has made our money supply the most stable in all history.

— End government barriers to international free trade. The regulation of trade tends to enrich selected interest groups and industry captains at the expense of everyone else. We must move away from the inflationary approach of the Federal Reserve by re-adopting a hard money approach and dissolving the Federal Reserve system. Ever wonder why prices of everything (including real estate) keep going up over time? The Federal Reserve system is the culprit.

— Trade should be free in general, but it should be controlled as needed to ensure that our borders are protected against outside threats. Monetary policy under the Fed has generally been good for our economy. Hard money can’t keep up with a modern economy.

********************************************************************************************

8] Social Security (Dang. I like Options #1 AND #4. I’m going with Option #1 because of the “current and near retirees” part.)

— Social Security should be maintained by the government as-is for current and near retirees, while offering younger workers the choice to invest some of their retirement money in the private market from Government-maintained and managed plans. The government should create incentives for private retirement planning. The government should discourage taking social security early. Payroll taxes should not be increased to fund social security.

— Social Security is a vital part of the social safety net and should be properly funded and protected at all times. If necessary, make big business and the rich pay for any shortfalls.

— Government has an obligation to provide for people in their twilight years, and Social security is a proper expression of governmental control. The system is sound and does not need anything more than minor adjustments from time to time.

— Let people control their own retirement and they’ll retire richer and better off. The Social Security system is already bankrupt, despite what the politicians and bureaucrats keep telling us. Allow individuals to choose for themselves whether to opt out of the Social Security system. If we force everyone to remain in its pyramid scheme, the end result will be disastrous. We must act now before Social Security becomes completely insolvent.

********************************************************************************************

9] Health Care (Don’t like any of these selections, but Option #1 is the lesser of four evils.)

— Government regulation of health care is the main cause of the health care industry’s upward spiraling costs. The FDA, EPA, Medicare, and a host of other bureaucracies have created mountains of regulations that have led to the deaths of thousands and even millions of people who were denied needed treatments and resources. The cost of creating new treatments is also out of control because of this regulation. The only way to make health care affordable again is to get government out of the health care business.

— Health care costs are spiraling primarily due to lawsuits. We need to place caps on these suits while avoiding socialized medicine. Where possible, we should reduce regulation to save money. The rising cost of health care is primarily the fault of big government politicians and lobbying groups.

— We need universal health insurance to ensure all Americans are adequately protected. Insurance companies’ and drug companies’ greed, lack of competition among insurance providers, and patent protections on life-saving drugs must be combated. The government should ensure that no one is denied the right to life-saving medical care because of the inability to pay for it. Use antitrust legislation and enforcement to ensure competition.

— Private enterprise has failed to deliver satisfactory health care. Government’s role is clear: fix the problem.

********************************************************************************************

10] Taxes, Spending, and the National Debt (I’m going to pretend we’re in fantasy world and the role of government actually becomes reduced. Fifty percent? Might be a bit extreme. But once again the other three options weren’t that appealing to me.)

— There should be no limits placed on the ability of government to raise sufficient revenue to do all the jobs government should be doing better, as expressed via majority rule.

— Cut taxes and government spending by 50% or more. This will have an incredibly positive impact on the economy starting at its very lowest and smallest levels. The national debt must be paid down rather than endlessly increased, or we’ll soon face national bankruptcy.

— The budget should be balanced and fully funded at all times, rather than actually cutting spending on a permanent basis. As needed, the national debt should be expanded to ensure that there is sufficient funding for government operation and military growth needs. Occasional, temporary tax cuts should be offered in token amounts to keep the taxpayers mollified.

— We should be emphasizing the good that government can do to help people without getting all wrapped up in the costs involved. By spreading the load, such good can be spread out fairly and evenly. Progressive taxation helps ensure that the rich don’t live at the expense of the poor. However, we want to make sure we don’t place too much of a burden on the middle class.

********************************************************************************************

Now remember, whenever you read any of the shit I post at this place, keep in mind that the Nolan Chart has me branded as…

…a centrist.

But at least I’m on the outskirts of the whole wishy-washy “centrist” thing.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 11, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Posted in Life

Turning 21

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Because I read something and got the urge to take a trip down memory lane, and because I still feel like shit from yesterday’s Hamburger Helper debacle, I want to tell a tale of my passage into adulthood.

There are a few landmark ages out there: Sweet Sixteen and hitting 21 and being allowed to consume adult beverages are the two big ones that most people think about. I would also put on this list the age 35 — when you are able to run for president (birth certificate optional) — and whatever year you become eligible to collect Social Security (should it still be around by the time you become eligible for this government-backed Ponzi Scheme). Today I’m going to talk about my 21st b-day. Take your seats, please, for this riveting romp.

At this time in my life I was in college (commuter student) and part of the local school newspaper fishwrap team. Our editor and a few of his friends decided at this time to take a trip to Washington, DC. Why? No clue. But they decided what the hell and invited me. I accepted and noted that while we were going to be at our nation’s Capitol I was going to turn 21. Talk about timing. Well, we had to fund this trip, and we held a 50/50 raffle at school under the guise of some newspaper promotion. There was also an attempt at setting up a car wash, but was called off due to crappy weather. What ended up happening? A few of the people who were supposed to go backed out at the last minute and the day (or was it two days?) before we were supposed to go everything was called off.

I spent my 21st birthday at home.

Later on I learned that these bitches backed out because they didn’t feel “comfortable” I was also taking part in the trip. The funny thing is I had never spoken to any of these “concerned” people before. Turns out they didn’t like me, and in the semesters to follow I did not take much to their company either. And the proceeds from that 50/50 raffle? The editor named his one friend as the “winner” and the money “disappeared.” Actually, I know where the money went and you probably do as well.

Was the fix in from the start? Who knows. Who cares. And, truth be told, I didn’t really care about turning 21 anyhow. I’m not a “bar” person to begin with. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I had an adult beverage … no, check that. I do remember. It was during the weekend of the wedding from hell when I got some fruity drinks from the nearby state store at the request of Mrs. kkk.

I’m a wild one, yessiree.

Then again, because my 21st birthday was so long ago, perhaps I simply don’t accurately recall the events of that day and I ended up passed out with my pants down in an alley behind some bar in a pool of vomit (not necessarily of my own doing).

Yeah, and Hussein Health Care is not going to add “one dime” to the deficit.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 11, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Posted in Life

Hamburger Not-So-Helper

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Earlier this week Mrs. kkk made a remark about some ground meat we bought a while back that was still in the refrigerator. Now one of my biggest pet peeves in life is wasting food, especially if the food was previously an animal. So when I was reminded of this ground meat still unmolested I said I was having Hamburger Helper. The better half questioned this course of action, but after the package was opened I insisted that the meat was still fine.

Or at least I had cooked smellier meat in the past. Well that’s what she gets for putting the meat container in a plastic bag. Out of sight. Out of mind.

Well I cooked it, and I’ll admit it stunk a little bit. But I’ve smelled worse. I had half Thursday night and kept half as leftovers.

Earlier today I decided to eat the rest.

God, if you let me live through what I’m currently experiencing, I PROMISE never to do this again.

FML.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 10, 2010 at 8:42 pm

Posted in Life

Thank God I Don’t Work At Friday’s

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So not too long ago I talked about how the better half’s boss decided to pack up (again) and move out of state. Now Mrs. kkk, a natural worrier, had been freaked out about her future employment. She had been working off a grant and wasn’t sure as to if this study would continue or what.

Well now we know.

The department in which the better half currently works has now make her a permanent employee. After this grant expires next April (and provided there are no extensions, which there will probably be anyway) she will stay on board. So today was a go-out-to-eat-and-celebrate affair — the second time this week. Earlier this week when I interviewed for a part-time job, we went to a local eatery to discuss the merits of this supplemental income source. And now tonight we were going out to the chain restaurant of her choice. She picked Fridays. Whatever.

You know, a lot of people HATE these soulless chain restaurants, but I don’t mind them. And Mrs. kkk has been obsessed with one particular dish for a while so whenever she goes out with her friends or whatnot it’s off to Fridays. Why am I talking about this? Because I received absolutely shit service by our cunt waitress. Here’s what happened.

After a 20+ minute wait we were seated. Drinks were ordered.

The waitress came back with drinks and I wasn’t ready to order just yet.

The waitress came back, and I’m not kidding here, about ONE MINUTE LATER, and I still wasn’t ready to order.

And that was it.

This cunt then turned into uber-bitch toward me and waited a good 5-10 minutes to return and never said a word to me the rest of the stay. Believe me, I know when I pissed someone off, and this was one of those cases. All this because I wasn’t ready to order immediately after sitting down?

After some discussion with the better half, it was surmised that perhaps she overheard a conversation Mrs. kkk and I had about a HYPOTHETICAL situation about receiving bad service and leaving without paying for your drinks they initially bring out to you. But I doubt it. Anyway, when it came time for the tip I gave the check to Mrs. kkk and told her to tip whatever amount she wanted because I sure as hell wasn’t going to give her a dime. The better half put down a few dollars, which is funny because in any normal situation I would have tipped more than double that amount? “But kkk,” you may ask, “Why didn’t you leave her anything and why didn’t you go to the manager?”

The answer is simple: She didn’t treat Mrs. kkk the same way she treated me, so it’s only fair that she received less than half of what she would have normally received. Also, I’m not a big, “I’m telling the manager on you” type of person. I think life has already crushed this middle-aged woman more than I ever could. After all, we were out celebrating the fact Mrs. kkk was now a permanent member of her department. Hello vested 401(k). Hello benefits (unless the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher has he way). Hello steady paycheck.

Goodbye bitter waitress wench.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 9, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Posted in Life

Co-Signment Story

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So I was talking to the boss today. (The boss at work, not the better half.) She mentioned that she was trying to sell her cousin’s house and was getting all these Manpower/Labor Ready people to do home improvements to the place. I’m guessing her cousin is that family’s equivalent to my crack-whore niece-in-law. You get the picture.

Anyway, why was the boss doing all these home improvements and looking to sell the house? She co-signed the mortgage.

Ouch.

Yeah, I think you can figure out what happened.

Co-sign for someone? I don’t even lend out my CDs/DVDs/video games. Well, check that. I don’t lend out my DVDs. Mrs. kkk lends out the DVDs to her mother. But at least she returns them back in a quick turnaround time. Fight the battles you can win.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 8, 2010 at 8:34 pm

Posted in Life

This Theory Has No Teeth

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So the better half and I came home this evening and when Mrs. kkk was feeding the cats she freaked out. Here’s how the conversation went. You can figure out who’s who:

WHAT THE HELL?!

What?

Bella has a TOOTH sticking out of her!!!

Huh?

She has a patch of blood on her with a TOOTH sticking out from her side!!!

Do the others have all their teeth in intact?

*Inspects the rest of the brood.* Yes.

Well it can’t be that. Could it be a claw?

It’s too big to be a claw. Think it could be bone?

What?! Let me see her. *Examines the White Menace* Where’s the tooth?

I can’t find it now.

There’s no tooth. She has a big gash and lost some (white) fur. Probably from wrestling with Max.

The hell goes on in this house when we’re away?

Basically, Bella has a decent-sized gash above her one shoulder blade. Just par for the course at this place. I’m going to keep an eye on it to make sure it heals OK, but I doubt there’s any lasting damage — especially since she was chasing Max around the living room after we examined her.

One minute they’re doing this to each other.

The next minute the floor resembles a crime scene.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 7, 2010 at 9:38 pm

Posted in Life

Get A (Second) Job

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Damn you HUSSEIN RECESSION~!!!!

Thanks to you I got … a second job.

So for a while I’ve been looking around for a second part-time job. Nothing major. Just a little something to generate some “pissing around” money. I didn’t want anything stressful or drama-inducing. Saw an ad in the Sunday fishwrap for a delivery driver, called, got a call return, spoke with the people earlier today and I will start in a few weeks.

It’s funny interviewing for something when you are already gainfully employed. You don’t have that sense of desperation or “OMG I NEED THIS OR I WILL DIE~!!!” vibe. In fact, I made a couple of zingers in my meeting because I really didn’t give a shit if I got this job or not. There was even a point near the start of the interview when the person interviewing me had “concerns” about whether I would last at this job. What was my response? “If you don’t want me, that’s perfectly understandable. However, I have had a three-hour round-trip work commute every weekday since 2004 so extensive driving is nothing new to me.”

There was another moment when the size of my vehicle was in question. They were looking for someone with a van or SUV. My response? “If you already spoke to someone with a ‘bigger boat’ (Jaws reference FTW), I can see why you would want to go with that person. If my vehicle isn’t large enough to hold all the necessary material, then I would just make two separate trips on my route. If this opportunity grows into something bigger, I would strongly consider purchasing a ‘beater’ van. But I’m not going to immediately go to the used care dealership down the road after I leave this place.”

And they still wanted me after these lines. In fact, I think they liked me MORE after these responses. Oh, and there’s no fucking way I’m getting a second vehicle. It’s either Suzuki or nothing.

Basically I’m going to be delivering marketing materials to people’s addresses — sorta like a paper route but only I’ll be doing a buttload of these one day a week rather than some every day. When I talked over this position with the better half we were both a bit concerned about the wear and tear on the Suzuki, but in the end the extra money will be worth it. (I hope.)

Oddly enough I thought this would be a weekday gig, but I replied anyway figuring that it couldn’t hurt to say my availability was on weekends. Turns out they were looking for weekend workers. It amazes me how many people don’t read a classified ad. When I was at my former place of employment I had to deal with people applying for an assistant’s position and more than one person didn’t realize this was a part-time job. IT SAID PART-TIME IN THE FUCKING AD. THE HELL?!?! Then I interviewed a few people for an assistant’s position at my current place of employment. And you know what? I think by being on the other side of the interview, I realized that you can really tell if someone is interviewing because they are REALLY desperate for a job and those who would be a better fit to your team.

Where the hell was I going with this? No clue.

Back to the story.

I was looking for something that didn’t involve me dealing with customers and that I could work at my own pace. This job enables me to do this. I am going to be an independent contractor, which in many ways is something I already do at my current job. It was funny to see the person interviewing me react whenever I would finish her statements. All the problems with dealing with independent contractors? Been there. Done that.

So, yeah. Thanks Kenyan Koffee Fetcher. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be scared shitless about having a mortgage to pay off while you attempt to turn the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave into another Third-World Shithole. With this added infusion of capital, hopefully Mrs. kkk and I will get this mortgage over and done with in even less time than anticipated.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 7, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Posted in Life

The Teams I Love To Hate

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So Duke won the March Madness tournament. Sonofabitch.

I figured they would win. Duke is one of those teams you either love or hate. I’m in the latter. Big time.

This got me the thinking, what are my thoughts on other “polarizing” teams out there? Well let’s see.

Duke Basketball: Hate.

Notre Dame Football: Hate.

Dallas Cowboys: Indifferent. I guess I’ll have to say I don’t “hate” this team, although the overexposure does get a bit tiring. Because I don’t have a third option, I’ll say I support them.

NY Yankees. Support. I don’t care if they win or lose, and the media coverage of the Pinstripes make the Cowboys coverage look tame in comparison, but fuck the haters. The Yankees spend money because they make money.

LA Lakers: Hate. Well, maybe not “hate,” but I don’t support them.

Boston Celtics: See Lakers.

New England Patriots: Hate.

Indianapolis Colts: Tough one. Put me down for “hate” as I usually pull against them.

Are there any other “polarizing” teams I’m missing? You know, I think limiting my options to “support” and “hate” was a bad idea. I don’t really “support” teams, and there aren’t that many I “hate.” Oh well, I’m past the point of no return now.

Oh, and FUCK the Jordan-led Bulls.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 6, 2010 at 7:30 pm

Posted in Sports

Star Wars Sitcom

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George Lucas, I’m not one to playa hate on how much money someone makes. But is this REALLY necessary?

May the force be witty.

Lucasfilm Animation said Monday that “Star Wars” is coming to TV as an animated comedy series. The sitcom is still in development and doesn’t have a title yet.

Lucasfilm says it will explore the comic aspects of that “galaxy far, far away” as it playfully and irreverently confronts the saga’s characters and mythology.

Part of the creative team is Seth Green, who helped hatch the popular “Robot Chicken.” He promises the new show will answer the question, “What do these Star Wars characters do when they’re not overthrowing Empires?”

No network or start date was announced for the series.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

April 6, 2010 at 7:15 pm

Posted in Entertainment