KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for June 21st, 2010

Top KK’s Korner Searches For 6/21/10

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belly button girl
girls with deep belly buttons
finger belly button
gay wookie
vuvuzela jokes

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

June 21, 2010 at 10:06 pm

Posted in Top Searches

Should Have Read That “Stop Here” Sign

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So this morning I witnessed yet another fun exchange on the commute in to work.

You know those “Stop Here On Red” signs? They’re placed where they’re place for a reason.

A motorist with a vehicle featuring out-of-state license plates didn’t “Stop Here” when the light turned red. Better yet, the motorist behind him, which had in-state plates, went right up behind the first motorist. I knew this wasn’t going to end well when the Mack truck tried to make his turn and was unable to do so because these motorists were way too far up. And because the second motorist didn’t stop at the “Stop Here” sign, there was zero room for him or the first motorist to move back.

This of course brought about a number of exchanges featuring the always popular throw-up-arms-in-disbelief/disgust. Thank Christ I was in the center lane and was a witness rather than a participant.

Oh, yeah. I was stopped in the proper place on the road.

I don’t blame the out-of-state motorist for this clusterfuck. I blame the other guy — he should have known better. When I am driving behind someone with out-of-state plates I try to give them a little more space because of a possible sudden stop or turn. Hey, we’ve all done that. And God forbid should I ever end up driving in a region with a shitload of congestion. I wouldn’t stand a chance.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

June 21, 2010 at 9:58 pm

Posted in Life

Soccer-ing It To Right-Wingers

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Every World Cup, it arrives like clockwork. As sure as the ultimate soccer spectacle brings guaranteed adrenaline and agony to fans across the United States, it also drives the right-wing noise machine utterly insane.

Like a vuvulaza?

“It doesn’t matter how you try to sell it to us,” yipped the Prom King of new right, Glenn Beck. “It doesn’t matter how many celebrities you get, it doesn’t matter how many bars open early, it doesn’t matter how many beer commercials they run, we don’t want the World Cup, we don’t like the World Cup, we don’t like soccer, we want nothing to do with it.”

Beck’s wingnut godfather, G. Gordon Liddy also said on his radio program,

‘Whatever happened to American exceptionalism? This game … originated with the South American Indians and instead of a ball, they used to use the head, the decapitated head, of an enemy warrior.”

Dear Lord, where do we begin? First of all, I always find it amusing when folks like Beck say, “We don’t like soccer” when it is by far the most popular youth sport in the United States. It’s like saying, “You know what else American kids hate? Ice cream!” Young people love soccer not because of some kind of commie-nazi plot conjured by Saul Alinsky to sap us of our precious juices, but because it’s – heaven forefend – fun.

Soccer is popular with kids because you just get 20 of them, dress ’em up in shin guards and cleats, and let them chase a ball around a field. When the kids get older, they tend to gravitate toward other sports more popular in this country or they just stay home and play video games (not that I would know anything about the latter).

Among adults, the sport is also growing because people from Latin America, Africa, and the West Indies have brought their love of the beautiful game to an increasingly multicultural United States. As sports journalist Simon Kuper wrote very adroitly in his book Soccer Against the Enemy, “When we say Americans don’t play soccer we are thinking of the big white people who live in the suburbs. Tens of millions of Hispanic Americans [and other nationalities] do play, and watch and read about soccer.” In other words, Beck rejects soccer because his idealized “real America” – in all its monochromatic glory – rejects it as well. To be clear, I know a lot of folks who can’t stand soccer. It’s simply a matter of taste. But for Beck it’s a lot more than, “Gee. It’s kind of boring.” Instead it’s, “Look out whitey! Felipe Melo’s gonna get your mama!”

Wow. And I thought I over-analyzed stupid shit. Should I even mention the fact that America’s National Pastime now has a heavy Latin component or that the NBA is importing players from around the world? Nah, let’s keep going.

As for Liddy, let’s be clear. There is not in fact hard anthropological evidence that early soccer games were played with a human head. Interestingly, though, there is an oft-told legend that the sport took root in England in the 8th century because the King’s army playfully kicked around the detached cranium of the conquered Prince of Denmark. Notice that this tall-tale is about Europe not “South American Indians”. I think we’re seeing a theme here.

Now I know why this article was written. As I was looking up this Liddy quote, I found that Media Smatters has a “report” on the subject.

As the 2010 World Cup begins in South Africa, conservative media figures have seized the opportunity to attack the tournament and the sport of soccer. They have also used soccer as a proxy to attack President Obama and progressives.

Here’s another thing I noticed when “researching” this article. Liddy has a Twitter account. I’m not quite sure what to say about that. Where the hell am I going with this mess? Oh, yeah. Back to the first article.

In regards to Liddy and the origination of soccer, as far as I know, the sport originated in Europe. Maybe when Europe invaded the New World they kicked around a few heads in their downtime from pillaging and plundering. I don’t know. I don’t care.

But maybe this isn’t just sports as avatar for their racism and imperial arrogance. Maybe their hysteria lies in something far more shallow. Maybe the real reason they lose their collective minds is simply because the USA tends to get their asses handed to them each and every World Cup. After all, as G. Gordon asked, “Whatever happened to American exceptionalism?” When it comes to the World Cup, the exceptional is found elsewhere. Could Beck, Liddy, and company just have soccer-envy? Is it possible that if the USA was favored to win the World Cup, Beck himself would be in the streets with his own solid gold vuvuzela? I feel that to ask the question is to answer it. In fact, this is as good a reason as any to hope for a mighty run by the US team. It would be high comedy to see Beck and Friends caught in a vice between their patriotic fervor and their nativist fear.

OK, I guess one could call me a member of the RIGHT-WING HATE brigade. But yet I don’t hate soccer. In fact, check out my recent Sports entries and you’ll see quite a few pro-World Cup entries. How can this be? Seeing how I’m an enema wrapped in a riddle, let me try to explain some of the things that many Americans don’t like about soccer:

The low scores.

The acceptance of draws. (Look at yesterday’s New Zealand/Italy 1-1 tie. It’s being billed as an uber-upset, yet for someone not familiar with the sport they would just shrug it off.).

We are an ADD society. We want scoring. We want a winner/loser. We want instant gratification. And we want it now. I’m not defending this mindset, but I can understand why a person wouldn’t care for the sport.

And now that I received a lesson as to why conservatives hate soccer, let me give a lesson as to why liberals love the world’s game.

Remember that recent game the U.S. had against Slovenia? Remember the referee that whistled off a goal which would have given the U.S. a 3-2 lead with minutes remaining in regulation time? Remember how that referee didn’t have to give a reason as to why he made a phantom call?

Let’s see. A bigger nation with a clear advantage in resources was about to defeat a smaller nation. Have a third-party governing body make up an infraction and punish the imperialist entity so that both groups have an equal result. And the best part? The governing body doesn’t need to explain its actions.

You know, I was going to type “*eyeroll, part deux*” in response to my conspiracy theory. However, after reading the above paragraph a second time, this comparison actually makes sense.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

June 21, 2010 at 9:39 pm

Posted in Sports

$10 Up In Smoke

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More than $10 for a pack of cancer sticks? How can people still smoke this shit?

A new tobacco tax may soon be forcing smokers in New York State to cough up some more cash.

The state legislature was expected to vote Monday on a proposal to raise the tax on cigarettes by $1.60. It’s part of Governor Paterson’s latest emergency budget bill.

If passed, the new tax would push the price of a pack of smokes over the $10 mark in the five boroughs while generating an estimated $440 million in revenue.

I hope they legalize pot (and then tax the shit out of it) before the number of tobacco consumers die off/quit to the point where government starts taxing the vices I enjoy — Baked Lays, diet Pepsi, used CD/DVDs.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

June 21, 2010 at 8:52 pm

Posted in News

Don’t Call Us, We’ll Calll You

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So last week I person who inquired about being hired by my organization contacted me about any follow-up. Long story shorter: I deal with independent contractors, and this person expressed an interest in becoming one. Problem is we aren’t taking any more on this year. So I replied to her email by saying this. I suddenly got a flashback to when I was on the receiving end of these messages. Sucks, but I don’t think this person would have panned out anyway. Then again, I’m sure that’s what many of the people who tossed my resume in the trash said about me.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

June 21, 2010 at 8:50 pm

Posted in Life

Not Doing Better Than I Deserve

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So earlier today I learned that Dave Ramsey’s show on the Fox Business Channel is gone. 😦

Oh hell, I’m giving it the uber-frownie face with the eyebrows and nose:


Eric Bolling, the breakout star of the recently canceled “Happy Hour,” will be getting his own weeknight show at 8 p.m. called “Money Rocks,” replacing a personal finance show hosted by Dave Ramsey. Bolling’s new show will start June 21.

Bastards. I had that show on DVR. Oh well, there’s always the radio show. There’s no way in hell I’m watching this “Money Rocks” show. Sure Ramsey’s show wasn’t the most exciting thing on TV, but many of the callers had great human-interest stories and was a constant source of inspiration to me to keep making those extra mortgage payments.

I have about six yet-to-be-viewed episodes on my DVR. It’s going to be a bummer once I go through those.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

June 21, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Posted in News