KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for July 2010

Trade-offs

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So the MLB trade deadline came and went. I have no idea who most of the players were that moved around from team to time, but there’s one thing I did notice.

The Pirates didn’t make that many deals — one or two from what I heard; I don’t care enough to actually look this information up. Guess their roster of serviceable players finally bottomed out. Or that the Bucco farm system is already chalk full of young talent just waiting to get up into the big leagues.

Yeah, anyway. It’s funny to me how the only time the national media comment on the Pirates is during the trading deadline when players are getting plucked by real teams gearing up for a postseason push.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 31, 2010 at 11:35 pm

Posted in Sports

Snookered

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I have heard more about this Snooki person in the past 24 hours than I have since, well, ever. Jersey what?

President Hussein has not heard of Snooki, but New Jersey police certainly have after arresting the “Jersey Shore” reality TV star on Friday, on a charge of disorderly conduct.

Snooki, whose real name is Nicole Polizzi, 22, was arrested in Seaside Heights on the New Jersey shore while filming the hit TV series, and she was later released from custody with a summons to appear in court, police said.

“Nicole Polizzi was acting in a disorderly manner while located on the beach,” Seaside Heights Chief of Police Thomas Boyd said in a statement. “Ms. Polizzi was escorted from the beach by (officers) then placed under arrest for the charge of disorderly conduct.”

And here’s more Snooki.

First, Snooki took on the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher over Twitter. Then, the Non-Dialect Negro said he didn’t even know who she was. And on Thursday night’s second season premiere of MTV’s “Jersey Shore,” Snooki took the ball back and went after America’s Top Imam again.

In one scene, Snooki — with her impressively orange tan — broke the shocking news that she’s been staying away from her home away from home: Tanning salons.

“I don’t go tanning anymore because Osama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. [Sen. John] McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan,” she said.

OK, now that made me laugh. Here’s the rest of the story.

Snooki was referring to a provision in the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act that mandates tanning salons impose a 10 percent tax on UV-ray sessions.

Clearly, the Pile of Kenyan Afterbirth can’t relate to Snooki’s problems, she added, commenting on the Muslim Wookie Fucker’s skin color.

“Hussein doesn’t have that problem. Obviously,” she said.

And now we get into some CONTROVERSY~!!!

The Occupant in the White House has been caught in a contradiction. Asked about Jersey Shore star Snooki on The View today, Kenya’s Favorite Son replied, “I don’t know who that is.” But two months ago he knew who she was!

Asked for his opinion on Snooki (who voted for John McCain) the Muslim Wookie Fucker claimed ignorance. But two months ago he dropped Snooki’s name in a White House Press Correspondents Dinner punchline about a health care provision named in honor of the hit MTV show. “It [the provision] reads, ‘The following individuals shall be excluded from the indoor tanning tax within this bill: Snooki, JWOWW, The Situation and House minority leader John Boehner.'” So which is it, Hussein? Do you know Snooki, or don’t you? Clearly, this is the Watergate of our time, and America demands an answer.

The sad thing is my local RIGHT-WING RADIO guy was actually commenting on this story, and I don’t think he was joking. I’ll give President Hussein the benefit of the doubt on this one; I think it’s fair to say that the above-mentioned joke was written for him, and he probably had no idea what he was saying. Hell, he probably relies on teleprompters in order to talk dirty to Chewbacca’s Sister. (Then again, I probably would need a script, too, if I was in that situation, not to mention a bag over the wookie’s head and a bag on my jimmy.)

When I’m defending the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher, you know it’s bad.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 30, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Posted in Entertainment

I Propose That Men And Women Come From Other Worlds

with 5 comments

So earlier today my one co-worker, who is out on vacation, was proposed to by her lesser half. She of course then called my assistant at work because those two are now BFFs or something. I of course was in the assistant’s office when the call took place, and right away I knew what had happened. Let’s compare and contrast reactions.

The assistant: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

Me: *shoulder shrug.*

Mars/Venus blahblahblah.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 30, 2010 at 11:10 pm

Posted in Life

Top KK’s Korner Searches For 7/29/10

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let me play you the song of my people vu
haters gonna hate vuvuzela
dirty wookie
k-k-s tape
kk’s sucks
bill cowher and kordell stewart’s sister
nazi wookie
blow down here vuvuzela shirt

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 29, 2010 at 9:46 pm

Posted in Top Searches

Tech? No!

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You know, it’s funny. I used to make fun of my college professors for having all these degrees but yet not knowing how to operate the classroom VCR, and I’ve been at my job for two-and-a-half years and STILL don’t know how to operate the !@#$%^&*() window blinds. Hmmm, let’s see what else I don’t know shit about.

Well, I can’t text or do anything on a cell phone other than basic calls. Actually, I know how to text; I just don’t bother. (At least I think I know how to text; well I did so once before. Don’t ask how long it took me to complete or how many times I made the attempt.)

The better half and I couldn’t figure out how to set the clock in my 1988 Chevy Corsica. I think the clock was off by an hour and forty minutes, so I just did the math in my head whenever I wanted to know the time. It took several years before my 10-year-old nephew-in-law finally fixed it for us. You think I’m making this up?

What else… well, I don’t program any stuff on the microwave. However, I do cook some things like bacon on at a lower power setting so it doesn’t burn.

Oh, dishwashers. I hate those things. About 20 years ago I tired one out and flooded the kitchen floor. Haven’t used one since.

Well, that’s about all I can think of for now. Makes me wonder what other technology I’ll be loathing a generation from now.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 29, 2010 at 9:09 pm

Posted in Life

This Way T.O. Cincinnati

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Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens.

On the same team.

On the Cincinnati Bengals.

Bengals.com and ProFootballTalk reported that the Cincinnati Bengals have agreed to a one-year contract with the free agent wide receiver.

On his Twitter page, Owens said, “Hoping 2 b a Bengal w/in the 24hrs!!”

Team president Mike Brown had said earlier this week that he was interested in signing Owens. The receiver’s agent, Drew Rosenhaus, said earlier Tuesday that he was talking with the Bengals and expected to complete a deal for Owens to join a team by Thursday.

The Bengals open training camp on Wednesday.

Pinch me, I’m dreaming.

I am so psyched. I actually kinda like both players, and it will be fun to see their hijinx on and off the field. And if things go bad, it will be even MORE entertaining.

I’ve always liked Johnson and his antics (for the most part). And with ESPN’s visceral hatred of Owens, I’ve turned into a fan of his through some “enemy of my enemy is my friend” type stuff.

With the way the Steelers defense is looking this year, I am curious to see what these two do with Shittsburgh’s famed TeRrIbLe ToWeL~!!!

I know it will be more creative than this.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 28, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Posted in Sports

Crazy Stat For A Crazy State

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So I read the following headline:

One In Five Californians Say They Need Mental Health Care

ONLY one in five?

Here are the first few paragraphs of the story if you care. (I know I don’t.)

Almost 5 million California adults say they could use help with a mental or emotional problem, according to a survey released Wednesday by researchers at UCLA. About 1 million of them meet the criteria for “serious psychological distress.”

However, only one in three people who perceive a need for mental health services or are in serious distress have seen a professional for treatment, the survey found.

The survey was conducted among more than 44,000 adults as part of the 2005 California Health Interview Survey, administered through the UCLA Center for Health Policy Research. Since the survey was conducted, the recession probably has contributed to worsening mental health for even more people, said the lead author of the study, David Grant.

And now we get to the point several paragraphs later.

“The findings also demonstrate a crucial need for continued efforts to expand mental-health services and to meet threats to such services caused by the ongoing state budget crisis in Sacramento; reduced state funding for local mental health programs and public insurance programs could be devastating to hundreds of thousands of Californians with mental health needs,” the authors wrote.

Makes me wonder what people did back in the day when head-shrinkers weren’t available along the wagon trails.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 28, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Posted in News

I’m Not Afraid Of This Entry Going Down The Shitter

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I’m looking something up right now.

Seriously.

There are phobias for just about everything. I wonder if there’s one for this.

*Does Google search*

OK, I’ve done enough. I can’t quite find the exact definition, but I’ve done all the searches I care to do on the subject.

What is this phobia?

I’m convinced I have a fear of clogging toilets in public. There’s no other explanation.

Let me clarify. It’s not ALL toilets. The ones at the mall? Hell, I’ll never take a Number Two in/on those. It’s not phobia-related, though. They’re disgusting.

It’s not the super-powered toilets some offices have. They were available at my last job and I had no problem doing my thing over there. If I know going in I’m using an uber-toilet, then my only concerns are stinking up the joint and making noises. I’m all about the Etiquette, yo.

My current job is another matter. It’s an old structure and the plumbing isn’t as … mighty … as it should be. The few times I’ve done my business I ALWAYS carried a plunger in with me just in case. I don’t clog toilets all that often, but when I do I HATE plunging and I want that shit down the drain ASAP.

But back to my searches. I first came upon Corporophobia: Fear of Toilets.

Then there was Lutropublicaphobia: Fear of Using the Restroom in Public.

Neither were quite accurate, but I decided to quit while I was ahead.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 28, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Posted in Life

Ear-itating Sensation

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Over the course of my life, I have been blessed with good health. Sure I’m blind as a bat and my knees crack more then they should, but there are a lot of other people worse off than me. And I’m not complaining.

With that being said, there is one thing I want to whine about. I can get some serious ear wax build-up. Ugh, I hate dealing with this annoying ringing after putting in ear wax removal drops. Basically, it feels like the way your ears feel on an airplane when they have to pop. Only problem is you also feel like there’s this pressure around them, making the sensation 100 times worse. The worst part? When you use the wax removal drops it’s the same sensation as if you have the wax blocking the ear canal. So do you keep putting in drops and irritating the ear or do nothing and keep experiencing this longer than you should?

Decisions, decisions.

But there is a bright side to all this. The ringing noise I experience drowns out the voices in my head.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 27, 2010 at 11:31 pm

Posted in Life

College Daze

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So today I got an invitation/registration to my college’s 50-year celebration gala. In a totally unrelated story, today’s LOL credits were spent in one fell swoop.

I went. I got my worthless piece of paper that tells everyone I’m smart. I paid off the school loan. Transaction over.

Actually, I’m annoyed at myself. When I worked at my previous job, the idiot boss was a fellow alum at this institution of higher learning. One day I got a phone call directed to me. It was this woman from some company asking for the idiot boss. This person said she were updating my college’s alumni directory and wanted to speak to the idiot boss just to make sure all the information was correct. Because I was currently working at a position within the organization that my idiot boss had been at for 10-plus years, she simply called and just asked for my department. I guess she presumed the idiot boss was still working there. (He hadn’t been working at this position for 10 years, but I digress.)

For whatever reason I started talking and mentioned I went to the same school as the idiot boss. I gave the lady my contact information, etc., and then the bear trap sprung. She wanted to know if I would buy some yearbook-thing.

Sonofabitch.

After that, I started getting letters and email from my alma mater. After seven years of being “on the run,” I was now on a contacts list. And considering this took place after the kkk manor was purchased, and considering my next move will either be to a nursing home or crematorium, I have a feeling I’ll continue to get this crap.

Oh well. At least it’s costing the school money to print and mail out this stuff out to me.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 27, 2010 at 11:11 pm

Posted in Life

kkk’s Rule Of Life #9

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Unless you want to be Cornholio v 2.0, don’t ever have a Starbucks doubleshot for lunch.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 27, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Coupon-Clipping Cult

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So today was grocery shopping night, and I made a new friend.

Seriously.

As my order was being rung up, and my coupons being scanned, the lady behind me in line was amazed at how much money I was saving.

We got into a conversation, and she told me that she had always wanted to start clipping coupons but would never get around to doing so. I gave her some of my basic rules:

— Don’t get anything unless it’s on sale and you have a coupon. (There are some exceptions like milk and bread, but you know what I mean.)

— Plan a weekly shopping trip based on store specials and don’t be afraid to stock up.

— Figure out what items are better to buy in bulk and get those at Sam’s Club or Costco.

The best part came when her order was being rung up and it turned out that she was paying double what I did ($75 to $140) and had about half the amount of groceries I had purchased. Hopefully I was able to make a difference in her life — during our conversation she said that her grocery bill was “bankrupting” her. It never ceases to amaze me that so many people don’t try to more effectively spend money on groceries.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 26, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Posted in Life

Budget Smudget

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So back in June Democrats decided not to bother passing a budget.

Congressional Democrats have decided it’s impossible to pass a budget this year, and instead will impose one-year spending limits while trying to lay the groundwork for long-term budget restraint.

House Majority Leader Steny H. Hoyer said Tuesday a budget, which sets out binding one-year targets and a multiyear plan, is useless this year because Congress has shunted key questions about deficits to the independent debt commission created by President Obama, which is due to report back at the end of this year.

The House and Senate don’t always agree on a final budget compromise, but the House itself has never failed to pass its own version of the spending blueprint.

The decision leaves much of the rest of Democrats’ agenda in doubt and drew ridicule from Republicans, who pointed out Mr. Hoyer himself has deemed passing a budget a basic test of the ability to govern.

This begs the question: If a budget is never passed, can there be a budget deficit?

This also begs the question: Don’t we have to pass a budget before we can find out what’s in it?

I have Nancy Pelosi on my Google Alerts and am waiting with great anticipation for her to answer these two questions.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 26, 2010 at 10:35 pm

Posted in News

Worth More Than Its Weight In Gold

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So last night the better half was watching some “Pawn Stars” episodes. For those that don’t know what this program is about, it’s a “reality show” about a pawn shop. People bring their stuff in and get low-balled for their goods.

I’ve never seen this show before, and I have nothing bad to say. It is what it is. One thing I got a kick out of were the customers who thought their crap was worth much more that it actually was. Now out of the few shows I watched, there really wasn’t nothing worth that much money; it was interesting to see a customer go from, “this book showing the addresses and phone numbers of all the stars from the 1960s is worth a million dollars” to $0. Are these customers real or plants? Dunno. Dunncare.

However, there was one customer who needed an ass-kicking (that is if he was legit and not an actor). He brought in a gold bar. The pawn store guy thought this could have been from a sunken ship. The pawn store brought in an “expert,” who told the customer that this was indeed a valuable piece of gold and could be worth $48,000 if not more. The pawn store guy offered $35,000. The customer TOOK THE OFFER.

Look, I’m not a haggler. If I bring in a contraption that was collecting dust in my closet and was offered $50, I’d either take it or leave it; none of this, “How about $55?” stuff. Just because someone says an item is worth a certain amount of money doesn’t mean you’re going to get that number from a middle man-type seller. But you’re talking a $13,000 difference in price — shouldn’t that be worth a few extra trips to various dealers outside of the pawn shop realm?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 26, 2010 at 10:30 pm

Posted in Entertainment

kkk’s Rule Of Life #8

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Ninety percent of your ideas are stupid — the trick is finding the ones that aren’t and making the most out of them.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 25, 2010 at 9:05 pm

Searching For This Entry’s Identity

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So tonight is the premiere of comedian Steve Byrne’s Comedy Central stand-up special, titled “The Byrne Identity.”

Why an I talking about this? Because I went to high school with this guy. He was two grades above me, and when I was in 10th grade we were in a public speaking class together.

For those that followed KK’s Korner from its previous residence, you may remember the following entry dealing with the aforementioned class. (Wouldn’t it be great if I bothered to transfer these entries from the old place to this place? That way I could include a link to make it all official-like.)

I also had this woman for a public speaking class the year before, and that was some fun right there. There was one project where I was in a group of five and the assignment was this 20-minute panel debate over a topic of our choice. You needed two people on one side of the argument, two people on the other side and a moderator. Our group, which was made up of slackers just like me, picked “censorship.” My role was to be moderator. We had several class periods to work on this project, and all we did was sit there and bullshit. After a few days, we realized that we had nothing done so we worked on an “intro.” By “intro” I’m not talking about opening remarks. No. We were going to pretend this was a late-night talk show and we were thinking up ways to introduce the program. We were the last group to do our presentation, and the four-five groups before were made up of actual students who cared about their academic achievement. After the first day when the first two groups did their presentations, we suddenly realized we were in a world of shit. The day before our presentation, I frantically tried to make an outline of who was going to say what about our topic, which was about Free Speech Rights. On the morning of the big debate, we got ready for our intro, which we spent all of our class time preparing. And just what did we do?

*Person 1 turns off the lights to the room*

“Person 2 plays tape recorder with a voice saying, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Late Night with KKK.’ Suddenly the Looney Tunes theme comes on.”

*Persons 3 and 4 are across the room from each other and swirling flashlights around while theme plays.*

*Person 4 (me) moves up to the front. When the theme stops playing, Person 1 turns the lights back on and Person 2 plays the tape of crickets chirping.*

Judging from the look on our teacher’s face, this didn’t go over as well as we had hoped.

As bad as this was, our actual presentation was even worse. Instead of following the script of Person 1 on the pro-free speech side giving their spiel with Person 1 on the anti-free speech side retorting, it just a free-for-all. And with me as the moderator, I had no clue what the hell everybody was going to say next. Ironically, I had put the most work into this thing (which isn’t saying much mind you) and I got the worst grade out of the five of us. But that was nothing when compared to the next project. The same five of us had to do a “interrogation-type” project where each of us had to be a “prosecutor” and a “defendant” regarding another topic. This project’s topic was obscenity laws. The only thing I remember about this was one person grilling the other and the following ensued.

“Person A, you claim some cartoons today are ‘obscene.’”

“Yes.”

“What about the cartoons of generations before? Were they as bad?”

“No.”

“How about Walt Disney? Were they ‘obscene.’”

“No.”

“How about Donald Duck?”

“No.”

“Even though he has no pants?”

Yes, that was the HIGHLIGHT. After we were done, our teacher blasted us for at least 5 minutes about how we didn’t follow any of the rules of the assignment among other things. I don’t remember much of what she said because I was too busy trying to hold in my laughter. But these incidents weren’t as memorable as the public speaking class I took while I was in college.

Well Steve was part of the group that threw me under the bus for the panel discussion. Now that I think about it, he did the voice for the “Late night with kkk” entry. He was also the one getting questioned about Donald Duck’s lack of clothing from the waist down. I can’t remember Steve’s exact response to the “Even though he as no pants” question, but I know it contained the words/phrases, “You don’t see,” “Minnie Mouse” and “knockers.”

Keep livin’ the dream.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 25, 2010 at 8:57 pm

Posted in Entertainment

kkk’s Rule Of Life #7

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Is it really necessary to have a viable third political party in this country — aren’t two of them bad enough?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 25, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Party Time At Wally’s World

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Nothing like a trip to Walmart to make you feel better about yourself.

Last night the better half and I made our monthly trek to Wally’s World to get assorted stuff and to take in the scenic wildlife. And by “scenic wildlife” I mean “white trash.”

And I wasn’t disappointed.

The highlight was going down one aisle, then going down another aisle. While venturing down Aisle Two, I heard some woman over in the previous aisle SCREAMING at her kids. Why? No clue. I think one kid wanted something or other. It was so bad I went down this aisle again.

And I wasn’t disappointed.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 24, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Posted in Life

Small Market This

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From an MLB Network talking head last night.

San Diego Padres: 29th in league payroll; 56 wins, 39 losses. Pittsburgh Pirates: 30th in league payroll: 34 wins, 62 losses.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 24, 2010 at 10:25 am

Posted in Sports

The Doctor Will See Me Now?

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So earlier today I paid a visit to the doctor’s for my annual physical exam.

My doctor requires each patient to get at least a annual exam. Otherwise, he drops you.

My yearly appointment was today at 3 pm. I left work at 1:30 pm to get there in time.

I showed up to an empty waiting room. Got my blood pressure taken. Was told by some nurse that my blood work was fine and that I was in ideal health. Overall the appointment took 30 minutes.

That’s it.

Oh, and I didn’t actually see the doctor — it was some nurse who said this wonderful line: “You know, you really don’t have to come here every year.”

The following conversation then took place. You can figure out who’s who:

“I have to come here every year or else Dr. XXXXXXX drops me.”

“I know.”

“So if I don’t get a physical every year, I get dropped.”

“I know.”

These people want me out — the hell? They can’t remember me from the last time I was in this office almost a year ago. I dropped the better half off for her annual physical. I then went grocery shopping. I came back to the office and then proceeded to wait in an empty waiting office for almost an hour for Mrs. kkk to be done with her appointment. As my groceries were melting away in the car, I changed the office’s radio dial and hid a bunch of magazines around the office. I was about to stack the chairs when the better half came out and threw my ass in the car.

God only knows what my chart must say.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 23, 2010 at 10:06 pm

Posted in Life

kkk’s Rule Of Life #6

with 2 comments

When your coworker presents a REALLY stupid idea, try to make sure they’re joking and not being serious before you make any comments.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 23, 2010 at 10:15 am

The Sequel To This Entry Won’t Be As Bad As Others Claim

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So I’m a fan of the Angry Nintendo Video Game Nerd. His videos entertain me, and he does a damn good job at reviewing film-related material.

Not too long ago he did a video about the “Top 10 Sequels That Aren’t As Bad As Everyone Says.” It’s a Thursday night. I’m feeling lazy. I’ll just peep the 10 he picked and offer my comments. Yeah, it’s going to be one of these efforts.

Click here if you want to watch the video first. Don’t scroll down if you want the video to be spoiler-free.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park
I agree. I liked this movie. It had dinosaurs eating people. Jurassic Park III is the one I can’t stand, although I have been more accepting of it over the years. One thing I liked about the Jurassic Park sequels is that the second one focused on the Jeff Goldblum character while the third dealt with the Sam Neill character. And yes, I was swerved when I first learned that Dr. Grant and his squeeze never got married.

Ghostbusters II
I completely agree with the Nerd’s commentary on this one. The first Ghostbusters was a classic. The sequel wasn’t that bad. I remember watching this in the theater and thinking to myself, “Wow, that went by fast.” That’s a good thing.

Terminator 3
Yes, again. I not a huge fan of the Terminator series, And I did enjoy this installment. On one hand it’s a bit of a letdown knowing that the first two movies were really all for nothing, considering that “Judgment Day” was inevitable, but on the other hand, I liked the “twist.” How bad would it suck to go back in time and take two people into this hideout, knowing full well what’s going to take place. Then again, if you’re a machine, you probably don’t know what “suck” is anyway.

Gremlins 2
I’ve never watched this all the way through. We own the two Gremlins movies, but these are Mrs. kkk’s DVDs. This means I don’t watch them. I’ve seen bits and pieces of this film, and if the Nerd says it’s good, then I’ll take his word. Besides, it has Christopher Lee.

Psycho II
Never saw any of the Psycho sequels. Next.

Back to the Future III
OK, I don’t get the Back to the Future movies. The first one is cute. The others? They’re there. If you have a hard-on for Doc and Marty, good for you. I’m not going to hate.

Rocky V
I’ll defend this one. It wasn’t AS bad as people say it is; it went a different route. Instead of fighting in a ring, there’s a street fight without a payday. Wait, did I just pooh-pooh Back to the Future and PRAISE Rocky V? Dang. I guess to sum up my feelings regarding this movie: I vaguely remember event watching this, and when I did watch this movie I remember thinking to myself, “Well, it’s not as horrid as I thought it would be.”

Spiderman 3
Hmmm. I watched this in the theater and went, “What the hell is this shit?” Like a dope, I bought the DVD (on uber-sale, of course) I’ve watched this movie a few more times and it has improved. There’s too much story crammed in this story, and I can’t stand the Sandman character. I love it when there’s an attempt to build sympathy for a “bad guy” and it falls completely flat.

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch
I’ve watched this movie once all the way through. If it were a stand-alone film and not part of the Halloween franchise, I’d say it was there — not the abomination it sometimes get tagged with. Besides, I find myself strangely fixated on this.

And what was the list’s final selection?

Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Matt and Trey said it best.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 22, 2010 at 10:10 pm

Posted in Entertainment

So That’s Why White Men Can’t Jump

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Why am I posting this?

Because I don’t have enough hits from search results that contain the word “belly button.”

Scientists have found the reason why blacks dominate on the running track and whites in the swimming pool: it’s in their belly-buttons, a study published Monday shows.

What’s important is not whether an athlete has an innie or an outie but where his or her navel is in relation to the rest of the body, says the study published in the International Journal of Design and Nature and Ecodynamics.

The navel is the center of gravity of the body, and given two runners or swimmers of the same height, one black and one white, “what matters is not total height but the position of the belly-button, or center of gravity,” Duke University professor Andre Bejan, the lead author of the study, told AFP.

“It so happens that in the architecture of the human body of West African-origin runners, the center of gravity is significantly higher than in runners of European origin,” which puts them at an advantage in sprints on the track, he said.

Individuals of West African-origin have longer legs than European-origin athletes, which means their belly-buttons are three centimeters (1.18 inches) higher than whites’, said Bejan.

That means the black athletes have a “hidden height” that is three percent greater than whites’, which gives them a significant speed advantage on the track.

“Locomotion is essentially a continual process of falling forward, and mass that falls from a higher altitude, falls faster,” Bejan explained.

In the pool, meanwhile, whites have the advantage because they have longer torsos, making their belly-buttons lower in the general scheme of body architecture.

“Swimming is the art of surfing the wave created by the swimmer,” said Bejan.

“The swimmer who makes the bigger wave is the faster swimmer, and a longer torso makes a bigger wave. Europeans have a three-percent longer torso than West Africans, which gives them a 1.5-percent speed advantage in the pool,” he said.

Asians have the same long torsos as Europeans, giving them the same potential to be record-breakers in the pool.

But they often lose out to whites because whites are taller, said Bejan.

Many scientists have avoided studying why blacks make better sprinters and whites better swimmers because of what the study calls the “obvious” race angle.

But Bejan said the study he conducted with Edward Jones, a professor at Howard University in Washington, and Duke graduate Jordan Charles, focused on the athletes’ geographic origins and biology, not race, which the authors of the study call a “social construct.”

Bejan is white, originally from Romania, and Jones is black, from South Carolina.

They charted and analyzed nearly 100 years of records in men’s and women’s sprinting and 100-meters freestyle swimming for the study.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 22, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Posted in Sports

I’m Not With Coco

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Here’s the headline.

‘Conan’ painting by late Pa. artist goes for $1.5M

Is it Conan the Barbarian or Conan O’Brein? I’m going with the former. Am I correct?

Survey says…

A 1971 painting by fantasy artist Frank Frazetta has sold for $1.5 million, two months after the Pennsylvania artist’s death.

Frazetta’s managers said this week that a private collector bought “Conan the Destroyer” from a family trust. Managers Robert Pistella and Stephen Ferzoco call it the price the highest ever for a work by Frazetta.

The illustrator died in Florida in May at age 82. His iconic illustrations of Conan the Barbarian, Tarzan and other characters often graced comic books, album covers and movie posters.

In recent years, his children have fought over an estate estimated to be worth tens of millions of dollars.

The feud boiled over in December when Frank Frazetta Jr. used a backhoe to try to break into the artist’s museum in the Pocono Mountains.

…ding ding ding.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 22, 2010 at 10:03 pm

Posted in Entertainment

kkk’s Rule Of Life #5

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If everything is a top priority, then nothing is a top priority.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 22, 2010 at 10:08 am

Do Fans Play A Factor In A Game’s Outcome?

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So last night I was watching the Angels/Yankees game when there was a bit of a disagreement between the Yankees manager and the officiating crew.

The manager got tossed and he threw a bit of a fit. When the camera went back to the umpire, the announcers made a remark about Geraldo Rivera in the stands.

Thanks to the wonders of DVR, I hit the rewind button. To see Geraldo? Don’t ask.

Then as I paused this moment in time, I noticed that Geraldo wasn’t alone.

The EvIl EmPiRe in the stands is watching the eViL eMpIrE on the field.

OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2010~!!!!

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 21, 2010 at 10:24 pm

Posted in Sports

Shooting Off About Rambo

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I have to admit that Rambo (Third blood, Part VI … ah, the newest one) is quickly shooting up on my list of guilty pleasures. At least Punisher: War Zone has the obvious cartoony element to its senseless violence. This one … holy cow.

I’ve seen this movie three times now, and each repeated viewing is better than the last. Heck, I remember getting the Rambo DVD Collection (Black Friday sale, ftw) thinking that the fourth installment was going to be a piece of shit. After all, Sylvester Stallone is how old now? Some men have mid-life crises and buy a sports car. Sly just makes a movie.

So how was this movie?

Wow.

It had all the violence (if not more) as the second film in the series, but the campy element was turned way down. Sure Rambo is firing off a gun and dusting fools by the dozens, but this time you’re cheering him on because you witnessed earlier in the movie how evil the other side is — especially with the village scene earlier on in the movie.

For as big a mark as I was for Col. Trautman (RIP Richard Crenna) in the previous movies, you don’t even notice him in this one.

Burnett: So what I’m asking is that we compensate you for a few hours of your time that will help change people’s lives.

John J. Rambo: Are you bringing any weapons?

Burnett: Of course not.

John J. Rambo: You’re not changing anything.

Burnett: Well, it’s thinking like that that keeps the world the way it is.

John J. Rambo: [walking away] Fuck the world.

Hell yeah.

I’m not that much into the Rocky movies, but I wonder if the newest installment in this franchise gives a similar boost? From what I’ve heard it does. Maybe I’ll watch it one of these years.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 21, 2010 at 9:56 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Watching More Soccer Is A Goooooal

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So the World Cup has been over for a few weeks. Usually this is the time when I start to get over soccer and focus on other things. However, this time around I’m going to give the sport an extended look.

I’ve said before that I normally watch the World Cup and then tune out of soccer for four years. I don’t hate the game, but I don’t really have the desire to watch this overseas product and take the time to figure out leagues/teams/players/etc. (And don’t even mention America’s MLS.) But this time around, I was told more more than one person that the best soccer to watch isn’t the World Cup but rather league play.

So I’m going to make an effort to do that.

I’ve already started by watching some matches on this channel on my digital cable lineup. The games are from earlier this year, but you know what? The play isn’t all that bad.

I’ll have to do some research, such as finding out when various league seasons start up, but this may be the year I add “soccer” to my list of sports-related viewing.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 21, 2010 at 9:45 pm

Posted in Sports

Cut Myself Shaving — Ruh Roh

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So this morning I cut myself shaving. And the little nick kept on gushing. So much so that my bath towel looked like it was involved in childbirth.

Mrs. kkk asked me if I can feel myself cutting open my flesh while shaving. Oddly enough, I can’t. I don’t cut myself shaving all that often, but when I do, I go all out.

Patting the wound with a towel didn’t work, so I went to my next line of defense. I put toilet paper on the gash. Not just a little piece of toilet paper, mind you. I use an entire tissue. Hey, it’s early in the morning. I’m not going out in public. So what?

Well the problem was the wound wasn’t closing up. And it was getting close to lower-case “t” time (time to leave). Now it’s time to go all out. what did I put on my face?

Yep. I had a Scooby Doo bandage on my chin for half the workday.

For those that don’t remember my grand tale of the kkk health-care closet, take a look at the upper left section of the image.

That’s a Hello Kitty set of boo-boo covers.

Hey, the better half wants these stupid bandage designs. I get them on sale and with a coupon. I don’t care. Besides, I wear oversized shorts and t-shirts to work. It’s not like I care how I look anyway. Besides, it’s funny to see a person’s reaction.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 21, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Posted in Life

Dissecting Whether Or Not My Doo-Doo Separates

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So someone asked this question a little while ago: “Do you have your shit together?”

In one form or another, this is a question I’ve heard throughout my life. When you’re in high school, if you don’t have your “shit” together you won’t get into a good school.

When you’re in college, if you don’t have your “shit” together, you won’t graduate … with HONORS.

When you’re out of college, if you don’t have your “shit” together, you won’t get a good job.

When you’re out of college and working, if you don’t have your “shit” together, you won’t get a house/married/whatever.

My question is: when do people stop asking this question.

Well, I thought about this question for a moment, and I think whether or not one has their shit together is up to the person doing the judging. Take me for instance. I own a house with a mortgage that will be paid off (hopefully) in a few years. I’m married and have been with the same person for more than 13 years. We make a household income several times the average in my redneck part of the woods.

Do I have my “shit” together? One might think that. Then again, we don’t have any children and I despise my family. I also have had a terrible time picking friends over the course of my life, so I’m not a very trusting person. Then again, I’m not all that likeable to begin with, so blaming my ability to “pick” friends is a pretty bad cop out.

Some people may think I have my proverbial shit together. Some might not. And I wouldn’t argue with either analysis.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 21, 2010 at 9:19 pm

Posted in Life

kkk’s Rule Of Life #4

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There IS a difference between “heat” and a “dry heat.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 20, 2010 at 11:30 am

You Are What You Eat, When You Eat It

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Seventy-six percent? Good lord.

A new study from ShelfLifeAdvice.com and Harris Interactive says that 76 percent of U.S. consumers mistakenly believe certain foods are unsafe to eat after the date printed on the packaging has passed.

“Food scientists agree that most foods, if stored properly, can be safely consumed for days or even weeks past the package date,” said Joe Regenstein, professor of food science at Cornell University and a member of the ShelfLifeAdvice.com Board of Advisors. “The dates on food packages are very conservative; if the product was stored properly, it should last well beyond the date on the package.”

My God, I’ve got A-1 Steak Sauce that “expired” back in 2008 down in the fruit cellar.

If it doesn’t stink and I don’t see any mold, I’m good to go.

The study asked 2,482 American adults which, if any, of 10 refrigerated food products were considered unsafe to eat past the printed package date. Almost half of the respondents believed eggs were one of these products.

Eggs? I’ve had some so far past the “sell by” date that I’m surprised they didn’t hatch.

Actually, once the eggs get past that particular date I just hard-boil them. Actually, I usually do this anyway because I prefer eggs this way. But I digress.

I’m curious to see what 10 items were used.

Milk: if properly refrigerated will remain safe, nutritious, and tasty for about a week after the “sell-by” date and will probably be safe to drink longer than that, though, with time,
there’s a decline in nutritional value and taste.

Mrs. kkk goes through moo-juice like water. I always get 2-3 gallons per week and have no fear of any of it going bad.

Cottage cheese: is no longer a fragile product, especially the commercial pasteurized varieties with protective packaging and preservatives that are mold inhibitors. Dean’s says its cottage cheese lasts for 10-14 days after the date on the carton (or 10-14 days after opening if this period ends before the printed date).

Interesting. I normally eat two servings at a time so any time I get this product it’s gone in a few days. Can’t remember if I ever ate this stuff past it’s “sell by” date.

Store-bought mayonnaise: is acidic and contains preservatives, so it’s well protected from contamination. Mayonnaise is often blamed for illnesses that are actually caused
by the products it’s mixed with. Unopened, refrigerated Kraft mayonnaise can be kept for 30 days after its expiration date or 3-4 months after opening, the company told
ShelfLifeAdvice.com.

Oh hell. This shit stays in the fridge for months on end. I never even thought about this one.

Yogurt: will remain good 7-10 days after its “sell-by” date. If kept longer, it will develop a stronger taste and the bacterial cultures (which act as preservatives) will start to die
off.

If I eat an old yogurt cup, which I do quite a bit, and I end up on the shitter as a result, I chalk that up as a lesson learned. A lesson to eat yogurt quicker.

Eggs: properly refrigerated, should last at least 3- 5 weeks after the “sell-by” date, according to Professor Joe Regenstein, a food scientist at Cornell University. Many consumers don’t know this and discard eggs when they reach the “sell-by” date.

I already commented on eggs.

Some respondents checked these products in the survey: cheddar cheese (29%), orange juice (29%), margarine (19%), olives (15%) and mustard (12%). All remain safe to consume even after they are open and past the “sell-by” or “use-by” date (assuming proper handling). Among the survey respondents, women did 8% better than men, older people did better than younger ones, and married folks surpassed singles. But overall, the answers showed widespread misunderstanding of product dating.

Cheddar cheese. I’ve had packages with mold and I STILL tried picking away the “bad parts.” I recommend against this practice.

OJ. I’ve had some in the fridge for a long-ass time and it did taste blah. Still drank it anyway.

Margarine. That goes bad?

Olives. I don’t eat them. No comment.

Mustard? That goes bad?

Want to know how bad I am about throwing away food? Years ago I forgot about some chicken breasts and left them on the basement washing machine. A few days passed and the basement STUNK. The better half asked what I forgot to put away and then noted the chicken breasts. I then tried to salvage this buy-one-get-one-free purchase by putting them in the garage freezer. Mrs. kkk wasn’t having any of that, even after I told her I’d just cook them longer.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 19, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Posted in News

Government Website Pitch

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So I heard this radio ad for http://www.usa.gov (or something like that). Basically it touted all the great benefits your government has for you.

There were several examples of how if you go onto usa.gov for one thing, you might stay on and get information for something else. One such example was, “if you go on for passport information, you could stay on to get travel alerts.”

Then we got to the final example, which went, “if you go on for lottery results, you could stay on to get information on retirement planning.”

Oy.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 18, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Posted in News

Shark Attacks

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So, who’d win:

Sharktopus…

…or Megalodon?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 17, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Posted in Entertainment

He’s The Boss

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So with having watched the Rays/Yankees game tonight, I guess this is a good time to give my thoughts about the Boss and his passing.

I liked George Steinbrenner. Sure the guy was crazy as hell, but it’s not like anybody who worked for him was unaware of this fact.

Dude would spend money. Good for him. It’s not like he pocketed everything the Yankees made.

Peace out.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 16, 2010 at 10:57 pm

Posted in Sports

If An All-Star Game Is Played And Nobody Watches, Does It Still Count?

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So Bud Selig wanted to make the MLB All-Star game “count” by giving World Series home-field advantage to the the winning league.

And how’s that working out?

The 2010 All Star Game ratings are in, and they are the lowest ever.

The 2010 All Star Game ratings were estimated at just 7.5 according to the Nielsen ratings system. Those numbers were worse than the previous all-time low of 8.1 back in 2005. According to Nielsen, this means that just 7.5 percent of all the televisions in America were tuned into the event, which is less than the typical episode of America’s Got Talent brings to ABC.

It was a stupid idea when it was first introduced. It’s still a stupid idea. Give home-field advantage in the World Series to the team with the best regular-season record.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 15, 2010 at 8:51 pm

Posted in Sports

You Think That’s Bad? Remember The Time When…

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I have no idea why I find this so funny, but I have more people on my Facebook friends list that are fans of “Family Guy” than the Muslim Wookie Fucker.

Believe me, my friends list is dominated by commies. How did I end up with so many? They just put me on ignore after discovering that I’m still a lunatic after all these years since graduating high school.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 14, 2010 at 8:33 pm

Posted in Life

kkk’s Rule Of Life #3

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Anyone using WIC or food stamps for brand-name items should only be allowed to “purchase” these goods when they are on sale or if a coupon is used in the transaction.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 13, 2010 at 2:10 am

Disabled Benefit System

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You know, it’s shit like this which REALLY pisses me off.

Irwin resident Bob Adler had never attended Relay For Life, even during his bout with cancer.

But when his wife, Cathy, was also diagnosed with cancer, the Adler family looked to the American Cancer Society’s signature event for hope, inspiration and support.

“I didn’t bother with Relay when I was sick, because I was just hell-bent on staying alive,” Bob said. “But now, Relay makes a huge difference for my family.”

They plan to attend the sixth annual Norwin Relay For Life, which starts on July 17.

No, I’m not pissed that these people have had to battle cancer. Keep reading.

Bob, 54, was diagnosed with lymph node and bone cancer in 1997. He was a full-time truck driver, but the disease took him off the road and forced him to apply for disability benefits.

Cathy said that her family had to fight for disability benefits. While they were waiting for the benefits, she took on three jobs to support her family, which also included their daughters, Charleen and Carol, as well as her three grandchildren, Riley, Eric and Damian. The grandchildren’s father is her son, Raymond Thompson, who was no longer living in their home when she was diagnosed.

Bob said the cancer spread throughout his body and required several rounds of chemotherapy.

“I never really kept track of the time, but I had (cancer) for a total of 12 years,” Bob said. “I had it in remission for three years and it came back, so I did eight more months of chemo and it has been in remission ever since.”

These people had to “fight” to get disability benefits, yet my crack-whore sister-in-law comfortably collects a check and gets free health care thanks to a lifetime of alcohol and drug abuse. She’s done nothing for herself and is a useless, lazy sack of diabetic shit, yet these people mentioned above have done everything right in their life and ran into a tough break. I sure can’t wait until the government determines what’s best for me when it comes to health-care issues.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 12, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Posted in News

Out On Vacation

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So in about an hour or so I’ll be off to my first vacation in 12 years.

Mrs. kkk, our non-crack-addicted niece and nephew, and myself are going to an amusement park about 5 hours away and will be there for a few days.

This will be the first time I’ve been on a recreational trip since … the better half and I went to the same amusement part back in the summer of 1998. Yeah, I get around a lot.

I’m not a big vacation person. In fact, I feel they are a waste of time and money. You work twice as hard at the office the week prior to taking several days off and then you have to work twice as hard to catch up on everything you missed once you return. I think another aspect of my anti-vacation outlook is that just about every trip I went on as a kid resulted in disaster — especially the ones with my old man. The first thought that comes to mind? I was in grade school at the time and he, along with his then-girlfriend and maybe another person or two, went to Disney World. The first day down there we had breakfast at a diner. I did not want to have a breakfast dish which featured eggs — I hate scrambled or sunny-side up eggs. Instead I wanted this breakfast that featured a muffin and some other not-as-messy stuff. My old man threw one of his uber-fits and the REST OF THE VACATION WAS RUINED. In addition to not saying ONE WORD during our time at Disney World or Epcot Center, I got to hear him telling his girlfriend at night when I was asleep what a spoiled brat I was. Ah, the memories.

Now that I look back, I think I understand full well why I don’t care for vacations.

Anyway, I may be gone, but KK’s Korner may have a surprise update or two during my absence. How’s that? I’ll be typing up stuff and having it scheduled to be published at a later date. This got me the thinking: before someone dies, they could write up thousands of blog entries and have them set to be published years after his death. So 20 years after dying, that person’s original writings could still be read on a regular basis by an audience.

Then again, perhaps is it ME who died and you are reading this years after my unfortunate run-in with a grizzly bear.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 11, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Posted in Life

kkk’s Rule Of Life #2

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Just because you don’t remember something you said/did, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 11, 2010 at 2:09 am

The Heat Would Have Been On More In The Big Apple

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You know, I just had the following thought.

What if the James/Wade/Bosh signings had been made in BAAAA-ston, or, worse yet, N00-Yawk?

The Boo-Yah Network would have been blocked from my channel lineup for the next 5 years (at least).

That’s me — always looking for the sliver lining around any dark cloud.

And if I may say one more thing. I actually think it’s kinda cool that these three players decided to play together. They even took less money than they could have earned elsewhere. I’m just so goddamn tired of the media exposure. It’s a shame ESPN/ABC broadcasts NBA games, which is the only reason we’re getting this saturated coverage.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 10, 2010 at 11:49 pm

Posted in Sports

Booing Announcer Outrage

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So I was watching the World Cup Uruguay/Germany game today and I had to LOL at the announcer’s OuTrAgE over the fans booing the one player for Uruguay.

Here’s a brief recap of what I’m talking about. Earlier in the knockout round this player committed a handball penalty and prevented a sure goal by the last remaining African team from advancing. Instead of getting a goal, Ghana got a penalty kick, which they flubbed. Uruguay went on to win the game.

The fallout? When Luis Suarez, the Uruguay player who committed the infraction, was booed by the largely African crowd every time he touched the ball. And the announcers were SHOCKED and OFFENDED by this. For real? Several times throughout the match, the announcers said that the crowd was being “distasteful” by this “embarrassing” action. After all, Suarez did not “cheat.” He did the crime. He did the time (a one-game suspension). There were additional comments about Suarez being shaken up by the boo birds and that it was affecting his play.

Get a grip.

Suarez’s stunt reminds me of an NFL cornerback knocking down a wide receiver in the end zone, causing a pass interference penalty. Instead of giving the wide receiver a touchdown, the offense gets a first down on the one-yard line. Does the offense always score a touchdown? No. And in a sense that’s what happened when Uruguay/Ghana game.

The fans had every damn right to boo Suarez. This sort of thing ALWAYS happens in American professional sports; I’m not sure if that’s the case elsewhere, but I’d be willing to be it does. Whenever certain players are up to bat or touch the basketball/hockey puck, fans will then mercilessly boo/catcall that particular athlete. This player took away a sure Ghana goal; I’m not faulting him for what he did. I played soccer as a kid, and when that ball is headed into the net you do anything possible to prevent this from happening. However, this would not make him popular with the World Cup’s host continent. What’s the big deal?

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 10, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Posted in Sports

This Bathroom Is Not Humerous

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So today I made a quick trip to the grocery store … again. I had to use the Little Boy’s Room. Ugh.

I swear to Christ every I question the purpose of man every time I walk into a public bathroom. Such a disgusting species. Seriously, what is so hard about FLUSHING THE URINAL?!

Why must you put stuff in the urinal? You can’t spit your gum out in the garbage can by the sink?

Why can’t you flush the toilets in the stalls after going Number Two? These places have the power flushes. You should be awed by the power of these things.

Why are the floors so goddamn sticker? Yes, I know the answer to that one…

Why do you have to splash water all over the place for the few of you who actually bother to wash your hands after doing your business?

I hate people.

And I’m well aware that the Little Girl’s Room isn’t much better. However, thanks to my years of working in the food/customer-service industry, I have an observation regarding this type of thing.

1) Women’s bathrooms are either horrid or clean. And when I say horrid, I mean HORRID. I’m fully aware of these things you chicks have called “periods.” I’m also aware that some of you like to play a game called, “Let’s see if I can get the store employee think I killed something on the floor.”

2) Men’s bathrooms are consistently disgusting.

At least with a women’s bathroom you have a chance of not being overwhelmed in filth. And usually one could tell if a mop or additional cleaning materials would be needed just moments after entering one of these places. The men’s bathroom you just expect to lose your lunch upon entry.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 9, 2010 at 10:40 pm

Posted in Life

King For A Day (On ESPN)

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It’s 9:15 pm. And STILL no announcement.

DON’T FUCKING TEASE US, BRISTOL!!!!

ESPN LIED, VIEWERSHIP DIED!

OMG OMG OMG OMG

*****************************

EDIT/UPDATE: Bummer. I always liked Dwyane Wade. Now I’m going to have to root against the Heat.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 8, 2010 at 9:17 pm

Posted in Sports

Bet There Are Mean Girls In Prison

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Wha-? She’s going to jail?

Has the Beverly Hills judge who sentenced Lindsay Lohan to 90 days in jail for repeated probation violations made an unfair example out of the star of “Mean Girls” and “The Parent Trap”? Or is the tearful Lohan a prima donna who expected her fame and fortune to buy her leniency?

Oh who gives a shit? I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. If you think celebrities get preferential treatment when it comes to their violations of parole and disregarding laws, then you need to take a gander at my crack-whore sister-in-law. This woman has so many warrants out for her but yet she NEVER SPENDS A DAY IN JAIL~!!! One time my brother-in-law offered to take the police to her apartment so she could be arrested. They declined.

I keep hearing how prisons are overcrowded. I’ll be shocked if any of my crack-whore relatives ever spend a day in the big house for all the shit they’ve done — theft/fraud/driving with a suspended license/driving under the influences/domestic battery/etc.

Lindsay Lohan? N*gga plz.

When I’m out driving, I’m not worried about an intoxicated Paris Hilton colliding her uninsured vehicle with mine.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 7, 2010 at 10:19 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Muslims In Space

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Don’t you know that not giving props for science/match/engineering achievements is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?

Charles Bolden, a retired United States Marines Corps major-general and former astronaut, said in an interview with al-Jazeera that Nasa was not only a space exploration agency but also an “Earth improvement agency”.

Mr Bolden said: “When I became the Nasa administrator, he [the Muslim Wookie Fucker] charged me with three things.

“One, he wanted me to help reinspire children to want to get into science and math; he wanted me to expand our international relationships; and third, and perhaps foremost, he wanted me to find a way to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with dominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to science, math, and engineering.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 7, 2010 at 10:08 pm

Posted in News

Judging Kennedy’s Reaction

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You know, Justice Kennedy, I used to lump you in with the other four Communists that made up the majority opinion to Kelo v. New London.

But keep being a thorn in the Muslim Wookie Fucker’s side and I may issue a reprieve.

President Hussein may get liberal Elena Kagan on the Supreme Court, but conservative swing-voter Anthony Kennedy says he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

Justice Kennedy, who turns 74 this month, has told relatives and friends he plans to stay on the high court for at least three more years – through the end of the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher’s first term, sources said.

That means Kennedy will be around to provide a fifth vote for the court’s conservative bloc through the 2012 presidential election. If the Non-Dialect Negro loses, Kennedy could retire and expect a Republican President to choose a conservative justice.

Yeah, smart move there you Kenyan pile of shit.

Without naming Kennedy, the Insurgent in the White House was unusually(?) critical of his majority opinion in the Citizens United case, handed down last January. That 5-4 decision struck down limits on contributions to political campaigns as an abridgement of free speech.

Osama called the ruling “a major victory for big oil, Wall Street banks, health insurance companies and the other powerful interests that marshal their power … in Washington to drown out the voices of everyday Americans.”

He was so angry that he took the unusual step of blasting the decision in his Jan. 27 State of the Union address, with Kennedy and five other justices looking on.

You acted like a punk bitch and now instead of infecting the High Court with another left-wing twat-rocker in place of Kennedy, known by many as a “swing vote,” you are going to make this position a real lifetime appointment for those who don’t see the Constitution as a “living, breathing document.” Then again, once Hussein Health Care takes effect, I hope the Constitution doesn’t come down with a case of the sniffles. It might be quite so “living” or “breathing.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 7, 2010 at 10:04 pm

Posted in News

Make Way For The King

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Wait … so that LeBron James one hour where-will-I-go ESPN special is not a joke and is actually happening?

LeBron James’ big moment is here—not as an NBA champion but as a free agent. There will be no parade, no ring ceremony, no banner raising.

Instead, on a prime time made-for-TV special his handlers contracted with ESPN, James will announce Thursday night where he’ll play next season and beyond. Fans from coast to coast will tune in to watch, with the ones in his home state of Ohio praying they won’t have their hearts broken again.

The Decision, it’s been dubbed.

My God. I thought this was a joke. Then I turned on “Pardon the Interruption” this afternoon and my worst fears were confirmed. I especially liked the reading on the bottom-of-the-screen scrawl that THE DECISION was going to take place after a THREE HOUR SportsCenter. I should have known better to watch “PTI” in real time and just fast-forwarded through all the LeBron-related shit via DVR.

And to think once upon a time I actually liked this guy. Now I hope he never wins a title.

The Onion could have made all of this up and I might have laughed. (I said “might.”)

When the Celtics and Lakers faced off in the finals a few years ago, I thought the ESPN hype machine couldn’t get any worse with the knob-slobbing. Holy cow was I wrong.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 7, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Posted in Sports

Return Of Moronic Movie Marketing

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I know for a fact this didn’t take place near my local cinema’s Vampire v. Werewolf premiere.

Forget Team Edward and Team Jacob, Organizing for (a Socialist) America hopes “Twilight” fans will be Team Hussein.

The western Pennsylvania chapter of the terrorist-supporting grassroots group recently showed up at a premiere for the new “Twilight” flick, “Eclipse,” at a Pittsburgh shopping area. And it went well enough that National Press Secretary Lynda Tran said she could see OF(aS)A heading to movie premieres again.

“To my knowledge the effort in Pennsylvania is the first time OF(aS)A volunteers have turned to a movie premiere to connect with potential supporters,” Tran told Yeas & Nays in an e-mail. “Given their success in Pittsburgh I wouldn’t be surprised to see other efforts like this one replicated around the country.”

So how well did it go? According to the Allentown Morning Call, OF(aS)A managed to “entice some Hollister-wearing idiots “Twilight” fans to register to vote and some 300 in total to promise to cast ballots in the congressional elections this fall.”

Young voters overwhelmingly supported the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher in the 2008 jihad of America election and women tend to vote Democratic. Both demographics seem to love the steamy vampire series.

How do I know this didn’t take place at the theater just minutes from my house? Had it been the case, I would have probably needed to bail out the better half the next day because she most likely would have started a fight with the Followers of the White House Insurgent. Funny side note about Mrs. kkk’s midnight movie-going experience. The next day after getting home from work she fell asleep at 6 pm and didn’t wake up until 6 am the next morning, and even then I had to do some prodding. That’s what happens when she returns home at 2 am on a worknight.

Speaking of people doing stuff unrelated to a movie’s actual presentation, this story reminds me of an event some years ago when “Return of the King” was premiering at my local theater. Right before the film began, these pseudo-medieval people began having a sword fight in the auditorium. Yes, they were dressed up in that renaissance garb. Anyway, after their epic dual was complete, they began pimping pimping their hippie festival and passed out promotional fliers. The audience wasn’t amused.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

July 7, 2010 at 9:33 pm

Posted in Entertainment