KK's Korner

No telling what’s being thought of in the mind of a lunatic

Archive for November 2010

T S’n A

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So earlier this week I heard a reference to the TSA as “TSA-holes.” If I actually cared about the crackdown patdowns that are taking place at the airport, I’d probably laugh even more.

You know, I guess I should care more about this issue but I don’t. In fact, this is a damn good example to people about how intrusive government can be into your life. Don’t like this? Wait until they take over your health care.

And this story cracks me up.

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) has issued a travel notice to Muslim airline passengers, warning them that new regulations from the Transportation Security Administration violate certain religious rules.

According to CAIR, the TSA’s new “enhanced pat down” policy should be limited to searching only around Muslim women’s head and neck if they are wearing a hijab and that Muslims objecting to the enhanced full-body scans have the right to request the pat-down procedure be done in a private place.

And this story made me regurgitate ever so slightly:

There have been a number of illuminating discussions here and elsewhere on the TSA Pat-Down policy that has recently been implemented. Gloria Allred, the noted attorney, has her own inimitable take on the situation, as seen in the video below.

Allred has become famous for taking on a number of high-profile cases, usually involving women being taken advantage of, at least from Allred’s point of view. Most recently, she has been involved when Meg Whitman’s long time maid, who was an illegal immigrant, claimed that Whitman fired her when she decided to enter the California gubernatorial race. She also rather cleverly took the case of the first of Tiger Woods’ liaisons (I forget her name, somebody who knows/cared more about pop culture will enlighten us, I’m sure.) and apparently was able to induce Woods to provide a great deal of money for some reason to the woman.

Anyway, on Sean Hannity’s program, they discussed the current political conflict about the new TSA policy. They then interviewed Allred. Hannity asked her, ‘Did they touch your body parts?’. Allred responded, ‘Yeah, they did and it was a first time anybody touched them in a long time and frankly, I liked it.’”

And the funny thing is if these same airport screeners would be asking passengers or proof of identity, Ms. Feel-Me-Up and all the usual suspects would be filing lawsuit after lawsuit.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 30, 2010 at 11:31 pm

Posted in News

Nielsen’s Rating

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So Leslie Nielsen passed away. Just in case you don’t believe me.

Leslie William Nielsen, OC (11 February 1926 – 28 November 2010

Now many people are making references to his Naked Gun movies, or his ‘Don’t call me Shirley” line from “Airplane.” However, here’s something you don’t see every day. From 1977’s “Day of the Animals.”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 29, 2010 at 11:53 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Better Dead Than Ed

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Thank Allah you’ve only got another month or so left in office, shithead.

Claiming the bill advanced a “shoot first, ask questions later mentality,” Gov. Ed Rendell on Saturday vetoed legislation expanding self-defense protections.

The bill would have provided the same right to use lethal force in self-defense outside and inside the home.

The so-called castle doctrine in state law gives people the right to shoot an intruder in their home or office without retreat. The bill would have extended that protection to locations such as driveways, streets and parks if a person was confronted by an assailant intent on inflicting death or bodily injury.

I can understand why big-city mayors don’t want their voters packing heat in public. I may not agree with them on this issue, but I can see where they’re coming from.

The moment you want to disarm me in my private residence, or put me in danger by creating a law that questions when I’m allowed to fire at someone invading my property, then it’s on.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 28, 2010 at 12:17 am

Posted in News

kkk’s Rule Of Life #45

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The only thing consistent in life is inconsistency.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 27, 2010 at 12:06 am

Black Friday 2010

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Twelve-plus hours, ten stores and one website later I’m back home. God I love the free market. Can’t feel anything below my knees, but that’s OK. It should return eventually.

Why do I head out to the Capitalism Battlefield at all hours of the morning with the rest of the dumb-masses? Because I’m an idiot.

Now I’m off to bed.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 26, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Posted in Life

Terrific Turkey Day … Almost

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Well today was fun.

A Turkey Day event sans any crack-head relatives showing up at the in-laws. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves — what a surprise.

And it only cost me 50 cents to learn I live by a thief. We discovered that our newspaper, complete with Black Friday ads, was missing from our delivery driver’s usual spot. Additionally, our neighbor’s paper was untouched. I can’t wait until next year when these shitdicks try this again. While I already knew what was in each stores Black Friday fliers thanks to this here Internet, these sales ads are a great reference for when I’m out in the thick of it. Plus it’s the principle of it all.

Now it’s off to bed so I can get up … three hours from now.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 25, 2010 at 11:46 pm

Posted in Life

Slim Tease

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Man Girdles being pimped on TV commercials.

I’ll stick with my pooh-belly, thank you very much.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 24, 2010 at 11:43 pm

Posted in Entertainment

kkk’s Rule Of Life #44

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I don’t necessarily agree with “merit pay” for teachers; you can try to educate all day long, but if the kid’s a dumbass then the kid’s a dumbass.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 23, 2010 at 11:42 pm

Pope Endorsing, Not Burning, Rubber

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So the pope is now all about putting a cap on jimmy. Wonder if he posted that on his Twitter account?

Pope Benedict XVI says in a new book that the use of condoms can be justified in some cases, such as for male prostitutes seeking to prevent the spread of HIV.

The pontiff made the comments in a book-length interview with a German journalist, “Light of the World: The Pope, the Church and the Signs of the Times.” The Vatican newspaper ran excerpts of the book Saturday.

I guess this is progress. Now if he would only do something about the ass-raping of alter boys by his priests.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 22, 2010 at 11:19 pm

Posted in News

Jets’ Winning Drive

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Note to self: Stay away from national sports talk/coverage this week, what with N00-Yawk heroically going down the field in the waning moments against the league’s worst pass defense that gave up a hail mary touchdown pass last week.

Santonio Holmes caught a 6-yard touchdown pass from Mark Sanchez with 10 seconds left, lifting the New York Jets to a stunning 30-27 comeback victory over the Houston Texans on Sunday.

After the Jets blew a 16-point lead in the fourth quarter, they trailed 27-23 with less than a minute left. But Sanchez completed two passes to LaDainian Tomlinson, then had a pretty 42-yard throw to Braylon Edwards with 16 seconds remaining.

On the next play, Sanchez found Holmes streaking into the left corner of the end zone for the Jets’ winning score. A video replay confirmed that Holmes, whose 37-yard touchdown catch won last Sunday’s game at Cleveland in overtime, got both feet in bounds for New York (8-2).

It was another heartbreaking loss for the Texans (4-6), who fell last week on a desperation heave as time expired at Jacksonville.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 21, 2010 at 11:30 pm

Posted in Sports

Watching Dead

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So today I decided to go on Comcast OnDemand and take a gander at the “Walking Dead” show on AMC.

I like. A lot.

I’m not a huge zombie fan but I don’t necessarily hate the genre. However, I think the George Romero “Dead” series is way overrated. I also think the new “Dawn” is overrated. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll watch a zombie movie, but I don’t wank to these films like others do.

Here is some kkk-ommentary from watching the first three episodes.

[spoilerz]

— One thing I have to take note of are all the white-trash redneck characters. They may be wife-beating, racist, high-school dropouts, but at least they’re still alive, baby.

— If there is a zombie outbreak, who in their right mind would go to a major urban area? Seriously. I don’t even venture into the city now.

— After seeing what happened to the horse in the first episode, I know this won’t be a series I’ll be watching with the better half.

— I have to admit that I thought the main character was really going to shoot himself under the tank. Well done.

[/spoilerz]

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 21, 2010 at 12:22 am

Posted in Entertainment

Top KK’s Korner Searches For 11/20/10

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lsu football locker and jersey photo
navel finger
finger in navel
fort dix sal paolantonio
finger in bellybutton
that’s my belly button
wookie tanks
boy in my belly
female sprinter ass
nfl players who attended nassau community college
get in mah belly girl

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 20, 2010 at 2:36 am

Posted in Top Searches

kkk’s Rule Of Life #43

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I like my face smooth as a baby’s bottom, which might explain what comes out of my mouth.

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November 20, 2010 at 2:27 am

Being Trapped In A Cell Phone

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So tonight the better half and I went out to the mall and got some phat new cell phones.

Mrs. kkk gets this discount through her workplace and we share four phones — two for us, two for my in-laws — at some family rate.

This is the only reason I have a cell phone. I hate these things.

I understand the need for cell phones, but these things are nothing more than an electronic leash. With the exception of calling Mrs. kkk to let her know I’m backed up in traffic and that I’ll let her know when I’m closer to picking her up from work (we commute together), I never use my cell phone. OK, I lied. I sometimes call her from the grocery store if I forgot what she wanted from the weekly trip. OK, I lied again. We also use cell phones during Black Friday to coordinate our locations within a store. But that’s all. For the most part.

Actually, here’s what I really want to bitch about. I just want a phone. I don’t care about texting. I don’t care about taking pictures. I just want a phone with big buttons.

When the smoke settled, I ended up with an LG something-or-other. It calls other people and … and … it has this mini-keyboard compartment thing for texting that I have no clue how to unlock. Why did the better half and I agree on this model? It was the cheapest available and was buy-one-get-one-free. Now I can’t wait to get those debit rebate cards that work anywhere except the actual store you want to use them at. I’m sure sometime this weekend Mrs. kkk will take a picture of the cats on my phone and make that my phone’s wallpaper.

And the funny thing is that after a week I’ll get used to this new phone’s smaller number pad and the fact it no longer fits in my cell phone holder device. Then two years later when it’s time to get another phone I’ll be bitching because that new model will have even SMALLER buttons and a bunch of features I’ll be indifferent towards.

I’m not a technophobe, but cell phones just don’t do it for me. If I want to go on the Internet, I’ll do it in the comfort of my home in front of a 23-inch computer monitor. When I’m out, I’m out. Then again, I listen to an MP3 player when I’m out shopping, so perhaps I’m not the one to be issuing commentary on the subject of social activities.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 19, 2010 at 11:08 pm

Posted in Life

Reed Given The Boot

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So earlier this week the Steelers cut kicker Jeff Reed. And he’s still getting offers.

A fully-guaranteed $2.8 million contract can make a kicker a little picky. That’s precisely how former Steelers kicker Jeff Reed is feeling after clearing waivers on Wednesday.

Cut Tuesday by the Steelers, the team’s 2010 franchise player cleared waivers on Wednesday. According to Len Pasquarelli of The Sports Xchange, Reed has spurned opportunities to join another team, and he’ll take at least a week off.

With pay. More than $160,000 of it.

“Jeff is not going to kick this week, although he could have,” agent Don Henderson tells Pasquarelli. “He decided he wants to just let the dust settle a bit before he moves on.”

Reed was contacted by three teams, and he received offers from two of them.

The better approach would be to wait for the best opportunity to hitch his wagon to a potential Super Bowl contender. And he’ll continue to get those $160,000-per-week checks from the Steelers until he makes up his mind.

Actually, he’ll continue to get them after he makes up his mind. The question is when and if he wants to add to that via what likely will be a one-year deal for the veteran minimum.

Until then, he’ll have plenty of time to practice those pesky 26-yard field goals.

I’m not surprised at other teams wanting to snatch Reed up. Sure the guy hasn’t had the best of seasons, but there’s got to be more to the story of why the Steelers let him go. For starters, Reed wasn’t the happiest camper in Yinzer Nation, especially since he was hit with the franchise label this year. Additionally, he had been involved with some public spectacles over the past few years, including one where he got all James Harrison on a convenience store towel dispenser. (Hey, I’d be lying if I said I never damaged an inanimate object.)

Pennsylvania state police say Reed threw a temper tantrum at a Sheetz convenience store in New Alexandria, a tiny borough about 35 miles east of Pittsburgh, because its restroom didn’t have any towels.

Reed has been cited for disorderly conduct and criminal mischief, offenses similar to traffic tickets that carry a maximum fine of $300 and 90 days in jail each. Police said he broke the towel dispenser then used profane language to an employee and also outside the store.

“Reed caused damage to a towel dispenser as he was infuriated at the fact that there were no towels in it,” according to a news release by Trooper Shawn Askins, who issued the citations. The incident occurred Saturday about 2:50 a.m.

This type of thing doesn’t go over well with the Rooney family. They like their players to go after their women, not innocent towel dispensers.

And all I got to say is if people thought Reed was bad, wait until they see the new kicker who didn’t make it on the Dallas Cowboys roster.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 18, 2010 at 1:53 am

Posted in Sports

Friends Without A Facebook

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So today was some “National Unfriend Day” on Facebook, and I didn’t lose a single person on my friends last.

Guess the ignore function works just as well for most people.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 17, 2010 at 2:06 am

Posted in Life

kkk’s Rule Of Life #42

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For the love of God, pick your battles; some of them just ain’t worth fighting.

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November 17, 2010 at 2:05 am

$40 Million Could Be Worth $3.5? Damn Inflation

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Well this is a relief.

The contract that supposedly guaranteed Donovan McNabb $40 million could turn out to be worth a mere $3.5 million.

McNabb’s agent, Fletcher Smith, clarified some of the details of McNabb’s deal Tuesday. Smith said that while the contract is worded so that it has “$40 million in guarantees,” the Redskins do have an option to cut McNabb at the end of the season with no further money due.

McNabb received a $3.5 million bonus this year as part of the new agreement, but the rest of the five-year, $78 million package would be voided if the team cuts him.

The clause essentially gives the Redskins seven more games to decide if McNabb is truly the quarterback to lead the team under coach Mike Shanahan, who infamously benched the former Eagle in the final two minutes of a loss to Detroit two weeks ago.

McNabb said Tuesday on his weekly radio show that there is language in the deal that was necessitated by the possibility of a lockout in 2011.

“That doesn’t mean I won’t be a Redskin,” McNabb said. “I will be here next year. … Not just next year, but after that as well.”

I never saw Donovan McNabb as a five-year, $78 million quarterback, ever … ever.

I just had a little $78 million kid come up to me and ask if it was OK for him to play quarterback.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 16, 2010 at 1:39 am

Posted in Sports

This Story Comes With A Swerve

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So let I get this straight. Idiot goes through yield sign, I have to swerve into other lane to avoid accident and I’m the one who gets flipped off?

And the only reason I swerved into the other lane was because I had a feeling the asshole motorist wasn’t going to stop. If there would have been another vehicle into the lane I swerved into, I would have stayed in my lane and took the hit. (Braking wasn’t an option because the would have likely resulted in another accident.)

Hey, if I have to get into an accident, I want it to be one in which I’m not the driver at fault.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 15, 2010 at 11:40 pm

Posted in Life

Brady’s Bitches

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The boss asked me today if I watched last night’s Patriots/Steelers game (she’s a big black-and-gold supporter). I said it’s always fun to see the Steelers be Brady’s bitch.

If there were any lingering doubts I wasn’t getting a pay increase for 2011, this sealed the deal.

Goddamn can Brady pick the Steelers apart. Some people just have a team’s number.

Not many teams beat the Steelers. Tom Brady not only beats them, he embarrasses them.

Brady maintained his mastery of the Steelers, throwing three touchdown passes to tight end Rob Gronkowski and scoring once himself, and the Patriots bounced back from a humbling 20-point loss by beating the Steelers 39-26 on Sunday night.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 15, 2010 at 11:36 pm

Posted in Sports

Dropping The Ball On This Last-Second Play

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I made a reference to the Jaguars/Texans game yesterday, but I feel the need to comment on this game once again.

Coach Gary Kubiak said on Monday that cornerback Glover Quin did his job on the Hail Mary pass, but others involved in the play didn’t, which contributed to the 50-yard touchdown pass from David Garrard to Mike Thomas with no time remaining in Jacksonville’s 31-24 victory.

Quin went up high and batted the ball down with both hands, but it hit Thomas in the stomach, and he held it at the 1-yard line and crossed the goal line for the winning touchdown.

“Everybody has a job to do in that situation,” Kubiak said. “Glover did what he was supposed to do. The ball went to their guy, but there’s nothing he (Quin) could do about that. We did a poor job trailing the play. We didn’t get in our best position to block out. It’s unacceptable as a team that we didn’t get our job done in that situation.”

I really feel bad for that Texans player (Quin) who batted the ball into the receiver’s arms. That’s what you are taught to do — spike the ball instead of going for the interception. Sad thing is, it looked like he could have easily picked that pass off.

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November 15, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Posted in Sports

kkk’s Rule Of Life #41

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Have Gus Johnson announce the Super Bowl because every game he’s a part of is great; and if the game is a dud, he’ll still make a blowout sound exciting.

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November 14, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Straight From The Sewer

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So yesterday I got a sewage bill in the mail. Why is this news? Because I pay my sewage bill annually. Kinda defeats the purpose of paying a bill annually, dontcha think?

Just to be an ass, I’m going to call the sewage people this week and inquire about this bill. My guess is they have their heads up their ass and unexpected expenses came up — probably from installing new sewage lines into new housing developments.

Now I’m glad that I pay this bill annually. I save $25 in doing this , and this “savings” will more than make up for this added cost. Yeah, I know the thinking’s a bit warped on my end. But I need to keep a positive spin on this or else I’ll probably say some not-so-nice things to the poor sewage person on the other end of the phone, who’s probably getting hit with similar phone calls.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 14, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Posted in Life

Putting Baby-Carrying Desires On Hold

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So earlier this week one of Mrs. kkk’s friends popped out a kid. This means last night we had to make a trip to the hospital and see the tyke — like a zoo exhibit.

Yeah, I know. Being fatherless I just don’t understand. Hey, I’m not hatin’. But I think there’s a big difference between men and women when it comes to babies. Women get all gushy and start that baby-talk shit. Guys just stand there and watch. Count all the fingers. Count all the toes. Everything is there. Yay. Now have fun changing diapers for the next few years.

If there’s one thing I HATE about babies, it’s holding them. I’m sorry, but I absolutely dread picking up newborns. It’s not them, it’s me. Every time I pick one up I feel like I’m going to break the thing. And God forbid should I sneeze and drop whoever is in my arms. I couldn’t live with myself f that ever actually happened.

So you see, I’m not anti-baby. I’m just keeping it real. Hell, it’s fun to witness them go batshit and start throwing a fit. I just yell back at them when they act up. They don’t know any better. Years ago when Mrs. kkk and I were baby-sitting her two-year-old nephew and newborn niece, I practiced this method of nurturing whenever the niece started screaming. I thought it was funny. And by the end of the day it was Mrs. kkk’s eye that was twitching — not mine. And the eye wasn’t twitching from me going holler-for-holler with the infant.

But back to last night’s festivities. My theory about men not wanting to hold babies may have some merit. During our time with the baby, two other couples arrived to pay their well-wishes. And with each couple, the husband of the group just stood there with folded arms while the wives gushed over the crumb-snatcher.

So you see, I’m not a complete lunatic.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 13, 2010 at 10:02 pm

Posted in Life

Ravens Roughed

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Nice to see that the NFL has reached a point where the offensive players are allowed to be more physical than the defensive players.

As much as I like seeing the Ravens on the short end of a highlight, that was offensive pass interference.

Still can’t believe I thought the Falcons drafting Matt Ryan was a bad pack. I’m horrible at evaluating QB talent. I think every high first-round draft pick is a bust. Except for Peyton Manning and Ben Roethlisberger; I knew those two were going to be good.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 12, 2010 at 10:56 am

Posted in Sports

A Phony Caller

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So earlier tonight the kkk household got a phone call on the land-line. The Caller ID indicated that it was coming from a certain relative on Mrs. kkk’s side of the family tree. And like a sucker she picked it up. Why do I say she’s a sucker?

Because the better half fell for the ol’ “Idiot relative calls with other relative’s phone in order to slip past the Caller ID Bouncer” trick.

Because many of Mrs. kkk’s relatives talk loudly, I was able to hear a voice say, “Hold on…” and then the actual messenger’s voice could be heard.

I commenced laughing.

And what was the point of this phone call? This guy was asking the better half her if anyone she works with could help him make his one daughter write right-handed. (Guess she’s a lefty.) Twenty minutes later he finally got the point that just because the the better half has a Master’s in Clinical Psychology that doesn’t mean she works with people with the power to hypnotize or whatever.

Quote of the call: “Every time I see a new Facebook update from you it warms my heart.”

And these people wonder why I’ve repeatedly declined their friend requests.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 11, 2010 at 9:49 pm

Posted in Life

kkk’s Rule Of Life #40

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Better to have too much work to do at your job than not enough.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 11, 2010 at 9:47 pm

Black Friday A Fortnight Away

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For those that take part in Capitalism’s Finest Hour — which will now be 3 am this year in my area thanks to Kohl’s.

For God’s sake, I’ll still have the turkey dope buzzing around in my system.

I guess it’s a good thing that Kohl’s is opening an hour earlier than last year, seeing how Target moved its start time up from 5 am. I haven’t yet perused through the fliers — I’m sure we’ll be hitting up Kohl’s first (3 am), followed by Target (4 am) and Staples (6 am, if that store is still opening up at it’s “usual” time). After that it’s Walmart, Best Buy and the local mall. The strategy is always the first three stores mentioned for targeted items followed by general browsing.

For as cheap as I am throughout the year, Black Friday is the one day in which I don’t give a shit about how much I spend. This is the day when we look at what we could use throughout the house and get it. Hey, it beats getting it at regular price.

Not quite sure what we’re getting, but Mrs. kkk’s wish list includes a comforter, iPod and some clothes. This will also be the year I go looking for an iPod and a “dock” or whatever they’re called so I can listen to music at work. I’m tired of my CD-R skipping in my antenna-less radio which has seen better days. I’ll be gunning for some clothes and maybe a 27ish inch LCD/HDTV for the living room. I still want to eventually get a big-screen, but only after paying off the house.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 10, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Posted in Life

Suzuki Lied, Mirrors Died

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So when the kkk household got the Suzuki SX4 in 2008, there were a few instances in which the driver’s side mirror would get loose. Each time I took the vehicle to the dealer and got the thing fixed. When I asked what was going on, I was told they had no idea.

Guess what arrived in the mail today?


A recall notice on the screws holding down Suzuki side mirrors.

Suzuki has recalled almost 70,000 SX4 models, including a handful built in 2007 as well as those constructed between 2008 and 2010. The recall centers around faulty screws that are used to attach the vehicles’ side view mirrors. Over time, vibrations can cause the screws to loosen and the mirror may fall off. According to the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration, if that happens, a lack of visibility may lead to an accident.

Actually, the side mirror hasn’t gotten loose in some time. Still not close to being considered a deal-breaker in which I would get my next car at another place. Not after my experience with the ass-hats at Kenny Ross Cheverolet.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 9, 2010 at 11:51 pm

Posted in Life

Not Hard To See Through This

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So a meeting between the vice president and the chairman of the Recovery Accountability and Transparency Board is closed off to the public.

Possibly the most important event of the vice president’s day Tuesday is to meet at 2:15 with Earl Devaney. Everyone knows him as chairman of the Recovery Accountability and Transparency Board — the top guy monitoring the gazillion-dollar stimulus and the overdue economic recovery, and ensuring that the taxpayers financing same know all about it.

However, no one outside the room will know what goes on in that Biden-Devaney meeting. That’s because the government meeting on government transparency has been closed.

That’s better than the Global Warming conferences that get called off in February due to … inclement weather.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 9, 2010 at 11:44 pm

Posted in News

Fun Facebook Fact

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This story has been the most-often posted link on my news feed.

Alcoholic energy drinks are facing growing public scrutiny. Several states want to ban canned, caffeinated alcoholic beverages.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 9, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Posted in Life

Bummer For Wade

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I always had a soft spot for Wade Phillips, and with the way the Cowboys played Sunday night against the Packers I think getting fired is the best thing that could have happened to him.

The Dallas Cowboys have fired head coach Wade Phillips, NFL.com reported on Monday.

The widely anticipated move, reported by various local Dallas outlets, followed a 45-7 pounding by the Green Bay Packers on Sunday that dropped the NFC East team to 1-7.

Phillips will be replaced on an interim basis by offensive coordinator Jason Garrett.

My God, the Cowboys never bothered to show up last night. Hell, they have barely showed up at all this year.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 8, 2010 at 11:35 pm

Posted in Sports

It’s All Greek To Me

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You know, all he has to do is let us see the birth certificate. An entire show on the subject is a bit too much.

Rumor or truth: Will the Non-Dialect Negro appear on “Mythbusters?” If you guessed truth, then give yourself 10 points. The Muslim Wookie Fucker will make a cameo appearance in the Dec. 8 episode of the Discovery channel show. In an attempt to draw attention to science, President Hussein will appear in an episode that tackles whether Archimedes could have used mirrors that reflect the sun to set a roman fleet aflame. The show commonly tests out the truth of urban legends and myths.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 8, 2010 at 11:27 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Morgan Called Out

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Thank God.

Jon Miller and Joe Morgan’s 21-year run on ESPN’s “Sunday Night Baseball” is over.

Morgan’s contract is expiring and he will not be renewed. Miller’s contract is also expiring though he may remain at ESPN working the “Sunday Night Baseball” series and postseason baseball for ESPN Radio.

“Jon and Joe have contributed greatly to the success of ‘Sunday Night Baseball’ for the past 21 seasons,” ESPN executive vice president Norby Williamson said in a statement Monday. “Over the last two decades, Joe went from Hall of Fame player to one of his sport’s top analysts and Jon’s Hall of Fame voice and tremendous knowledge of the game have connected with baseball fans everywhere. We owe them our deepest thanks for an outstanding body of work.”

Miller, the play-by-play voice, received the Baseball Hall of Fame’s 2010 Ford C. Frick Award. Morgan, the color commentator, was a two-time National League MVP with the Cincinnati Reds. The second baseman was elected to the Hall of Fame in 1990.

I never had a problem with Miller, but good riddance to Morgan. Still though, 21 years is a long-ass time.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 8, 2010 at 11:20 pm

Posted in Sports

The Buck Doesn’t Stop Week In And Week Out

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So I just learned my wonderful commonwealth is going to start automatically taking out local taxes directly from my paycheck. This way, it is less likely people will pitch a fit when there’s a tax hike. A weekly/bi-weekly withholding doesn’t have the same oomph as when you see what you have to pay every three months.

I remember a few years ago when Pittsburgh’s upped its $10 “occupational privilege tax” to $52. The bitching from residents was so bad that the fee went from a one-time payment in January to taking out $1 our of your paycheck per week. Of course, now if public officials ever want to raise this tax, all they have to do is say, “Awwww, c’mon. It’s only $1.10 per week. You don’t hate children now, do you?”

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 8, 2010 at 11:16 pm

Posted in Life

Too Good To Be True

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Today’s lesson? Throw a game or two in the regular season — nobody likes a dynasty.

A 5th grade football team has been denied a chance to show off their skills after having an excellent season. The Sedalia Junior Outlaws were banned from the playoff games because they’re too good and now the team’s coach is speaking out.

The kids earned a spot in the playoffs after dominating their league. After being told they weren’t allowed to play, the kids are heartbroken and coaches are confused. The team made a splash by going 6-0 in the regular season in the West Central Youth Football League.

“It’s very exciting and a lot of hard work and preparation,” said coach Ben Lyles. “After playing above expectation, it’s hard to put into words.”

The coach’s son and his other 18 teammates, like Terrance Callaway, had just one more wish.

“Our wish was that we go the the championship and play Pleasant Hill again,” said player Terrance Callaway.

But there was a catch, and the kids and coaches were thrown for a loop when right before the playoffs they received a disappointing email from league officials.

The email said despite their 6-0 season, officials had talked to teams in the league and they didn’t feel like they could be competitive with the Outlaws, so they were asked not to participate in the playoffs.

And just like that, the Outlaws were outlawed from their post season. It was hard for the kids to understand.

The coaches were troubled because they said several other teams in other age divisions of the league also went undefeated, and they went to the playoffs. The coaches heard nothing more from the league besides that their team received an honorary champion designation.

FOX 4’s attempts to reach league officials were unsuccessful.

The only way I could even begin to sympathize with the shit-dicks who came down with this decision is if the Outlaw coaches took all of the uber-good kids and kept them as their own. Let me explain.

I have no idea how these teams get their players. If each league had a bunch of kids to pick from, skill tests were performed and all the best kids were placed on different teams, followed by the second-tier talent being spread around, etc., that’s one thing. However, if some coach was able to get a bunch of top-tier athletes on his team, then the Ban Hammer should have been implemented long ago. I have no idea if this happened, but if it did then I have a problem.

When I was a kid, I bowled in some kid’s league for years. The first week or two of the season was spent just bowling for fun. Then when we all had some games under out belt teams were made according to talent. Well, one of the adults who was a “bigwig” in our league had a son who was an excellent bowler. Problem was this kid never had a solid supporting cast. In the years I was there, his teams were never really in contention for a league championship. Then magically one year he was placed on a team … with two other bowlers who had previously been team captains.

Coincidence?

And when the going got tough, the tough (me) dropped out.

Not only was I losing interest, but I really didn’t like anyone there anyway. Now that’s a shocker. Not sure if this Dream Team won the league championship that year, but with a record of something like 20-0 by the time I called it a career, I would have put money on them going all the way.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 8, 2010 at 11:13 pm

Posted in Sports

Zapped With News Of This Passing — From Last Century

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So earlier today I was listening to some Roger Troutman on YouTube. I then noticed that one of the user comments said, “RIP Roger.”

Que?

I’ll be damn. He died … eleven years ago. Good to know I’m on top of things.

On a Sunday morning, April 25, 1999, Roger Troutman was found shot and critically wounded outside his northwest Dayton recording studio around 7 a.m. According to doctors, the 47-year-old had been shot several times in the torso and was in critical condition; he died during surgery at the local hospital, Good Samaritan Hospital and Health Center. Roger’s brother Larry was discovered dead in a car a few blocks away with a single gunshot wound to the head. A pistol was found inside the vehicle, which matched the description of a car leaving the scene of Roger Troutman’s shooting according to witnesses. The gun found with Larry Troutman also matched the one which fired the fatal shots into Roger, indicating that Larry had shot Roger and then taken his own life.

One of my favorites from him. Peace out.

It’s kinda funny how over the last few years I’ve been hearing more and more of the current music scene using that synthesized voice machine thing, or whatever it’s called. Here’s an example that first popped into my head.

I’ve heard other examples, but the problem is I have no idea who any of these artists are so YouTube searches would be in vain.

Not sure if Zapp and Roger were the pioneers of this, but that’s when I first heard this sound.

Oh what the hell. It’s been 11 years since your death and I only found out about it now. Here’s another tribute.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 7, 2010 at 10:24 pm

Posted in Entertainment

Tell Your Pa That 400 Wins Is A Lot

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So for the last few days I’ve been hearing the number “400” associated with Joe Paterno — is it his birthday or something?

Oh, no it’s not.

Joe Paterno has been the head coach at Penn State since 1966, and in the process has won more games in Division I than any other head coach. Saturday, he achieved yet another milestone, winning his 400th game.

It didn’t look like JoePa’s day for the large part of the first half. Northwestern scored a touchdown with 56 seconds left until halftime to push the Wildcats’ lead to 21-0. For the remainder of the game, however, it was all Nittany Lions.

Jokes aside, the guy looks great for his age. If for whatever reason I actually make it that long, I shudder to think what I would be like. Then again, I’m curious to know if I’ll have the same tastes in music 50+ years from now.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 6, 2010 at 10:10 pm

Posted in Sports

kkk’s Rule Of Life #39

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It’s better to be good at being bad than it is to be bad at being good

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 5, 2010 at 10:08 pm

Greene With Envy (He’ll Get More Votes Than I Ever Will)

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If you never heard of Alvin Greene, you haven’t lived.

Long story short, this guy won the Democrat primary and ran against South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint. He … didn’t do so well.

Here’s the video of his Election Night “party.”

Democratic candidate for Senate Alvin Greene saw his longshot campaign come to a close Tuesday night. Although he gained an impressive number of votes, he fell short of defeating Senator Jim Demint.

He made a bizarre post-campaign appearance in Manning. 200 people were expected for his campaign party, but only about 2 people showed up, along with Greene and his family.

News Channel 7’s Jonathan Carlson was the only Upstate reporter there and attempted to speak with Greene in a sometimes odd interview.

As he entered the catering hall, Greene was asked if he would run again. He replied, “I don’t know.”

When asked if he agreed with some people’s perception that his campaign was a “joke”, he replied, “no, no, no.”

When asked if he called Senator Demint to concede the race, he moaned, “nooooooo….” and ran off.

Greene proceeded to run around in circles in the hall’s main room, as reporters followed him asking questions.

At times, his focus was more on the finger foods on the table, as opposed to the election results.

Greene then presented the reporters present, with a comic book he printed of himself, in which he called himself a “warrior”. A warrior, that will save you and your home.

Why the hell weren’t there more supporters there? I’d figure that with the typed of people who voted for him, they’d at least show up for the free food and to enjoy themselves for the night.

But here’s the REAL story.

This guy got more than 358,000 votes.

Wow.

That’s more than the vote totals of…

Arianna Huffington: 47,505
Larry Flynt: 17,458
Gary Coleman: 14,242

…during the 2003 California governor’s “recall race,” or whatever that was called.

Even when Alan Keyes went up against the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher in 2004, he received just 27 percent of the vote. But that 27 percent was 1.3 million people.

You warned us all, Alan.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 4, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Posted in News

My Next Favorite Senate Liberal

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Now that Russ Feingold out in Wisconsin, I need to find a new favorite senate liberal. I don’t have to like the person’s ideas or anything like that. However, there are a few liberals I do like. Feingold was one of those people.

Who will be next?

After the first name popped into my head careful consideration, I think Oregon’s Ron Wyden will be the next torch-bearer.

Believe me, this is a short list.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 4, 2010 at 10:00 pm

Posted in News

Skinny Logic

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Redskins coach Mike Shanahan said Donovan McNabb wasn’t in shape to run a two-minute offense.

Mike Shanahan changed his story in a hurry. The new explanation: Donovan McNabb was benched more because of his body, not his brain.

Less than 24 hours after declaring he yanked McNabb because of a “gut feel” relating to the quarterback’s less-than-full competence in the offense, the Washington Redskins coach instead insisted Monday it was a pre-planned move that had more to do with “cardiovascular endurance” issues.

McNabb, because of nagging hamstring and groin injuries, wasn’t in good enough shape to run a two-minute offense with no timeouts — according to Shanahan.

Soon thereafter, the Redskins brings in … JaMarcus Russell.

Dan Snyder’s fingerprints have to be all over this one.

Already dealing with the kind of locker room backlash only the benching of a popular player can create, the Washington Redskins yesterday brought in JaMarcus Russell for a workout.

The Redskins owner has been awfully quiet (for him) since hiring Mike Shanahan but his kind of move is right up his alley.

Russell, the colossal first overall bust, has been working out in Houston but the Redskins are the first team to bring him for a look.

He was one of 20 players the Redskins brought in yesterday as the team winds down for a bye week break.

Reason #75689 why nonfiction trumps fiction every time.

I pretty much sided with Shanahan during his feud with defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth, but this? Meh.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 4, 2010 at 9:45 pm

Posted in Sports

A Rolling Moss Gathers No Stone

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So Randy Moss got waived by the Vikings earlier this week.

Randy Moss has given his two cents to the Minnesota Vikings and the NFL world for that matter, and it is clear what he thinks of his now former team.

It is official, Randy Moss is now a tenant of the NFL waiver wire, and is no longer listed as an active member of the Minnesota Vikings, or any other NFL franchise for that matter.

Teams have until 4pm eastern time tomorrow to claim Moss, and if no team makes a move the Vikings will be responsible for the remaining three million in salary left on his contract.

At that point Moss would become a free agent, and could sign with the team of his choosing.

So that’s how the whole waiver thing works. I never bothered to pay attention or had any desire to look this up knew that.

But don’t cry for Randy. He found gainful employment.

The Tennessee Titans don’t feel like they took a chance claiming Randy Moss off the waiver wire.

They think they got lucky and hit the lottery.

The Titans are confident the move will translate into wins — maybe even the missing piece that could deliver owner Bud Adams and coach Jeff Fisher their first Super Bowl.

I don’t really care for Moss all that much. While I laughed when he pulled this stunt…

… his time in Oakland and lackadaisical made me sour on him. And truthfully, the reason I still laugh at the above video is mostly for Joe Buck’s over-the-top reaction.

However, the reason I’m posting this entry is because of where Moss played before his second stint in Minnesota.

New England got Moss by trading a fourth-round pick at the 2007 NFL Draft. Three years later, the Patriots shipped Randy off, along with a seventh-round pick, to the Vikings for a third-round pick.

Forget football, with the way the Hoodie manages the salary cap and draft picks, he needs to be running this country.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 4, 2010 at 9:38 pm

Posted in Sports

Winners And Losers

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I heard some chick on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2010~!!! say the following this morning, and I have to repeat:

The Kenyan Coffee Fetcher got a call from David Axlenimrod. David says, “I got good news and I got bad news. The bad news is you lost the house and your Party’s majority in the Senate is razor-thin. The good news is you still have Harry Reid.”

OK, so I changed some of the wording…

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 3, 2010 at 8:58 am

Posted in News

All That Glitters Isn’t Feingold

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I’m still in a bit of shock that Russ Feingold lost his re-election bid.

A businessman who sought support from the tea party toppled one of the Senate’s most prominent liberals Tuesday to become the state’s first Republican senator in 18 years.

In his bid to bring down three-term Democrat Russ Feingold, Ron Johnson touted his accounting and business experience, saying he knew how to create jobs and balance budgets.

Johnson, who ran a plastics company for 31 years, rose to prominence after giving two well-received tea party speeches. He said his top priority would be to repeal the health care overhaul.

Feingold campaigned heavily on his reputation as a maverick, billing himself as an independent who fights for the people of Wisconsin instead of kowtowing to his party or special interests.

I never agreed with Feingold’s policies, but I always felt he was genuine. Not sure who my new favorite Democrat will be now. Probably Ron Wyden of Oregon, who easily won re-election.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 3, 2010 at 12:24 am

Posted in News

Captain Kirk

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So the Muslim Wookie Fucker’s old senate seat got filled…

Republican Mark Kirk has captured the Senate seat once held by the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher, dealing an embarrassing blow to Democrats.

…by a Republican.

L to the O to the mother phuckin’ L.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 3, 2010 at 12:20 am

Posted in News

New Governor In New Mexico

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So Martinez is the new governor of New Mexico, the first female to be elected to this position.

CNN, NBC and CBS have called the New Mexico governor’s race for Republican Susana Martinez – making her the first Hispanic woman to be elected governor in any state in the nation.

The Republican Governors Association, which gave $1.3 million to Martinez’s campaign, was also declaring victory.

“Susana Martinez was a star for Republicans this cycle,” RGA chairman Haley Barbour said in a news release. “She handily won a very Democratic state by focusing on her message and the issues important to New Mexico. The Democrats threw everything they had at Susana because they recognized the bright future she has in the Republican Party.”

But … but … I thought Republicans were RACISTS who HATED Latinos?

And women!

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 2, 2010 at 11:39 pm

Posted in News

A Message To The Kenyan Koffee Fetcher

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When Bill Clinton got beat down in 1994, he triangulated his policies and got re-elected.

Please don’t change a thing you’re doing.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 2, 2010 at 11:28 pm

Posted in News

Election 2010

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So today I voted.

Four candidates. No stupid local elections with 20 of the same names on each political party’s side of the ballot.

Tom Corbett (governor), Pat Toomey (senator), Tim Murphy (congress), George Dunbar (state rep). All Republican.

Had the Muslim Wookie Fucker not decided to declare a jihad on my health insurance, I may have voted for the Democrat running for governor. Sorry, Dan Onorato. Besides, you were part of the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher’s brown-shirt brigade, or whatever that gestapo was back in ’08.

In ’08 when I went to vote at about the same time of day there were about 180 people who had already voted for the day. This year I was number 232.

Not sure if this helps Toomey, but I think it does — my region is conservative Democrat that went for Casey over Santorum in ’06 but went for Swann over Swindell that same year. Definitely helps Corbett. If this is a bellweather for the commonwealth, I’m feeling pretty good about Corbett. Still nervous about Toomey but I feel better about his chances now than I did several weeks ago. This time around the red counties may actually successfully fight back the Blubonic Plague that’s long infested the commonwealth’s two major urban centers.

And it looks like I was proven right in regards to the Senate race.

Toomey had been trailing for most of the night, but minutes ago he just took the lead thanks to the rural part of the state. Now there’s time for Philadelphia to bring out the hidden voting machines preloaded with completed voting cards.

And the sad thing is that even if the GOP takes 60+ seats in the House not a goddamn thing will change. They’ll probably even double NPR’s funding in 2011.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 2, 2010 at 11:10 pm

Posted in News

kkk’s Rule Of Life #38

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Less than half of those eligible to vote actually do so in mid-term elections, and to that I say … Thank God.

Written by kkktookmybabyaway

November 1, 2010 at 10:19 pm