Guess I Was A Sinner For Paying Back My School Loan

Why the fuck did I even bother paying off my school loan?

Repaying a student loan could soon be a little less painful.

Starting this week, anyone with a federal student loan can apply for a program, run by the Department of Education, that caps monthly payments based on income, and forgives remaining balances after 25 years. Those choosing to work in public service could have their loans forgiven after just 10 years.

Public service — 10 years? What a load of shit. You know how much you are borrowing when in school. PAY IT OFF. Then again, I’m sure many of these deadbeat fucktards have no clue the anvil wrapping around their neck while in college — yet they always seemed to bitch about paying for a $100 textbook during the first week of classes each semester.

“It’s a way to borrow for college without going to the poor house,” said Lauren Asher, president of the Institute for College Access & Success, a California-based nonprofit that runs the Project on Student Debt.

The program stems from the Education Department’s College Cost Reduction and Access Act, signed in 2007, which authorized the creation of a new income-based repayment plan for both Federal Family Education Loan (FFEL) and Direct Loan borrowers on all Stafford and graduate PLUS loans.

Monthly payments would amount to less than 10 percent of income for most of the estimated 1 million people expected to enroll, experts say. Payments would never exceed 15 percent of any income above about $16,000 a year (or 150 percent of the poverty level).

Those who earn less than $16,000 would not have to make any monthly payments.

Jesus Christ. For the first several years post-college I made less than $20,000/year and still “managed” to make each monthly student loan payment. (Back in the late 1990s, when we supposedly had the GREATEST ECONOMY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD~!) This was on top of paying rent and all that other good stuff. Jesse Ventura said it best years ago: You’re smart enough to get into college — you’re smart enough to find a way to pay for it.

Quarter Pounded

So on the drive home from Ohio last night, any attempts at trying to eat somewhat healthy during this two-day excursion were long gone. Actually, my eating habits weren’t that bad, but they weren’t that good. And after a four-hour jaunt across state lines, I said “fuck it” and the better half and I went to the Golden Arches.

For the last several months I have been trying to watch what I put in my mouth (too bad I rarely try to regulate what comes out of my yapper, but whatever). And I’ve been doing a pretty damn good job at this, or at least I think I have. Now I don’t shop at “Organic R Us,” exclusively eat veggies or do any of that other hippie shit, but I do keep track of my calorie/fat/carb intake. I can go into more detail about this at a future date, but if I do this now I will be going waaaay off track. Focus, grasshopper.

When we went to the local McDonald’s, I said “Fuck it. The weekend’s a wash anyway. Might as well go out in style.” I then ordered a double quarter pounder value meal.

And boy oh boy did it kick my ass. Big time. (Now the only things that need washed out are my arteries.)

It’s now the Day After, and I’m trying to look at the bright side of things. Because I had cut out Mickey D’s for at least four-five months, the sudden shock and disgust my body is feeling means it’s not used to ingesting this garbage. Also, the fact I was able to get quickly back on the wagon this morning with some oatmeal and a toasted muffin has me thinking I won’t break out into a crack-like bender into other greasy shit. All in all, I think I did OK.

If only I can get rid of this sharp pain taking place in the left side of my chest…

Hell’s Wedding Bells

Off to the idiot mother’s wedding across state lines. Drive in today, leave ASAP Saturday. Yeah, this was a great use of a vacation day.

There’s Too Much Savin’ Goin’ On Here

Love the headline:

May incomes SURGE, but savings outpace spending

Gee, why in the world could people be saving more?

Households pushed their savings rate to the highest level in more than 15 years in May as a big boost in incomes from the government’s stimulus program was devoted more to bolstering nest eggs than increased spending.

The Commerce Department said Friday that consumer spending rose 0.3 percent in May, in line with expectations. But incomes jumped 1.4 percent, the biggest gain in a year and easily outpacing the 0.3 percent increase that economists expected.

The savings rate, which was hovering near zero in early 2008, surged to 6.9 percent, the highest level since December 1993.

The income increase reflected temporary factors relating to the $787 billion economic stimulus program that President Hussein pushed through Congress in February to fight the recession. That program included one-time payments to people receiving Social Security and other government pension benefits.

So this “surge” is nothing more than some made-up government “stimulus” bump. Gee, that’s not a misleading headline.

My favorite part of the article:

Economists believe that a rise in personal savings rate is a good development in the long run, but they worry that it could make the rebound from the recession slower than it otherwise would have been.

Haven’t we been told for YEARS that Americans don’t save ENOUGH? Now it’s BAD. I’m starting to understand why millions of people pay more attention to “American Idol” than they do the news.

Blair’s Draft Night Woes

So over at the University of Pittsburgh they had this pretty good player named DeJuan Blair. He opted for the NBA Draft … and was picked 37th by the Spurs.

The San Antonio Spurs grabbed one steal to start the week. They think they ended it with another.

The Spurs drafted Pitt forward DeJuan Blair with the 37th pick in the NBA draft on Thursday night after the All-America selection fell into the second round and into the eager arms of San Antonio, which didn’t think it had a realistic shot at the 6-foot-7 forward.

Now I’m not going to fault Blair for leaving school early. He’s had knee problems, and who knows what would have happened health-wise had he stayed for another year at Pitt. But if he would have stayed one more year, he most likely would have improved his game an been a sure lottery pick next year. But hindsight is 20/20. He may not have guaranteed money; he may not have even made the cut. However, he’s on a good team both on-and-off the court and will probably learn more in the next year than he could have at Pitt.

Best of all, he has all the motivation he needs to stay in the NBA:

“All the teams that didn’t pick me, I’m with the Spurs now,” Blair said. “I’m going to make them regret it.”

For your sake, I hope you do.

King Of Pop Unreleased

And I thought the “unreleased” songs of 2Pac were 2Much.

A secret library of over a hundred songs recorded by Michael Jackson could now be released following his death.

I didn’t really say much about the King of Pop passing yesterday, and that’s because I really don’t care. Allow me to quote the great Norm MacDonald, who pretty much sums up for me.

This week, in a secret ceremony in Australia, Michael Jackson was married for the second time. Asked what makes his new bride special, the King of Pop said, quote: “She has taught me about the power of imagination. Like imagining that a grown woman is a ten year old boy.” [Mixed reactions from the crowd] … You know he’s a homosexual pedophile, right? You understand? [cheers and applause]

$1 Trillion In 10 Years

Suuuuure.

Senators working to give President Hussein a comprehensive health care overhaul said Thursday they had figured out how to pare back the complex legislation to keep costs from crashing through a $1 trillion, 10-year ceiling.

Riiiiight.

Baucus declined to detail how the costs were being cut, but options included difficult sacrifices like potentially delaying an expansion of Medicaid, the federal-state program for the poor.

Excluding Invaders? Uh-huh.

Aides said the Congressional Budget Office had estimated that the elements under consideration would extend coverage to 97 percent of the population, excluding illegal immigrants.

Another Mortal Threesome

First I heard the King of Popping young boys’ cherries was dead. No more sleepovers at Mike’s.

Michael Jackson, the sensationally gifted child star who rose to become the “King of Pop” and the biggest celebrity in the world only to fall from his throne in a freakish series of scandals, died Thursday. He was 50. Jackson died at UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles. Ed Winter, the assistant chief coroner for Los Angeles County, confirmed his office had been notified of the death and would handle the investigation.

Then I heard Farrah Fawcett became the newest angel.

Farrah Fawcett, whose stunning looks and blinding smile made her a pop icon of the 1970s, has died. She was 62.

And finally, Heeeeeeeere’s Eddie.

Ed McMahon: Television’s singular sidekick signs off

Now, Tonight truly feels like an irretrievable yesterday.

The show’s era as an icon ended with the death of Johnny Carson, but as long as his “hi-yo” sidekick, Ed McMahon, was still with us, some part of the era was as well. Tuesday, at age 86, McMahon died, taking what was left of the old Tonight Show with him.

The headline says “signs off”? And I thought my “Here’s Eddie” was stupid.

This die-in-threes thing can be downright scary at times.

Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign

So yesterday I was headed to the grocery store when I noticed a message outside this one sign store. It read something like: “PA Unemployment Says You Can Do Drugs While On The Job.” Something tells me the fine people at Carl’s Signs know about this policy from firsthand experience.

Here’s what I like about small businesses. Unlike chain stores, there’s no “speech code” or “code of conduct.” If something pisses the shop owner off, he/she just bitches about it on his store’s property, either by posting a big-ass sign out in front or by putting a message in a marquee. There have been a few other small businesses around here in my redneck of the woods that have done similar things over the past year. (Another store had a marquee message about the 44th President of the United States posted for a while: “So far he sucks.”)

However, the master of the “business soapbox” in my neighborhood is Bill Balsamico, owner of Casa D’Ice, which is only about a mile away from my house. I admit I look for a marquee message every morning from him on my way to work.

Fwank, Fweddie and Fwannie

Here is what I love about Democrats. Seriously. They have balls. After that whole housing meltdown thing, Barney Fwank now does this.

Two U.S. Democratic lawmakers want Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to relax recently tightened standards for mortgages on new condominiums, saying they could threaten the viability of some developments and slow the housing-market recovery, the Wall Street Journal said.

In March, Fannie Mae said it would no longer guarantee mortgages on condos in buildings where fewer than 70 percent of the units have been sold, up from 51 percent, the paper said. Freddie Mac is due to implement similar policies next month, the paper said.

In a letter to the CEO’s of both companies, Representatives Barney Fwank, the chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, and Anthony Weiner warned that a 70 percent sales threshold “may be too onerous” and could lead condo buyers to shun new developments, according to the paper.

Gee, I wonder why the lending standards were “recently tightened”? If we’re going to use this logic, wouldn’t the tightening of ANY lending standards threaten the threaten the viability of a development SOMEWHERE?

Real Housewife, Real Sex Tape

I don’t watch this stupid show. I don’t even watch Bravo for that matter. However, there are two things I have to say about this story.

One of the stars of Bravo’s television series “Real Housewives of New Jersey” went to court Wednesday to avoid getting a little more exposure than she wanted.

A judge granted Danielle Staub’s request for a temporary restraining order to stop her former boyfriend Stephen Zalewski from releasing a sexually explicit videotape and images of her.

State Superior Court Judge Thomas F. Brogan also ordered Zalewski to produce all copies of the video and pictures of Staub, and he set a hearing for July 21.

Staub, 46, also filed a lawsuit against Zalewski seeking damages for invasion of privacy, defamation and infliction of emotional distress. She claimed she was unaware Zalewski was taping her and only found out about it when someone read her a Star magazine article in which Zalewski discussed the tape.

“It sickened me,” Staub told the judge during the brief hearing.

For now I’m going to give this chick the benefit of the doubt regarding her knowledge of being videotaped. I’m sure the video will indicate whether she was looking into the camera. However, what I”m curious about is the lawsuit regarding defamation. The hell? It’s her on the tape (allegedly). Then again, maybe the video/pics are presented before a statement saying she bangs lots of guys or something. I don’t care. Besides, this is just stalling the REAL reason I wanted to post this entry.

Whenever I hear a New Jersey reference, I think to Gilbert Gottfried’s one-liner on his “Dirty Jokes” special.

“My girlfriend said ‘Kiss me where it smells.’ So I drove her to New Jersey.”

I know this joke has been done a million different times with a million different locations, but Gilbert is still the man.

Hope This Praise Doesn’t Go To Fehr’s Head

So earlier tonight I had the Cardinals/Mets game on, and Steve Phillips was talking about the legacy of Donald Fehr, executive director of the Major League Baseball Players Association. This is what Phillips said.

“I think that in the end his legacy will be that Baseball grew substantially under his leadership.”

He’s not kidding — especially in the forehead department.

Father-less Day

Had a bit of an odd day yesterday. The better half and I went over to the in-laws for Father’s Day. Now while I talked about my television viewing experience in another entry, there was something else bugging me for most of the day. It wasn’t until later in the day when I realized what it was.

This would have been the first Father’s Day with me as an actual father.

In February of 2008, we had a miscarriage. Because it was in the first trimester, the due date wouldn’t have been until September. This meant kkk Jr. would have still been in the womb when last year’s Father’s Day took place. It’s odd which things can affect you in circumstances like this.

But, as the saying goes, life goes on.

Or sometimes it doesn’t.

I Saw Carly

So yesterday was Father’s Day and I spent it with the in-laws, which included the niece and nephew in-laws. What did we do? We watched some Nickelodeon and I finally saw my very first episode of iCarly. Don’t ask me what it’s about because I have no idea. Guess these kids run some sort of web show, and wacky hijinks ensue. Other than not knowing where the parents are in this show (I only saw one-and-a-half episodes), the other thing I wondered about while watching this show was which one of these kids actors will eventually have the drug problem.

And of course when I asked my nephew what was the point of this show, his response was “I don’t know.” Little lying bastard. I’ll figure out which one of the female characters he has the hots for soon enough.

Perez Hilton’s Money Shot

I haven’t really listened to anything the Black Eyed Peas have done, but I don’t hate the group. I think this is one of those cases where if I was 16 years old I’d be listening to them every day. However, now they are just another group those damn kids listen to. I will say this, that “London Bridge” song by Fergie HURTS my ears. Good God is it awful.

Yeah, I know this song isn’t exactly from the Peas but rather a solo album. Whatever.

And just where am I going with all this? Oh, yeah.

I’m now a fan of the Black Eyed Peas — or at least a fan of their manager.

Police have charged the tour manager of the Black Eyed Peas with assault after he allegedly gave celebrity blogger Perez Hilton a black eye outside a Toronto nightclub.

Hilton said he got into an argument with band members Fergie and will.i.am at the Cobra nightclub early Monday morning and was punched outside by Polo Molina, the band’s tour manager. They were at the club following a Sunday night video awards show.

Too bad a curb-stomp wasn’t included or else I may have bought the group’s latest album. Fuck Perez Hilton.

What’s this? He called the one person from the group a faggot? That’s awesome. Love how the article lets us all know “faggot” is a “gay slur.”

Hilton, who is openly gay, said in interview with The Associated Press that he called will.i.am a “faggot,” a gay slur, inside the club after the musician told the blogger not to write about his band on his Web site.

“He was like ‘You need to respect me.’ He was in my face. He was obviously trying to intimidate me and scare me,” Hilton said. “I was like ‘I don’t need to respect you. I don’t respect you and I did say this, and I knew that it would be the worst thing I could possibly say to him because he was acting the way he was. I said ‘You know what, I don’t respect you and you’re gay and stop being such a faggot.'”

Wonder if this means Perez is guilty of HATE SPEECH~?!

I’ve wanted this piece of shit curb-stomped ever since the whole Miss California controversy, so mad props to the Black Eyed Peas and their choice of managerial talent.

Anyone Who Thinks PA Will Stop At Slots Is Full Of Craps

So for years there has been talk in my redneck of the woods about building casinos and making slot machines legal. And for years my piece-of-shit governor has been at the front of the pro-slot contingent. Now I really don’t care if Pennsylvania gets slot machines. If people want to piss away their money on this crap, then more power to them. But one reason it was vital for Pennsylvania to legalize gambling was, we were told, because the Keystone State was losing precious bling to neighboring West Virginia, which had slot machines for years. Now of course, what did West Virginia do when it was announced Pennsylvania was going to have slot machines?

West Virgina went and legalized table games. Who didn’t see that coming?

Why am I talking about this now? Because of this article in my local paper this morning.

It sits near the busy intersection of Allegheny Avenue and Reedsdale Street on the North Shore, behind Heinz Field and a block from the soon-to-open Rivers Casino.

Not surprisingly, the billboard contains an advertisement for a casino. But it isn’t promoting the nearly completed one down the street.

“Blackjack, Baby!” it states in big, bold letters. “Blackjack, craps and new slots … all 24/7.”

And all available at the Mountaineer Casino Racetrack & Resort, just over the state line near Chester, W. Va.

Talk about in your face.

The Mountaineer is flaunting gambling attractions the Rivers won’t have when it debuts Aug. 5: table games.

Mountaineer spokeswoman Tamara Pettit attempted to play down this obvious shot across the bow.

“Since table games were legalized (in West Virginia) two years ago, we have consistently advertised that we are a full-service casino,” she said.

The sly implication and subtle dig being that the Rivers — and all other Pennsylvania casinos — are not.

The Rivers will have 3,500 slot machines enticing wagerers to part with their money. But table games such as poker, dice, roulette — and the aforementioned blackjack and craps — are illegal in Pennsylvania casinos.

The anti-slot people have been saying all along that this policy will be a stepping stone to the state next initiating table games. Well guess what? From later in the article.

You might have heard something about the $3.2 billion cash crunch the state is experiencing. You know, the one that prompted Gov. Ed Rendell Tuesday to call for a 16 percent increase in the state personal income tax.

Table games revenue wouldn’t be enough to bridge the huge budget shortfall, but according to one estimate could generate as much as $300 million annually.

Politics is a sport of negotiation, compromise and timing. (Deceit and blackmail often come into play as well, but let’s not stray too far off-point.)

With the state desperately in need of money, and the clock ticking on a June 30 budget deadline, it would not be surprising to see a deal cut in Harrisburg:

• Republican lawmakers agree to support table games legislation introduced by Democratic House Whip Bill DeWeese of Greene County.

• Rendell and Democratic legislators agree to many Republican-advocated cuts in Rendell’s $28.9 billion budget they previously labeled as Draconian and unacceptable.

• The budget gets approved with a lower tax hike than Rendell proposed — say, 10 percent instead of 16 percent.

Even though the above was hypothetical, tables games are indeed coming. Actually, I’d prefer table games over slot machines. At least with poker/blackjack there’s some actual skill involved and not just sitting in front of a machine hoping it’s your turn to get a paltry payout.

A Ray Of Sunshine In The Financial World

So a few weeks ago the father-in-law answered a telemarketer’s call and AGREED to some account protection plan or some other bullshit Ponzi-like scheme. My guess as to why he did this was to drive the mother-in-law into an earlier-than-expected stroke. So guess whose job it was to deal with the $800 charge to their credit card due to this transaction?

Don’t look at me. I wouldn’t do this for MY parents.

Look at Mrs. kkk.

Actually, it was quite an amusing few weeks to see the better half deal with this tomfoolery. The group that issued the charge – Sunshine Financial – is based out of Florida, and apparently this charge was to give them a lower minimum interest rate. Don’t ask. If I remember right, Mrs. kkk was told that they had the ability to lower her parents’ interest rate – for an $800 fee – and that the interest rate would SAVE them tons of money as opposed to the higher interest charges they would face.

Make sense to you? Seriously. I have no clue as to any of this. All I really remember is hearing the mother-in-law shouting to the better half over the phone, and I was across the room when it happened.

Long story shorter: When the better half tried calling Sunshine Financial, nobody was able to access the server due to hurricanes along the Gulf Coast. Mrs. kkk was even hung up on several times – probably as a result from those hurricanes. After about five attempts, the better half was able to get a Sunshine Financial person to say that the credit would be taken off. This of course took more than two weeks to do. But in the end everything was back to normal.

And now the father-in-law is no longer allowed to answer the phone. Seriously.

For those of us that wonder who responds to these telemarketers, now we know.

I Baked Cookies

I swear to Christ if the female models get any younger for those Facebook ads saying “Who Searched For You?!” Chris Hansen will appear and say “Why don’t you have a seat right over there?”

Don’t look at me. Bitch said she was 18.

Don’t Forget The Tea-Shirt

To satisfy my curiosity, I decided to actually click on a web banner. Hello, what’s this?

There’s a grass roots movement brewing!

Not really. But keep going.

The water in the kettle (the American public) is simmering, and soon enough will come to a boil.

Yeah! Now you’re talking!!

It is time for another TEA Party!!!

Uhhhhhh…

We now have Tea Bag merch?

I guess we do. And THIRTY DOLLARS for a “Large” Tea Bag Pendant? And SEVENTY DOLLARS for Cufflinks?

Loosen Your Belt(way)

Gee, the husband of the woman you’ve been banging extorted you — a senator? Who woulda thunk it?

The husband of Sen. John Ensign’s former mistress made “exorbitant demands for cash and other financial benefits” through an attorney, an aide to the Nevada Republican said Friday. In a statement, Ensign spokesman Tory Mazzola said the demands from an attorney for Doug Hampton were made within the past month.

I’m not familiar with what goes on in the Beltway, so I’m sure everyone’s got a mistress or three, but who the hell are these people who think that they can do stuff like this and expect it not to be made public? Worse yet, Ensign’s a Republican. Ain’t no way he was going to get away with this.

Putting The Brakes On Responsible Driving

So today I was witness to an almost-accident.

I was driving from work to pick up the better half, and I saw this truck in front of me screech on the brakes. I then saw smoke coming out from under the wheels. The truck then swerved to the left and went up on just two wheels for a split second. What could have caused all this potential carnage?

Some bitch in front of the truck had the nerve to actually STOP at a red light instead of zooming through it.

Well, to be fair, I think the light was yellow when the lady stopped. Even worse. Lemme guess, this person also probably yields to oncoming traffic if one of the red-and-white triangle signs are in front of her.

An Interview With kkk

QUESTION: So what exactly is this mess supposed to be?
ANSWER: In 2006 I decided to do the blog thing. These are the fruits of my labor. I started blogging at another place. Then another. Now I am here. I hope to bring a good many entries from my previous spots to this place.

QUESTION: But you didn’t answer my question. Is there a point to the crap that is being posted?
ANSWER: Not really. I get a thought, no matter how fleeting, and post it when in the mood.

QUESTION: What’s the point of having categories?
ANSWER: Many people make fun of the USA Today newspaper, which is often referred to by its critics as a “McPaper.” However, USA did at least one thing right. They broke down the publication into four subject areas: News, Sports, Money and Life. I liked this simple idea so much I did the same thing. Sorta.

QUESTION: What do you mean?
ANSWER: Well, I have four categories of my own: News, Sports, Entertainment and Life.

QUESTION: What do you write about in news?
ANSWER: Who’s the dipshit coming up with these questions?

QUESTION: You are, kkk.
ANSWER: Oh yeah. Well, come on now. You can’t figure out what I’m going to talk about in subject areas called NEWS, SPORTS, ENTERTAINMENT and LIFE?

QUESTION: Humor me. For once. Seriously, write something funny.
ANSWER: OK, I’ll answer your damn questions. In the News section you can find me bitching about President Hussein.

QUESTION: And Sports?
ANSWER: You can find me bitching about ESPN.

QUESTION: And Entertainment?
ANSWER: You can find me bitching about Hollywood.

QUESTION: And Life?
ANSWER: You can find me bitching about the person in front of me at the grocery store who has 11 items in the 10 Items or Less Aisle.

QUESTION: Wow, kkk, you tend to bitch quite a bit.
ANSWER: I know.

QUESTION: Do you comment about other things other than President Hussein, ESPN, Hollywood and lazy shoppers?
ANSWER: Yes, but you have to read to find out, and I’m sure by now I’ve lost at least half the people who have started reading this post.

QUESTION: Here’s another question. Why do you call yourself “kkktookmybabyaway”?
ANSWER: It’s the title to one of my favorite songs.

QUESTION: Who created the song?
ANSWER: The Ramones.

QUESTION: Here’s another question. Why do you have a picture of Mumia Abu-Jamal? (EDIT: It has since been removed. By who? Dunno. Haven’t had the time/desire to figure out what happened.)
ANSWER: Because he’s a cop-killing piece of shit who should have been deep-sixed eons ago.

QUESTION: Is that why you have the “Fry Mumia” caption? (EDIT: See the previous question’s “Edit.”)
ANSWER: Ding ding ding.

QUESTION: What else can you tell us about yourself?
ANSWER: Well, I live in the Southwestern Pennsylvania region, so a number of my posts will probably have a bit of bias toward that area.

QUESTION: Go Steelers!
ANSWER: Shut the fuck up.

QUESTION: I notice you use a lot of bad words.
ANSWER: Yeah, but there’s really not much you can do to replace the words “Democrat” and “liberal.”

QUESTION: That’s not what I’m talking about.
ANSWER: I know. I’m just messing with you.

QUESTION: While we’re on that subject, you don’t seem to be a fan of the 44th President of the United States…
ANSWER: No I am not.

QUESTION: Are you one of those extremist right-wingers? I don’t want to be reading Rush’s talking points…
ANSWER: Dunno. I’ve been told by lefties that I’m a Nazi, and I’ve been told by Bible-Thumpers that I’m going to hell. If I had to describe myself, I’d say I’m a registered Republican with a bit of a Blue Dog Democrat streak that really wants to go libertarian but can’t.

QUESTION: And why’s that?
ANSWER: Because those people are more batshit than me. You might say I’m a Classic Liberal, but I learned a long time ago it doesn’t mean a hill of beans what somebody calls you.

QUESTION: What, that whole “sticks-and-stones” thing?
ANSWER: I guess. I think a more accurate take would be that why should I give a shit what someone else thinks?

QUESTION: I read something by you and I disagree with your opinion.
ANSWER: That’s nice.

QUESTION: But I have actual facts and stuff to back up my point.
ANSWER: OK.

QUESTION: Don’t you want to hear what I have to say?
ANSWER: I really don’t care. Want to comment, knock yourself out.

QUESTION: Then why do you do this?
ANSWER: Meh. I’d say it’s a creative outlet, but it’s not really all that creative. If you are somewhat entertained by this schtick, then yay. If not, then there are other places to go. You won’t be missed.

QUESTION: Anything else you would like to add?
ANSWER: Yeah, I’m having a conversation with myself and it’s starting to get weird. Really weird.

Duking It Out With A Boxer

You know, if had to testify at a Senate hearing, I’d be calling Barbara Boxer something other than “ma’am.”

At a sometimes contentious Capitol Hill hearing Tuesday, Senate Environment and Public Works Committee chairwoman, Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA), had a request for Army Corps of Engineers division leader, Brigadier General Michael Walsh.

During a terse exchange, as Boxer pressed Walsh on why the levees in New Orleans are still not repaired nearly four years after Hurricane Katrina, she said to Walsh:

“Could you say ‘senator’ instead of ‘ma’am? It’s just a thing. I worked so hard to get that title. I’d appreciate it.”

The general’s response? “Yes, Senator.”

The blogosphere exploded with reaction following the senator’s comments, with some arguing the senator deserves to be addressed by the title she’s earned through three Senate elections, and others saying it’s the general who deserves a little more respect.

Of course afterward, I’d be audited every year for the rest of my life. But would it be worth it? Totally. And I’d use the word “Senator.” That’s not going to be the part that gets me into trouble.

Not Shielded From Full Prices For Half-Seasons

One of my all-time favorite shows has to be “The Shield.” For the first few seasons I watched this program whenever it came on FX. However, at around Season 5 I started to tune out. I figured I’ll just get the shows on DVD and watch them whenever I wanted. I did tune into the series finale, but other than that, Seasons 6 and 7 are virgin territory.

That is until last week.

I got the Season 6 DVD for $20 and have watched the first few episodes. I took note that this season only had TEN EPISODES. Now the season before only had 11, but for some reason the number 10 is bothering me a bit more. Maybe it’s like when a product is advertised for $19.99 rather than $20. Whatever. It’s not really the number of episodes that got my attention. It was the full retail price of more than $40. As Dutch Wagenbach said on several occasions, “You got to be shitting me.”

Love the Dutch, even if he is a cat-killer.

Does This Warrant An Entry?

Gee, I wonder if a WARRANT was issued?

Police say they have arrested the lead singer of Warrant on suspicion of drunken driving.

Whatever. You were thinking the same thing.

APR Rates Vary

I thought nobody was able to get credit in this HUSSEIN RECESSION. I’m getting letters about loan refinance offers every week. Normally I just toss this junk in my file folder, aka the trash can. However, just for the hell of it I decided to actually read one of these offers.

Check this out: I’m PRE-APPROVED for a Home Equity Line at a rate as low as 3.75% variable APR!

Wow, that’s great. Let me see the part with all the little text. Hmmm, what’s this?

“Variable APR cannot be less than 3.00% or exceed 25.00%

Well sign me up.

Whoever thinks these things are a good idea should be sterilized.

Taking A Swat At President Hussein

So President Hussein killed some bug during an interview. Please note I’m talking about an insect and not a reporter.

During an interview Tuesday with CNBC, President Hussein demonstrated that the bug stops here, swatting dead a pesky fly.

One of our colleagues at The Oval blog began her post about the on-camera killing with prescience: “Too early to know what People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals will have to say about this …”

PETA has responded, and with a gift — the Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.

“We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals,” PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said . “We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals.”

You know, for as batshit as the PETA people are, I may side with them on this one. Considering how full of shit President Hussein is, can anyone blame a fly buzzing around him? If anything, that poor bug was baited.

Then again, when Jimmy Carter was faced with hostile wildlife, the result was was much different.

Dubbed the “killer rabbit” attack by the media, the Jimmy Carter rabbit incident involved a swamp rabbit that caught press imagination after furiously trying to board then-U.S. President Jimmy Carter’s fishing boat on April 20, 1979.

Carter had gone on a solo fishing expedition in his hometown of Plains, Georgia when the rabbit approached his boat, “hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president”, trying desperately to enter the boat, causing Carter to flail at the swimming creature with the oars from his boat…

…The incident with the rabbit became fodder for those illustrating Carter’s presidency as hapless and enfeebled.

At least Carter v. 2.0 showed the aggressor who’s boss. As a bonus, when it came to the fate of another organism, at least this time Hussein did something more than say “present.”

Let Invaders Stay — For The Children

I like this spin on the whole Invader debate. The law-breakers have to stay in America or else their children’s constitutional rights are being violated.

Ronald Soza celebrated his 10th birthday Wednesday with cake and a serenade by more than 100 other children and their parents.

His own family: absent. His mother was recently deported back to Nicaragua. His father rarely ventures out in public in fear of a similar fate. Now Soza and the other children—all U.S. citizens whose parents face deportation—are demanding a say in the immigration debate.

They are suing President Barack Hussein, asking a court to halt the deportations of their parents until Congress overhauls U.S. immigration laws.

The children, who gathered Wednesday at the Miami nonprofit American Fraternity to draw attention to their cause, say their constitutional rights are being violated because they will likely have to leave the country if their parents are forced to go.

Some children said their families didn’t have enough money to pay for school supplies because the breadwinning parent had been deported, and some are at risk of losing their homes. They also say they are suffering psychological and physical hardship.

“My grades went from A’s to C’s when my mom had to leave,” said Ronald.

Well then Ronald should be home-schooled. In Nicaragua.

“Asking a court to halt the deportations of their parents until Congress overhauls U.S. immigration laws.” So basically, they are asking the court to keep the invaders here permanently.

Hand Caught In The Cookie Jar

So I found out something interesting today about my former place of employment. Well, it might not be interesting to you but it made me laugh out loud. Long story shorter: There’s a hotel/conference center not far from my former employer’s building. We would go to this place every three months for a quarterly board meeting. (Of course it would be a quarterly meeting — it’s every THREE MONTHS!) Anyway, after each meeting my former boss would get his secretary/sister to go around and take the candy from all the candy dishes while he would take the cookies and canned pop.

“Now kkk,” you may think, “maybe they’re just getting their money’s worth. After all, the company paid for all that stuff.” Not quite. We paid for everything based on consumption. If we used 20 cans of Coke, we had to pay for 20 cans — or at least that’s what I’m told. I wonder if my ex-boss knew we paid based on consumption or he just wanted to steal stuff. Either way, it gave me a good laugh for 10 minutes.

Then again, I used to lift a few cans of soda for my office mini-fridge. But at least I didn’t fill my pockets with hard candy and cookies.

A Jolt To Government Health Care Costs

“Jolted”? I’ll see that $1.6 trillion and double it.

Jolted by cost estimates as high as $1.6 trillion, Senate Democrats agreed to scale back planned subsidies for the uninsured and sought concessions totaling hundreds of billions of dollars from private industry Tuesday to defray the cost of sweeping health care legislation. At the same time, key Democrats disagreed openly among themselves over a proposed tax on health insurance benefits to pay for expanding coverage to the uninsured.

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until it’s free.

I wasn’t around in the 1960s, but once upon a time Medicare was a new entitlement, and what were the original cost projections?

At its start, in 1966, Medicare cost $3 billion. The House Ways and Means Committee estimated that Medicare would cost only about $12 billion by 1990 (a figure that included an allowance for inflation). This was a supposedly “conservative” estimate. But in 1990 Medicare actually cost $107 billion.

Now let me repeat. Jolted by cost estimates as high as $1.6 trillion. I can’t wait to see the final bill on this abortion.

Cheap Test

In all seriousness, who the hell would buy a home pregnancy kit from a DOLLAR STORE?

And for the record, I was at this store earlier today for something else — a bag of marbles.

Yes, I lost my marbles. Beat you to that one, too…

Bissell Fizzle

Well, it never fails. You’re near the end to finishing something and something goes wrong.

My one summer project this summer is to give the carpets in the kkk manor a deep-cleaning. A week or two ago it was the first floor that got the royal treatment. This weekend the plan was to deep-cleaning the two rooms on floor deux. I was about 70 percent finished with the second room when the roller stopped. Woo-hoo. I took apart the machine as per the instruction manual and Bissell website. No dice. Well, I got it to the point where I could PUSH the damn deep-cleaner and half-assed the remaining stretch of carpet. Besides, that was the corner where the stereo equipment will be moved over anyway.

Next up is the basement, but not until this stupid machine gets fixed. Oh well, I can live with this.

Penguin Perspective

So it’s been a day or two since the Pens defeated the Red Wings in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals. Yay, I guess.

Even though I live close enough to Shittburgh to be considered a hometown guy, I usually don’t cheer for the local teams out of local loyalty. However, it’s been nice to see this young team progress over the last few years, and I’m glad they won the big one. I’m not going out and getting a Sid Crosby jersey, but I did record the final minutes of Friday’s game and watch the post-game theatrics a time or two since then.

Friday night I was cleaning around the house, and I forgot the game started until about 10 minutes into the first period. When I turned on the game it was still 0-0, which was encouraging to me for the Pens. If they survived the home-team onslaught early on, I thought they would have a chance. And then when I saw them play out the rest of Period 1, I felt that they could win this game, provided they didn’t give up a cheap goal on a turnover or line change error.

I was right.

One story line through this series was Marian Hossa of the Wings. Long story short: Hossa was with the Pens for last year’s postseason, and he decided to sign a one-year deal with Detroit this year because, according to Hossa, he wanted to be on a team that could win the Cup. And there he was in the post-series handshake line for the second straight year as the defeated instead of the victor. One thing I noticed was while many players on the Pens shook Hossa’s hand, there wasn’t much more emotion-wise from the Pens players. There was another former Penguin — backup goalie Ty Conklin — who was on the Penguins team last year who was getting a lot more affection from his former mates — hugs, smiles, the whole nine yards.

So anyway, hooray and stuff. Now I can’t wait to see how ESPN handles the Pens victory on the afternoon block of shows, all of which had the Wings winning.

Hossa Singing A Different Tune

I’ll talk more about tonight’s game sometime later this weekend, but for now I want to post the following AIM conversation with “Bob”:

Where There’s Smoke, It’s Coming Out Of My Ears

Oh for God’s sake, just ban the things already. I’m tired of reading shit like this.

The Senate struck a historic blow against smoking in America Thursday, voting overwhelmingly to give regulators new power to limit nicotine in the cigarettes that kill nearly a half-million people a year, to drastically curtail ads that glorify tobacco and to ban flavored products aimed at spreading the habit to young people.

President Hussein, who has spoken of his own struggle to quit smoking, said he was eager to sign the legislation, and the House planned a vote for Friday. Cigarette foes said the measure would not only cut deaths but reduce the $100 billion in annual health care costs linked to tobacco.

I’ve always supported tobacco because if not for smokers, the government will tax the hell out of something I like. But this is getting ridiculous. BAN TOBACCO. And you know what? If you decide to tax other “sins” more due to the lack of revenue, I’ll cut these products from my life as well.

Hammering In My Indifference For Picture Frames

So the better half didn’t like the picture frames we have. She went to Kohl’s and bought several of the same color. Hell, I didn’t even know the frames we had were different colors. She starts hammering in the frames against the living room wall. Then re-hammering because the frames are “uneven.” Oh Christ. Once she gets on a roll like this we’ll be lucky to have any kind of wall left. I go upstairs and drown out the noise with Chuck D’s solo album. Several songs later I’m called back down and asked how the new frames look.

Uhhhh. They’re frames and pictures I never look at. Is Mrs. kkk happy? Mrs. kkk is happy.

Then I’m happy.

Nobody Died, Nobody Got Raped — What’s The Big Deal?

You know, I’m sure Man-Ram can be a cancer in the locker room every now and then for his teammates, especially when he’s not getting his way on a new contract, but man I love this guy.

Manny Ramirez is speaking up. And surprise, surprise … some fairly ridiculous things are coming out of his mouth.

Man-Ram (worst nickname ever) hasn’t spoken publicly since being suspended for violating MLB’s steroid policy on May 7. But Ramirez decided it was about time he started talking again. Manny told the LA Times:

“Whatever happened, that’s in the past and I’m coming to play my game and move on. I don’t want to be a distraction for this team.

“I spoke to Frank McCourt, I apologized, I spoke to Joe [Torre], my teammates and I’m ready to move on.

“I didn’t kill nobody, I didn’t rape nobody, so that’s it, I’m just going to come and play the game.”

Asked if he was sorry for his actions, he replied, “That’s what I said.”

More Bad Guy For Your Buck

Wow. Up to $200 million for 17 prisoners.

Palau says its decision to temporarily take the 17 Uighurs, or Chinese Muslims, being held at the Guantanamo Bay prison was a “humanitarian gesture.”

But the South Pacific island may have been motivated more by 200 million other reasons.

Two U.S. officials told the Associated Press that the U.S. was prepared to give Palau up to $200 million in return for accepting the Uighurs and as part of a mutual defense and cooperation treaty that is due to be renegotiated this year.

Makes President Hussein’s Stimulus dollar-per-job-created ratio look all the more impressive. And let’s not even get into the Stimulus dollar-per-job-SAVED — we could be talking pennies on the dollar when it’s all said and done.

Having A Blast At Video Games

Thank God I am not a kid now.

An 11-year-old Mississippi boy accidentally killed his 9-year-old brother with a shotgun blast Tuesday as the two struggled over the gun after arguing about a video game, authorities said.

A-Darrious Finley died after being shot with a 12-gauge shotgun at his home near the Red Banks community in northern Mississippi, Marshall County Sheriff Kenny Dickerson said.

“The younger brother allegedly got mad because he got beat at some video games and got the gun,” Dickerson said.

This story brought back memories of my “Double Dragon” video game for the Sega Master System. You had to buy several other games and send in the UPC labels/proofs of purchase to get this game for free. After what seemed like years, this game finally arrived in my mailbox. I played it countless times, but what I remember the most was one time at the end when my character got defeated by my friend’s character.

In this game some gang steals you character’s girlfriend, and you have to get her back by beating up a lot of bad guys along the way. Now if you’re playing with another person and you two make it to the end then it’s a duel to the death. Guess the game developers never heard of Menage a trois, but I digress. Whenever I played against my one friend at this stage in the game, my character would always defeat his. However, this one time his character was able to defeat mine. Did I let him enjoy the spoils of his hard-fought victory by letting him watch his pixelated rescuer embrace the neighborhood slut?

I reset the game.

What came after that was a barrage of kicks and punches I wasn’t expecting. Of course, my laughing the whole time probably didn’t help matters. Still hurt like hell. Good thing neither one of us packed any heat.

Stumped On The Sims

You know, I don’t get the appeal of the whole Sims franchise. Not hatin’ on you if you do. If I’m going to control a character, I want him/her to be killing goblins and other beasties either through steel or magic. That or in some sort of athletic competition. Then again, I can’t remember the last new game I bought, so I doubt video game produces have me in mind when trying to sell units.

Electronic Arts Inc., publisher of the popular video game franchise, announced Tuesday that 1.4 million copies of “The Sims 3” were sold the first week. That makes “Sims 3” the best-selling PC game launch in EA’s history.

The company also said over 7 million user-designed items—such as home furnishings and clothing—were downloaded from the game’s Web site.

The third installment of the life-simulating game was released June 2 and features a new moviemaking tool and additional ways to customize the personalities of the game’s virtual townsfolk. EA announced last year that the original “Sims” passed the 100 million sales mark since its launch in 2000, making “The Sims” the world’s best-selling computer game.

A Break From Driving

So it’s not just 80-year-olds who do this. Or do the blue-hairs claim the brake pedal gets jammed?

Police said a 17-year-old girl who was practicing how to drive broke her mother’s legs after stepping on the gas pedal instead of the brake. Sgt. Thomas Long told the Republican newspaper that the mother was sitting on a fence when she was struck Saturday morning at a movie theater parking lot.

Milk Money

So today I learned that the kkk household was going to be the recipient of Welfare Milk. Apparently the crack-whore niece-in-law needs to spend all her WIC money by a certain date. (Is this true? I have no idea.) In order to do this, she bought a bunch of milk that she cannot begin to finish. She then sent several gallons over to my in-laws, who in turn sent the moo juice over to me and the better half.

…

Think about this next time you hear from some bleeding heart that we don’t spend enough scrilla on the poor.

Maxim’s 100 Hottest?

To the people at Maxim magazine:

Remind me again which one of these two wives of political leaders made your 100 Hottest Women list this year?

I guess it was advised to let the Wookie win. Probably because French First Ladies don’t pull editor’s arms out of their sockets when they lose.

And for the first time in my adult life I am NOT proud of my country. Vive la France!

EU Elections

Looks like Europe is making a RIGHT TURN~!

Conservatives raced toward victory in some of Europe’s largest economies Sunday as exit polls showed voters punishing left-leaning parties in European Parliament elections in France, Germany and elsewhere.

Some right-leaning parties suggested the results vindicated their reluctance to spend more on company bailouts and fiscal stimulus amid the global economic crisis.

Whatever. Nothing will change and the liberal parties/whatever-they’re-called will be in power an election cycle or two from now. However, this caught my eye.

In Sweden, the Green Party was expected to increase its support dramatically. The Pirate Party, which advocates shortening the duration of copyright protection, was expected to get one or two seats for the first time.

The hell? There’s an actual political party called the Pirate Party, and the platform is getting free music? From Wiki:

The Pirate Party (Swedish: Piratpartiet) is a political party in Sweden. Its sudden popularity has given rise to parties with the same name and similar goals in Europe and worldwide. The Party strives to reform laws regarding copyright and patents. The agenda also includes support for a strengthening of the right to privacy, both on the Internet and in everyday life, and the transparency of state administration. The Party has intentionally chosen to be bloc independent on the traditional left-right scale to pursue their political agenda with all mainstream parties.

Man, if the Internet porn bloc ever got organized and turned out at the polls in America, it would be an unstoppable force.

Actor’s Commencement Speech Gets A Rewrite

Wow, I never knew James Franco was a Republican. What other reason could there be for this OUTRAGE by UCLA’s student body?

Actor James Franco says he has dropped a plan to give a commencement speech at the University of California, Los Angeles, a move that may have been prompted by pressure from students.

Franco issued a statement saying he canceled his June 12 appearance because of conflicts with preproduction demands for his next film.

However, the “Pineapple Express” star had been the object of opposition from students who said he was not the right fit for the commencement speech.

“The problem with him as a speaker comes down to the fact he was a peer for so many of us,” UCLA senior Erin Moore said. “He was in our class. He’s not a role model. And he hasn’t had time to accomplish anything with his degree.”

Franco, 31, enrolled at UCLA in 1996 and graduated last year with a degree in creative writing. He would have been the youngest person and most recent graduate to deliver a commencement speech at UCLA.

Soon after the commencement announcement in March, Moore set up a Facebook page called “UCLA Students Against James Franco as Commencement Speaker.” Hundreds joined, and Moore estimated about 80 percent of them are UCLA students.

Frankly, I’d rather have this guy give my commencement speech than most of the shitdicks on this list. Let’s see who I’d put Franco over on this list:

Who Deep-Cleaned The Carpets? I’ve Been Framed!

So today I began deep-cleaning the carpets in the kkk household.

And the deep-cleaning is kicking my ass.

Five hours and I’ve only done two rooms. To be fair, I’m also cleaning other things than the carpet, but no matter. At least the two rooms on the first floor are done. Then again, I have to do the living room, dining room, hallway, top two floors, two flights of stairs and the basement.

FUCK.

There’s another thing that I’ve observed during this experience. How in the hell did the better half and I manage to get half of our possessions into this house? Some things we assembled, which is fine. But the bed frame in our bedroom — how did this thing make it in? The bed cushion is understandable; it’s more flexible and I was able to move that out in the hallway. But the fame? There’s no way it’s ever getting out of this room in one piece. (I propped it against the wall, deep-cleaned one half of the room and then moved it across the room when it was time to do the other half.) And also there’s no way in hell Mrs. kkk is ever going to get a king-size bed in this house. Shit, I’m now starting to question how our new couches will get in through the front door when they arrive in a week or so.

One Heck Of A Commish

Damn, that must have been one hell of a salesperson.

A Los Angeles Superior Court judge has approved a $4.1 billion arbitration award against an Internet communications company accused of firing an employee in a dispute over commissions he said he was owed.

The award approved last week by Judge Teresa Sanchez-Gordon includes $3.9 billion in damages and $200 million in interest for plaintiff Paul Thomas Chester.

Lottery Winner

Yeah, and the lottery isn’t rigged. The guy got his winning ticket in a town called WINNER.

A cowboy who had his trailer repossessed and couldn’t pay his taxes lassoed one of the biggest lottery jackpots in history – a $232.1 million Powerball prize.

South Dakota rancher Neal Wanless came forward Friday, a month after he bought the lucky ticket in – get this – a town called Winner.

“I want to thank the Lord for giving me this opportunity and blessing me with this great fortune,” said the 23-year-old.

“I will not squander it.”

Love the last quote. You know, I wouldn’t mind seeing him squander $88 million; that would be quite a feat. Then again, he could just play the stock market. Yeah I know — if you invested $20 in 1950 you’d be a millionaire today blahblahblah.

Cut Me Some Slack Over A Premature Diagnosis

So the other day I made some comments about David Carradine and his “apparent suicide.” Boy, I love those “alleged/apparent/etc.” Get-out-of-libel qualifiers.

Turns out he may have been a perv instead. Good for him, I guess. Hey, I said “may.” He may have also been getting ready to go to a costume party or volunteer at a nearby soup kitchen.

Another major development in the David Carradine death mystery — this one found in the pages of his 2003 divorce papers, in which his ex wife accused him of a “potentially deadly” sexual appetite.

In divorce papers obtained by the Smoking Gun, David’s ex-wife Marina accused him of participating in “deviant sexual behavior which was potentially deadly.” The papers do not say specifically what that behavior entailed.

Police say David’s body was found in his Bangkok hotel room Thursday morning with a rope around his neck and genitals. It was at first reported as a suicide, but police have since changed their tune by saying he could have died from an “accidental suffocation.”

I’m sorry but I got to include this part, too.

David’s manager believes foul play is involved because he’s been told David was found with his hands tied behind his back.

Yeah, because hands tied behind his back is REALLY WEIRD in cases like this.

Detroit Demolition

You know, I don’t want to be one of those weenies that go “Come on, guys, can’t we use this money for something more worthwhile?” whenever some money has been proposed for a particular program/cause that does not deal with welfare trash or government schools.

With that being said…

A halt was ordered Friday to the demolition of Tiger Stadium, just hours after crews began tearing down what’s left of the historic ballpark.

Wayne County Circuit Judge Isidore Torres issued a temporary restraining order to stop activity at the site, said Robert Rossbach, spokesman for the Detroit Economic Growth Corp.

The injunction was requested by the Old Tiger Stadium Conservancy, a nonprofit group that had tried to raise money to preserve and redevelop the ballpark. But their $33.4 million plan was rejected by the city’s Economic Development Corp. board on Tuesday.

…$33+ million.

For a baseball field.

In Detroit.

…