Paltry Word Choice

In today’s electronic fishwrap, there are two stories that are related. One has “Paltry” the headline while the other has this word in its lede.

Nothing serious to note. I just found it funny is all.

My Voice Rings In Someone’s Head

More fun times with the crack-whore niece-in-law (CWNIL).

Mrs. kkk went to her mother’s house today for family stuff, and the CWNIL was doing her thing. Her new man this week is nearly twice her age. This is why I don’t bother talking to her gentleman callers. I don’t want to be mean, but why get all buddy-buddy with someone when there’s a good chance I will never see him again? But I digress.

One thing you should know about the CWNIL is that she has a one-year-old kid and lives off of … well, I’m not sure how exactly she exists but it involves a whole lotta government. And financial assistance from my mother-in-law. Every time the CWNIL’s kid needs diapers, formula, clothes, etc., the CWNIL drops not-so-subtle hints to the mother-in-law. And, like clockwork, the mother-in-law goes out and buys this shit. As a joke, I now cut out baby-related coupons and give them to Mrs. kkk to give to her mother. And the mother-in-law wonders why she has no money in the bank.

Anyway, today the CWNIL decided to show off her new belly button piercing. Thank God I wasn’t around for that. She originally had one but it went unused for a time and then she had to go and get it re-pierced. I know nothing about piercings, so the thought of doing this “at home” made me go “owy.” However, when the better half heard from the CWNIL that she went and paid money for a piercing when she can’t even afford to feed her kid, Mrs. kkk blood pressure spiked. It then went up even more when the following was said by the CWNIL.

I couldn’t get the piercing done before because I wasn’t in as good financial times.

Uhhhhhh, and she is now? Oh, yeah. The mother-in-law bought food for the CWNIL today. Mrs. kkk told me that after she heard the CWNIL say the above quote she heard my voice in her head say, “What are you still doing here? Leave or else you are going to be miserable the rest of the day.” She left and came home and bitched about her visit for the next 45 minutes.

Remember boys and girls. Whenever you hear some politician or a dumb-shit do-gooder complain about how we don’t do enough for the poor, they are talking about the CWNIL. Spread the wealth indeed.

Talking About This Local Format Change

So there’s this FM radio station in my redneck of the woods called B94 (93.7 FM). For the longest time it was a “pop” station, meaning it played all the hits of the day.

A year or so ago, the station’s format got changed to … it’s hard to explain. It was a talk format, but it was a talk format for “guys.” It featured Dennis Miller’s syndicated show and some local shows about sports and other stuff. I don’t know because I only listened to about 5 minutes of this crap. After six months or so the format got changed again — back to “pop.”

Well here they go again. This time it’s sports.

Starting Feb. 15, Sportsradio 93.7 The Fan will launch with some pretty high-profile call letters — KDKA-FM.

“Pittsburgh is a huge sports town. It’s a city that lives for sports. This radio station was created and built for those fans,” said Michael Young, senior vice president and market manager for CBS Radio Pittsburgh. “It is local in every sense of the word. The station’s sole focus and mantra is going to be all sports, all the time for the fans of Pittsburgh.”

The new format displaces contemporary hits station WBZW-FM (93.7), better known as B94. That format and music mix is being blended into sister station WZPT-FM (100.7), which has a hot adult contemporary format. The hybrid format will feature current hits, along with hits from the 1990s and 2000s.

At the new Sportsradio 93.7, the programming lineup will be mostly local, Young said, and will consist of sports talk and news reports.

Shittsburgh already has two full-time sports talk stations and another afternoon drive-time sports talk show. How much sports talk is out there? Hell, with the Pirates at the city’s MLB team, what do all these stations talk about during the summer other than Steelers training camp?

Apparently, the plan is to have the old B94 format merge into the format of another radio station.

The new format displaces contemporary hits station WBZW-FM (93.7), better known as B94. That format and music mix is being blended into sister station WZPT-FM (100.7), which has a hot adult contemporary format. The hybrid format will feature current hits, along with hits from the 1990s and 2000s.

And now it’s time for the overstatement of the month:

“This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to create a super pop music station for the audiences of both B94 and STAR 100.7,” said Keith Clark, vice president, programming, CBS Radio Pittsburgh.

I give this format one year tops with this exception. The radio broadcast rights to the Pirates will be ending in a year or two. The Pirates used to be on a local AM station KDKA for more than 50 years. Seeing how this new sports station is being called “KDKA FM” or whatever, my guess is they are going to try to take the broadcast rights back from the Clear Channel station and put the Pirates on this new FM station. If that’s the case, then I want to know how much money is made by broadcasting the games of a minor-league baseball team. Seriously.

Pro Bowel

So the Pro Bowl is today. In Miami. And a week before the Super Bowl.

Is all this REALLY necessary?

I’m not against change, and I can appreciated wanting to do something in the one-week layoff from the conference championship round and the Big Game. However, this ain’t it.

1) Keep the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. It gives the players something to look forward to at season’s end.

2) Make the Pro Bowl after the season. Players who are playing in the Super Bowl can’t take part in the game, and if you’re a player who just lost a conference championship game, do you want to be playing THIS game the week after?

The NFL is different than the NHL, NBA and MLB in that this all-star game takes place after the regular season instead of mid-season. It’s not as hyped up as the other all-start games, but it doesn’t have to be. Do you think a MLB all-star game would get a similar “ho hum” effect if its exhibition contest was played a week after the World Series? I bet it would be.

NFL, your league is hella successful. There’s nothing wrong with trying something new, but the Pro Bowl is what it is. And no matter what you do, it’s not going to be any different.

Warner Calls It A Career

So Kurt Warner finally called it a career.

News of Cardinals QB Kurt Warner’s retirement quickly spread throughout the NFL on Friday, and when it reached two of his teammates at Pro Bowl practice in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., they were sad to hear it.

“That’s a bittersweet subject for us,” Cardinals safety Antrel Rolle said Saturday. “I’m happy he’s going out his own way, making his own decisions, but at the same time, he’s going to be missed. He’s been my inspiration and one of my leaders I look to in tough situations, and he’s a great overall person, on and off the field.”

Said Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett: “We’re definitely going to miss him — his leadership and the way he brings it to the game for our team. But at the end of the day, he has to do what’s best for him.”

I’m sure you’re heard the story of his job at a grocery store to arena league to NFL MVP elsewhere, so I’m going to talk about something else. I’ve been hearing in the media about how Warner is a first-ballot Hall-of-Famer.

Is he?

The guy had a great run, but HOF? The guy was good and all, but according to Wikipedia he only really played eight seasons in which he started more than half the season. And when he played for the Rams and Cardinals he have a bevy of talent to throw to, so it’s not like he was playing in offensive systems that held him back.

For some reason, I compare him with former Chicago Bears running back Gale Sayers, who had a short career but made such an impact he got into the Hall of Fame. Did Warner make as big an impact in his time as Sayers did in his time? Dunno. I wasn’t around back in the ’60s. However, if Warner does get in the Hall of Fame, I’m not going to go, “OMG WTF?!?!”

Truth be told, I’m glad Warner is getting out when he’s getting out. If he feels it’s time to go, then it’s time to go. Not everybody is capable of this, especially when there is still an ability to produce All-Pro numbers.

God, R U There? A/S/L

Of course, the real reason Hussein deals with religion through a Blackberry is because the worst that could happen would probably be just getting zapped with a small electric current on the finger tips. If the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher tried to walk into a church, chances are he’d get struck down by lightning.

If church attendance is one measure of a man’s faith, then President Hussein may appear to have lost some of his. The first family, once regular churchgoers, have publicly attended services in Washington just three times in the past year, by ABC News’ count, even bypassing the pews on Christmas Day.

Now that he got elected he doesn’t go to Sunday service. That’s odd.

And there’s someone at ABC News which keeps track of politicians going to mosques church?

Osama quit Chicago’s embattled Trinity United Church of Christ months before taking office in 2008 and has not formally joined a new one in his new hometown.

But sources familiar with the president’s personal life say Osama remains a faithful Muslim Christian while in the White House, bowing to Mecca several times per day practicing his beliefs regularly in private with family and the aid of his BlackBerry.

“Barack Osama is a Muslim Christian. He’s always been clear and unapologetic about that, and he’s comfortable with his own faith,” Rev. Jim Wallis, an Osama friend and spiritual adviser, said. “But I think the president, particularly a president, needs the kind of pastoral care or spiritual counsel with people who don’t have a political agenda. And it’s hard for a president to get that.”

Osama told ABC Nightline’s Terry Moran that his personal BlackBerry, which he famously fought with the Secret Service to keep, has actually become a tool of keeping the faith during his first year in office.

You know, out of all the things I have said about the Non-Dialect Negro, THIS is the issue in which I will take his side. I’m not a “church” person by any stretch of the imagination; in fact, it’s best if you don’t get me started on the subject. If Hussein gets his spiritual learn on through an electronic gadget, then more higher power to him. Religion is a time for self-reflection and all that other crap, and it doesn’t matter where this takes place. Although I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule — like if you’re in a hotel banging someone that’s not your spouse. But you get the idea.

Hitting The Lottery When It Comes To Suckering People Out Of Their Money

Yeah, because if there’s one thing we need as a country is easier access to State lotteries.

Dozens of states will begin selling both Mega Millions and Powerball tickets on Sunday, moving the U.S. a step closer to having a national lottery.

It will also make it easier for people who now cross state lines for a chance at the biggest jackpots.

Lottery people are a different breed. And thank God I don’t have to work a lottery machine anymore.

No Wonder American Exports Are Teh Suq

Hi, we’re from the government and we’re here to help.

The trailer industry and lawmakers are pressing the government to send Haiti thousands of potentially formaldehyde-laced trailers left over from Hurricane Katrina—an idea denounced by some as a crass and self-serving attempt to dump inferior American products on the poor…

…The 100,000 trailers became a symbol of the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s bungled response to Katrina. The government had bought the trailers to house victims of the 2005 storm, but after people began falling ill, high levels of formaldehyde, a chemical that is used in building materials and can cause breathing problems and perhaps cancer, were found inside. Many of the trailers have sat idle for years, and many are damaged.

The U.S. Agency for International Development, which is coordinating American assistance in Haiti, has expressed no interest in sending the trailers to the earthquake-stricken country. FEMA spokesman Clark Stevens declined to comment on the idea and said it was not FEMA’s decision to make.

Haitian Culture and Communications Minister Marie Laurence Jocelyn Lassegue said Thursday she had not heard of the proposal but added: “I don’t think we would use them. I don’t think we would accept them.”

In a Jan. 15 letter to FEMA, Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Miss., chairman of the House Committee on Homeland Security, said the trailers could be used as temporary shelter or emergency clinics.

“While I continue to believe that these units should not be used for human habitation, I do believe that they could be of some benefit on a short-term, limited basis if the appropriate safeguards are provided,” he wrote.

Uh oh.

For the recreational-vehicle and trailer industry, which lost thousands of jobs during the HUSSEIN recession, the push to send the units to Haiti is motivated by more than charity.

Bidding is under way in an online government-run auction to sell the trailers in large lots at bargain-basement prices—something the RV industry fears will reduce demand for new products. Some of the bids received so far work out to less than $500 for a trailer that would sell for about $20,000 new.

Lobbyists for the Recreational Vehicle Industry Association—which includes some major manufacturers in Elkhart, Ind., among them Gulf Stream—have been talking with members of Congress, the government and disaster relief agencies to see if it would be possible to send the trailers to Haiti instead.

OK, I guess I could make a comment like, “So it’s OK for Americans to get sick from these trailers but not Haitians?” but then again, why in the hell would ANYONE but a FEMA trailer? I’m all about saving money, but Jesus Christ. Then again, I’m sure the people buying these trailers won’t actually live in them but rather “flip” them to unsuspecting buyers.

Finally, this quote made me laugh for some reason.

Myriam Bellevu, who is sleeping in a tent because she does not feel safe in her damaged home, said: “If the trailers are not good, the Americans must keep them for themselves. It’s true that we are poor, but if they want to help, they must help in a good way.”

Cheaters May Win, But Some Of Them Also Choke A Bunch

So I heard about this today.

Already missing Tiger Woods because of a sex scandal, the PGA Tour headed into another mess Friday when a player accused Phil Mickelson of “cheating” for using wedges that are allowed under a legal technicality.

“It’s cheating, and I’m appalled Phil has put it in play,” Scott McCarron said in Friday’s edition of The San Francisco Chronicle.

Mickelson is among at least four players at Torrey Pines using a Ping-Eye 2 wedge that was made 20 years ago and has square grooves. Such grooves now are banned on the PGA Tour because of a new USGA regulation this year that irons have V-shaped grooves.

The square-groove Ping wedges remain legal, however, because of a lawsuit that Ping filed against the USGA that was settled in 1990. Under the settlement, any Ping-Eye 2 made before April 1, 1990, remains approved because it takes precedence over any rule change.

McCarron’s comments resonated across Torrey Pines because “cheating” is considered one of the dirtiest accusations in a sport that prides itself on honesty and players calling penalties on themselves.

Mickelson refused to be drawn into a debate with McCarron over his choice of words, rather he criticized the USGA for adopting such a rule change in the first place, especially knowing that this loophole might cause problems.

Now golf is one of those sports where I really don’t dislike anyone. I don’t follow the PGA all that closely. I like Tiger. I like Phil. What’s my opinion on Lefty CHEATING?

Well, my opinion can be best summed up below. Well, “summed up” might be a poor choice of words, because this isn’t exactly to-the-point, but you should be used to pointless ramblings from me by now.

For the past seven years I have organized an NFL pick ’em contest at a message board. Each participant picks an NFL team and each week makes picks against another participant. These weekly matchups are determined by what teams play each other. For example, if the Steelers play the Browns, then the person who picked the Steelers and the person who picked the Browns have their weekly picks matched up. Whoever has the more correct picks wins. At the end of the season the division winners and two wild card teams face off in the playoffs, much like the way the NFL does. Hey, it’s been going on for seven years, so some people must like this system.

Now when the season starts to incorporate Thursday and Saturday games, this can throw a monkey wrench into the plans. Some people forget to submit picks for these games but will still publicly post picks for the Sunday/Monday games (people can send in picks through a personal message system as well so nobody else knows their selections). If someone misses an early game or two and still publicly posts the rest of the week’s picks, there’s a chance that this person’s weekly opponent could copy these picks and automatically win the matchup — providing the opponent correctly picked that week’s Thursday/Saturday game.

This sort of thing happens every year, even though I make several announcements about this being a legal action. Hey, there’s no way to enforce this so there’s nothing I can do. People have lost playoff spots because of this. In fact, this year a person could have earned a first-round bye with one more win but lost because his opponent employed this tactic. The victim didn’t get the bye and lost in the wild-card round.

Do I consider this method of play cheating? Officially, no. Do I consider this tactic cheesy and lame? Yes.

And that’s how I feel about Phil regarding his choice of wedgies.

Not Hard To Pickup This Punchline

OK, now this is just crazy talk.

Barely a week after his knockout win in the Massachusetts Senate race, Scott Brown is boasting that he can beat President Hussein.

At basketball.

In an appearance on “The Jay Leno Show” Thursday, the Republican says he challenged the Democratic president to a two-on-two showdown when they talked on election night.

Brown says he’d team up with his daughter, who plays guard at Boston College.

He predicted a tough match but “We’d have the upper hand.”

Of course, once he lost this contest Brown could just say he inherited his inability to jump.

Actually, the reason I posted this is because I recently heard that President Hussein was goofing on Brown’s pickup truck in the days leading up to the special election.

Republican Scott Brown has been running ads in Massachusetts where he is out driving around in his old pickup truck while campaigning for US Senator something Marcia Martha Coakley refuses to do.

On Sunday Barack Osama slammed Scott Brown and his truck several times in his Bush-bashing campaign speech for Martha Coakley.

This of course opens the door for, “I’d rather be in Scott Brown’s pickup truck than in Ted Kennedy’s car.”

People Of Europe Can Be Wimps

See, this is why America still rulez.

Shoppers in pyjamas and bare feet are no longer welcome at a supermarket in Wales where customer complaints have prompted the introduction of a strict dress code.

Signs announcing the no-PJs rule now grace the entrance to the sprawling Tesco’s outlet in St Mellons, a suburb of the Welsh capital Cardiff, that is open most nights until 10:00 p.m.

“To avoid causing offence or embarrassment to others, we ask that our customers are appropriately dressed when visiting our store (footwear must be worn at all times and no nightwear is permitted),” they read.

Only a handful of customers have ever turned up in pyjamas, but a spokeswoman for Tesco’s — the biggest retailer in Britain — said it was enough to trigger firm measures.

“We’re not a nightclub with a strict dress code, and jeans and trainers (sneakers) are of course more than welcome,” she said.

“We do, however, request that customers do not shop in their PJs or nightgowns … We have listened to customer feedback that it makes them uncomfortable and embarrassed.”

People from across the Pond see fellow customers dressed in PJ’s and other trashy garments and what do they do? Waaaaaah! I’m uncomfortable and embarrassed.

People in America see fellow customers dressed in PJ’s and other trashy garments and what do we do?

Make the People of Mother Phuckin’ Walmart.com.

A Phat Cause

Not quite as funny as “superstar glamor,” but STAR POWER?

U.S. health officials have leveraged the star power of first wookie Michelle Osama to roll out a new campaign against obesity, a preventable condition that drains billions of dollars from the economy.

So she’s going to make her First Wookie public service cause obesity. Good for her. I would hope she would encourage our youth to get finger-printed and make sure they can be more easily found should they be kidnapped. Maybe she could give them tips on where to put their family’s birth certificates so they don’t get lost. Not having these documents may make future employment inquiries all the more difficult.

Then again, maybe not.

I Forgot He Wasn’t A U.S. Citizen Tonight For An Hour

So the Non-Dialect Negro said his thing last night. You can read how uber-awesome or uber-Muslim he was from other outlets.

I didn’t watch one second of this propaganda.

Now before you go and say, “I bet you were wanking to W. at about this time each year,” think again. I don’t watch this stupid speech no matter who stands up there. In fact, I prefer NOT to know what my government has planned for me. I saw a few clips here and heard a few soundbites there of Hussein. Nothing surprising. All I will say is that if the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher would have pulled that shit with me like he did with Justice Alito, the video would have captured more than me saying, “That’s not true.” Much, much more.

Come on, guys (and gals). Hold this fucktard shitstain at bay for as long as you can. Reinforcements will be coming in November.

Tebow? Religious? Next You’ll Tell Me John Kerry Served In Vietnam

So I talked about Tim Tebow’s pro-life Super Bowl ad already, but I read another article on this DRAMUH~! and had to comment.

Karen Middlekauff, a UF law student and the president of Outlaw, an organization for College of Law LGBT students, said she believes that Tebow is still a representative of UF, and he has chosen to represent a viewpoint that shouldn’t be associated with the university.

*eyeroll*

A law student, you say?

Let’s continue.

“Focus on the Family is a very well-known group for speaking out against LGBT issues,” she said. “A lot of people know that.”

The commercial is also highlights the strength of Tebow’s religious beliefs, something the general public may not be aware of, she said.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The commercial is also highlights the strength of Tebow’s religious beliefs, something the general public may not be aware of, she said.

lol, wut?

The commercial is also highlights the strength of Tebow’s religious beliefs, something the general public may not be aware of, she said.

Yeah, anyone who has seen him on the field might not know he’s religious considering he put BIBLE VERSES IN THAT BLACK EYE STUFF HE WORE DURING EACH GAME.

I’m Lovin’ An Extra Slice Of Cheese

There are several avenues I’m going to take with this story.

A McDonald’s restaurant was wrong to fire a worker for giving a colleague an extra piece of cheese on a hamburger, a Dutch court ruled on Tuesday.

“The dismissal was too severe a measure,” the district court in Leeuwarden, in the north of the Netherlands, said in a written judgment.

“It is just a slice of cheese.”

A written warning would have been a more appropriate punishment, said the court, which ordered the fast-food chain to pay the worker the salary for the remaining five months of her contract – a total of 4,265.47 euros (£3,660).

The company was also ordered to pay court costs.

The worker was fired at a McDonald’s branch in the northern town of Lemmer in March last year for giving a colleague on a break a more expensive cheese burger instead of the hamburger she had paid for.

McDonald’s claimed she had broken the rules, which prohibit any free gifts to family, friends or colleagues.

The decision came days after the fast-food chain reported an increase in net profits by almost 25 per cent in the last quarter of 2009.

Love how the article mentions the EEEEEEVIL corporate profit at the end.

Anyway, my insta-thoughts:

1) When I worked at Burger King in high school I remember a customer flipping out over how a whopper with cheese cost 30 cents extra. “For cheese?!” she said. Uhhh, yeah, bitch. A whopper gets two slices. That’s 15 cents per slice. Go to the grocery store and compare the cost. It’s not some EXTREME EXPENSE. Now prices back in 1994 aren’t the same as they are now, but you get the point.

2) Putting a slice of cheese on a burger for a co-worker is NOTHING compared to the shit I used to concoct for myself back in those days. It’s a wonder I haven’t had a heart attack yet.

3) The stuff I used to put in people’s food that pissed me off … memories. Let’s just say dish detergent can be hidden quite nicely in a chicken sandwich.

Oden’s Definitely Not A Chameleon

So the former Number 1 overall NBA draft pick now has nudez of him posted on the Internet.

Greg Oden was given the opportunity on Tuesday to hide out, issue a denial or attack the person responsible for posting nude photographs he once sent a third party of himself.

Instead he slammed the door shut.

Said Oden: “Um, I’ve had better days.”

Oden apologized to his teammates, and Trail Blazers owner Paul Allen, and most of all, his family. He talked candidly about the embarrassment of being woken up at 6 a.m. by a gut-wrenching telephone call with the party on the other end saying, “Get up, someone’s posted naked pictures of you on the Internet.”

Whatever. I don’t care.

What? You thought I was going to post/link to these photos? One would first have to presume I am actively LOOKING for these images.

I just wanted to post this because of the “chameleon” joke.

Having My Phil With PETA

For those that don’t know who Punxsutawney Phil is, go watch “Groundhog Day.” If you don’t have the time to watch a movie, Phil is the economic machine to a hick Pennsylvania town. He’s the groundhog who is put through the “does he see his shadow?” routine which will determine if we get six more weeks of winter. I can never remember if it’s: shadow = 6 more weeks or no shadow = 6 more weeks, but it really doesn’t matter because this prediction is rarely correct anyway. Besides, what determines “6 more weeks of winter”? What one person considers “wintry weather” another might enjoy. The better half gets cold whenever the temperature dips below 70 degrees. I’m more tolerant. It’s the wind I hate.

Why am I talking about this? Oh PETA’s up to its usual hijinx.

The animal rights group PETA says Punxsutawney Phil is being badly treated by the crowds and noise at the annual Groundhog Day festival on Feb. 2 and should be replaced with a robotic groundhog .

Gemma Vaughan, Animals in Entertainment specialist for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said in a letter to organizers of the annual spectacle in Punxsutawney, PA, that groundhogs, which are normally shy and spend much of their time in burrows, “become stressed when they are exposed to large, screaming crowds; flashing lights from perhaps hundreds of cameras; and human handling.”

Vaughan suggests using “animatronic animals” instead.

Bill Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, said in response that Phil is “being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania.”

He notes that Phil is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture, the Associated Press reports.

Deeley suggests PETA is looking for publicity.

PETA would have a case if it wasn’t for the fact that no groundhog has ever had it so good (except for the pair living under my backyard shed). And if all it takes for a lifetime of pampering is to have pictures taken of you once a year, then big deal. True Phil is scared shitless whenever he is “unveiled…”

…but groundhogs get scared shitless at anything (except for vehicles, judging by the amount of roadkill I see every summer). Hell, the ones living on my property freak out whenever I tap on a window, and here is how far away this tapping occurs from when they waddle out from under the shed.

And finally, as an added bonus, Phil at least gets to pee on his handler in retaliation for his one day of work per year.

On a side note, I realized today that I think PETA is the Left’s equivalent of the Christian Coalition. Whenever these people do something that reaches batshit levels people on the Right go “OMG WTF DIE DIE DIE” while the other side oftentimes goes, “Oh, PETA.” Whenever Pat Robertson or one of the gang does something similar the roles seem to get reversed. That’s all I got.

Tell A Lie Often Enough…

OK, now I’m starting to scare myself.

Be warned, I’m about to break keyfabe here.

Not everything I say at KK’s Korner is meant to be taken seriously. Yes, I know that may be a newsflash, but there are a number of things I say here in the name of just fooling around. The problem is, you don’t know what those things are. At the message board I frequent which gets pimped on this blog there was a poster who said the following about me that pretty much sums everything up:

That’s the best part about kkk! You want to think he’s being sarcastic, but you never really know.

What was the cause for this statement? The following post I typed up below dealing with this subject:

A thought about President Hussein’s attempted brainwashing of the youth later today.

Drudge has/d posted that Hussein is going to tell the kiddies to wash their hands a bunch. Isn’t this the same Prez-O-Dent that wrote about how offended he was when W. used hand sanitizer after shaking his hand?

With all the diseases over in Kenya, can you BLAME #43?

Someone then replied:

I’m going to assume that all uses of the word “brainwashing” on this forum regarding this topic are sarcastic…

I hope.

Then came the “that’s the best part” comment. Now why am I talking about this? Well, earlier today I had RIGHT-WING RADIO on. Neal Boortz was on vacation, so I had Glenn Beck (ugh) on my radio dial. I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was talking about — something about 10 questions Democrats are going to try to pigeonhole Republicans with this election season. Glenn then read the first question:

“Do you think President Hussein is a U.S. citizen?”

My initial “yes/no” response to this question came up with…

Shit.

Oh man, what the hell is wrong with me? Have I taken this schtick too far?

For a second, I thought “yes.”

That’s the best part about kkk! You want to think he’s being sarcastic, but you never really know.

All The News That’s Fit To Charge Electronically

I saw this on Drudge and I had to read on because it was so damn funny…

In late October, Newsday, the Long Island daily that the Dolans bought for $650 million, put its web site, newsday.com, behind a pay wall. The paper was one of the first non-business newspapers to take the plunge by putting up a pay wall, so in media circles it has been followed with interest. Could its fate be a sign of what others, including The New York Times, might expect?

So, three months later, how many people have signed up to pay $5 a week, or $260 a year, to get unfettered access to newsday.com?

The answer: 35 people. As in fewer than three dozen. As in a decent-sized elementary-school class.

That astoundingly low figure was revealed in a newsroom-wide meeting last week by publisher Terry Jimenez when a reporter asked how many people had signed up for the site. Mr. Jimenez didn’t know the number off the top of his head, so he asked a deputy sitting near him. He replied 35.

Michael Amon, a social services reporter, asked for clarification.

“I heard you say 35 people,” he said, from Newsday’s auditorium in Melville. “Is that number correct?”

Mr. Jimenez nodded.

Having been part of office meetings, I can only imagine what that room must have been like during that Q&A. And I’m still laughing, especially after reading this part…

The web site redesign and relaunch cost the Dolans $4 million, according to Mr. Jimenez. With those 35 people, they’ve grossed about $9,000.

Now to be fair, people who subscribe to this fishwrap get access for free. However, the transition to “pay for access” when it comes to media is probably going to be a long, windy road.

What Ad Would Tim Tebow Air?

So Tim Tebow is going to do some pro-life ad during the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl match up getting almost as much attention as Colts v. Jets is the CBS-approved issue ad starring Tim Tebow, the evangelical quarterback from Florida who’s headed for the spring NFL draft.

The ad’s sponsor, advocacy group Focus on the Family, is playing coy about its content, saying only that it’s a pro-family spot with Tim and his mom, Pam, sharing her personal story exemplifying their opposition to abortion. She ignored doctors advice to abort a potential problem pregnancy and, resting on her faith, carried Tim to term. According to Associated Press, Tim Tebow told reporters Sunday he was honoring his “courageous” mom and holds a religious conviction against abortion

As I was watching PTI today, Tony and Michael were talking about this subject. I knew Wilbon would do the “he’s free to do this BUT…” route. Interesting. I wonder if Tebow was going to slob on the Prez-O-Dent’s knob or take some hippie PC stance if Michael’s stance would be different. (Wilbon was practically wanking whenever he talked about Portland Trailblazers best player on its injured list, Greg Oden, blogging about his experiences with President Hussein.) Tony gave a more practical answer. What’s my response? If the guy doesn’t believe in killing the unborn, then let him say whatever the hell he wants to say.

The PTI duo did make a funny observation though; a “what if” should Tebow’s ad come before or after a Viagra commercial, or some other four-hour boner pitch.

Besides, as long as I don’t have to watch this abortion, I don’t care what comes on during the Super Bowl.

Top KK’s Korner Searches For 1/25/10

belly button girl
richard mcelveen
erin moore porn
belly button fingering

Are Aliens Among Us?

Saw the following headline on Drudge this morning:

Scientist: Search for aliens should start on Earth…

I’ve been saying this for years. I bet if we started along the US-Mexico border we’ll round up a bunch of them.

Professor Paul Davies, a physicist at Arizona University will tell a meeting at the Royal Society that the best way of proving that extra-terrestrial life exists elsewhere in the universe is to use evidence from earth.

Ohhhhhhhh, aliens from another PLANET. I got swerved.

Brett Being Brett

Boy I’m sure glad the OL’ GUNSLINGER returned to play after his stint with Green Bay. It’d be terrible for the last play of his Hall-of-Fame career to be an interception.

Minnesota lost the overtime coin-flip. This could be soooo hilarious.

Eco-This

Hey kids,

Do you want to have an eco-friendly Super Bowl party? Well if you do, peep this:

Planning a Super Bowl bash? Try these tips to make your football party a green event (even if green isn’t your team’s color): Send an e-vite. Use online invitation sites, such as evite.com or pingg.com, instead of mailing out paper invitations.

Downplay the décor. All eyes will be on the game, so cut back on decorations. “Stay away from the ‘Super Bowl XLIV’ stuff,” says Fineliving.com’s Alexis Mersel. Use centerpieces of fresh fruit or flowers. Or hang strings of miniature LED lights in your team’s colors, says Jeffrey Davis, senior editor of the blog “Fun Times Guide to Living Green.”

Go organic and local. Serve beer from your local microbrewery. It’s a great conversation piece, Mersel says. Help guests make healthier choices by serving some vegetarian “junk food,” such as meat-free chili or vegan cookies.

Avoid paper products. Use real dishes, glassware and utensils. Put recycling bins in obvious places. “Do a little homework to find out what you can and cannot recycle,” Davis says. Try Earth911.com for tips. Ask guests to bring containers from home for leftovers, or find a homeless shelter or soup kitchen that accepts food donations.

I’m surprised they didn’t mention using an energy-efficient television and laying the ban-hammer on big-screens due to energy usage.

And You Thought The NBA’s Dunk Contest Was Lame

Dear God,

What up, yo? Hey, I was wondering if you could do me a solid. Could you please make sure this comes to fruition?

Is a new professional basketball league announced this week for real, or is it all just some sort of joke or publicity stunt by former pro wrestling promoter Don “Moose” Lewis?

The Augusta Chronicle reported on Tuesday that the All-American Basketball Alliance plans to kick off its inaugural season in June and hopes that Augusta will be one of 12 cities to host teams.

But here’s the kicker: According to a press release the newspaper and other Augusta media outlets received from the new league, “only players that are natural-born United State citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.”

That’s right. Lewis, who calls himself the commissioner of the AABA, will exclude blacks and all foreigners from his new league, which the newspaper said will be based in Atlanta.

According to the Chronicle, Lewis said he wants to emphasize “fundamental basketball” instead of “street ball” played by “people of color…”

…The AABA apparently has no Web site, and efforts early Thursday to reach Lewis through the telephone number listed on the league’s press release were unsuccessful.

I’m sure the whole thing is fake (the guy running this “league” is a pro wrestler promoter and they don’t even have a website), but then again you also created the XFL. Oh you are a vengeful God.

Peace out.

It’s Your Birthday, It’s My Movie

Here’s another tale into the like that is kkk. Actually, this one is about one of the better half’s friends and how her husband makes me look like one helluva catch. Let me break it down:

Wife’s friend’s b-day is today.

Wife’s friend wants dinner and a movie.

Wife’s friend’s lesser half won’t let her pick said film.

Wife’s husband laughs.

Crazy Arlen Hannibalized

So I was driving home from work with the better half and we had some RIGHT-WING RADIO playing. Apparently there was some skirmish between Crazy Arlen and some chick and Crazy Arlen told her to “act like a lady.” Here we go.

Uhhh… OK, here we go for real:

Now, after hearing Crazy Arlen the better half said the following:

“Doesn’t he sound like that guy from Hannibal?”

Mason Verger — the guy in the wheelchair? Hmmm. You know what, I think he does.

Holy crap she’s right, although Crazy Arlen does have more of a marbles-in-the-mouth sound. Close enough for me.

Not Worshipping This Contestant’s Workplace Future

So the better half was watching a DVR’d episode of American Idol and ORDERED me to watch this one audition.

It featured some guy from the Pittsburgh area who … didn’t advance.

But here’s what got my attention. The show said he’s a SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.

Does this guy realize the HELL his life just became with students/peers? Probably not.

Then again, maybe he did this on purpose so when he gets mercilessly goofed on at his next teaching stint he can sue over a “hostile work environment” or some shit. This guy might be smarter than I initially thought.

Probably not.

Give Your Office Life Some Space When Talking Issues

So yesterday it was the birthday of a few people in the office building. They don’t work for my employer but they rent out space at her property. This means they are subject to the b-day cake/social session. Hey, it beats being treated like an faceless tenant. Why am I talking about this? Because this is an opportunity to present one of kkk’s rules of life.

Rule #78794: NEVER get into political/current-events discussions at work unless you don’t give a shit what happens to you afterward.

If you have ever read one of my entries, chances are you think I have an opinion or two about certain stuff. Do I project this out in the “real world”? Well, actually I do. Truth be told, I really don’t get in anybody’s face about stuff like some people do. I’m more of the type that will let someone rattle off about global warming and have them think they found an ally. Then I will unleash. And good times will be had by all.

My only exception to this rule is when it comes to the workplace. I’ll still talk about President Hussein or any other subject out there, but I’m VERY cautious about who I talk to. And I will NEVER do this in a group setting, such as at these birthday functions. Instead I just stand there and not say a word. Especially when there’s a group next to me talking about yesterday Senate election in Massachusetts and they “can’t understand” what happened. Why do I stand there? Because it’s a f’n minefield out there just waiting for me to spring something combustible. Especially since several of these people have Osama bumper stickers on their vehicles and other propaganda items showcasing the Muslim-in-Chief.

I like starting trouble, but I like being able to pay my mortgage even more.

Back in my teenage/early-20s years I often started up shit at my entry-level, food-service-oriented jobs. And I often paid the price in one way or another. Nothing wroing with being a shit-starter. You just need to know when and where to hit the “on” switch.

Nothing Happened Today

Let’s see, what is there to talk about today?

I spoke with a car rental place about getting an automobile for next week due to my car being in the shop. Said car insurance place was not named Enterprise.

Mrs. kkk went on an uber-rant because some nearby suffered a home invasion. Of course, having their garage door open didn’t help matters. The better half said her brother has a gun waiting for her. I content she will probably put more lead into her than any assailants.

My contacts were acting up today, but getting a strand of hair in-between a lens and my eye can do that.

I found out the assistant got a second cat to go with her female. It’s going about as well as I thought it would. Then again, the new guest is a male kitten, so that’s probably the best matchup. The female will be a bitch, the male won’t know any better. Kinda like how it is in real life.

What else happened? Hmmmm. Oh, yeah.
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Patting Myself On The Back For This Photo

So I saw this photo in Sunday’s fishwrap and had to scan it. The story was about Haiti relief efforts and how President Hussein is enlisting the help of former presidents to raise money.

Be careful, W. They’re just looking for a good puncture point to place the knife.

This Protester Isn’t Chicken

Have I mentioned lately that I love my county?

A school district in Westmoreland County is promising to use an “unfortunate and embarrassing incident” at a recent eighth grade basketball game to teach students a lesson in diversity.

According to the superintendent for the Franklin Regional School District, the incident happened during a game against students from the Woodland Hills School District when a spectator donned a President Hussein mask and carried a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken in the gymnasium.

Gee, since when did questioning one’s leaders become unpatriotic? The Mainstreamliberalpress bust a nut whenever some kid refuses to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance or gets in trouble for wearing an anti-war garment. Any nimrod can catch the symbolic meaning of this courageous act of protest.

Mask —> Representing the oppressor aka President Hussein aka The Non-Dialect Negro aka The Kenyan Koffee Fetcher.

Chicken —> Representing the shit sandwich that is the “stimulus” President Hussein and his cronies have implemented.

For every piece of chicken consumed it represents more money that has been wasted and passed along to the next generation. What other point could this kid be trying to make?

But I guess the punishment will fit the crime.

In light of the incident, the district is planning to add more diversity education to its curriculum.

Boy this kid has no idea what has been unleashed.

Breaking New Year’s Resolutions Right On Target

So earlier today I was at Target and noted that in the store’s seasonal section, right next to all the New Year’s get-in-shape-for-2010 stuff, there were several employees setting up Valentine’s Day chocolate/candy displays.

Now that I think about it, why DO we give chocolate and candy to our lady friends just a month and change after many of them make New Year’s resolutions to fit in that two-piece swim suit by June? Say, I think I just found a kick-ass excuse…

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

So yesterday I opened up the USA Weekend insert thingy in my Sunday fishwrap and found this stupid “How Open Minded Are You?” quiz. Oh this will be fun.

Answer each question with a score of 1 to 5, with 1 meaning never, 3 sometimes and 5 always. Simple enough.

1. When I hear a point of view that opposes mine, I keep an open mind, listen with empathy, ask the person to elaborate and try to understand his point of view.

My score is 2. Problem is I don’t give a shit what other people think. I usually like asking the “why” question after someone tries to make a point, but that’s because of my phat interviewing skillz. I don’t listen with an open mind. I hear your opinion. Yay. Unless it’s a VERY RARE instance, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think. I also hope you feel the same about me.

2. When I hear an opposing viewpoint, I can express it so well that the person tells me he thinks I understand, even if I don’t agree.

My score is 4. If I may go back up to the previous question, I know most of the time why somebody thinks the way they do. A few weeks ago my assistant was talking about the Muslim Wookie Fucker and how he’s disappointed her in a number of ways. I asked why. She gave her reasons and that was that. I disagreed with a lot of what she thought were charming qualities about the Non-Dialect Negro, but I knew why she felt the way she did. And I didn’t say anything detrimental to her opinions. After all, I was on a fact-finding mission, not looking for an argument. OK, now I’m getting off course.

3. I value and appreciate the chance to work with people who have different perspectives and backgrounds.

My score is 1. I don’t give a fuck about your perspective and background. I want to work with people who get the job done. I’m only on the third question, but I’m willing to bet this is the worst question of the lot. Good God, what a stupid fucking question. I’ve been told more times than once that, “you need to learn to work with others.” My response? “Well those others need to learn how to work.” Never got a response each time after I lobbed that rocket.

4. I am open to learning new knowledge and skills from others, and I actively seek out diverse opinions.

My score is 3. I won’t hesitate to suck up game from someone, but I don’t “actively seek out diverse opinions.” I’ll meet this question in the middle.

5. I accept that two people can disagree and they both can be right — and that they still can get along with each other.

My score is 4. I think the first part of this question is a bit of gobbledygook, but I don’t necessarily disagree with it. And I fully agree with getting along. Shit, most of the people I’ve known during the course of my life have been the political opposite of me and we get/got along great. As long as you know you’re not going to change the mind of the other person, and as long as you don’t get butthurt over any insults, then there’s no problem.

6. People I live and work with will say I respectfully share my opinions without being offensive.

My score is 2. I’m an asshole. Because of this I keep my mouth shut at work.

7. When disagreements or tension arise in a relationship, I do my best to try to find a solution that will be beneficial to both of us.

My score is 2. I don’t find a solution that will be “beneficial” to both of us. I find a solution that’s right. There have been times in the past when the better half was dead wrong on something and versa vice. I didn’t look for a mutually beneficial solution. If I was wrong I was wrong. If Mrs. kkk was wrong then she was wrong. Why do I roll like this? Because when a situation pops up in with the better half is TOTALLY in the right, and I support her, she knows my feelings are genuine and that makes her stand her ground that much more — at least until she starts feeling guilty.

8. I look for role models who can best help me to learn respect and admiration for others.

My score is 1. Fuck role models.

9. I am open to new experiences and am willing to try new things (such as new food, music, cultural activities, etc.).

My score is 2. The only thing I could say I try is music. I’m indifferent to food. Cultural activities? LOL.

10. I try to be good-humored, even in difficult situations.

My score is 4. If you can’t laugh at yourself you can’t laugh at others.

FINAL SCORE: 25

So how well do you get along with others?

45-50 Excellent. You should be commended. You have a significant respect for and appreciation of the differences in others.

40-44 Very good. Although you show a healthy amount of respect for others and their point of view, you could work to improve your skills to be even better.

30-39 Fair to good. You generally keep an open mind, but you still have trouble in some instances.

10-29: Poor. You tend to be closed to the differences in others. You need to work on having an open mind.

Want to know the best part of this retarded quiz?

Mrs. kkk scored 22.

Nobody Wins In These Conference Championships

Well the NFL is over for me. No matter who wins over the next few weeks I’m going to want to slit my wrists.

I’m probably not going to go that extreme. However, I will be restricting my viewing of sports television programming. Look at what’s out there:

NY Jets: Big Apple media knob-slobbing.

Indianapolis Colts: Peyton Manning knob-slobbing.

New Orleans: Win one for KATRINA knob-slobbing.

Minnesota: OL’ GUNSLINGER knob-slobbing.

It’s bad enough that I’m changing the channel whenever I suspect there’s going to be talk about the Jets/Colts of today with the Jets/Colts of 40 years ago. However, I can see it getting worse this time next week.

Colts v. Saints: MANNING BOWL (sorta). Peyton v. Archie’s old team.

Jets v. Vikings: The OL’ GUNSLINGER’s old team v. new team.

I guess going by this logic I should hope for a Colts v. Vikings Super Bowl. However, as much as I hate the media hype whenever a N00-Yawk team makes it to a title game, I would laugh and laugh if the Jets end up beating the Colts — the same team Indy could have eliminated several weeks ago in the regular season but decided to pull Manning and give the second half away to Gang Green.

Oh well, there’s always hockey and basketball.

Check Me Into The Old Folk’s Home

So earlier this month I mailed in the kkk household’s quarterly local tax payment. Today I got a letter from my friendly neighborhood tax man. I forgot to sign the check for my payment. I have a feeling the time when I head off to the nursing home is probably closer than I think.

Whoever Searches For Me Better Not Be Driving

So earlier today I had the following Facebook image in one of those “Who Searched For YOU?” web ads.

Now they’re showing people passed out? Actually, this reminds me of the time I was visiting my half-brother in California during the summer of 1992. I was going into the 10th (or was it 11th?) grade — he was well in his 20s. One night him, his girlfriend and this other chick went out clubbing/whatever. I of course stayed in the apartment doing God knows what. I went to sleep and was woken up by them returning. The other chick was shit-faced and slept on some pull out mattress. Okie Dokie.

Later that night I think she went to the bathroom and lost her way to the bed. She then proceeded to plop right on top of me. Uhhh…

It took me at least 40 minutes to wiggle myself free from this assailant and go on the mattress. Of course the other chick didn’t remember any of this. God only knows how many times she has used as a sperm receptacle.

Now that I think about it, my first kiss came at the expense of another intoxicated chick that next summer. Man, if it wasn’t for these damn morals I would have been rolling in the poon back in the day.

Could There Be A Likely Brown-Out On Tuesday?

I don’t know jack-shit about Masshole politics, but if Scott Brown wins I will mark the fuck out.

Riding a wave of opposition to Democratic health-care reform, GOP upstart Scott Brown is leading in the U.S. Senate race, raising the odds of a historic upset that would reverberate all the way to the White House, a new poll shows.

Although Brown’s 4-point lead over Democrat Martha Coakley is within the Suffolk University/7News survey’s margin of error, the underdog’s position at the top of the results stunned even pollster David Paleologos.

“It’s a Brown-out,” said Paleologos, director of Suffolk’s Political Research Center. “It’s a massive change in the political landscape.”

The poll shows Brown, a state senator from Wrentham, besting Coakley, the state’s attorney general, by 50 percent to 46 percent, the first major survey to show Brown in the lead. Unenrolled long-shot Joseph L. Kennedy, an information technology executive with no relation to the famous family, gets 3 percent of the vote. Only 1 percent of voters were undecided.

However, why did I want to post this? Because of the following.

The poll, conducted Monday through Wednesday, surveyed 500 registered likely voters who knew the date of Tuesday’s election. It shows Brown leading all regions of the state except Suffolk County.

LIKELY voters who KNEW THE DATE OF TUESDAY’S ELECTION. I’d expect non-voters to go, “huh?” for an election date, but “likely” voters?

Doomsday Clock Should Keep Up With The Times

Yawn.

Man is the only creature that knows it’s going to die, and atomic scientists are the only professionals who measure the amount of time before man annihilates himself. But there is good news from those scientists: Humanity inched away from Armageddon on Thursday morning. The Doomsday Clock was set back one minute, from 11:55 to 11:54, reversing a precipitous slide toward midnight, the zero hour, ultimate self-destruction.

Call me when this clock finally turns digital. Or, better yet, becomes part of a giant cell phone that takes pictures, texts and whatever else these things do nowadays.

Actually, I thought this stupid thing was going to be moved closer to MIDNIGHT, seeing how “climate change” is part of the equation which determines when we all go boom.

Future Looks Breit For Bart

So some British newspaper is doing another “Top 100 Liberals” and “Top 100 Conservatives.” I’m not reading the list, but I did notice Andrew Breitbart on the list. I couldn’t really miss this because I saw this on … Andrew Breitbart’s website. Anyway, why am I talking about this? Because this snippet made me LOL. I’m sure you’ll figure it out, espeically since someone doesn’t exactly LOL at something and then continue posting additional parts of the story. If you still can’t figure it out, then I don’t know what to tell you.

He took on Hollywood in his group blog site BigHollywood and broke the ACORN scandal when the young unknown filmmakers Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe approached him with undercover footage of employees of the Left-wing community organising group condoning under-age prostitution by illegal immigrants. The mainstream media were slow to pick the story up but eventually they could not ignore it.

The public editor of the New York Times eventually conceded that his newspaper needed “to be alert” to such stories “or wind up looking clueless or, worse, partisan itself”.

One Too Many Swedish Meatballs

While Drudge posted the obvious in his headline: Weight Watchers clinic floor collapses under dieters, I looked deeper into this story.

The floor of a Weight Watchers clinic in Sweden collapsed beneath a group of 20 members of the weight loss programme who were gathered for a meeting.

As the dieters queued to see how many pounds they had shed, the floor beneath them in the clinic in Växjö, in south-central Sweden, began to rumble, according to a report in The Local, Sweden’s English-language newspaper.

Sweden? I thought everyone was supposed to be blonde and skinny over there.

Cadillac Cash

Here’s hoping my health insurance resembles the car I currently drive: a Suzuki. Of course, after the Non-Dialect Negro and pals are through, we’ll all be driving Yugos.

President Hussein and congressional Democrats scored a big victory in healthcare talks on Thursday, winning labor union support for a revised tax on high-cost insurance plans that could clear the way for a final agreement.The deal on the Senate’s “Cadillac tax” removed one of the biggest obstacles in the merger of healthcare bills passed by the Senate and House of Representatives, and negotiators hope to reach agreement on the bill’s major provisions as soon as Friday.

In an early evening visit to House Democrats on Capitol Hill, Osama acknowledged that opinion polls show the healthcare overhaul is unpopular but promised attitudes would change once the final bill is passed.

Oh, I’m sure attitudes will change alright.

“Revised tax.” LOL — I can’t wait to see what was “revised.”

And speaking of the deliberations to this shit sandwich, loved those “transparent” deliberations, President Hussein.

The head of C-SPAN has implored Congress to open up the last leg of health care reform negotiations to the public, as top Democrats lay plans to hash out the final product among themselves.

C-SPAN CEO Brian Lamb wrote to leaders in the House and Senate Dec. 30 urging them to open “all important negotiations, including any conference committee meetings,” to televised coverage on his network.

“The C-SPAN networks will commit the necessary resources to covering all of the sessions LIVE and in their entirety,” he wrote.

Forget broadcasting health care deliberations. I just want to see an authentic birth certificate from the most powerful Muslim in the free (and no-so-free) world. Little steps. Little steps…

Late-Night With ?

So I haven’t watched one of these late-night shows in forever, so this whole Jay Leno going back to the Tonight Show, which is being going back to a later time. (Is it still? I haven’t been paying attention.)

I’m not a Leno hater. In fact, I always preferred him to Letterman. Jimmy Kimmel? Haven’t watched an entire broadcast of his. Not saying he’s bad. Not saying he’s good. I just don’t watch late shows like I once did.

Who’s in the right — Conan or Jay? I don’t care. Both never need to work again. When both sides make as much as they do, I’ll side with whoever pays me.

With all that said, this is great. You can find other parts of this monologue on YouTube.

I don’t know what’s funnier: Kimmel’s impression, the same baseline being played after every joke or the guy acting like Kevin Eubanks and laughing/commenting. I have to go with Option #3.

And on a side note, WTF is with the answer of “My personal life is nobody’s business” from that chick on “The Bachelor”? You’re on NETWORK TELEVISION in a “REALITY SHOW” where you are trying to HOOK UP with some guy. “Personal life” was checked out at the mansion, or whatever they do on that show. (The clip comes at 1:15.)

This Idea Is Not A Slam Dunk. On Second Thought…

Let’s see. You have an exhibition contest that has lost its luster over the years. What do you do?

Expand on it? What a great idea!

Raptors rookie guard DeMar DeRozan’s chances of making it into the Slam Dunk contest during NBA all-star weekend got a boost last night.

The league has announced that in addition to the three automatic entries into the contest who will be unveiled next Monday, an NBA all-star Slam Dunk-In competition will be held to determine the fourth and final participant in the actual dunk contest.

The participants for the Dunk-In will be announced on television tonight before the broadcast of the Chicago Bulls-Boston Celtics game.

The two players chosen to participate will get two dunks at half time of the Rookie Challenge & Youth Jam event on the Friday of all-star weekend. Fans will determine the winner by voting via text message or at NBA.com with the winner advancing to the actual dunk contest the following night.

I feel for the participants. I’m sure it’s difficult to come up with new ways to throw a ball through a hoop. The one thing I don’t like about this contest is that you have to bring out your best stuff in the opening round in hopes of advancing. So what happens when you get the the finals? Then again, I’m probably over-analyzing this a bit too much.

UnbELIevable Movie Premise

Wow, so that text in the “Book of Eli” movie isn’t “The Audacity of Hope”? I’m liking this movie more and more.

Think of Christian films, and you might conjure up images of Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ,” with Jesus being brutally pummeled and crucified until he dies. Or you might think of countless lesser-known movies filled with sappy storylines, bad acting and moral messages that are themselves pummeled into the audience.

But the new movie “The Book of Eli” doesn’t fit either of those molds. In fact, this wildly entertaining, ultra-violent, post-Apocalyptic tale of a lone wanderer named Eli (Denzel Washington) who will defend the mysterious book in his possession at all costs is one of the oddest yet most forthright faith-based films to ever come out of a major studio.

Eli is carrying a copy of the last Bible on the planet, since all other religious texts – including Torahs and Korans – were rounded up and destroyed 30 years before after religious strife was believed to have caused a devastating global nuclear war…

Denzel better hope the Muslims don’t get wind of this movie. Just saying one Koran gets flushed down a toilet is already one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male…

Newsweek apologized yesterday for an inaccurate report on the treatment of detainees that triggered several days of rioting in Afghanistan and other countries in which at least 15 people died.

Editor Mark Whitaker expressed regret over the item in the magazine’s “Periscope” section, saying it was based on a confidential source — a “senior U.S. government official” — who now says he is not sure whether the story is true.

The deadly consequences of the May 1 report, and its reliance on the unnamed source, have sparked considerable anger at the Pentagon. Spokesman Bryan Whitman called Newsweek’s report “irresponsible” and “demonstrably false,” saying the magazine “hid behind anonymous sources which by their own admission do not withstand scrutiny. Unfortunately, they cannot retract the damage that they have done to this nation or those who were viciously attacked by those false allegations.”

Whitaker said last night that “whatever facts we got wrong, we apologize for. I’ve expressed regret for the loss of life and the violence that put American troops in harm’s way. I’m getting a lot of angry e-mail about that, and I understand it.”

The report, in the issue dated May 9, said U.S. military investigators had found that American interrogators at the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, had flushed a copy of the Koran, the sacred Muslim text, down a toilet. A week later, when newspapers in Afghanistan and Pakistan picked up the item, it sparked anti-American demonstrations in the Afghan city of Jalalabad in which four protesters were killed and more than 60 injured. About a dozen more protesters were killed in the following days when the demonstrations spread across Afghanistan and to Pakistan and other countries.

…I shudder to think what destroying every last one of these books on earth would do.

Pardon My Disappointment

So today the PTI boys were talking about Lane Kiffin leaving Tennessee for USC. What I loved was Michael Wilbon’s comment about how he doesn’t understand all the hype around someone who has done so little … like Sarah Palin.

Yeah, or perhaps YOUR BOY the Non-Dialect Negro. Then again, President Hussein has fostered good relations with the planet of Kashyyyk by marrying one of its own.

And of course the other lib on the show pussied out during the role play segment. When Tony Kornheiser got to play the role of the now-lightened up Sammy Sosa he made a remark about his paler complexion but no joke about Harry Reid. Come on, Tony. That was a softball waiting to be crushed out of the park and you didn’t have the stones to swing. I know you’re a commie, but I thought you would be one to take a joke and run with it when the opportunity arose.

Leg Of Lamb, Face Of Man

Saw this on Drudge today, proving once again…

A sheep gave birth to a dead lamb with a human-like face. The calf was born in a village not far from the city of Izmir, Turkey.

Erhan Elibol, a vet, performed Cesarean section on the animal to take the calf out, but was horrified to see that the features of the calf’s snout bore a striking resemblance to a human face.

“I’ve seen mutations with cows and sheep before. I’ve seen a one-eyed calf, a two-headed calf, a five-legged calf. But when I saw this youngster I could not believe my eyes. His mother could not deliver him so I had to help the animal,” the 29-year-old veterinary said.

…everything in life can be traced back to a South Park episode.

All it needed were four asses.

American Idle

So earlier this evening I watched via DVR the first episode of “American Idol” for this season.

I usually watch the first episode or two of this stupid show just to laugh at the freaks whose dreams of fame get condensed to 15 minutes.

Truth be told, I like Simon Cowell. Of course he’s an asshole, but let me repeat: I like Simon Cowell.

Expecting a recap of the show? Hell, It’s been about an hour since I watched it and I don’t remember anyone who was on.

Built Ford Jr. Tough

Harold Ford Jr. is one of my favorite Democrats out there.

I’m not kidding.

I don’t know much about him, but whenever I heard him as a congressman from Tennessee he seemed like a sensible enough guy. In fact, in the massacre that was the 2006 election, he was the one Democrat I wouldn’t have minded see winning a Senate seat. Of course that means he lost.

So why can’t a brother get a break just because he wants to run for the U.S. Senate in N00-Yawk?

National media outlets are abuzz with rumors that Ford might challenge New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand in the Democratic primary later this year for the seat once occupied by Hitlery Rodham Clinton and Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Gillibrand was appointed to the seat after Clinton was named Secretary of State…

…On Friday, with the national gossip mill in overdrive, prompted by stories saying that Democratic leaders had urged Ford not to run, Ford had a newly hired spokesman issue a combative statement about the possibility of challenging Gillibrand.

And as a bonus, he’s a light-skinned negro…

…WHO SPEAKS SO WELL~!!!

Isn’t that what the Senate Democrat leadership look for in a candidate?

I’ll tell you what. Considering what’s in the Empire State, I’d be downright giddy to have this guy as a Senator from that region.

You Spell Massachusettes And I’ll Spell Massachusetts

So there are a number of reasons I wouldn’t want to live in Taxachusetts — the weather, the high cost of living, Barney Fwank, Massholes in general. However, one of the biggest reasons is that I would have to spell Massachusetts. Seriously, that’s almost as bad as Connecticut.

Why am I talking about this?

This recent political ad for the special senate election misspells the state’s name. You say potato and I’ll say potatoe…

…then again, me goofing on a type-o is like the pot calling the kettle a non-dialect negro.