Save This Idea For The Scrap Heap

Let’s see. Your city is drowning in debt and you want to give money to kindergartners to help them go to college?

Should cities help families save for their kids’ college education? San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom thinks so.

Newsom wants to create college savings accounts for all of San Francisco’s kindergartners and make small initial deposits to get them started — even as the city grapples with a massive budget shortfall.

“From the moment they enter kindergarten, we want kids to believe they will one day go to college and we want to help their parents get a start on saving for that education,” Newsom said. “The benefits to the students, their families and ultimately our economy vastly outweigh the modest initial investment.”

But skeptics say San Francisco can’t afford the program when the city is preparing to cut services and lay off hundreds of employees to close a $483 million deficit in its $2.9 billion general fund budget.

“It’s a real nice idea if we’re swimming in money, but we’re drowning in debt,” said Supervisor Sean Elsbernd. “This is not the time to create new entitlement programs when we’re drastically cutting the ones we already have.”

How about letting the PARENTS save for their own kid’s schooling? That’s a wild concept. And what about first-graders or those too young for school — do they get the shaft?

And I’m supposed to care that California is bankrupt.

Bush-League Behavior

I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact the police officer is from a place called “mentor…”

A Mentor police officer was arrested Wednesday after an alleged assault on a little league baseball coach.

According to Lake County Sheriff Daniel Dunlap, Officer Matthew Collins, 37, was at Perry Township Park at around 8 p.m. for a youth baseball game when the incident occurred.

Witnesses told police that Collins head-butted 37-year-old coach Andrew Bagdonas, after the game.

Police say Bagdonas then fell to the ground, and Collins continued to assault him. The coach told Fox 8 News that the officer charged at his wife first. Bagdonas said he approached Collins to intervene, when the officer head-butted him and started punching him while on the ground.

The coach’s wife called 911 during the fight. When the dispatcher asked what happened, she replied, “The guy opened his mouth at a little league baseball game. He [Her husband] said ‘let coaches be the coaches’ and they confronted each other afterwards.”

…or that he has been on medical leave since last August.

Officer Collins has been a Mentor patrolman since 2003.

Mentor police say he has been on extended medical leave since August 2009.

Hope the medical leave was for his mental state and not some physical alignment.

Life’s Success Isn’t Based On Luck Of The Draw

I read a similar article this weekend in my local fishwrap. Basically, this guy is helping casino employees catch card cheaters.

George Joseph made his name as a magician and card dealer in Las Vegas in the 1970s, and he was so good that when George Burns played God in the movie “Oh God,” it was Joseph’s hands viewers saw as “God” performing card tricks.

Joseph also knew cards so well the Las Vegas casinos asked him to help him spot cheaters, and that’s what he’s been doing ever since.

Joseph spent this week at Hollywood Casino in East Hanover Twp., teaching Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board employees and state police officers how to spot cheaters when table games open later this summer. He’s doing five weeks of training for state surveillance officers in casinos across Pennsylvania.

“Quite frankly, we don’t want to be caught with our heads in the sand,” said Richard McGarvey, a spokesman for the gaming control board.

While each casino is training its own staff, the Gaming Control Board wanted to make sure its own staff was up to speed, and extended the training invitation to the state police and state Department of Revenue.

About 50 people have been training at Hollywood Casino this week.

“The number one job of the Gaming Control Board is insure the integrity of gaming in Pennsylvania,” said Gregory Fajt, chairman of the gaming control board. “When a person comes into a Pennsylvania casino, they need to know they are getting a fair shake and they aren’t being cheated.”

Why am I posting this story?

Because it’s always interesting to see where a person’s interests end up taking them. I’m sure this guy never intended to be a consultant for casinos spotting card sharks, but that’s where his life’s journey is taking him for the time being. In some ways, I can relate.

When I graduated journalism school, my first degree-related job was a fact-checker/proofreader at a workplace that was an assembly line environment. I often joked that my job involved “meatball editing,” similar in many ways to the surgeons on “M*A*S*H*” engaging in “meatball surgery.” Patch the patient up and move on to the next. I’m not dissing the job; there just wasn’t any room for creativity for someone fresh out of journalism school. My next place of employment had nothing to do with my degree. However, there were some aspects of my education and early job experience that helped me work my way into a managerial-type position. For one, I had been trained to work with specific styles. There are times when you can’t look at something and change it to how you think it should look; you need to change it to how your employer wants it to look. Believe me, there are a lot of people that have a problem accomplishing this task. Anyway, after this job I landed another position that was everything I wanted — except for the shit-hole workplace environment and the fact that toward the end I would get physically ill if I spent more than two minutes in the same room with several of my asshole bosses.

What am I doing now for a paycheck? It’s not what I went to school for, but there are plenty of job skills I acquired over the years that help me keep the mortgage current. For example, I do a LOT of email correspondence, and each draft I compose can be compared to a writing assignment handed out by the department editor. There are other aspects — marketing strategies, desktop publishing, etc. Funny enough, I prefer not to engage most of my time doing these creative-based tasks because they really don’t do much in accomplishing my job’s objective. If I’m asked to produce something in Quark or Photoshop, I spend the least amount of time as possible because I have other tasks to deal with.

What’s the point of all this? When most people graduate from college, they expect a job that matches their degree. Sadly, this is a lie told to them during their whole college career by professors and school administrators. As I said not too long ago, that piece of paper you earn after several years at college means jack shit when it comes to how much you get paid in the real world. What matters? The education you reach out and acquire while in school and choices you make after your student career. You most likely won’t get that perfect first job, but that doesn’t mean your schooling was all for naught. You have to keep plugging away and take what’s given available to you, all the while looking for something better.

I am content with what I’m dong now, but I know I won’t be at my current place of employment forever — it’s just another stop on my life’s journey. Where will I go after this? Dunno. But I know I will have another few sets of skills for the next stop.

You Can’t Improve On Perfecton — Or Can You?

So on Saturday a pitcher threw the second perfect game this season.

Carlos Ruiz was the player Roy Halladay first hugged on the field, the only one he pointed to when he walked into the clubhouse, and the one he constantly praised to the media after etching his name in baseball history.

It was Halladay who became the 20th pitcher in Major League history to record a perfect game on Saturday night, but the Phillies’ ace credited his defense, tipped his cap to Jamie Moyer and had plenty of nice things to say about Ruiz.

“I can’t say enough about the job that Ruiz did tonight,” Halladay said. “It’s as much of a big deal for him as it is for me.”

After getting Ronny Paulino to ground out to third base with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, Halladay finally cracked a smile, then opened up his arms to absorb a warm embrace from Ruiz, who was with him for each of his 115 pitches on this magical night.

Then, when he walked back to the Phillies’ clubhouse and his teammates waited for words to come out of his mouth, Halladay simply pointed at his catcher, as if it were Ruiz who deserved most of the credit for the ace joining exclusive company.

And when was the last time this sort of thing took place?

The last time baseball saw two perfect games in the same month, a 20-year-old rookie named Larry Corcoran was dominating the National League. The NL consisted of eight teams, including one in, of all places, Troy, N.Y., and Corcoran reportedly stood 5-foot-3 and weighed 120 pounds, so understand that dominance is a far different animal today than it was 130 years ago.

Still, Corcoran led baseball with 268 strikeouts that season – a number impressive for any height until the proper context is provided: Corcoran threw 536 1/3 innings. During the 1880 season, when Lee Richmond and Monte Ward were perfect within five June days of each other, the game’s best strikeout artist K’d fewer than one hitter every two innings.

That’s a long time.

This has me thinking: Is the sudden outburst of perfect pitching performances a result of…

1) Roided-up batters no longer taking the juice?

2) Roided-up pitchers getting away with taking some kind of performance-enhancing drug?

3) A really weird coincidence?

Of course the person I really feel for is the other team’s pitcher. According to the box score, he went seven innings, gave up 7 hits, struck out 6, walked 1 and had 1 unearned run. I know I’d be bummed if I that kind of performance only to be upstaged by history.

A Favorable Impression

I’m not a huge Frank Caliendo fan. I don’t hate him, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch any original programming from the guy.

With that said, this is a pretty good Glenn Beck impression — 1:45 was great.

I change my previous comment. I would watch Frank Caliendo do his John Madden impression on the set of Beck’s TV show. (The 5:00-5:40 mark was my favorite part.)

Speaking of Madden and Politics. My final project in my graphic arts class back in ’96 was to create an ad campaign with John Madden running for president. Here’s was my slogan:

“If Bill Clinton is too left, and Bob Dole is too right, then … BOOM! Go right up the middle.”

What does Frank Caliendo have to do with a school project from 14 years ago? No clue. Look, shiny object…

What Do You Get That Person Of Color Who Has Everything?

While doing the from-work-to-home commute the other day, the better half and I were in one of the not-so-finer parts of the region. It was at this time I noticed the car in front of me had the following decal on her back car window:

4 Black Gifts Call 412-915-0367.

And I’m sure this is a legit business. (Harriel-Allen, Kimberly – Revelations & Reflections Incorporated.)

Guess I have to get to know some black people before doing any business with this establishment. 😦

One final note. The 412 area code is for the Southwestern Pennsylvania region, but this car had Louisiana plates. That’s all I got.

Diff’rent Strokes Was Watched By A Bunch Of Different Folks

So Gary Coleman died. You will not read any “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, kkk?” or “Did he die from Diff’rent Strokes?” quips here. Why? Because I’ve used these lines elsewhere. They aren’t funny and unoriginal.

What I will say is that Todd Bridges and the guy who played Mr. Drummond are still kickin’. Dang.

What I will say is that I … read … the following obit article on Yahoo and noted some weird-ass stuff. (Wow that was an oddly written sentence.)

Gary Coleman once said he wanted people to think of him as something more than the chubby-cheeked child star from television show “Diff’rent Strokes,” that he wanted to escape the legacy of character Arnold Jackson, whose “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout?” became a catch phrase of the 1970s and ’80s.

He spent his later years still keeping a hand in show business, but also moving away from it, marrying and settling in Utah, far away from Hollywood’s sometimes all-too-bright lights. Still, he was dogged by ongoing health problems and struggled with legal woes.

After suffering a brain hemorrhage, Coleman was taken off life support Friday and died, his family and friends at his side, said Utah Valley Regional Medical Center spokeswoman Janet Frank. He was 42.

Now that I got all those pesky routine facts out of the way, here’s what I did double-takes on later in the article.

His role as a car-washing plantation slave in the 2008 conservative political satire “An American Carol” was cut from the final print.

Really? I can’t remember if I watched that in the actual movie on DVD or if it was in the deleted scenes. No matter. I don’t have a real desire to watch that movie again to find out.

The actor also appeared in last year’s “Midgets vs. Mascots,” a film that pits little people against mascots in a series of silly contests for a chance to win $1 million. Coleman met with producers of the film earlier this year to ask them to remove a brief scene of frontal nudity that he says he didn’t authorize.

Didn’t authorize — Did someone else pull his pants down?

Coleman was among 135 candidates who ran in California’s bizarre 2003 recall election to replace then-Gov. Gray Davis, whom voters ousted in favor of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Coleman came in eighth with 12,488 votes, or 0.2 percent, just behind Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt.

More than 12,000 people voted for Gary Coleman for governor. And that’s what’s wrong with this country.

He should have received MORE votes.

He moved to Utah in fall 2005, and according to a tally in early 2010, officers were called to assist or intervene with Coleman more than 20 times in the following years. They included a call where Coleman said he had taken dozens of Oxycontin pills and “wanted to die.”

Yeah, I know people who overdose and then let people know don’t really want to die. Just once I’d like the 9-1-1 operator to say before hanging up, “You took 100 sleeping pills and calling to let me know? OK.”

Where’s An Illegal Immigrant When You REALLY Need One?

So last night I took a bunch of rocks/bricks/slabs/etc. from the backyard shed and put them onto a trailer-thing for the brother-in-law to haul away and do God-knows-what with. This morning I’m reminded that I’m not 21 anymore.

Getting older sucks.

The previous owners of the kkk household had these things buried all throughout the property, and during the first few years we lived here we the better half dug these bricks and other assorted manufactured stones out of the ground and placed them in the backyard shed. (Well, except for the really big slabs; we dug out about half of them last summer and the rest Friday evening.) Why was she digging them out? Because she does a buttload of landscaping stuff. Why wasn’t I digging them out? Because I don’t give a shit if these things are underground or not. The outside is Mrs. kkk’s turf. I stay inside and make sure the television is working and that nobody steals the furniture or the cats.

I’m Begging New Jersey To Only Pay You $83,000 And Not What You Actually Get

Dear New Jersey Governor Christie,

You’re the phuckin’ man.

Please don’t be cheating on your wife or have any kiddie sex shops in your basement.

And by the way, according to these minutes, that teacher isn’t making $83,000 — she is making more $86,000. (Turn to Page 10 of the PDF file linked above.)

My God that bitch needs a smack. On one hand you “do it” for the love of the teaching, yet you spend your whole time whining about not being compensated for your “education”? The fuck? Hate to break it to you, but you SHOULDN’T get compensated for your edu-macation. Your “education” is just a piece of paper. What you do after your time in school is what you get compensated for; my God shut the fuck up about not getting paid enough. I checked out the equivalent of what $80k gets you in Jersey and what it gets you in Shittsburgh. Basically, I would have to earn just under $60k here to equal what this teacher makes in the Garden State. $60k is pretty damn good. Not as high as some places, but according to this website, the average teacher salary in Pittsburgh is $47,000. I’m sure there are other stats out there with higher/lower numbers, but I found this figure at other websites as well.

Also gotta laugh at the “objective” article below from NorthJersey.com. I hope for this reporter’s sake this is some “alternative” publication, because this is a horrid “news” piece.

Governor Christie on Tuesday told a borough teacher to find another job if she did not feel she was compensated enough as he defended his state budget cuts and promoted a plan to cap annual growth in property tax collections.

He also told an 89-year-old former mayor she’d have to wait until next spring for a rebate she’d been getting for more than a decade in the late summer. And he told a parent that cuts to services, including the local library, are needed because “we are out of money.”

A largely friendly crowd of about 150 people turned out in a church gymnasium to hear Christie deliver a half-hour talk that trashed greedy public employee unions and state laws that handcuff local officials trying to control spending.

He then opened the floor to questions. A few were softballs, including the declaration by Clara Nebot of Bergenfield that Christie is “a god” to her relatives in Florida.

But borough teacher Rita Wilson, a Kearny resident, argued that if she were paid $3 an hour for the 30 children in her class, she’d be earning $83,000, and she makes nothing near that.

“You’re getting more than that if you include the cost of your benefits,” Christie interrupted.

When Wilson, who has a master’s degree, said she was not being compensated for her education and experience, Christie said:

“Well, you know then that you don’t have to do it.” Some in the audience applauded.

Christie said he would not have had to impose cuts to education if the teachers union had agreed to his call for a one-year salary freeze and a 1.5 percent increase in employee benefit contributions.

“Your union said that is the greatest assault on public education in the history of the state,” Christie said. “That’s why the union has no credibility, stupid statements like that.”

Here are two things that stuck out at me.

1) “Mostly friendly audience”? Even if this were true regarding this meeting, why should come as a shock that government officials don’t stack the deck in their favor at these events? I would mention the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher and his plethora of dissenting viewpoints at his events, but everybody does this sort of thing so there’s no point in singling the Muslim Wookie Fucker out on this one.

2) “Some in the audience applauded”? The audience reaction to Christie’s response was more overwhelming than those who applauded the teacher’s remarks. And speaking of Ms. Wilson…

Surrounded by reporters after she spoke, Wilson said she was shaking from the encounter, and worried she might get in trouble for speaking out.

If by “trouble” you mean “exposed” for your line of bullshit, then you would be correct.

Too Close For Comfort, But Not For Backing Down

So earlier today I was faced one-on-one with a “Close Talker” at the workplace front-door entrance.

I won.

If you haven’t seen any “Seinfeld” episodes, this is what I’m talking about.

I am a soldier of Gondor. Whatever comes through this gate, I will stand and fight.

Solutions-Oriented Website

This is what happens when the GOP tries to get with the times. Just go back to the basics: disenfranchising minority voters and pitting white trash against white trash. Stick with what works, guys.

Republicans want to take over the House in the fall, but there’s a problem: They don’t have an agenda.

So on Tuesday, they set out to resolve that shortcoming. They announced that they would solicit suggestions on the Internet, then have members of the public give the ideas a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down. Call it the “Dancing With the Stars” model of public policy.

Republicans were very pleased with their technological sophistication as they introduced the Web site, America Speaking Out a ceremony at the Newseum. Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), who created the program, said that to get software for the site, “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon.”

Using lunar software is appropriate, because the early responses to the Republicans’ request for ideas are pretty far out:

“End Child Labor Laws,” suggests one helpful participant. “We coddle children too much. They need to spend their youth in the factories.”

“How about if Congress actually do thier job and VET or Usurper in Chief, Obama is NOT a Natural Born Citizen in any way,” recommends another. “That fake so called birth certificate is useless.”

What’s so far out about this last one?

Anyway, I’m fairly certain these comments were written by those not quite right-of-center. Let’s see some other comments.

“A ‘teacher’ told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish!” a third complains. “And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.”

Here are some more.

“Build a castle-style wall along the border, there is plenty of stone laying around about there.” That was in the “national security” section of the new site.

“Legalize Marijuana, cause, like, alcohol is legal. Man. Also.” That was in the “traditional values” section.

“I say, repeal all the amendments to the Constitution.” (“American prosperity” section.)

“Don’t let the illegals run out of Arizona and hide. . . . I think that we should do something to identify them in case they try to come back over. Like maybe tattoo a big scarlet ‘I’ on their chests — for ‘illegal’!!!” (Filed under “job creation.”)

Meh. The idea was good. The material could have been better.

And while I’m on this topic, I don’t want a Party that says, “Hey everybody! Tell us what you want us to do and we’ll do it.” If you need an Internet-feedback website to find out that Americans don’t want Hussein Health Care and invaders from South of the border, then you deserve to be in the minority.

Here’s what you do.

Take this footage.

Buy a bunch of television airtime come Election 2010 and 2012 and beyond.

Mention who was standing up.

THE END

Trying To Make A Million Out Of $200k

Tax the rich. They don’t need it. Blahblahblah.

New York Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver is reportedly pitching a plan for an increased “millionaire’s tax” aimed at 75-85 thousand New Yorkers making $1 million or more a year.

Political columnist Fred Dicker , who appeared on Wednesday’s Good Day New York, says Silver secretly proposed a $1 billion tax hike on the highest income earners to Gov. Paterson.

The plan would jack up a current millionaires tax another 11-percent…

So why am I posting this story? Because this part made me laugh.

…The current “millionaire’s tax” actually starts affecting people who have incomes over $200,000.

Roh?

Here’s the rest of the blahblahblah in case you care.

High income tax earners would pay more than 13-percent of their salary in local taxes.

The highest one percent of income earners account for about 36 percent of all state taxes.

WWE Business Practices > Congress

So Linda McMahon of World Wrestling Entertainment fame has all but got the Republican nomination for this year’s Connecticut Senate race. I read this elsewhere but it deserves repeating:

“You know, Vince and Linda (McMahon) are actually LESS scummy than a lot of people in the House and Senate.”

Think about that one for a second.

I also have to laugh that out of the whole McMahon family, the one member running for public office, Linda McMahon, is the LEAST telegenic out of the lot.

And with the WWE production team behind her, these campaign commercials better not be shit.

Granny’s Set Trippin’

I’ve seen this clip several times already and I’m still laughing.

“It was a terrible mistake, and we’re working very hard to make up for it.”

lol wut? How do you “make up” for that — Give more favorable coverage to the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher? Would that be even possible to accomplish?

The Coolio song isn’t offensive — hell, that’s a great album — what I found more offensive was the use of “shout out” by the anchor chick.

And while we’re talking about grandmas hitting the road in big cars…

I aired some movie dialogue just a few seconds ago and, obviously for those of you who heard it, it was the wrong dialogue that aired. It was a terrible mistake and I’m going to do jack shit to make up for it.

Talk Idol To Me

So if I ever have a daughter, I’ll have an idea of how to deal with her once she reaches the “boy bands” craze. Why? Because the better half is watching the “American Idol” season finale, texting her BFF and acting as if it were 46 years ago and the Beatles just arrived from across the Pond.

What do I know about this year’s Idol contestants? Some guy I’ve never seen and a dirty-looking chick. Mrs. kkk had a case of the wet panties over some blond-haired guy who just got eliminated. She was also probably having fantasies about the big black guy who was on for a while. That’s all I know.

A few minutes ago I was in the kitchen doing the dishes when the better half began acting like a teenybopper. Why? Because someone was singing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” Then the following conversation took place. You can figure out who’s who.

“OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!”

“What?”

“BRET MICHAELS IS ON OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!”

“Did they bring him out in a wheelchair?”

“That’s awful.” >:-(

Yeah, I know karma’s going to kick me in the ass. The only question is when.

Then Mrs. kkk’s text buzzer began ringing off the hook. It was her BFF, “Sandy.” The following conversation then took place. If you can’t figure out who’s who by now, then I don’t know what to tell you.

“LOLOLOLOLOLOL”

“What?”

“Sandy said she’s horny.”

“Because Bret Michaels came on? Jesus Christ you two are worse than preteens.”

“LOLOLOL Shut up you jerk. LOLOLOL”

“Why don’t you two go record yourselves dancing like you did for New Kids On The Block back in the day?”

“LOLOLOL Shut up. LOLOLOL”

“I’ll be sure to work the video camera for that. It’ll be like watching Butters tap dance all over again.”

“LOLOLOL Shut up you asshole. LOLOLOL”

By this time the dishes were done, my tea was brewed and I was getting the hell out of there.

If you don’t understand the Butters reference, then peep this.

Phone-y Interest At Work

Thank Allah I don’t communicate via Webcam at work. That way the person on the other end of the conversation can’t see my facial reactions to their stupid questions, etc. At least with speaker phone I can lay my head down on the desk over my arms in a crossed fashion. That actually sounds like a confusing image.

Here we go.

Get it? Got it? Good.

Anyway, as I was doing this today at work I almost busted myself. What did I do? With the speaker phone enabled I began talking while still in the above-pictured position. Oops. Fortunately I shot up into a more erect posture and dealt with the rest of the call just by rolling my eyes and making masterbatory hand gestures.

Clothes Make The Man, But What Do They Make Him Into?

So there was more office fun today. The assistant came in wearing a dress or something and three co-workers complimented her on the outfit.

I, of course, wasn’t one of them.

How come nobody compliments ME on my choice of fashion? My 6-7 black t-shirts I purchased this past Black Friday in various colors and three pairs of mesh shorts that I’ve had for about 9 years now.

What I described to you is pretty much my summer wardrobe. There are a few other ratty-ass shirts and tattered shorts, but that’s for wearing around the house. My winter wardrobe consists of a few pairs of jeans (same shirts as my work garb mentioned above) and about a half-dozen docker pants and a dozen or so golf shirts. (I don’t golf, but they’re comfortable.) I honestly don’t give a shit about clothes. I know there are people out there who say your first impression is your lasting impression, and how you look plays a crucial role in this. However, I could be pimped out to the max, but the moment I open my mouth it’ll all go to shit anyway.

Whenever there is a Black Friday/After Christmas sale (or sometimes a seasonal sale at Kohl’s) I’ll venture out and get some stuff — at a discount. Yeah, I know there are cheaper stores out there, but oddly enough, when it comes to my khakis and golf shirts, I like the fit of most of the stuff on Kohl’s racks. Look, I don’t but hundreds of garments; I’ll just take some and wear them for years on end. I think this year I’ll probably be restocking my dress socks if anything, but we’ll see what the sales flier says this Black Friday. Sears is another place, but I don’t shop there nearly as much. Other stores? Meh. No thanks. I remember one time I bought a pair of Dockers at a discount store and they nearly MELTED after one wash. Please note this was BEFORE I put them in the drying machine.

…

I started this entry by talking about how much I don’t care about clothes and just spent 350 words talking about them. And I didn’t even talk about the two suits I own.

Stop Or I’ll Shoot Off Another Entry

As you may know, I like to complain about a bunch of stuff. Now while most of the time when I do this sort of thing, it’s done with tongue planted in cheek (to one degree or another). You want to piss me off? Here’s how you do it:

City cops are livid over a legislative proposal that could handcuff the brave officers involved in life-and-death confrontations every day — requiring them to shoot gun-wielding suspects in the arm or leg rather than shoot to kill, The Post has learned.

The “minimum force” bill, which surfaced in the Assembly last week, seeks to amend the state penal codes’ “justification” clause that allows an officer the right to kill a thug if he feels his life or someone else’s is in imminent danger.

The bill — drafted in the wake of Sean Bell’s controversial police shooting death — would force officers to use their weapons “with the intent to stop, rather than kill” a suspect. They would be mandated to “shoot a suspect in the arm or the leg.”

Under present NYPD training, cops are taught to shoot at the center of their target and fire their weapon until the threat has been stopped.

“These are split-second, spontaneous events — and officers have to make a full assessment in a fraction of a second,” said an angry Michael Paladino, president of the Detectives Endowment Association. “It is not realistic, and it exists only in cartoons.

“It’s moronic and would create two sets of rules in the streets if there is a gunfight. This legislation would require officers to literally shoot the gun out of someone’s hand or shoot to wound them in the leg or arm. I don’t know of any criminal who doesn’t shoot to kill. They are not bound by any restrictions.”

“The legislators have their heads buried in the sand, and we would not be able to fully protect the public or ourselves.”

In fact, NYPD officers and detectives hit their targets only 17 percent of the time because of the incredibly stressful circumstances surrounding a shooting.

“Can’t soldiers/cops just shoot someone in the arm/leg? Do they have to KILL a suspect?” If you think this way, then I sincerely hope that the next time you’re surrounded by a bunch of hoodlums that an ACLU laywer is nearby rather than an officer of the law.

You want to know this idea’s idiocy level? Even Joe Biden think’s it’s dumb.

Paladino, whose association represents 5,100 investigators, said he showed the bill last week to Vice President Joe Biden, who scoffed and suggested it be dubbed “The John Wayne Bill” because it demands sharp-shooting skills of the kind only seen in movies.

And of course, should an officer aim for a suspect’s arm or leg, there’s a better chance of him missing and the officer’s bullet hitting an innocent bystander. You shoot. You shoot to kill.

Twittering My Thumbs, For Real This Time

Well, now the KK’s Korner empire is expanding by leaps and bounds.

Yesterday I got the “.com” domain name to this place. Today I started up a Twitter account.

Actually, I really have no desire to do the Twitter thing. I’ve been doing this blog thing for four years and I’m content. I don’t like the restrictions Twitter has on what you can post. I have some entries at this place that are short. Others are much longer. I like the flexibility. And before I go any further, let me quote myself from August of last year.

I don’t get Twitter. I don’t want Twitter. Then again, back in 2005 I probably said the same thing about blogs. And the world is a much better place for me changing my mind about that topic.

I think the reason I did the Twitter thing just now was because when I went to apply for a “.com” domain name last year I was surprised to learn it “kkkorner.com” was already purchased. I guess I didn’t want some other KK imposter stealing my brand.

…

Uh, yeah. That’s it. Gotta protect all that I built here.

…

But on a more serious note, if you’re a celebrity or a business, then get your Facebook/Twitter/website/etc. going. But if you’re an average Joe or Jane, is your life REALLY that interesting where you need me to log into multiple websites to read your stuff? This of course is coming from the person who posts pictures of his cats and talks about trips to the grocery store.

I’m sure I’ll find a use for this Twitter thing. If you want me to stalk your Twitter account, I’ll be more than happy to do so. I currently use Facebook as a “holder” to post instant-thoughts while at work. Many of these comments I then turn into more drawn-out entries at this place later on in the day when I’m at home. Perhaps I’ll shift this task toward Twitter. We’ll see.

Big Apple, Big New Stadium, Big Game

Not much to say about this story.

NFL owners have voted to put the championship game in the new $1.6 billion Meadowlands stadium that’s about to become home to the New York Jets and Giants. It does not have a roof and it will be February.

It is the first time the NFL has picked a known cold-weather site to hold the game outdoors. The 48th Super Bowl in East Rutherford, N.J., will almost certainly be colder than the Super Bowl’s record low of 39 degrees at kickoff. That came at Tulane Stadium in New Orleans in 1972.

Bid organizers say February temperatures in northern New Jersey are usually 24 to 40 degrees. Two Florida cities, Miami and Tampa, were the other bidders.

So what do I think about this? I don’t like it. If a Super Bowl gets played in a cold-weather city, then there needs to be an dome involved. While I don’t have a problem with a home team getting an elemental advantage, I think the Super Bowl should be played on a site where there’s an extremely good chance of getting ideal weather conditions. Letting a cold-city team get a conference championship game on its field as a reward for having the best record in the AFC or NFC is perfectly acceptable (San Diego v. Cincinnati in the 1981-’82 AFC title game, for example). But when you’re deciding on a league champion, I want the best team to win — not the team that commits the fewest turnovers in the snow or rain.

But it’s N00-Yawk so we must all bow down (or, if you want to be accurate about it, N00-Jersey). And God help us if it’s the Giants v. Jets.

Well-Traveled Meth Heads

So a while back I talked about the crack-whore niece-in-law and her regular taxpayer-funded drive to the Methadone clinic.

Where was she going? Why, to the Methadone Clinic. Yep. She’s driven there five days per week. In a gas-guzzling van. For a roughly one-hour trip one way. Compliments of me and you.

Ever wonder how much this shit costs? Wonder no more.

Millions of dollars are being spent on taxi fares for recovering addicts to travel to far away clinics. The costs are so high one state senator is pushing for drastic changes in the program.

Under this program, more than 10,000 addicts on methadone therapy in Pennsylvania get free transportation to the methadone clinic of their choice. Rather than go to the closest one, the KDKA Investigators have discovered that some addicts are taking advantage and it’s costing taxpayers big time.

At 6:30 a.m. on Highland Avenue in Greensburg, Bradley Rhodes’ morning ritual begins. He hops in a cab and hits the highway headed for Uniontown.

Rhodes is a heroin addict staying off the drug by using methadone. Even though there are methadone clinics closer, he chooses to go to one 25 miles away and under state law, taxpayers foot the bill.

Marty Griffin: “You’ve been taking this cab for several years?”

Rhodes: “You’re right.”

Griffin: “We’ve been paying as taxpayers for this cab for you for several years. Is that fair?”

Rhodes: “Why wouldn’t it be fair?”

Maybe for him, but what about taxpayers?

It’s 50 miles round trip. At $3 per mile in the cab, that’s $150 a day for six days a week which costs $900 a week. That’s $3,600 per month and more than $43,000 per year.

Sources indicate Rhodes has been making this trip for more than seven years. The total cost to taxpayers for his transportation is at least $300,000.

For those that don’t know (which would be all of you not in the Shittsburgh region, Marty Griffin is one of those “investigative reporters” that gets outraged over stupid shit. You know, one of those “I’m in YOUR corner!” type people that annoy the fuck out of me. I remember years ago on his local radio show he was ANGRY because Black Friday doorbuster sales didn’t keep a lot of items in stock and customers who didn’t camp out didn’t get their $100 laptop.

On this one, though, I’m siding with Marty. And my State Senator. Go get ’em, Kim.

“How does something like this ever happen to begin with? How … did that happen that our government’s like, ‘Okay, we’ll pay for that. Go wherever you want. We will pay for it. Stay on this treatment for however long you want. We’ll pay for it,” State Sen. Kim Ward said.

Sen. Ward is obsessed with cutting the methadone transportation program. Ten-thousand people a day use it. She calls the cost crazy.

In Westmoreland County, they spend $1.5 million a year transporting addicts. Allegheny County spends $1.3 million, Fayette County spends $509,000 and in Indiana County, $480,000 is spent.

While Griffin was at the methadone clinic, a taxpayer-funded bus from Washington County pulled up loaded with methadone users. On board was Marston Balaska, a methadone user for 11 years.

His rehab, transportation and drug costs to taxpayers total more than half a million dollars with no end in sight.

“If there’s a program available and it’s gonna help me, keep me from dying,” he said.

Griffin: “You’ve been on this methadone 11 years. How long should taxpayers pay for your methadone and transportation?”

Balaska: “I couldn’t …”

Griffin: “Your whole life?”

Balaska: “No, I don’t agree on that. No.”

Bryan Rhodes does and says if he has to use the program for life, so be it.

Rhodes: “Why wouldn’t it be fair?”

Griffin: “Several hundred thousand dollars is fair?”

Rhodes: “Why wouldn’t that be fair?”

OK, now you can argue about cutting services and throwing people out of the safety net and all that hippie shit. But here’s the best part…

Just before he left, Griffin asked him why he doesn’t just go to the methadone clinic in walking distance from his house in Greensburg.

He says the bottom line is he doesn’t like to give his urine for testing in front of security staff and that the facility in Uniontown has a camera in the bathroom instead.

“It’s easier for me to pee in front of a camera than it is to pee in front of a person – simple as that and that’s why I stay here,” he said.

$43,000 a year to cart your ass around because you don’t like peeing in front of someone.

Let’s see, if this person would just WALK to his LOCAL METH CLINIC and save the $43,000 in taxpayer money, how many more people seeking Meth highs could this fund? I’m not even talking about CUTTING services — this would be added money.

And while I’m at it, why the hell do these people get ANY say in where they want to go for their Meth? The crack-whore niece-in-law takes the taxpayer-funded trip to one clinic from one much closer to home because she “likes her counselor.”

Sen. Ward is proposing new legislation that will limit how long a patient can be on methadone and limit how far they can travel to get the methadone.

I’m sure she’ll get shit for the first part of her proposed legislation, but the travel limit shouldn’t even be contested. In fact, people receiving Methadone should be ASSIGNED where to get their shit.

Netting A Com Name

Just as my domain name of kkkorner.net was about to expire, I discover that kkkorner.com is now available for purchase.

This begs the question: “Who the hell had kkkorner.com in the first place?”

No idea. I remember looking up kkkorner.com last year and I got one of those blank pages with some generic ad. Not anymore. It’s time to pimp up this formerly dormant web address.

Adjust your bookmarks accordingly.

Finally Deciding On Who I Want To Win

So the Stanley Cup Finals are set.

Philly vs. Chicago.

Ewww. Which city should I be pulling for in this one? Home of my current piece-of-shit governor or “home” (*snicker*) of the current occupier of the White House?

While it’s more fun to see Philadelphia get its hopes and dreams dashed yet again, I’ll go with my general rule of siding with the lower seed when faced with two teams I don’t care about.

Go … Flyers …

(Actually, I don’t really care who wins. I just want the games to be entertaining.)

What Else Do Grocery Bigwigs Have In Store For Me?

To the corporate executives of my neighborhood grocery store:

I know you’re remodeling the store just so you can start selling adult beverages. If that’s what you want to do, who am I to say no? With that said, the next time your suits decide to remodel a store, let someone else approve the design. I’ll provide you with some finger paints or shiny objects to distract you while the real work is done.

What the hell have you done to my store?

I don’t want to be one of those people who complain about the slightest change to product placement, but damnit I’m going to be one of those people. The coffee and tea are now at other sides of the store. The “loose” candy (where you eat shit without paying bag and weigh your purchase is now halfway across the store from the boxed/bagged candy. The toothpaste is in a different aisle than the mouthwash. I can’t remember which of these two aisle have the toothbrushes. And speaking of aisle, the one side of the store now has its aisles so narrow you can’t fit two shopping carts next to each other. But the hippie aisles are wider and still near the store entrance. NOBODY BUYS THIS SHIT. Why do you think these items get discontinued? Your store is in an aging, afraid-of-change community that’s part of an aging, afraid of change part of the country. Making the organic soy cheese dip closer to my eye level is not going to make me want to shell out $5 for this shit. Give it up already.

Oh, and did I mention the liquid laundry detergent is now in a different aisle than the powdered detergent? What kind of dumb-ass focus group did these people listen to?

Lost In Feline Translation

So “Lost” came and went. I said a while back that I liked the first season. However, I stopped getting additional seasons because I kept hearing about extended breaks and other sorts of crazy stuff its loyal viewers were bitching about. I decided to wait until the series wrapped up and observe the fallout. If there would be a lot of griping about loose ends and incomplete storylines I’d not even think about watching another show after Season One.

Well now that the show is over and done with, will I continue with my “Lost” viewing? Why should I when a bunch of felines summed up six season’s worth of character development in just over one minute?

Cats rule.

A Jihad Against The Open Bar, Not The Stillers

Sure their last names don’t end in “Jones” or “Smith,” but that’s not the important.

The big question is: Were they wearing Browns or Ravens garb?

PITTSBURGH — Three men were arrested early Sunday morning after police said they broke into Heinz Field.

According to Pittsburgh police, Neville Medhora, 27, of Austin, Texas, Adil Minocherhomjee, 22, of La Hoya, Calif., and Shazad Mehta, 28, of Elmhurst, Ill., crawled under fences at Heinz Field shortly before 7 a.m.

Police said one of the men remained outside while the other two walked through the stadium.

Security at Heinz Field said the three fled when approached. Pittsburgh Police arrived at the scene and arrested the men. All were charged with criminal trespassing and criminal conspiracy.

Medhora told Channel 11 News that they sneaked into the stadium because they wanted to take pictures of themselves on the football field. He denies any other intentions.

“We didn’t think of it, at the time, as breaking in,” said Medhora. “We slipped under that gate. We didn’t plan on doing anything. We thought it was totally harmless. We were wrong.”

Police notified the Department of Homeland Security as a precaution because the incident involves a high-occupancy sports venue.

I heard on local radio that these people had attended a wedding and were drunk and thought this would be a good idea. If the terror alert threat is to be elevated at Heinz Field, it’s going to be because the team starts out poorly this upcoming season.

Finally Figuring Our My Boredom With Postseason Play

All my life I loved watching the NBA and NHL playoffs. However, once the conference finals start coming around, my interest has always waned. I think I figured out why.

When the playoffs start in each league, there are 16 teams doing their thing. After two rounds, I’m seeing the same teams compete. I get bored. For example, once the Conference Finals come around, I could have watched the same team compete in various rounds anywhere from 8 to 14 games. At least with the NFL, when the Conference Championship round comes along, the most I would have seen of one team is twice. The MLB playoffs would be anywhere from 3 to 5 games.

Well I’m sure glad I Figured this all out.

No Tickets, Please

Twenty dollars. Sixteen dollars. Still way too much for me.

A few theaters seemed to flirt with the idea of raising the adult ticket price to $20 to the IMAX 3-D family movie “Shrek Forever After,” opening this weekend.

Four AMC theaters in Manhattan bumped the box office price to $20, but three quickly dropped the price on Friday. Two were charging $17 and two were selling tickets for $19.

AMC Theatres spokesman Justin Scott attributed the price hike to an error.

“Unfortunately, a limited number of theaters posted incorrect pricing for “Shrek Forever After,” which we immediately corrected,” he said. “Any guest who purchased a ticket at the incorrect price can visit Guest Services for a refund.”

The Wall Street Journal reported Friday that the four theaters had listed the $20 price for the IMAX showing of “Shrek” on Wednesday.

Moviegoers would do well to consider taking in the new flick in neighboring New Jersey, where an AMC theater in the city of Elizabeth was selling tickets for $16.50.

BTIG LLC media analyst Richard Greenfield reported on his blog Thursday that a Fandango.com screenshot from the AMC Kips Bay movie theater in Manhattan showed a $20 price. On Friday, the same theater had dropped it to $17.

This is why I hardly ever go to the movies. Maybe once or twice a year I will go, and that’s because the better half makes me go. We usually go on July 4 as part of some newfound tradition we have, and if there’s a Star Wars or Lord of the Rings sequel, then I’ll cough up the cash. Otherwise, I just buy the DVD when it’s $4-6 dollars.

Primary Elections Are Not A Sign Of Things To Come

Kenya is part of the U.S.?

Republicans cited Rep.-elect Charles Djou’s victory for a seat long out of their reach as evidence of steadily increasing election-year strength, but Democrats said Sunday the winner’s 40-percent vote share portends a short stay in Congress for him and predicts nothing about the fall.

“It is a significant win. It is the birthplace of the president of the United States,” Republican Chairman Michael Steele said a few hours after Djou sealed his victory over Democrats Colleen Hanabusa and Ed Case. The two drew 59 percent of the vote between them in the winner-take-all contest.

Oh for God’s sake. The Republican got 40 percent of the vote. The two Democrats got 50+ percent. Quit circle-jerking over this, GOP.

But while I’m on this subject (election results, not circle-jerking)…

…I’m tired of hearing about how last week’s election results in my state were an omen of things to come in November.

First up is Crazy Arlen, who lost his Senate re-election bid in the Democrat primary. This isn’t a “good thing” for Republicans. Crazy Arlen became a Democrat last year because had he still been a Republican his loss would have been WORSE. He jumped ship because losing in this primary was his best-case scenario. I was actually hoping for Crazy Arlen to win because that would mean Pat Toomey would be up against a weaker opponent in the general election.

Next up is John Murtha’s former congressional seat. Republicans thought this special election could be a pick-up. It wasn’t. Democrats are spooging over themselves because the former Murtha aide/assistant/whatever won. This isn’t a “good thing” for Democrats. This has been a longtime Democrat stronghold and anyone thinking that this could turn into a contest is crazy. “But kkk,” you might say, “isn’t this the district which went for McCain in 2008?” Yes. But remember during the 2008 election when Murtha said his district was made up of a bunch of racists? He was right.

Do I know what’s going to happen in November? I hope the Republicans kick the shit out of the Democrats, but who the hell knows what’s going to happen. The primary results in Pennsylvania (not to mention Hawaii), shouldn’t be taken as any kind of barometer. Actually, I do agree with one point which was made about these elections. The “Murtha seat” showed that politics is local. The Democrat in this election pretty much ran against everything the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher embraces: pro-gun, anti-abortion, anti-Hussein Health Care. It will be interesting to see how many other Democrats not entrenched in left-wing shitholes do the same thing.

I personally think the previous elections in Virginia, New Jersey and even Massachusetts were more of an indicator of what’s in store for November — especially when it comes to Senate races. However, with an ever-proving economy (as it was going to do all along), and other unknown factors from here until November, anything is possible.

Don’t get over-confident, Republicans. God knows you have more than enough reasons why someone shouldn’t vote for you, too.

Shows I Know My Dad Won’t Watch

So the Twitter thing called “Shit My Dad Says” is getting its own television show? And it’s going to star William Shaner? OK then.

With CBS is rolling out a show this fall that hints at an expletive in its title, watchdog group the Parents Television Council is threatening the network’s affiliates with a challenge to their broadcast licenses.

At its upfront presentation in New York on Wednesday, CBS announced “$#*!” My Dad Says,” a new comedy based on the popular Twitter feed “Shit My Dad Says.” The show will air at 8:30 p.m. on Thursday nights this fall. The comedy stars William Shatner in the title role as a curmudgeon who dispenses politically incorrect opinions and advice to his son.

When reading this Twitter site (one of the few I drop by every now and then), I never pictured Shatner’s voice to be of the “dad.” But whatever. I also think this type of show would be much more suitable for cable — if not FX or Spike, then HBO. It’s going to be so watered down on broadcast television.

I don’t necessarily have a problem with groups showing displeasure with airing a show like this at 8:30 pm Thursday nights. I don’t really care about this issue one way or the other, but it’s not worth getting worked up in a tizzy over. Broadcast television plays by a different set of rules than cable. Later on in this article, the following was said.

CBS will promote the show verbally with the word “bleep” instead of the profanity in ads — as in, “Bleep My Dad Says.”

But the network doesn’t need to spell out of one George Carlin’s famous Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV for viewers to decode the the title. Having a broadcast network air a comedy with a semi-quasi-it’s-there-but-not profanity may also make it tougher for the network to wrangle advertisers.

“Certain marketers won’t have a problem with it and some may be a little bit skittish,” said Brad Adgate, senior vp of media at Horizon Research. “Every marketer has a different threshold. I don’t think they would have as much a problem with that than they would have with content, like gratuitous sex or violence.”

Living in the Cincinnati region years ago, I watched a few Reds games on television. During this time, the Fox-sports-affiliated broadcasters would often do promotional teasers for the “The Best Damn Sports Show Period.” Thing is they would simply call it, “The Best Sports Show Period.” That’s all I got.

Oh, remember what I said about this show being better suited for HBO? Here’s the article’s next paragraph.

CBS maintains that the show itself will be perfectly suitable for family viewing.

Case closed.

I Never Saw Donovan McNabb Needing To Apologize To Philly Fans, Ever … Ever

So my SportsCenter-free diet is going rather swimmingly. I don’t miss them. They don’t miss me.

However, as I was turning on my DVR machine, I had this stupid show playing; damn me for having Magic/Celtics on last night and not changing the channel. In that brief time for the DVR machine to get to its main menu, I saw a quick story by John Clayton about the new Giants stadium set to host an upcoming Super Bowl (I’ll share my thoughts on this later). Right afterward, I heard a teaser for an upcoming segment. (I’m paraphrasing here because I’m not hitting “rewind” to get the exact wording; I’ve been SportsCenter’d enough already.)

“Athletes often stumble with apologies, but one athlete gave a good one to his fans in Philadelphia. But Rick Riley is RILED UP about it~!!!”

Glad to see nothing has changed since I began avoiding this show.

Here’s the story in case you’re wondering.

Former Syracuse University star quarterback Donovan McNabb, who was traded to the Washington Redskins after 11 seasons in Philadelphia, offered an apology to Eagles fans on Friday.

“I look back — the things that I set out that I wanted to accomplish and bring back to Philadelphia I wasn’t able to, and I apologize more than anything to the people of Philadelphia, not bringing that Super Bowl to them,” McNabb said during an interview with 97.5 The Fanatic Philadelphia. “I love the fans in Philadelphia and love the things that they presented for me, giving me that opportunity to come out of that tunnel, give them an opportunity to bring a Super Bowl home. I’m sorry it didn’t happen.”

McNabb, 33, led the Eagles to five NFC Championship games and to Super Bowl XXXIX.

Wanting This Ad Jingle To Go Go Go

Dear God:

What up, yo? It’s kkk. Can you do me a solid? Can you get the following off the air and out of my head forever?

I owe you one.

Wait, there are OTHER themes?

God, if it’s not too much trouble, can you make me forget this second video as well?

Super Crossover Game

I never owned a Nintendo system of any kind, but that doesn’t mean I’m a hater. In fact, most of the kids in my neighborhood growing up had NES consoles while I had to be the rebel of the group.

Why am I talking about this? Peep this.

Basically, you can play Super Mario Brothers as one of several popular Nintendo characters — special powers included. Individual game themes are an added bonus. (I had a near-markout moment when the behind-the-shoulder-stage Contra theme came on during the tunnel levels.)

Have fun.

Actually, this brings me to another point. While I had fun messing around with the various characters, playing this game on PC just wasn’t the same as sitting in front of a television with the Nintendo pad in your hands. Funny how some games are like that.

Diablo in front of a PC? Great. Diablo on the PSX? Blah.

Pac-Man at the arcade? Awesome. Pac-Man in front of a home PC/console? Not the same.

Madden football in front of the TV? The best. Madden football in front of a computer screen. Sorry.

Some people are finicky over wines and cars. I’m anal about how I play video games.

Top KK’s Korner Searchers For 5/20/10

In case you were wondering why I haven’t done one of these in a while…

boy’s belly button
belly button fingering
belly button girl
finger in belly button
deep belly button

A “Waterworld” Joke Is Just Too Obvious — How About “For Love Of The Environment”?

Will this work? Who knows. But at least Costner put his money where his mouth was. A shitload of money. He believes a cleaner environment and tried to do something about it. Even if you disagree with his politics, you have to respect this.

Could there be a happy Hollywood ending to the Gulf oil spill?

Enter “Waterworld” star Kevin Costner, who has spent years and millions of dollars perfecting a device that cleans oil from seawater.

British Petroleum – desperate for ideas – gave the okay to test six of Costner’s gizmos this week, said BP Chief Operating Officer Doug Suttles.

Costner’s high-speed centrifuge machine has a Los Angeles-perfect name: “Ocean Therapy.”

Placed on a barge, it sucks in large quantities of polluted water, separates out the oil and spits back 97% clean water.

“It’s like a big vacuum cleaner,” said Costner’s business partner, Louisiana trial lawyer John Houghtaling.

“The machines are basically sophisticated centrifuge devices that can handle a huge volume of water,” he said.

The “Field of Dreams” star first got a team together to create the device in the wake of the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill in Alaska.

His scientist brother, Dan Costner, helped develop the device, and together, the brothers formed Costner Industries Nevada Corp. to pursue various energy projects, including a non-chemical battery that could last 15 years.

The 55-year-old actor eventually sank $26 million into the Ocean Therapy oil separator project. He obtained a license for the device from the Department of Energy in 1993 and has been trying for years to promote it.

In 2007, he told London’s Daily Mail that he had blown millions on “technologies I thought would help the world” and had nothing to show for it.

“I’ve lost $40 million-plus,” he said. “But I knew that if I was right, it would change things in an incredibly positive way.”

Last week, he was in Louisiana seeking redemption, demonstrating his Ocean Therapy contraption.

“I’m just really happy that the light of day has come to this,” Costner said.

Hey, I have some DVDs starring Costner — does that make me a shareholder of his device?

Ban Facebook Page Day

Figures the first stupid Facebook page/fan thing I join could get the ban-hammer from Pakistan. Or was “Illegal Immigrants Can Stay — Deport The Juggalos?” my first?

Disappointed at being blocked in Pakistan for a page encouraging users to post caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed, Facebook today said it is analysing the situation and may make the page inaccessible to users in that country.

“We are very disappointed with the Pakistani Courts’ decision to block Face Book without warning, and suspect our users there feel the same way,” Facebook said in an e-mail statement made available to PTI here.

“We are analysing the situation and the legal considerations, and will take appropriate action, which may include making this content inaccessible to users in Pakistan,” a Facebook spokesperson said.

“We want Facebook to be a place where people can openly discuss issues and express their views, while respecting the rights and feelings of others,” the spokesperson said.

The statement from Facebook came after Pakistan blocked access this popular social networking site following a court order over a competition created by a Face Book user who set up a page called “Draw Mohammed Day,” inviting people to send in caricatures of the Muslim prophet on May 20.

Depictions of Prophet Mohammed Doing anything besides killing Jews is strictly restricted under Islam religion and us considered as blasphemous by Muslims around the world.

After some blahblahblah, there was this.

“When dealing with user generated content on global websites, there are occasions where content that is illegal in one country is not (or may even be protected) in another.

For example, Nazi content is illegal in some countries, but that does not mean it should be removed entirely from Facebook, the spokesperson said.

“Most companies approach this issue by preventing certain content from being shown to users in the countries where it is illegal and that is our approach as well,” it said.

I don’t normally join Facebook pages or clubs, mainly because I think they’re stupid. But how can you hate the profile of the “Draw Mohammad Day” mascot — Infidel Bear.

So adorable.

Twitter Target

Oh for God’s sake Corbett, don’t make me regret voting for you in the primary already.

The state attorney general’s office has issued a subpoena threatening officials of the social networking service Twitter with arrest unless they reveal the names of two bloggers who have been critical of Attorney General Tom Corbett and his public corruption investigation.

The subpoena orders Twitter’s custodian of records to provide “any and all subscriber information” pertaining to the accounts “bfbarbie” and “CasablancaPA,” including name, address, contact information, creation date, and Internet protocol address.

The accounts have criticized Corbett’s use of grand juries, suggesting he used the investigations for political gain and to go after political opponents.

The Twitter representative was supposed to appear before the statewide investigating grand jury on May 14 to “give evidence regarding alleged violations of the laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.” The court document does not specify what crime is being investigated.

The subpoena, issued May 6, further states that failure to attend may result in an arrest warrant for contempt of court. It is not clear whether Twitter has turned over the information.

Vic Walczak of the American Civil Liberties Union told Pittsburgh’s WTAE-TV that the court action “raises grave concerns about abuse of the grand jury process to retaliate against political critics and opponents.” He said Americans “have a right to criticize government officials and to do so anonymously.”

Corbett, who won the Republican nomination for governor Tuesday night, told the television station that he doesn’t have any problem with people criticizing him on Twitter. He refused to discuss the nature of the subpoena, however, stating that the investigation prevents him from discussing the matter.

I looked at bfbarbie’s Twitter. If that content can get the attention of a gubernatorial candidate, then God help me should the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher ever run a “belly-button fingering” search at WordPress. Oh who the hell am I kidding? I’m sure the black helicopters are already circling above my house just waiting for the go-ahead to swarm.

But this article actually brings up an interesting point. You have a “right” to criticize public officials. But do you have a “right” to do so anonymously? The ACLU seems to think that’s the case. They may be right, but I don’t necessarily agree. If you want to talk smack behind a fake name involving a toy (or punk song title), then you better be prepared to say the same things in public. Should the day ever come when the shroud of kkk gets unveiled, it will be … probably a letdown. And for the record, I say “Muslim Wookie Fucker” in public. Hell, I said that, among some other colorful terms of endearment I used for the 44th Occupier of the White House, at a restaurant earlier today.

So I’m talking shit about Corbett for getting butthurt about someone saying mean things on Twitter. I’m also saying that someone shouldn’t expect absolute privacy when standing on a cyber-soap box. Am I talking out of both sides of my mouth? Meh. I just think what Corbett is doing is extremely petty, makes him look like an asshole and will probably sway a few people to vote for his Democrat opponent. Gee, I hope he doesn’t try to reveal MY identity now.

And what if someone ever decides to do some cyber-sleuthing, tap a few squares on the keyboard and discovers the little man behind the Korner? Meh. You can use a grocery store shopper’s card to buy a pack of gum and someone somewhere will know where you go to buy your porn. Privacy is pretty much a moot point in this day and age. But if someone really does have a hard-on for an faceless blogger/message boarder/etc., there’s nothing that commentator could say on the Internet that would be as pathetic as the person who reveals said commentator.

Why do I maintain KK’s Korner? There are a few reasons that come to mind.

1) It’s a fun way to document today’s events — from what the shit-dicks in Washington did this week to my latest trip at the grocery store.

2) It’s an outlet for expression. It encourages me to be a well-behaved citizen in public because I have this avenue to express thoughts. Did I just say “well-behaved”? I meant, “better behaved so that I don’t get killed in a road rage incident.”

3) It’s an great way to archive stories that I can instantly copy/paste to someone with just a quick search.

Over the years I’ve talked to people who have had an interest in writing. Whenever I was asked for my opinion on their writing style, I always told these folks that unless you’re getting paid to write a certain way, then you do whatever the hell you want. You’re not writing for anyone else but yourself. Don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks unless they are paying you for your time. And that’s what I try to do here. Most entries I just sit down and begin typing without any clue how as to where I’m going with a thought. If my content gives you a chuckle every now and then from an otherwise shitty day, then I’m glad to oblige.

Where the hell am I going with this?

Oh, yeah. Corbett. Quit being a bitch.

Deadliest Show To Start Watching

Why do I watch Deadliest Warrior? Seriously.

For those that don’t know what I’m talking about, peep this.

Deadliest Warrior is a television program in which information on historical or modern warriors and their weapons are used to determine which of them is the “deadliest” based upon tests performed during each episode. The show is characterized by its use of the data compiled in creating a dramatization of the warriors’ battle to the death.

I was flipping channels one night in-between periods of a hockey game when I caught a glimpse of this stupid show. I was watching a debate on who would win in a fight: William Wallace or Shaka Zulu. And like a dope, I kept watching.

For most of the show, the hosts compare the weapons each side uses. The weapons are then tested out. After each weapon gouges/bludgeons/impales/etc., some skeleton or side of beef, everyone stands around and goes “WOOOOOAH!!!!” at the damage done.

At the end of the program there is a re-enactment of the two foes squaring off in a hilarious piece of video. And who wins this contest between Wallace and Mr. Zulu? See for yourself.

What a waste of time. And I can’t stop watching.

There are also other matchups besides one-on-one fights. Here’s a rumble between the Al Capone and Jesse James gangs. I’m serious.

YEEEEE-HAWWWWW. Good lord. And I love the “lives remaining” box for each gang.

You know, I think one reason I watch this show is that so far I’ve been perfect in my predictions of WHO’S DEADLIEST in each squaring off. So far I’m 4-for-4. Perhaps the novelty will wear off when I pick the losing side to one of these shows.

How Many Jokes Can You Squeeze Out Of This?

Do I really need to come up with comments for this one?

The White House appears to be laying the groundwork for President Hussein to shake the hand of each senior at Kalamazoo Central High School’s commencement ceremony next month.

Seniors are being asked to provide their birthdates, Social Security numbers and citizen status to the Secret Service so background checks could be performed. Such a check is required for anyone who gets within an arm’s length of the president, students were told at their senior breakfast Friday.

Zen Master Of HATE~!!!

Phil Jackson. Hatemonger.

LOL.

Activists outraged at comments made by Lakers Coach Phil Jackson that seem to back Arizona’s controversial new immigration law plan to rally outside Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles before Monday’s playoff opener against the Phoenix Suns.

“The way we look at it, Phil Jackson is supporting the Arizona law,” said Mario Gonzalez, a longtime Lakers fan and rally organizer. “That’s surprising. It caught us off guard. We want to find out where the team stands on the law.”

John Black, the Lakers’ vice president for public relations, did not respond to telephone messages seeking comment.

I always get a laugh when PR people don’t respond to reporters seeking comment to an issue. That’s what a PR person is supposed to do.

Sparking the furor are remarks made by Jackson to ESPN.com columnist J.A. Adande in which the Lakers coach seems to back the incendiary Arizona law, which allows local police to check citizens documents and arrest them if they don’t have them.

“Am I crazy, or am I the only one that heard [the legislature] say, ‘We just took the United States immigration law and adopted it to our state?’” Jackson said of the Arizona statute.

The Lakers coach then disputed the columnist’s assertion that Arizona legislatures had “usurped” federal immigration law — an allegation widely made by critics who say the law could lead to racial profiling of Latinos.

Supporters say the state law complements federal statutes and deny any intent to target Latinos.

“It’s not usurping” federal law, Jackson replied, adding that the Arizona lawmakers “gave it some teeth to be able to enforce it.”

Jackson, long known as a free spirit who in Adande’s words “has showed lefty leanings in the past,” also seems to chastise the Suns’ management for its criticism of the Arizona law.

The Suns’ owner and several players have publicly criticized the statute.

OH NOES~!!! Someone DARE speak their mind that doesn’t go with the pro-invader talking points!!!

And Phil Jackson? Lefty leanings? That’s an understatement. But I like him anyway, which is funny because I was a Pistons fan growing up and HATED the Bulls. Now that’s saying something.

And “incendiary”? N*ggz plz. You want incendiary? How about having tens of millions of invaders crossing into another country bringing murder, disease and the plundering of resources.

Those Europeans coming to the New World were quite the destructive bunch.

Oh … uh … Back to the article

“I don’t think teams should get involved in the political stuff,” Jackson told the ESPN.com columnist. “If I heard it right, the American people are really for stronger immigration laws, if I’m not mistaken. Where we stand as basketball teams, we should let that kind of play out and let the political end of that go where it’s going to go.”

Now this is where I disagree with Phil. Teams can get involved in “political stuff” if they want. However, they should also be allowed to get ridiculed, especially if the “protest” is for something stupid as this.

And I never thought I would be want the Lakers to trounce the Suns as much as I do now.

Getting Wood Over Dictators

Hey, Woody Allen said/did something that made me laugh.

The notorious and formerly funny movie director Woody Allen is apparently frustrated with the cumbersome operations of American democracy too.

The one-time-father-now-husband-of-his-daughter tells the Spanish-language magazine La Vanguardia that the United States’ Democratic Smoker-in-Chief (EDIT: I did not type that) could accomplish a whole lot more from his White House if he didn’t have so many disorderly, annoying people objecting, distracting and criticizing him all the time.

Such social messiness has been known to occur in functioning democracies, even cinematic ones, although less often on celebrity-strewn movie sets under the direction of a dictatorial director.

“It would be good…if (the Kenyan Koffee Fethcer; EDIT: I did type that) could be dictator for a few years because he could do a lot of good things quickly,” Allen is quoted as saying.

Allen is also said to have said:

I am pleased with Osama. I think he is brilliant. The Republican Party should get out of his way and stop trying to hurt him.

With healthcare and the economy now fully fixed, no doubt one area in urgent need of sweeping Kenyan-style reforms would be targeting movie reviewers who write negatively about Hollywood. Or about its politician favorites.

I don’t get the whole Woody Allen circle-jerk, but whatever. Enough people have to afford him a career. More power to him, I guess.

My Primary Civic Duty

Today is primary day in Pennsylvania. Even though things look bad, what with a Muslim Wookie Fucker doing his best to Kenya-nize the United States of America, the day I don’t get that slight adrenaline rush from stepping away from the voting screen after selecting my lessers of all evils is the day I assume room temperature.

There’s always that group of people who say, “I don’t vote.” “I don’t care.” “They’re all crooks.” yaddayadda. And you know what? I don’t want you to vote. In fact, I always want the least amount of people voting. That just means my vote counts more. I heard on the news today that only 30 percent of registered Democrats and 25 percent of registered Republicans are expected to vote today across my state. Good. That just means my vote counts four times as much as it normally would. Stay home. Seriously.

Besides, you’d probably vote for the other guy.

No Good Angle To This Story

Maybe if I had math teachers like this in school, I wouldn’t have gone the English route.

A Jefferson County teacher picked the wrong example when he used as­sassinating President Hussein as a way to teach angles to his geome­try students.


For the record, I want the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher to live 100+ years. No way I wish to be among the living when this pile of Kenyan afterbirth decides to call it a day. The media coverage. My God the media coverage.

Phone Talk

Just had the following conversation with the better half, who called me on my work line. She’s at her job and I’m at my job. You can figure out who’s who. Here’s a hint — I never have my cell phone on:

“Is your cell phone on?”

“No. Oops.”

“Well what if I was dead?”

“Then you wouldn’t be calling me.”

This round goes to kkk. I never understood the point of using the “well what if I was dead — how would you know?” line whenever a person doesn’t return a call. You’re dead. It’s not like you’re going anywhere. I’ll figure it out eventually after a week or two.

Not Green With Envy Over This Family’s Choice Of Appliance

So tonight was grocery shopping night. Now usually this is the part where I put in the MP3 player ear buds and zone out the world around me as I thumb through my coupon holder and cringe as I get items the better half writes down on her list. All the items are, of course, not on sale and I don’t get anything unless it’s on sale AND I have a coupon for said product. I need help.

Anyway, because I’m talking about this trip you are probably guessing…

a) I got into a fight with a cashier.

b) I got into a fight with a stupid customer.

c) I witnessed a product of the underclass in action.

Before I continue, I have to mention that my grocery store has been remodeling for a while now. It’s stupid. The store was fine the way it was before. However, some guy high up on the food chain probably got bored from downloading porn at work and decided to move shit around in the store. Now everything’s jumbled up and the new aisles created are too narrow to allow comfortable passage between two shopping carts coming from opposite sides. OK, I’m done with that rant. Back to my story.

So there I was with a $3 off coupon for Renuzit Air Freshening Crystals when this white trash family was next to me. Suddenly, the mother of the group screams to her husband and kid, “How come all the cheap fabric softener doesn’t go with our new HE machine?!?!?!”

The husband asked, “What’s ‘HE’?” To which the wife answered, “High Energy.”

And this is what I’m missing out on by listening to my MP3 player.

Oh, yeah. When I went to check out my groceries, I had a cart full of stuff. The guy behind me had TWO ITEMS. Dude, there’s an express lane and/or a self check-out machine. Use them. Don’t get huffy with me because I had a bunch of stuff, and don’t get huffy because I bag all my groceries before paying for them. I’m not going to get suckered into the trick of paying for groceries not yet in my cart and then being rushed because your shit’s going down the conveyor belt. Oh, and my cashier had lost her voice due to being at a bachelorette party this past weekend. OK then.

Dam Those Are Some Busy Beavers

So would this be an example in the animal kingdom of suburban sprawl or a McMansion?

This woodland construction is actually the world’s biggest beaver dam. It is so big that it spans twice the width of the Hoover dam and can even be seen from space.

The enormous edifice measures 2,790ft (850metres) in length and shows the skill of the big-toothed furry animals.

The mammals use trees, mud and stone to make a type of moat where they can use their swimming skills to evade any predators.

Pondering Primary Possibilities

I’m torn.

In tomorrow’s primary, it’s possible that Crazy Arlen could be defeated.

If this is true, it’s significant: CBS chief Washington correspondent Bob Schieffer is now saying that he has it on good authority that the White House is privately bracing for Arlen Specter to lose tomorrow.

Schieffer, to my knowledge, has not said this on national TV yet. But he made the claim in an interview with the local CBS affiliate in Philadelphia. “I have been told on background that the White House is preparing for a Specter loss here, and that the president doesn’t want to be associated with that,” Schieffer said.

I’ve also learned that Veep Joe Biden will not be doing any campaign events for Specter in the final stretch, though it’s not immediately clear how significant this is. Last week, Biden said he’d be doing events for Specter “as needed.”

However, do I really want this?

My guy, Pat Toomey, probably has a better chance at beating Crazy Arlen in the general election than the other shitdick over on that side. However, Crazy Arlen has been supported by the Muslim Wookie Fucker, so a defeat here would make President Hussein look like an even bigger pile of Kenyan afterbirth. Then again, it’s not like the lamestream media would actually mention this; they would probably just go with some “anti-incumbent” angle.

What to do, what to do.

Son Protests Cronkite Files

The most trusted figure in news indeed.

Legendary cBS News anchor Walter Cronkite allegedly collaborated with anti-Vietnam War activists in the 1960s, going so far as to offer advice on how to raise the public profile of protests and even pledging CBS News resources to help pull off events, according to FBI documents obtained by Yahoo! News.

The documents, obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request, say that in November 1969, Cronkite encouraged students at Rollins College in Winter Park, Fla., to invite Maine Sen. Edmund Muskie to address a protest they were planning near Cape Kennedy (now known as Cape Canaveral). Cronkite told the group’s leader that Muskie would be nearby for a fundraiser on the day of the protest, and said that “CBS would rent [a] helicopter to take Muskie to and from site of rally,” according to the documents.

The claims are contained in an FBI memo recounting a confidential informant’s report on a November 1969 meeting of a Rollins College protest group called Youth for New America. The group was planning rallies near Cape Kennedy on Nov. 13 and 14 — the latter being day of the Apollo 12 launch from Cape Kennedy, which President Nixon would be attending — as part of a nationwide Moratorium to End the War in Vietnam. That protest action culminated in a huge march on Washington on Nov. 15.

Sure there are a bunch of “news” sources out there nowadays, and a lot of them are shit. But you know what? I’d rather have that then two or three major news sources, particularly in the broadcast realm, as was the case back in they day. Besides, I actually side somewhat with Cronkite’s son, who said the following later on in the article:

Chip Cronkite, Walter Cronkite’s son, told Yahoo! News it’s highly unlikely that his father would ever have made such an offer. “It doesn’t have the ring of a reliable story to me,” he said. “Particularly at a time when FBI informants often told the FBI what they wanted to hear. I think it would be outside of what we know about Walter Cronkite and CBS News’ practices.”

Do I think Cronkite could have made such an offer? Yes. Do I think he did? Don’t know. Do I really care? Gee, the media have certain biases. I’m shocked.

Then why the hell did I mention this? Oh well, I’m not deleting all this stuff now.

Mail Wars Counterattack

So remember my entry about the political ad I received where one candidate painted the other as the anti-Christ, or, worse yet, a Progressive?

I was waiting for the other guy’s mailing so I could point out that the progressive/liberal Philadelphia lawyer who defends Planned Parenthood, loves unions, raising taxes, increasing debt, refusing to cut budges and worked his entire career as a government employee…

… is the candidate endorsed by the state Republican Party.

Wow, if this is the preferred candidate of the GOP, I’d hate to see who the Democrats have in store. Only a few more days until the political ads go away … for a little while.

An Low Seed Of Hope

For as much as I don’t care for the eastern side of my state, I have to give the Flyers mad props. Coming back after a 0-3 series hole and overcoming a 0-3 deficit in Game 7 on the road with a backup goalie?

Wowzers.

What’s also remarkable is that the seventh-seeded Flyers will have home-ice advantage against the Canadians in the Eastern Conference Finals. I remember two instances in which an eight-seeded team reached the Stanley Cup finals — the Minnesota North Stars in the early 1990s and the Edmonton Oilers a few years ago. Each time these teams lost, so this doesn’t bode well for either Eastern Conference representative — especially since over in the Western Conference the two teams remaining were seeded one and two.

Something tells me the actual Stanley Cup Finals aren’t going to be pretty. I hope I’m wrong.