Archive for June 2011
Toddlers & Tiaras & Train Wrecks
So I had several episodes of “Toddlers & Tiaras” on DVR. I hoped this would be the abomination I’m was fully expecting.
I wasn’t disappointed. Wow. My instant thoughts from the several episodes I watched.
— There was an ELEVEN-WEEK OLD DIVISION?
— I think the scariest people on this show are the emcees, particularly the male ones.
— Is it wrong that I laughed as hard as I did at those who cried because they didn’t win the ultimate mega supreme with stuffed crust award?
— What line of B.S. do the show’s producers feed these parents to make them think appearing on TV is a good idea? Especially since this is not the first season in the series.
Not sure if this show warrants a “series” recording on the ol’ DVR. I’ll probably scan the channel lineup another time or two in the months ahead and record additional episodes if I’m in the mood for it.
Used the Chris Hansen animated gif twice in one day. Zoinks, yo.
Dryer Heat
Well, if the drying machine decided to call it a career at the kkk Manor.
There could have been a lot worse times of the year for the dryer to do so, what with the Fourth of July sales that are just around the corner. Eleven years, three moves and two states later: peace out.
Not bad for a $500 set.
To Catch Catching A Predator
This story still doesn’t take away from the awesomeness that was “To Catch A Predator.” Now won’t you please have a seat over there?
He’s made his name with a controversial show that catches would-be internet sex perverts in televised stings.
But now Chris Hansen has found himself on the receiving end of his own hidden camera tactics, after the married NBC anchor was secretly filmed on an illicit date with a blonde television reporter 20 years his junior.
Hansen, 51, has allegedly been having an affair with Kristyn Caddell, a 30-year-old Florida journalist, for the last four months.
Last weekend he was recorded taking Miss Caddell on a romantic dinner at the exclusive Ritz-Carlton hotel in Manalapan, before spending the night at her Palm Beach apartment.
Hansen, who has two young sons, was caught in an undercover sting operation arranged by the National Enquirer.
Secret cameras filmed the couple as they arrived at the hotel for dinner and then drove back to her apartment – where the pair left, carrying luggage, at 8am the following day.
Hansen lives in Connecticut with his wife Mary, 53, but he has been spending more and more time in South Florida investigating the disappearance of James ‘Jimmy T’ Trindade – and allegedly sleeping with Miss Caddell.
I BAKED COOKIES!
Big Rig, Bigger Crash
I have a question for those that cut-off big rigs — y’all realize those vehicles can’t break as quickly as cars, right? And if your vehicle and the big rig are to get into a collision, I’m putting my money on the big rig each time.
Now if you want your family to cash in on your life insurance policy, then by all means go for it.
Chickenarina Is Good For The Soul
Normally I’m a Campbell’s Chunky soup type of person, but I swear Progresso’s Chickarina is worse than crack.
Seriously, it has all the perfect ingredients. A chicken-ey broth, chicken chunks, meatballs and little round noodles.
I’ve got the goodness of chicken noodle soup, an additional meatball flavor every other spoonful or so and “noodles” that do not require slurping or the collateral splash damage one gets from a noodle falling back into the soup.
Good stuff.
I Know Jack Is A Favorite Of Mine
So the better half and I saw “Pirates of the Caribbean 4” this weekend. And after seeing this latest installment, I have to conclude that Jack Sparrow is one of my all-time favorite movie characters in the action/adventure genre. Not sure where he ranks, but he’s definitely above Indiana Jones.
That’s right. Indiana Jones. One of my all-time favorite characters, or so I thought.
How did I come to this conclusion? Well, Indy was great in “The Last Crusade,” very very good in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” and so-so (at best) in “Temple of Doom.” (Let’s not talk about the fourth installment.)
On the other hand, Jack Sparrow was great/very very good in all four “Pirates” films. It will take some more years to see how these roles hold up over time, but as the better half and I were talking about “Pirates 4,” it dawned on me that I enjoyed this character more than I did Indy.
With all that said, Jack’s still no Han Solo.
Now for my opinion of the actual “Pirates 4” film. Well, if you watched the first three installments and felt those movies could use more Jack/Gibbs/Barbosa and less Legolas, then you will probably like this more. I liked it for what it was, which is just more of the same. And that’s not always a bad thing.
Knocked My Sox Off With Pirate Posts
So the Pirates took two games out of three from the Boston Red Sox this weekend, and I have been seeing a number of pro-Pirate updates in my Facebook News Feed.
Color me impressed.
It’s going to be interesting to see how the region reacts to the Pirates if they continue winning as the summer goes along. I don’t think Pirate fans are expecting a World Series title. I don’t think Pirate fans are expecting the team to reach .500.
Just stay competitive.
And by “competitive,” I mean don’t finish a season with 100+ losses.
Furry Fever
So this FurryCon-whatever is taking place this year again in Pittsburgh. Guess this is an annual thing now.
The tails and ears are held on with straps, and the fur is usually fake — but the money that Anthrocon furry convention visitors spend Downtown is very real.
More than 4,500 furries — fans of art, literature and games featuring anthropomorphic, or human-like, animals — are flooding the city for Pittsburgh’s sixth annual Anthrocon, held at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center. During their four-day meeting, which started Thursday night, the furries will attend lectures and workshops as well as nightly raves at the convention center.
They’ll also spend an estimated $5.3 million at Downtown businesses, said Sam “Uncle Kage” Conway, chairman of Anthrocon’s board of directors.
Even though Anthrocon 2011 broke past registration records, Mr. Conway said he believed the event would have pulled in even more attendees if the city had followed through on a languishing initiative to build more hotels Downtown.
They’re not infringing on anyone’s constitutional rights, so I don’t care. It’s just … odd. But whatever.
I do have one question: does the convention/hotel staff clean out the litter boxes or do the convention organizers bring in outside help for that?
Furry Fun
So this FurryCon-whatever is going to be an annual thing in my region? I haven’t paid much attention to these, err, people, but news stories always seem to sprout up this time each year now regarding this group and it’s gathering spot.
The tails and ears are held on with straps, and the fur is usually fake — but the money that Anthrocon furry convention visitors spend Downtown is very real.
More than 4,500 furries — fans of art, literature and games featuring anthropomorphic, or human-like, animals — are flooding the city for Pittsburgh’s sixth annual Anthrocon, held at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center. During their four-day meeting, which started Thursday night, the furries will attend lectures and workshops as well as nightly raves at the convention center.
They’ll also spend an estimated $5.3 million at Downtown businesses, said Sam “Uncle Kage” Conway, chairman of Anthrocon’s board of directors.
Well that ought to do wonders for the region’s tourism industry. I’m sure they will be plastered on the front of the city’s marketing materials.
Look, they’re not violating anybody’s rights. I don’t care what they do. I do have one question: does the convention/hotel staff clean out the litter boxes or do the convention organizers bring in outside help for that?
Fortnight Year Anniversary
And now is time for that one day out of the year where I reflect on the 14 years of knowing the better half — 8 in sin, 6 in not as much sin. That’s 40 percent of my life, and like debt-to-GDP, this ratio will just keep on growing.
What are we doing today? Hell if I know. Probably go out and watch the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Yeah, we’re high-rollers. But you should have seen how weak-kneed and googly-eyed she got when earlier this week she asked, “What are you planning for Saturday?” and my response was, “You didn’t say anything about that when we went over this month’s budget.”
You don’t say this shit after the first fortnight of a courtship. God help me should I ever become available on the open market.
kkk’s Rule Of Life #76
One afternoon fifteen years ago I was waiting for a bus along Fifth Avenue and saw some guy peeing on a building behind me; that’s when I realized city life wasn’t for me.
Copper Top
Yesterday afternoon I heard a local news story about copper wire thieves shutting down power for thousands in a nearby township. The news reporter said the thieves almost electrocuted themselves. The reporter said this like it would have been a bad thing.
Copper thieves who hit four electrical substations in counties north of Pittsburgh are risking their lives for a few dollars’ worth of scrap metal, a West Penn Power company official says.
Thieves struck twice near Zelienople and once each near Cranberry and New Castle since Thursday, said Doug Colafella, spokesman for West Penn Power.
The latest theft, of 30 feet of wiring from a station near Zelienople early Wednesday, knocked out power to 3,800 Cranberry-area residents for part of the day and probably touched off a potentially deadly ball of heat and electricity when the thieves cut thick ground wires.
Colafella said that when a transformer blows, as it did in this case, an “arc flash explosion” — a basketball-sized concentration of heat and electricity — shoots from the transformer. The arc flash can reach temperatures of thousands of degrees.
On the same broadcast but regarding a different story, sombody used the term, “old baby.” It may not have been a reporter that said it.
On an unrelated note, a 16-year-old was referred to as an “adult.” I love how depending on the situation the media can call a teen-20something either a “kid” or “adult.”
Cutting-Edge Interview
Well he did say he wouldn’t rest until he found the real killers.
O.J Simpson has confessed to Oprah Winfrey that he murdered his former wife, it has been reported.
The talk show host made headlines recently saying that one of her regrets was never having got the shamed former sportsman to confess to the killing.
And it appears her wish may well have come true with reports Simpson has already told one of her producers in an interview from jail that he knifed ex-wife Nicole in self-defence – a confession he will now repeat to the talk show queen during a spectacular televised sit down interview.
And here’s the best part? Guess the LAPD killed Ron Goldman and placed his body on the scene.
According to the insider, Simpson recently decided to go through with the confession after he was contacted again by one of Oprah’s producers.
‘He told the producer: “Tell Oprah that yes, I did it. I killed Nicole, but it was in self-defence. She pulled a knife on me and I had to defend myself”,’ the insider was quoted as saying.
He reportedly then went on to give a full account of what happened on the night of the murders on June 12 1994.
kkk’s Rule Of Life #75
If you are breaking into a house, arm yourself with a vacuum cleaner; just hit the “on” switch when the attack dog comes running at you and he will go hide under the bed while you plunder.
Don’t Drink And Drive: You’d Be A Jackass To Do So
And to think I didn’t event know who Ryan Dunn was until yesterday.
“Jackass” star Ryan Dunn, who along with his cast mates made Americans cringe and snicker through vulgar stunts in their multimillion-dollar TV and movie franchise, was killed early Monday in a fiery car crash. He was 34.
Dunn, a daredevil who gained notoriety for diving into a sewage tank and performing other unsavory stunts, was driving his 2007 Porsche in suburban Philadelphia when it careened off the road, flipped over a guardrail and crashed into the woods before bursting into flames. A passenger, Zachary Hartwell, 30, of West Chester, Pa., was also killed, and speed may have been a factor in the crash, West Goshen Township police said.
From other media reports, they reported that Dunn was drinking and speeding.
Sorry, my sympathy ain’t there for this one. I’m just glad there wasn’t an innocent passer-by involved in this carnage.
If any good can come from this, I’d like to see PSA’s featuring accident footage caused by drunk drivers with the Jackass theme playing in the background.
No Clowning Around
And somewhere a mother is saying, “He was a good boy. He just fell into the wrong crowd.”
An off-duty Chicago police officer dressed up as a clown for a South Side fundraiser shot and killed a teen who held him at gunpoint tonight after the event, authorities said.
The officer, who is assigned to the Near North police district, was in his clown outfit for a fundraiser for a day-care business. The event, attended by a group of 50 children, was near West 87th Street and South Damen Avenue.
At 10:10 p.m. after the event ended, the officer went to his car and a teen approached him, asking him for money, authorities said. When the officer said he had no money, the teen pulled a gun on him, authorities said.
During a struggle with the teen, the officer grabbed hold of the gun, opened fire and killed him.
The officer sustained minor injuries, according to a release from police News Affairs.
A weapon was recovered from the scene.
One person was also taken into custody.
Listen To Coco
The whole video is worth watching, but even if you don’t like Conan’s comedy, skip to the 16:00 mark. So true.
Here’s the written transcript of the last part of his speech.
Eleven years ago I gave an address to a graduating class at Harvard. I have not spoken at a graduation since because I thought I had nothing left to say. But then 2010 came. And now I’m here, three thousand miles from my home, because I learned a hard but profound lesson last year and I’d like to share it with you. In 2000, I told graduates “Don’t be afraid to fail.” Well now I’m here to tell you that, though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Nietzsche famously said “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you. Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like yourselves it is disorienting. What Nietzsche should have said is “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.”
Now, by definition, Commencement speakers at an Ivy League college are considered successful. But a little over a year ago, I experienced a profound and very public disappointment. I did not get what I wanted, and I left a system that had nurtured and helped define me for the better part of 17 years. I went from being in the center of the grid to not only off the grid, but underneath the coffee table that the grid sits on, lost in the shag carpeting that is underneath the coffee table supporting the grid. It was the making of a career disaster, and a terrible analogy.
But then something spectacular happened. Fogbound, with no compass, and adrift, I started trying things. I grew a strange, cinnamon beard. I dove into the world of social media. I started tweeting my comedy. I threw together a national tour. I played the guitar. I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family. Ultimately, I abandoned all preconceived perceptions of my career path and stature and took a job on basic cable with a network most famous for showing reruns, along with sitcoms created by a tall, black man who dresses like an old, black woman. I did a lot of silly, unconventional, spontaneous and seemingly irrational things and guess what: with the exception of the blue leather suit, it was the most satisfying and fascinating year of my professional life. To this day I still don’t understand exactly what happened, but I have never had more fun, been more challenged—and this is important—had more conviction about what I was doing.
How could this be true? Well, it’s simple: There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. I went to college with many people who prided themselves on knowing exactly who they were and exactly where they were going. At Harvard, five different guys in my class told me that they would one day be President of the United States. Four of them were later killed in motel shoot-outs. The other one briefly hosted Blues Clues, before dying senselessly in yet another motel shoot-out. Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. One’s dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak best about my own profession.
Way back in the 1940s there was a very, very funny man named Jack Benny. He was a giant star, easily one of the greatest comedians of his generation. And a much younger man named Johnny Carson wanted very much to be Jack Benny. In some ways he was, but in many ways he wasn’t. He emulated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different direction. And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person of his generation. David Letterman wanted to be Johnny Carson, and was not, and as a result my generation of comedians wanted to be David Letterman. And none of us are. My peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. But the point is this : It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.
So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed. For decades, in show business, the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host The Tonight Show. It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. But that is not true. No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you. In 2000—in 2000—I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.
Many of you here today are getting your diploma at this Ivy League school because you have committed yourself to a dream and worked hard to achieve it. And there is no greater cliché in a commencement address than “follow your dream.” Well I am here to tell you that whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably change. And that’s okay. Four years ago, many of you had a specific vision of what your college experience was going to be and who you were going to become. And I bet, today, most of you would admit that your time here was very different from what you imagined. Your roommates changed, your major changed, for some of you your sexual orientation changed. I bet some of you have changed your sexual orientation since I began this speech. I know I have. But through the good and especially the bad, the person you are now is someone you could never have conjured in the fall of 2007.
I have told you many things today, most of it foolish but some of it true. I’d like to end my address by breaking a taboo and quoting myself from 17 months ago. At the end of my final program with NBC, just before signing off, I said “Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.” Today, receiving this honor and speaking to the Dartmouth Class of 2011 from behind a tree-trunk, I have never believed that more.
Thank you very much, and congratulations.
Make Sure You Don’t Get Cooked When There’s An Intruder
So earlier today we had a cookout for the father-in-law. The crack-whore sister-in-law and the crack-whore niece-in-law didnt show up, so everybody had a good time.
The highlight of the event was when my 15-year-old nephew scolded his father (my brother-in-law) for getting a new gun and says that if someone breaks into your house you should leave and call the police. The brother-in-law’s “WTF” look and subsequent response just made my week, and it’s only Sunday.
Oh these next few years with the government-schooled kid and his redneckish father are going to be great.
Taking The Shirts Off Their Rack
So yesterday I went to stock up on my Covington shirts at the nearby Sears. Because Sears had these shirts on sale and giving out a $25 gift card for every $50 spent, I figured why wait until Black Friday to stock up on my work shirts?
I’m a real fashion follower. I probably now have about 30 of these shirts in my closet. They are loose. They are comfortable. They are cheap (when on sale). They are durable enough for me.
So I went to Sears and got my shirts (among a few other clothing items). I then went to the cashier, who then tried (multiple times) pimping a Sears card. Not only that, she asked if I wanted to donate to some organization. She also asked if I wanted to take part in some other promotion, but by this time I was zoning out and saying stuff like, “Well I just like getting ripped off.”
But I’m not mad. In fact, I feel bad for department store cashiers having to pimp store credit cards and all sorts of other junk onto customers rather than just focusing on a cash transaction. Kind of a bummer when these stores operate first as credit agencies rather than places where goods are simply purchased.
Guess it’s just another example of gettin’ all corporationy.
This Organization Was A Real Help
InventHelp has the best end-of-ad disclaimer, basically saying “Your idea is probably stupid and will be a huge waste of everybody’s time.”
Don’t believe me? Peep this:
Actually, InventHelp has helped me out in the past. Last year at work some guy claimed he had this device that would change the way we collect and store energy. This had absolutely nothing to do with my job (some a-hole transferred him over to me to get rid of him), and I couldn’t get this loon to go away, so I told him to contact InventHelp. Gave the phone number and everything.
Guess that’s why there’s that end-of-ad disclaimer.
Wagner Knows More Than Jack
And this is why Pennsylvania Auditor General Jack Wagner is my favorite Democrat. Way to avoid all the party-line bullshit and see the big picture.
The state’s top fiscal watchdog broke ranks Thursday with fellow Democrats to say Gov. Corbett was right to favor squirreling away the unexpected revenue flowing into Pennsylvania’s coffers rather than using it to lessen the painful cuts proposed in next year’s budget.
Auditor General Jack Wagner said he believed it was more prudent to put the money, about a half-billion dollars, into reserve because there were too many “fiscal unknowns” facing the state. They include labor negotiations with state workers’ unions – which may not be concluded before the July 1 start of the new fiscal year – and skyrocketing public-employee pension-fund payments due over the next few years.
“I think Gov. Corbett is right to say that the majority of the surplus needs to be kept in reserve for the unknowns going forward,” Wagner told reporters Thursday when asked about the budget.
In April and May, the state collected more in revenue than it had anticipated, leading legislators on both sides of the political aisle to push for tapping some of that money to ease the pain of Corbett’s budget cuts. The governor has proposed axing more than half the state’s funding of state-supported universities and by more than $1 billion for government schools.
Earlier this week, legislative budget analysts said May’s revenue collection was about $34 million, or 2 percent, over the official estimate. That helped leave state government with an almost $540 million surplus as it winds down the fiscal year at month’s end.
But Wagner said yesterday he wouldn’t call the extra money “a surplus,” because the state still faces a projected multibillion-dollar deficit next year.
Government Settlement Spending Promises Up In Smoke
Funny that my commonwealth took money from last decade’s bullshit tobacco settlement and spent it on other things. I’m SHOCKED that government would do something like that.
Pennsylvania Auditor General Jack Wagner has issued a report, based on comments at five public hearings held across the state, that suggests that state residents want tobacco settlement money to be used for health-related programs.
One of those programs, adultBasic, expired Feb. 28, when funding ran out. Much of the funding had come from Tobacco Settlement Act of 2001 funds, which were redirected to other state budget initiatives.
Wagner is submitting the results of the report to the General Assembly for its use during the state budget negotiation process, and a copy will also be provided to Gov. Tom Corbett, according to the Pennsylvania Department of the Auditor General.
The state may be able to save the recently terminated adultBasic health insurance program, for which 41,000 low-income working Pennsylvanians paid a small fee, and to fund tobacco control programs at the levels set by the tobacco act.
A March report by the auditor general said the General Assembly diverted about 30% of received tobacco funds, or about $1.34 billion, to other budget priorities.
In 1998, Pennsylvania was one of 46 states to settle a lawsuit against tobacco companies to recover the costs of tobacco-related illnesses. The settlement said the state would receive about $10 billion over a 25-year period, or $300 million to $400 million per year.
In 2001, the General Assembly passed legislation specifying that tobacco settlement money fund health-related programs for Pennsylvania citizens.
Pennsylvania is expected to receive another $5.4 billion or more over the next 15 years, Wagner reported.
However, another thought popped up after reading this.
What’s going to happen 15 years from now when the settlement money stops coming in to the states?
Guess it will time to put a greater emphasis on suing fast-food stores. I’m sure that in addition to this lost tobacco settlement money there will be less money coming in via cigarette taxes. I doubt Americans will be getting much thinner or healthier by 2026; time to sue Ronald McDonald for making us fat and driving up health care costs.
Not A Drop-Off In Craziness Between Stores
So last night the better half and I stopped at Wal-Mart. Surprisingly, there wasn’t much to report back; it was a fairly normal excursion. I do have to mention that why in the hell do people twice my size wear clothes several sizes smaller than I do. It boggles the mind sometimes.
But I have a better story from last night. Before Wal-Mart, the better half and I went to the mall. Mrs. kkk had to drop off her wedding band/ring at the jeweler for re-sizing because it was getting too big for her finger. She was CRYING when she left the store because she was going to be ring-less for 7-10 days.
Women are crazy.
Two Dads Are Better Than None
Here’s what I don’t understand.
Former New York Giants wide receiver David Tyree — best known for making a famous catch against his helmet during Super Bowl XLII — spoke out against gay marriage Wednesday, claiming it is the first step towards “anarchy.”
In an interview with anti-gay group the National Organization for Marriage, Tyree also said two men or two women were incapable of raising a child, TMZ reported.
“You can’t teach something that you don’t have, so two men will never be able to show a woman how to be a woman,” the 31-year-old said.
The issue of same-sex unions is currently under the spotlight in New York, with the state assembly late Wednesday passing a gay marriage bill that will next go before state senators.
“If two men will never be able to show a woman how to be a woman,” and all that stuff, then what should we do with all the one-parent households out there?
While the ideal parenting partnership is a mom and a dad, I’d imagine two parents would be better than a single parent. Wouldn’t it?
Beam Me Out Of Here
When Jerry Brown is the voice of reason within your state, that’s when it’s time to get the hell out.
Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed the California budget handed to him Wednesday, potentially isolating himself in continuing efforts to fix California’s fiscal crisis.
Democratic lawmakers, who hold wide majorities in the Assembly and Senate, passed California’s first on-time state budget in a quarter century Wednesday. In so doing, they avoided the penalties of Proposition 25 – an initiative passed by voters in November that decrees that lawmakers forfeit their pay for every day after the June 15 deadline that a budget is not passed.
But Thursday morning, Governor Brown, also a Democrat, lambasted the budget as financial gimmickry.
“Unfortunately, the budget I have received is not a balanced solution,” he said in a statement released on YouTube. “It continues big deficits for years to come and adds billions of dollars in new debt. It also contains legally questionable maneuvers, costly borrowing, and unrealistic savings. Finally, it is not financeable, and therefore will not allow us to meet our obligations as they occur. We can – and must – do better. A balanced budget is critical to our economic recovery.”
Still unresolved is whether lawmakers can continue to receive their paychecks, because they passed a budget – even though it was vetoed. The answer to that question could determine the ultimate fallout from Brown’s veto, since Democratic lawmakers might ramp up pressure on Brown to sign a less-than-ideal budget if they aren’t getting paid.
LOL, so the only reason a budget was passed on time by lawmakers for the first time in TWENTY-FIVE YEARS was so they could keep getting paid.
But despite having “wide margins” of Democrats in both the state House and Senate … he still blames Republicans.
In vetoing the budget, Brown sought to soften the blow to Democrats.
“Democrats in the legislature made valiant efforts to address California’s budget crisis by enacting $11 billion in painful cuts and other solutions,” Brown said in his statement. “I commend them for their tremendous efforts to balance the budget in the absence of Republican cooperation. If [Republicans] continue to obstruct a vote, we will be forced to pursue deeper and more destructive cuts to schools and public safety – a tragedy for which Republicans will bear full responsibility.”
I have no clue how many Dimmys/Republicans are in the California assembly. Let’s take a look.
52-28 Democrat majority in the Assembly.
25-15 Democrat majority in the Senate.
And I repeat. LOL.
It’s OK To Own Fish Because They Don’t Have Any Feelings
Now if they would do something about those Beta bowls, they might get a smidgeon of my support. I guilted my boss into getting her Beta an actual multi-gallon aquarium.
The San Fransicko Animal Control and Welfare Commission wants to take away your goldfish, proposing a bill that would also include a renewed ban on pets like puppies, kittens and hamsters.
The proposed ban is meant to discourage “impulse buys” of pets that sometimes end up at shelters, said commission member Philip Gerrie.
He said goldfish, guppies and other tropical fish were added to the proposed ban because of what he called the “inhumane suffering of fish” and the way the fish are harvested.
I Bet These Kids Also Didn’t Offer Their Workers Health Care
Might as well teach these kids what it’s really like to own a business. Gotta get them while they’re young.
You can make a fortune selling parking spots outside the US Open, but don’t even dream of setting up a lemonade stand.
A county inspector ordered the Marriott and Augustine kids to shut down the stand they set up on Persimmon Tree Rd., right next to Congressional. And after they allegedly ignored a couple of warnings, the inspector fined their parents $500.
“This gentleman from the county is now telling us because we don’t have a vendors license, the kids won’t be allowed to sell their lemonade,” Carrie Marriott told us, her voice trembling.
The kids can’t seem to understand it. “I don’t agree, I think the county is wrong.” “We’re sending the money to charity.”
Jennifer Hughes, the director of permitting for the county, says it’s technically illegal to run even the smallest lemonade stand in the county, but inspectors usually don’t go looking for them. She said this one was unusually large. Hughes also says they’ve warned all kinds of other vendors they couldn’t operate near the US Open because of concerns about traffic and safety.
But that did little to console Carrie Marriott. “Does every kid who sells lemonade now have to register with the county?” she asked the inspector.
“Cute little kids making five or ten dollars is a little bit different than making hundreds. You’ve got coolers and coolers here,” the inspector responded.
“To raise money for pediatric cancer,” Marriott replied.
What’s funny is that the county has given scores of other neighbors permits to let golf fans park on their front lawns. The permits cost almost $300, but prices per car run as much as $60 a day. And some neighbors are reportedly raking in tens of thousands of dollars.
“I’m a little upset with the rip off that’s going on,” said Ron Simpson, who was getting ready to pay $50. One cop says a neighbor told him he’d made enough charging for parking at big golf events at Congressional that it had paid one of his kid’s college tuition.
Carrie Marriott is having a hard time reconciling the two different perspectives on entrepreneurship at the US Open. “The message to kids is, there’s no American dream.”
LOL at the quote saying this lemonade stand was “unusually large.” Click on the link above for video of this huge profit-making machine.
While there is now an update saying:
Montgomery county officials have allowed the children to reopen their lemonade stand, as long as it operates in another location.
The county permits director Jennifer Harris says the children simply need to move their stand from the “main strip,” to a more private, safer area. The $500 fine was also waived.
And let me add that it’s just as dumb to make people who want to use their lawns as a parking service get a vendor’s licence. I guess Maryland has too many entrepreneurs.
Hot-Doggin’ It
So there is a Facebook poll popping up on my wall asking, “What is your favorite hot dog condiment?”
Here are the results so far. Ketchup: 105, Mustard: 85.
What the hell is wrong with this country?
LeBrongo
So the Boson Bruins are the new Stanley Cup Champions, having bested the Vancouver Canucks in seven games.
I was pulling for Vancouver, but Boston more than deserved to win. When you only show up for less than half the games, you don’t deserve a series.
When Boston lost, they lost in competitive games. Vancouver seemed to take each of their three away games off.
And what the hell happned to Roberto Luongo?
Stick My Neck Out With This Revelation
So the other day, Mrs. kkk and I were at Sam’s Club. While there, I saw some guy with an Insane Clown Possee tattoo on the back of his neck.
I’m not sure what’s worse. The actual tattoo or me knowing what the tattoo means.
‘Dis and ‘Dat
Question: what’s better than answering a ringing telephone with, “Who ‘dis?” (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Go watch “Boys in the Hood.)
Answer: it’s the telemarketer still delivering his sales pitch without hesitation.
Cold-blooded.
The Caverick Life
This coming from Mr. “I’m Taking Mental Notes” himself.
After his Miami Heat lost the NBA Finals to the Dallas Mavericks Sunday, LeBron James was asked about the fans who’ve rooted against him since he publicly dumped his former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, on ESPN’s The Decision.
In response, James told the haters to get a life, according to the Associated Press.
“All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. So they can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they got to get back to the real world at some point.”
Guy’s actually right. There are a bunch of people that take sports WAY too seriously. However, when you acknodlege the “haters” you only fan the flames. Now if that’s your gameplan, then so be it. But for some reason I doubt that.
And LOL John Kasich.
John Kasich, governor of James’ home state of Ohio, has issued a resolution making the Mavs “honorary” Ohioans for beating James’ Miami Heat in the Finals.
The Ohio’s governor’s resolution doesn’t name the ring-less King James, who became persona non grata among many sports fans in the Buckeye State after dumping the Cleveland Cavaliers on ESPN’s The Decision for the Heat.
But Kasich heaps praise on the Mavs for their “loyalty, integrity and teamwork.” It singles out NBA Finals MVP Dirk Nowitzki for forgoing free agency last summer “thus remaining loyal to the team, city and fans for whom he played his entire career.”
Cavaliers fans still disappointed about James’ departure dubbed the Mavs the “Mavaliers” and “Cavericks” during the Finals. Kasich says “the proud city of Cleveland and the entire state of Ohio share in the excitement of Dallas Mavericks fans everywhere.”
Ocho-orgazmo
So Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco recently tweeted the following: “Wow only 29% of women have orgasms? How can this happen and who are there partners? Explore kind mates explore like Christopher Columbus.”
Now move the decimal point one space to the left and you get the number of men who care. Please note this number also includes for the usual 3 percent margin of error you get in these surveys.
kkk’s Rule Of Life #74
Single-issues voter: Annoying; Single-issues Facebooker: Worse.
coUrSE
So I got the thinking.
What is the most useful class I took in either high school or in college?
Please note I’m not talking about “class I enjoyed” or “class I learned a bunch of nonsense that has nothing to do with my role in the real world.” I have to be using the skills acquired in that class to help pay my mortgage.
Let’s think about college. Well that was a big waste of time. I guess a desktop publishing class or news writing class could be put down in this instance, but I haven’t been anywhere near the communications field for more than three years. Now one can say I still benefitted from learning the baiscs of PageMaker or Quark. One can also say I was trained in writing and story-telling, but this could be debated — especially after reading some of the stuff I post at this place.
High school? I took a bunch of general classes, but I must say the typing class I had during my junior year has done more for me than any other course I can think of. Not much has changed with the keyboard since then, and I ALWAYS benefit from being able to type 75+ words per minute.
With that said, I still haven’t mastered the numbers row. 😦
Dirka Dirka Mohammad Jihad
What a beautiful day. The humidity is nonexistent. There is a nice breeze. But best of all, there is no Heat.
Tee-hee.
The Dallas Mavericks won the NBA title last night. Here are/were my thoughts.
— It feels so anti-climatic whenever the road team wins the clinching game. Here’s another downside: The fans aren’t there to cheer loud and drown out Stuart Scott. Boo-urns.
— Before the game started, I made a comment that if the Mavs won I hoped Dirk Nowitzki would just walk off the court and not acknowledge the clowns who mocked his sickness a few days ago.
Dirk Nowitzki said Saturday that Dwyane Wade and LeBron James were “a little childish, a little ignorant” in a video that appears to show them mocking the Mavericks star’s recent illness.
Wade said he really did cough and turned it into a generic joke because cameras were rolling. He and James blamed others for trying to make a big deal out of it.
Imagine how hard I laughed when Dirk did just that.
And then imagine how much harder I laughed when I saw Chris Bosh collapse while in the tunnel.
I kinda felt bad afterward for laughing because I don’t have anything against Bosh. However, he was guilty by association.
— I LOVE the fact this series (in my opinion) turned around after the HEEL-tles were showboating during Game 2 when they had a double-digit lead with seven minutes left in the fourth quarter.
— I didn’t watch every moment of the Finals, but I did watch this game. Man, the Heat were playing tense. There were several possessions it seemed the ENTIRE TEAM was avoiding taking the open shot in favor of driving down the lane and passing to someone else so that person could drive and dish.
— With so many great players who just missed out on winning a championship (Karl Malone and Charles Barkley to name a few), it’s good to know that Jason Kidd and Dirk will have a title to their name.
I’m Not A Creep
Little Annoyance #8947 that will eventually set me off the deep end: That little “creep up” motorists do at a red light.
Seriously, where does this extra space come from? I’m not talking about backups at a red light in which some motorists can turn on red and the line moves up by a few cars. I’m also not talking about when a motorist creeps up a bit at a stoplight in hopes of setting off the green-light trigger. I’m talking about that steady, inching up that sometimes happens at red light.
I refuse to move forward in these situations unless I have at least one full car length to move. And then my movement is swift and just; not this tentative “creeping.”
Sorry, but that’s how I, err, roll.
kkk’s Rule Of Life #73
Funny how some people think the term “do-nothing Congress” is an insult.
A Little Help Goes A Long Way
About a week or so ago I made a remark about how I don’t donate money to organizations. (See the comments section.)
Well that lasted long.
Last night I saw this news story and my blood pressure boiled.
A Carrick woman and her two sons have been evicted and the house they lived in has been condemned after police found more than 40 neglected cats inside the home.
I sent $100 to Animal Friends. And you can, too by clicking here. Any little amount helps. You don’t want to be a bigger tightwad than me, do you?
Please note I didn’t reveal my amount donated to thump my chest or anything like that. I just believe if you are going to ask others to donate that you better provide full disclosure. I have a few hundred dollars available in my “pissing around” money envelope, and I decided to send some to Animal Friends. Hey, times are tough in the HUSSEIN RECESSION, so every little bit helps.
Oh, and if you donate to the Red Cross, you are supporting the gutter trash that caused all this to happen. Why these people aren’t being put down or sent out into the woods to fend for themselves is beyond me. Maybe that’s why I’m not in any position of authority in this world.
kkk’s Rule Of Life #72
Rain is Mother Nature’s car wash, and best of all it’s free of charge (unless a tree or something falls on your vehicle).
Lost Laundry Is Quite A Load
So that’s where my missing load of laundry was all of last week.
It was in the … washing machine.
*sniffs contents inside appliance*
And it’s going to stay in the washing machine for another load. Blech.
Weiner Gives Good Headlines
In case you wanted a summary of some of the better Anthony’s Weiner headlines from the last few weeks.
Here’s a selection of the best Weiner/wiener headline puns:
1. The Wiener works – his wife’s preggers (New York Daily News)
2. Congressman wants Weiner probe (Fox News)
3. Boehner won’t bite on Weiner (CNS News)
4. Mounting pressure on Weiner (CNN)
5. A tough news package to handle (Time)
6. Weiner is shrinking (New York Post – later changed online to “Rep Weiner skips two high-profile parades” but the url gives the game away)
7. Erections have consequences (New York Post)
8. Battle of the Bulge: Weiner Exposed (New York Post)
9. Lots of guys pull a Weiner (New York Daily News)
10. “Weiner hung out to dry – Fellow Dems keeping hands off Anthony’s expanding scandal” (New York Post)
Polls Schmolls
Remember what I said last month?
It’s no secret that the Muslim Wookie Fucker is on the downslope politically, and that includes the pivotal state of Pennsylvania.
A new poll from Susquehanna Polling and Research says that 48% of Pennsylvanians disapprove of Osama’s performance, while 41% approve.
Also: Only 43% of registered voters in Pennsylvania say the Kenyan Koffee Fetcherhas done well enough to deserve re-election, the poll said; 50% say ” it is time to give a new person a chance.”
The Muslim Wookie Fucker is going to win Pennsylvania’s electoral votes in 2012. There are too many Dimmys in this place to counter that. Even in 2010, which saw record gains for Republicans nation-wide, Republican Pat Toomey squeaked by in this state’s Senate race. In 2012 our other senator is up for re-election, a Democrat whose father was a popular governor. This alone is going to bring out enough turnout that will ensure another win for the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher. Back in 2008 Pennsylvania was supposedly a “toss up” state for the presidential race, and McCain lost by a landslide. The same is going to happen this time around — unless we can somehow get rid of that whole southwestern area of the commonwealth.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact the Muslim Wookie Fucker is going to take Pennsylvania. I don’t need hundreds of presidential ads bombarding me next year.
How Does Retirement Taste?
This happened last week, but I still wanted to mention it.
The Shaq Daddy called it a career.
Shaquille O’Neal, one of the most dominant centers in pro basketball history, announced his retirement Wednesday. Both on and off the court, he was an original not likely to be duplicated.
He signed with the Los Angeles Lakers in 1999 and won three consecutive NBA championships in 2000, 2001, and 2002. He was named MVP of the NBA Finals all three times and had the highest scoring average for a center in NBA Finals history. The Lakers have said they will retire his No. 34 jersey.
After feuding with the Lakers’ other superstar, Kobe Bryant, O’Neal was traded to the Miami Heat in 2004, winning a fourth NBA championship in 2006. He finished out his career with stints at the Phoenix Suns, Cleveland Cavaliers, and Boston Celtics.
Did he stay a bit too long? Perhaps. But I don’t care. I love Shaq.
When Shaq announced his retirement last week, the question was brought up by the sports media of where he ranks among the all-time greats. Here’s my insta-thoughts.
First off, I don’t compare athletes from different eras, so Wilt and Russell are out.
Kareem? I have to put Shaq below him. Can’t defend a sky-hook.
Hakeem? I also have to put Shaq below him. Then again, I’m also a huge Hakeem fan. If memory serves (and if Wikipedia is accurate), they both played well head-to-head in the 1995 NBA finals. However, Hakeem seemed to play just a little bit better.
David Robinson? I’d put Shaq above him.
Tim Duncan? Depends if you think Duncan a center or power forward. I actually think Duncan is more versitile, but I’d put Shaq above him. Duncan may be a better player, but I think O’Neal is a better center, if that makes any sense.
Moses Malone? Oh this is tough for me. I love Moses, but I have to put Shaq above him. Moses was a damn hard worker, but I think O’Neal would have bested him because of his size.
So there you have it. I have Shaq ranked third (possibly second) on the list of top centers of the last 30 or so years. What’s the best way to send out the Big Shactus?
Do you want me to (free throw) shoot it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Life Is A Mad Lib
Shouldn’t the article start out as, “Leonard Stern, a ____________________________, whose ________ include “______________________,” “___________,” and “_____________________,” ______________________. He was _______.”
Leonard Stern, a prolific writer-producer-director whose credits include “The Honeymooners,” “Get Smart,” and “McMillan and Wife,” died Tuesday. He was 88.
Stern died of heart failure at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, said his spokesman, Dale Olson.
A native of New York City, Stern found early success in TV writing for Jackie Gleason in “The Honeymooners” as well as the classic 1950s sitcom “The Phil Silvers Show” and “The Steve Allen Show.”
In the 1960s he produced the spy satire “Get Smart,” and in the 1970s wrote, directed and produced “McMillan and Wife,” the lighthearted crime drama starring Rock Hudson.
Film credits included screenplays for the 1952 version of “The Jazz Singer” starring Danny Thomas, as well as a pair of Abbott and Costello comedies. Three decades later, he wrote and directed “Just You and Me, Kid,” starring George Burns and 14-year-old Brooke Shields. In 1985, he wrote the script for the action-thriller “Target,” starring Gene Hackman and directed by Arthur Penn.
Stern was also involved in publishing, including the word game Mad Libs, which he co-created.
Quarter-Of-A-Millionaires And Billionaires
So I heard a caller on Neal Boortz’s radio show say the following in a discussion about taxes.
“If you make $250,000, you’re a millionaire.”
lol
This Is A Posting
A few days ago I mentioned the show called, “My Cat From Hell.”
This YouTube clip is just more proof that before people breed they need to own a dog/cat. If they fail, then snip-snip. THIS IS A PUNISHMENT!
Oh God I haven’t laughed this hard in quite some time.
kkk’s Rule Of Life #71
If you are going to jam the office copy machine and leave the scene, you better make sure the jammed document doesn’t out you.
Jobs For Justice
If I could trade places with anyone in this world it would be Justice Anthony Kennedy. Oh the power I would wield.
You got four patriotic defenders of freedom on the High Court. You also have four communists that would rather wipe their collective ass with the Constitution than rule by this document. Then you have Anthony Kennedy, whose decision often makes or breaks a Supreme Court case.
Screw being the president — that’s a 4-8 year gig.
When you’re a Supreme Court justice, you’re a Supreme Court justice for life.
35 And Watching 16-Year-Old Moms
Meet my newest favorite comedy: MTV’s “16 and Preggers.”
This country is doomed.
Don’t know what I’m talking about? Here you go.
16 and Pregnant is an MTV reality television series produced by Morgan J. Freeman and Dia Sokol Savage, and was first broadcast on June 11, 2009. It follows the stories of pregnant teenage girls in high school dealing with the hardships of teenage pregnancy. Each episode features a different teenage girl, with the episode typically beginning when she is 4 1⁄2–8 months into her pregnancy. The episode typically ends when the baby is a few months old. The series is produced in a documentary format, with an animation on notebook paper showing highlights during each episode preceding the commercial breaks.
The funny thing is that these teenagers are HALF the age of me and already parents. Good God, if I had to support another human being when I was that age and continued to do so until the ripe ol’ age of 35 … that kid would be SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD by now.
So that means that by the time these new parents reach my age their kids will be having kids of their own. Oy.
KK's Korner 