When The Hunter Becomes The Hunted

So I heard this story on the local news today.

Two hunters — a 10-year old girl and her father — were injured this morning when the girl’s rifle discharged in a tree stand in Indiana County.

The accident occurred around 9:30 a.m. in a wooded area off Coke Oven Road in Center Township, six or seven miles north of Blairsville, according to an Indiana County 911 spokesman. Authorities have not released the identities of the victims.

The two were in the tree stand when the accident occurred, said Rob Gearhart, Coral-Graceton assistant fire chief.

“The daughter’s gun accidentally discharged and struck the girl in the hand, and the father was struck in the right leg and the right hand,” Gearhart said. “When I got there, a couple of other hunters got the daughter down (from the tree stand), but we still had to extricate the father.”

The broadcast news said that the bullet went THROUGH the father’s leg and hand. According to the news report, the bullet then grazed the girl’s finger. And the big lead-in to this story was that a 10-YEAR-OLD GIRL WAS SHOT HUNTING OMGOMGOMG~!!!!!. (OK, so the news chick didn’t actually say “OMG” when reading from the teleprompter, but wouldn’t it be funny if she did?)

After laughing, I went into the kitchen. I then heard the better half yell out, “Oh for God’s sake! They AIR-LIFTED her to the hospital! For THAT?!” This coming from a woman who can’t sleep at night if one of our cats don’t finish their dinner.

But the fun didn’t stop there. Right after this story there were two more reports about hunting accidents which took place today, the first day of deer season. Wow, this activity really DOES thin out the herd.

Well Pardon Me

Hopefully, this shitstain is dead by the time a public defender comes to his side.

A gunman alleged to have shot dead four police officers is still on the run as shell-shocked officials condemned the killings as a “senseless act of violence.”

After laying siege to the home in Seattle’s Leschi neighborhood for 11 hours, police SWAT teams entered the building where convicted felon Maurice Clemmons was believed to be holed up…

Hello, what’s this? Willie Horton v. 2.0

…Clemmons served only part of a 35-year prison sentence in Arkansas before it was commuted in 2000 by then governor Mike Hickabee, who sought the Republican presidential nomination in 2008.

After his release Clemmons committed two armed robberies and a string of other crimes which earned him another 10 year sentence. He was later paroled and moved to Washington state.

Hickabee said in a statement Sunday that if Clemmons was responsible for the shootings “it will be the result of a series of failures in the criminal justice system in both Arkansas and Washington State.”

However, a victim of a 1989 street robbery involving Clemmons expressed incredulity that he had been released.

“I’m flabbergasted,” Karen Hodge, 68, told the Seattle Post Intelligencer. “He should still be in prison.”

I don’t care if you support the Fair Tax, Hickabee, I don’t want you anywhere NEAR the presidential nomination process.

The Truth Hurts, Not Heals

Joe Wilson, there was no need to apologize for “You Lie.” Like one couldn’t see this coming from a mile away.

Hundreds of thousands of invaders could receive health care coverage from their employers under the bills winding their way through Congress, despite President Hussein’s explicit pledge that illegal immigrants would not benefit.

The House bill mandates, and the Senate bill strongly encourages, businesses to extend health care coverage to all employees. But the bills do not have exemptions to screen out invaders, who usually obtain jobs by using false identities and are indistinguishable from legal workers.

Had you not apologized for speaking truth to power, I would have donated to your re-election efforts. Now that’s $5 you will never see.

Putting My Wild Spending Side In Chex

What a difference three days make.

From spending $1200+ on Black Friday to using coupons at the grocery store tonight. I swear Black Friday is to me like a bachelorette party is to that quiet gal in a of group of friends who suddenly, after a few drinks, deep-throats 12-inch bananas and grinds with the male dancers, or whatever you bitches do at these outings. Hell, I’m still kicking myself for forgetting about two $1 coupons I had for Chex cereal to go with the 4 for $6 deal my local store was having.

And in case you wondered what I did at my bachelor party, keep wondering. Actually, I didn’t do a damn thing. Why should I? I was with the better half for 8 years prior to having God’s approval to our cohabitation; what’s the big deal about making it all official-like? Besides, the actual wedding was expensive enough. Now that I think about it, a wedding is like one last big date.

Big Ben’s Big Headache

I heard today that Ben Roethlisberger isn’t going to start tonight against the Ravens.

Good.

I don’t care how hardcore of a Stiller fan you may be, he shouldn’t be playing tonight. I remember a few years ago he suffered a concussion and played the next week at Oakland. Horrible game all around and it was painful to watch. And God forbid if he would have gotten hit hard yet again. I didn’t criticize Bill Cowher that much during his time in Pittsburgh. He held on to Kordell Stewart longer than he probably should have, and he often got outcoached in the playoffs, but other than these things, I never did the constant second-guessing many people do with college/pro sports teams. However, Cowher starting Ben in that Oakland game in 2006 was one of those time I vehemently disagreed with his decision.

Getting These Rebates To Work Is Such A Card

So today I was filling out some mail-in rebate forms from Friday’s shopping excursion at Staples. Instead of opting for the snail-mail method, I’m hitting the EASY BUTTON and doing this stuff online.

I’ve often done mail-in rebates in the past, and I’ve generally been successful. One time not so much, but part of the blame fell on me. Long story short. It was 2000 and I was getting a computer. In order to fit the stuff in the car I had to remove the products from the boxes. And what did I do with the boxes? Yep, left them at the store. And what were on these boxes? The UPC labels that I needed to send in for the rebates.

Other than this unpleasant experience, I’ve been pretty much on the ball with filling out rebate forms. Even when I have the slightest doubt about something I contact customer service and make sure I’m doing everything prim and proper. After all, it’s easier to get things squared away at the beginning than trying to deal with an error two months later.

Why am I talking about this? Because when hitting the Staples EASY BUTTON I had the option of getting either a rebate check or visa prepaid cards.

Are you kidding me?

Give me my rebate check. I despise those cards with every fiber of my being. Any time I get one of these I can never get to work where I want them to. Case in point: Early this year the kkk household got cell phones, which came with four $50 Visa “anywhere” cards. Now when I get these things, I like to use the money to pay off bills, not double-dip in the “frivolous purchase” category. Went to use the cards at a gas station. Didn’t work. Grocery store? No. The hobby store for some plastic cases for my sports card collection? Niet. I called Verizon and told them my situation. They said it was the fault of the cashiers. Fair enough. They said that I could use these cards ANYWHERE. I then asked them about paying for gasoline at the pump.

“Anything except that,” I was told. ‘Nuff said. (Something about the cards actually being debit even though it says credit on the card and needing a pin number.)

So what did I spend most of this money on? Something at Wal-Mart and a bunch of used DVDs at Blockbuster. Transaction for two in the Frivolous Purchase section.

Safe And Sound

Well this afternoon I finally figured out how to work the recently purchased safe the kkk household got on Black Friday. I feel so much at ease now knowing that the family jewels and my Jew Gold are protected. Now I need to program a password that I can remember, and 1-2-3-4-5 isn’t an option — I already have that combination for my luggage.

Sorry, I couldn’t pass that one up.

Actually, I don’t care so much about “security” as much as I do about keeping shit safe in case of a fire. And if someone can lug this thing out of the house, then more power to them. I still don’t know how Mrs. kkk and I got this thing into the Suzuki, and the only way I got this beast up into the computer room walk-in closet was by pushing it up the stairs step by step.

A Tiger Out Of His Element

Is the HUSSEIN RECESSION really that bad that now people like Tiger Woods have to go out in the early morning hours of Black Friday to look for deals?

Florida authorities went to Tiger Woods’ mansion to clear up questions about how he crashed his SUV into a fire hydrant and a neighbor’s tree and said they plan to release tapes of the 911 call on Sunday.

Florida Highway Patrol spokeswoman Sgt. Kim Montes said Saturday that investigators are “trying not to get on the rumor mill.”

The world’s No. 1 golfer smashed his Cadillac near his $2.4 million mansion at 2:25 a.m. Friday and was briefly hospitalized, police said. Though there still has been no information on where he was heading at that hour, plenty of details from the crash have emerged: His lips were cut, and Windermere police chief Daniel Saylor said Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, used a golf club to smash out a back window and help Woods from the car.

Tiger, you’re good at a lot of things: Golf, endorsing products, making money, being successful, etc. But leave the Black Friday stuff to the pros.

Turkey Day Traditions, Old And New

So here is how we do things at the kkk household. The better half and I go to the mother-in-laws house for a 1 pm dinner.

Yes, 1 pm.

Of course we have to be there by 12:30 pm. Why? Because my mother-in-law is insane. We also say hi to the brother-in-law, his wife and 13-year-old son and 11-year-old daughter. Now for the last several years we would have the crack-whore sister-in-law call at 1:10 pm and ask to be taken some place by the father-in-law — usually to the laundromat. After it is revealed to her that everybody is eating dinner, she expresses SHOCK at how early we are having dinner. Of course, from my understanding, the 1 pm dinner has gone on since the beginning of time for the Mrs. kkk household, but that’s neither here nor there.

Well now that the crack-whore sister-in-law is having liver trouble, we need someone else to carry on the tradition of causing drama at holiday events. Enter the crack-whore niece-in-law, who is more than eager to pick up the torch and continue on in the tradition of causing holiday DRAMA. For those that don’t know by now, this 22-year old with a 1-year-old kid put the “Great” in “Great Society.” In other words, she is welfare trash. I could go on with this topic, but I must stay the course. The niece and her current boyfriend were picked up by the father-in-law for this event, and she arrived wearing clothes several sizes too small. Here are some of the highlights of the day:

1) Revealing more exposed skin than skin covered up by fabric (and she really shouldn’t). It got so bad that my 11-year-old niece told her to pull up her pants.

2) She threw a fit over the seating arrangements at the kitchen table and said that she was having an anxiety attack and forgot her meds.

3) She said several times that my mother-in-law always yells at her for wearing shirts that “have my tits hanging out.” This was in front of the brother-in-law’s kids.

Of course, my brother-in-law commented on the crack-whore niece-in-law’s wardrobe, which caused another blow-up, and frankly I don’t blame the brother-in-law one bit. If I had two kids 11 and 13, I sure as hell wouldn’t want them to see this shit from their cousin. But the highlight came after dinner and it was just me, Mrs. kkk, the mother/father in-law and the crack-whore niece and her boyfriend.

I was in the kitchen going over Black Friday fliers when something stupid lead to something stupider. It had to deal with the crack-whore niece-in-law’s baby’s father and something he texted. The crack-whore niece-in-law’s boyfriend then said something like he was going to beat the baby’s father up. The crack-whore niece-in-law then started screaming and going on about if there was a fight in her shithole apartment complex that she would be evicted and have nowhere to live blahblahblah. Screaming and door-slamming then ensued.

Families.

I’m sure the fact this person doesn’t have a JOB and relies on welfare and child support to stay in her apartment will probably affect her living conditions more than some stupid fight, but whatever. I guess I could also mention that if she would have moved back with the mother/father-in-law earlier this year instead of living in an apartment, gotten a job or two and/or went back to school, she would have more than $6,000 in child support banked and not have to worry about rent, food or utilities. And if she would have actually helped out around the house and been a responsible person, the better half and her brother would give the house to the niece-in-law once their parents pass away. (The house won’t be worth that much on the open market.) But of course the crack-whore niece-in-law is, well, a crack-whore, and this sort of rational/responsible behavior just won’t do.

Remember what I said about getting off topic? At least I waited until the end of this entry.

Oh, and the crack-whore niece-in-law’s current boyfriend? He’s not that bad a guy, but he’s young and stupid. By the time he realizes his girlfriend is sucking his lifeforce out of him, I can only pray he doesn’t have a kid or two with her.

Thankkksgiving

So Thanksgiving was never a favorite holiday of mine for the longest time, but now I can say without a doubt this is my most favorite time of the year.

Thanksgiving: Overeating on meat, stuffing, potatoes and corn until I have to unbutton my pants and beg God to let me last through the next few hours. Oh, yeah. And football, too.

Black Friday: Waking up in the middle of the night and shopping amidst the great unwashed for stuff greatly reduced in price.

Eating until I want to puke and shopping for lots of cheap material goods. It don’t get more American than this.

Giving This Song And Dance A Real Kick

So early this week I heard about the SHOCKING Adam Lambert performance at some hippie awards show. To be more specific, my boss said it was softcore porn. Whatever. I don’t watch this stupid shit. So I pissed around on this here Internet and found a clip or two of this American Idol runner-up’s song and dance. I wish I could post what I saw, but Dick Clark productions is being a bastard with keeping video of this shit online.

I’m not offended. I don’t care. It’s stupid. I have other things to bitch about.

However, for his next routine, I would like Adam to dress up in a BYU soccer uniform and have a duet with Elizabeth Lambert.

I’m a sucker for a woman in cleats.

And for the record, I’m talking about Elizabeth.

Medical Student Needing A Check Up From The Neck Up

So I was listening to an archived segment of Dave Ramsey’s radio show. For those that don’t know who he is — well tough shit.

Actually, he’s a financial guy. That’s about all you need to know. Anyway, he had a caller whose story I could not resist sharing. All his life this guy wanted to be a doctor. So he went to medical school — in the Caribbean. He said that his grades weren’t good enough to get into medical school in the States, so he had to go to this place. His problem? He’s got $250k in loans and can’t get any more borrowed money. He’s also got more years of medical school to go. He didn’t know what to do. But what about just not paying the money back? Well, his parents co-signed for his loans. He wanted to default. My thought: You want THIS guy as your DOCTOR?

This Excuse Is Side-Splitting Hilarious

So let I get this straight. President Hussein and pals spend months bragging about all the jobs this stimulus shit sandwich “created.” Then when the question of whether or not these jobs are actually … you know, real … the Muslim-in-Chief says this is a “side issue.”

President Hussein brushed off criticism over his administration’s inaccurate reporting on job creation Wednesday, telling OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2009~!!! the accounting is an “inexact science” and that any errors are a “side issue” when compared with the goal of turning the economy around. He said job growth is his No.1 responsibility.

The prez-o-dent was responding to criticism from Republicans, as well as Democratic Rep. David Obey, who drew attention to embarrassing errors on the Recovery.gov Web site that tracks stimulus funding. The site is under fire for claiming a number of jobs were created from the stimulus in congressional districts that don’t exist and accepting unrealistic and inflated jobs data from various sources.

Osama said he understood the “frustration” but said his focus has to be on accelerating job growth.

“I think this is an inexact science. We’re talking about a multitrillion-dollar economy that went through the worst economic crisis since 1933. The first measure of success of the economic recovery is, did we pull ourselves back from the brink? We did,” Osama said. “The question now is, can we make sure we’re accelerating job growth? That’s my No. 1 job. Nobody’s been more disappointed than I have to see how high the unemployment rate has gotten. And I spend every waking hour, when I’m talking to my economic team, about how we are going to put people back to work.”

Whenever my next quarterly tax payment is due for my township, I think I’m going to write down how much I owe, pay the State less than what is put down on paper and the fine people at the local tax office that this is a side issue. Hey, I can use that money and STIMULATE the economy aka buy a big-screen TV or next-generation console.

Smarter Plan For Math Learning

I HATE these stupid IBM commercials talking about one-world government shit. “Smarter planet” my ass. I know what’s going on here. Ever since the Muslim took power, I’ve been seeing these hippie commercials sprout up like weeds. After seeing this stupid ad for the 100,000th time, I have one question to ask:

If our cities are getting “smarter,” how come the youth of these locales keep getting dumber and dumber?

More city kids are graduating from high school, but that doesn’t mean they can do college math.

Basic algebra involving fractions and decimals stumped a group of City University of New York freshmen – suggesting city schools aren’t preparing them, a CUNY report shows.

“These results are shocking,” said City College Prof. Stanley Ocken, who co-wrote the report on CUNY kids’ skills. “They show that a disturbing proportion of New York City high school graduates lack basic skills.”

During their first math class at one of CUNY’s four-year colleges, 90% of 200 students tested couldn’t solve a simple algebra problem, the report by the CUNY Council of Math Chairs found. Only a third could convert a fraction into a decimal.

The lack of math skills means the CUNY students – nearly 70% of which come from city schools – could struggle to keep up with peers, fail classes or even drop out, the professors charged.

Then again, kids tend to use Macs.

Being Put Through The Ringer

So earlier today I went to the jewelry store to get my wedding band refitted. It should be fun to see how many times I look down at my left hand during the next few days and go “Oh shit, now where did I leave it this time?”

I’ve always been scatter-brained with the symbol of my eternal love to my soulmate. Well, I’m scatter-brained with a lot of stuff, but those other things won’t get me killed. I take the ring off when I clean the dishes/shower/etc. so I often have that “uh oh, now where did I put it” and “I better find it before she does” feelings. And whenever I used to take off The One Ring To Rule Them All (or at least that one ring which rules me) to do things like wash the dishes, the results weren’t pretty. Oddly enough, I consider completing chores without being asked to be a more heartfelt action toward commitment than some stupid ring. Over time I won this battle, though.

So after this ring comes back to me sized down it should prevent the frequent slips and mishaps, not to mention Mrs. kkk yelling from another room, “what was that?” whenever the “ping” sound is heard once my ring falls onto the floor. Then again, considering I write with my left hand, I should be annoyed even more that this thing gets in my way with pen in hand. Nobody said love was easy.

I See A New Moon Rising

So the better half is a fan of that Twilight book/movie. She already bought tickets for a Sunday screening. Do I have any idea what this movie is about? No. She’s told me about the books and I saw the first movie when it was sold on DVD. Rather than go on about how stupid these movies are, I’m instead going to take a different approach.

This Twilight crap isn’t any worse than the dozen football games I watch every week. And if it makes the Mrs. happy, then I’m happy. Especially if she leaves me alone Sunday afternoons.

So all I’m going to do is post this and let everything be.

Going Nuts Over This Thought For The Day

So I was listening to Neal Boortz’s radio show this morning, and there was this ad from some Jesus guy. He’s often gives “inspirational” messages. Today’s went something like: “An oak tree is a nut that refused to give up.”

If I actually bought into these pseudo-inspirational things I’d say that’s clever.

But then something terrible happened. I started to think.

You know, once that little nut works hard and makes something of itself, you’ll end up with this (I don’t care if the lyrics don’t exactly match up to the song. It’s close enough):

There is unrest in the forest,
There is trouble with the trees,
For the maples want more sunlight… See More
And the oaks ignore their pleas.

The trouble with the maples,
(And they’re quite convinced they’re right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light.
But the oaks can’t help their feelings
If they like the way they’re made.
And they wonder why the maples
Can’t be happy in their shade.

There was trouble in the forest,
And the creatures all have fled,
As the maples scream “Oppression!”
And the oaks just shake their heads

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights.
“The oaks are just too greedy;
We will make them give us light.”
Now there’s no more oak oppression,
For they passed a noble law,
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe, and saw.

Purple Person Extension

For Brad’s sake, I hope #4 going to be around through 2013…

The Vikings signed Brad Childress to a contract extension on Thursday, nine games into what is shaping up as a promising season for the men in purple. Terms of the deal were not disclosed. ESPN.com cited anonymous sources in reporting that the extension will carry through the 2013 season.

Giving France A Handball

So the Frenchies played the Irish in some World Cup qualifying match when the winning goal was scored with the help of some France player’s hand.

Ireland has ‘thrown down the gauntlet’ to France Thursday to replay a World Cup qualifier match after Les Bleus striker Thierry Henry handballed before a crucial goal, Sky News reported.

The former Arsenal player controlled a ball with his fingers to help his teammate William Gallas score an extra-time header in Saint Denis, near Paris, on Wednesday, the Web site reported.

The goal secured France a 2-1 aggregate win and knocked Ireland out of the tournament, to be held in South Africa over the summer.

The guys on Pardon the Interruption talked about this today. Here’s my opinion. Keep in mind I have no idea what the rules/policies are for World Cup qualifying games.

1) The call was missed.
2) The goal was made.
3) The End.

Sucks for Ireland, but if there’s no instant replay or any other way to remedy the situation, then the Irish ain’t going to South Africa. Them’s the breaks. Allow instant reply if you want. If modern technology is not to be used, then stuff like this is going to happen.

Besides, I always need a county to cheer against. France works for me.

KO’ing Kelo v. New London

To the politicians of New London: You reap what you sow.

Surely you remember Kelo v New London, the Supreme Court case that resulted in a drastic change to the United States’ eminent domain law. In Kelo, the Court ruled that it was legal for a government agency — in this case, the City of New London, Conn. — to take property from one private owner and give it to another so as to increase government revenues.

In Kelo, the Pfizer pharmaceutical company wanted New London to condemn private property so it could develop the property generally. Specifically, it wanted to enlarge and enhance its research and development complex on the ground it sought. The ground itself was dotted with private homes, one of which was owned and occupied by Suzette Kelo. She fought the takeover all the way to the United States Supreme Court; thus the case name. In the event, the Court ruled, 5-4, that New London indeed had the right to take the land and give it to Pfizer.

The five Justices voting in favor of the rape via eminent domain of Suzette Kelo and her neighbors? John Paul Stevens, Anthony Kennedy, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer. All but one — Kennedy — are of the liberal persuasion; Kennedy is neuter, swinging left on some issues and right on others. Souter has since retired (Sonia Sotomayor replaced him) but the other four are still busily expanding government powers and reducing individual rights.

After the decision, New London transferred the property to Pfizer for a dollar a year on the assumption that Pfizer would be paying high property taxes to the city via further development.

Pfizer has now paid the City of New London a total of four dollars for the property, one for each of the four years since the ruling. But the other day the pharmaceutical giant announced it was shutting down its research facility. So New London will lose 1,400 jobs and become home to a gigantic, vacant office park that sprawls over a 24-acre campus. And the entire residential neighborhood, including Suzette Kelo’s home, has been bulldozed by New London to change the look of a 90-acre landscape around the Pfizer campus. It’s now just a big vacant dirt lot, and destined to remain that way.

Meanwhile, New London’s taxpayers have been forced to spend about $80 million by the city, subsidizing the Pfizer “development.”

I sincerely hope all the people whose homes you took by force are not living within your region and don’t have to suffer from higher taxes/reduced services this clusterfuck has become.

Unfriendly To This New Word

So “Unfriend” is the word of the year by the New Oxford American Dictionary.

“Unfriend – verb – To remove someone as a ‘friend’ on a social networking site such as Facebook. As in, ‘I decided to unfriend my roommate on Facebook after we had a fight.'”

“It has both currency and potential longevity,” notes Christine Lindberg, Senior Lexicographer for Oxford’s U.S. dictionary program. “In the online social networking context, its meaning is understood, so its adoption as a modern verb form makes this an interesting choice for Word of the Year.”

I always thought it was “Defriend.” Lame.

I know this word is being considered a verb, but I have already treated “unfriend” as someone I am not friends with on Facebook. Sort of like the difference between “UnAmerican” and “Anti-American.” One is “not” American while one is “against” America…n. Ew, that sounded weird.

I bet you are expecting a President Hussein joke. Like how he’s not an American but his policies go against the land of the free and home of the brave. Well keep expecting. There’s another joke to be made on this subject.

Here was another non-word up for this consideration:

birther – a conspiracy theorist who challenges President Hussein’s birth certificate

LOL — How can you challenge something that doesn’t exist? And considering President Hussein is a non-citizen, it’s only appropriate that “birther” remains a non-word.

On an unrelated note, what non-word would I have voted for this year?

Sexting, followed by tramp stamp.

Trying To Scalp One Team’s Mascot

So the the Supreme Court won’t hear an appeal from a group of Native Americans who think the name of the NFL’s Washington Redskins football team is offensive. Want proof? Peep this link.

The Supreme Court won’t hear an appeal from a group of Native Americans who think the name of the NFL’s Washington Redskins football team is offensive.

Hey, they copied what I wrote.

Why did I post this story? Because my first thought after reading this first paragraph was that ‘Skins play on the field has been way more offensive this year than the team’s logo. That’s all I got.

New Opportunities — 1+ Month Old

So today I got an IMPORTANT ACCOUNT UPDATE AND NEW OPPORTUNITIES letter today from Bank of America — my mortgage lender. Actually, “mortgage lender that bought out my previous mortgage lender” would be a more accurate term, but I digress.

What was the IMPORTANT ACCOUNT UPDATE AND NEW OPPORTUNITIES? Hell if I know. I don’t read these things. I think it has something to do with the NEW and IMPROVED website. However, it’s not what was in the letter but when this letter was supposedly sent out.

The letter was dated October 1.

The NEW OPPORTUNITY began on November 9.

Like I need any more motivation to pay this mortgage off ASAP. Hey, what do you know? I DO have more motivation.

$250,000 Bird Is The Word

What do we have here? Drudge has the following link posted:

NFL owner fined $250,000 for flipping off fans…

I didn’t hear about this. Before I click on the link, let me take a guess at who it was. I’m guessing it happened this past week. I’m guessing the owner was a home team that lost.

…

Dan Rooney? Nah, I would have heard about that already. I’ll go with Al Davis.

Really?

The NFL has fined Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams $250,000 for making an obscene gesture at Bills fans.

It happened Sunday in Nashville. After the Titans beat the Bills 41-17, Adams was seen “flipping off” fans from his luxury suite at the stadium.

Nice.

Back In The Saddle, Err, Computer Chair Again

So last week I was in the blogging groove and getting my posting on. I was even posting older entries from my other blog. And then of course my computer of five-and-a-half years decided to give me the middle finger.

Now I’m up and kicking with a new system, a 23-inch monitor and a bunch of tech stuff that I have no idea what any of it means. I remember years ago I used to know what all these computer specs meant. Now I just don’t care. As long as it starts up and gets me to this here Internet I’m as happy as a pig in shit.

What happened to my old computer? There is most likely a hardware issue that isn’t letting me get Internet access. It was time to get another computer anyway. And as of right now it seems to be operating just fine sans Internet access. I spent part of this weekend building second stand and the plan is to use the older computer for my Baldur’s Gate/Diablo/etc. gaming. I actually wanted a second computer for this sort of thing anyway, so I guess it all works out in the end. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

One thing that I find hilarious about getting a new computer is that it always makes my older computer model look like a piece of antiquated shit. I guess that’s a good thing because that means I’ve had the older outdated model for a while and got my money’s worth from it. And I did use the hell out of the older computer. Hopefully with it regulated to second-tier status in the kkk household it will be around for a while more.

And finally, I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that the hardest part of this whole installation process was getting the battery compartment to the wireless mouse open or the fact that when I realized all my Diablo/Baldur’s Gate games were gone forever I thought, “Cool. Now I have an excuse for playing these games over again.”

You Buy This Car You’ll Get Owned

All I have to say about this one is that I hope you first get a CarFax report if you live in Arkansas and want to purchase a $1.25 million sports car.

A man blamed a low-flying pelican and a dropped cell phone for his veering his million-dollar sports car off a road and into a salt marsh near Galveston. The accident happened about 3 p.m. Wednesday on the frontage road of Interstate 45 northbound in La Marque, about 35 miles southeast of Houston.

The Lufkin, Texas, man told of driving his luxury, French-built Bugatti Veyron when the bird distracted him, said La Marque police Lt. Greg Gilchrist. The motorist dropped his cell phone, reached to pick it up and veered off the road and into the salt marsh. The car was half-submerged in the brine about 20 feet from the road when police arrived.

Gilchrist said he doesn’t know if the car was salvageable, but in his words, “Salt water isn’t good for anything.” He says the man, whose identity hasn’t been released, was not injured.

A 2006 Bugatti Veyron was recently offered for sale in Jonesboro, Ark., for $1.25 million.

I’ll See You In Court

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. On trial.

The announcement that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and four other men accused of the 9/11 attacks will soon be moved to New York to face trial in a federal court will be welcomed by some Americans as finally starting the process of bringing the perpetrators of these attacks to justice.

Here comes Nobel Peace Prize II.

It’s The End Of The World As I Know It, And I Wouldn’t Have Known

So not too long ago we only would have had 15 hours’ notice if an asteroid would have wiped us out.

On November 6, 2009, The Catalina Sky Survey noticed something in the sky — an asteroid, seemingly on a collision course with Earth. The object would miss our planet by a mere 8,700 miles.

Terrifying? Hardly. Although the asteriod, identified as 2009 VA, would be the third-closest known (non-impacting) asteroid ever, it was also just 23 feet across. Similar sized objects pass this close to Earth about twice a year and impact the planet about once every five years.

You know, I’d rather just be driving in my car one minute and then “poof” the next rather than knowing of something like this ahead of time and dealing with all the panic and chaos that would accompany the end of the world. It’s bad enou…gh that people get trampled to death the day after Thanksgiving over cheap electronics.

Computing Computer Sickness

So I found out yesterday my home computer has the H1N1 Blue Screen of Death. Goddamnit. Off to the tech medical center.

Can’t Tear Down This Wall Memory

So twenty years ago the Berlin Wall came down. And what’s the first memory that comes to my mind? Being at the mall and seeing some department store (I think it was Sears) selling off chunks of this thing. Oh, and Germany winning the ’90 World Cup. Of course, if the legends are true, during my first visit to Three Rivers Stadium to watch the Steelers play a preseason game I asked my old man the following question after a stoppage in play: “Where are the commercials?”

Capitalism FTW.

Top KK’s Korner Searches For 11/8/09

So here I am giving you all sage advice like the need to buy life insurance and to pay off your debts. And just what are you all interested in?

finger belly buttons
belly button fingering
girl biting boy’s lip
belly button touching
belly button chick

I think the “belly button” sensation has now officially passed up “Erin Andrews” searches.

This Lame Strategy Needs A Time Out, Not A Banning

A few years ago it became the fad for football teams to call a time out right when their opponent was about to kick a field goal. Something about “getting in the kicker’s head” or something like that. It’s a few seconds before the half or game and the opposing team calls a time out just seconds before the play is run. This means the kicking team has to re-do the play and a field goal attempt.

Sports people talked about how this practice had to be BANNED. I disagree. If a team has a time out then they should be allowed to do this cheesy play. Besides, what guarantees that the first field goal attempt will be made? Well, that was the case this afternoon with Houston at Indianapolis. The Houston kicker had a 50+ field goal attempt blocked, but he got to redo the kick. Why? Because the Indianapolis coach called a time out just before the ball was snapped.

On the second attempt, the Houston kicker made it count and the Texans got on the board.

Oh I hope the Texans win this game by 3 points or less.

Do I think this time out tactic is lame and cheesy? Yes. Should there be a rule against it? No. The only think I might amend is that if a coach is going to do that the play still goes on as planned. This way if a player hears the referee’s whistle blows and lets up on the play and another player doesn’t hear the whistle and still goes full-tilt there is a better chance of preventing an injury.

“Sorry” Shooter

So I read about that shitdick in Orlando who shot up his former place of employment. Someone else wrote about this story, so why should I bother repeating what has already been said?

A man so broke that he said he didn’t have the money to visit his son 30 minutes away opened fire Friday at the engineering firm that fired him two years ago, killing one person and wounding five, authorities said.

TWO YEARS? Jesus Christ, even I’m not that pissed off/bitter about my former place of employment, which I left in January of 2008. Well, I am, but I wouldn’t shoot up the place. I’d rather get the glorious satisfaction of feeling my asshole ex-boss’s flesh up against my fists as I wail upon him.

But this guy’s the psycho. Yeah. Back to the story. I LOVE his quote at the end. That’s actually the reason I made this entry.

The shooting on the eighth floor of an office tower paralyzed downtown Orlando for three hours. Police quickly tracked Rodriguez to his mother’s home, spotted him through a window and ordered him to come out.

He surrendered peacefully and was in custody yesterday evening. Police said he apologized as officers handcuffed him.

“I’m just going through a tough time right now. I’m sorry,” officers quoted him as saying.

Oh, you’re going through a tough time and you’re sorry. OK then.

And here’s a sneak preview of his shitbag defense lawyer’s strategy:

“This guy is a compilation of the front page of the entire year — unemployment, foreclosure, bankruptcy, divorce — all of the stresses,” said the public defender, Bob Wesley. “He has been declining in mental health. There is no logic whatsoever, which points to a mental health case. It looks like a classic case of stress overload.”

How about next time Mr. Rodriguez overloads on stress he takes the gun to his own head and pull the trigger?

Sisters Are Needing A Man For Themselves

So yesterday I bought a Greatest Hits CD by the Eurythmics. Why am I talking about this?

Because Track #6 has a song called “Sisters are Doin’ it for Themselves.” I’m not hating. I like this song about girl power and all that crap.

But then on Track #10 there is a song title, “I Need a Man.”

Just sayin’.

Putting The “Great” Back In “Great Society”

You want your government health-care? You’re going to get it.

In a victory for President Hussein, the Democratic-controlled House narrowly passed landmark health care legislation Saturday night to expand coverage to tens of millions who lack it and place tough new restrictions on the insurance industry. Republican opposition was nearly unanimous.

The 220-215 vote cleared the way for the Senate to begin debate on the issue that has come to overshadow all others in Congress.

I have to give Madame Speaker credit — she’s on the target with her comparison:

A triumphant Speaker Nancy Pelosi likened the legislation to the passage of Social Security in 1935 and Medicare 30 years later.

I liken this legislation to Social Security and Medicare, too. Two bloated, over-extended programs that are on the verge of financial collapse and nothing more than glorified Ponzi Schemes.

But I do have to give President Hussein credit. You are inspiring me. You are inspiring me to pay off my mortgage ASAP because who the fuck knows how much longer my job, or Mrs. kkk’s current workplace, will be around. Then again, maybe you already “saved” our jobs with your shit sandwich of a stimulus program. You know, the one that you said if it wasn’t passed right away that we would now be experiencing an 8.5 percent unemployment.

And what was that latest rate? Oh, yeah. 10 percent.

The nation’s unemployment rate hit 10.2 percent in October, reflecting the economic pain of the 16 million jobless Americans, as well as the strain felt by the 138 million others who are working harder to earn their paychecks.

And how the fuck does this reporter know that 138 million employees are “working harder to earn their paychecks?” Good God what a bunch of goboddly gook.

A report issued Friday by the Labor Department said the jobless rate jumped from 9.8 percent in September to its highest level since 1983.

I could rant and rave and talk about how the sky is falling, but what’s the point? I stopped caring long ago. Ever since the Muslim-in-Chief took office I have been more concentrated on becoming debt-free and breaking the shackles of being slave to the lender. Just because our government wants us all to live like Hurricane Katrina refugees doesn’t mean you actually have to.

Spend more than you take in.

Budget your money.

Invest wisely.

For when the financial levees break in Washington, FEMA is going to look like a first-rate organization.

One final note: What a great example of appropriate ad placement.

This Entry Is A Matter Of Life And Death

So here’s a bit of a public service announcement, or the closest I will get to doing one.

For a long time the kkk household didn’t get life insurance. It was always one of those things that could be put off until a later date.

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Err, before I continue let me say something right now — the better half and I are in good health. The cats are fine as well. Back to the story.

About two months ago someone I knew from high school suddenly died. He was in the grade above me, and although we didn’t hang out together Friday nights we knew each other. When I found out he had a wife and five kids suddenly my thoughts turned to what if something happened to me? How would Mrs. kkk make the mortgage payment with just her income? What would she do to make up for the financial contributions I make every two weeks? This sudden jolt of reality made me get off my ass and go through with a pair of half-million 20-year-term policies. One for me, one for her.

So if I stop producing entries, it may be safe to assume the better half mistakenly dropped a banana peel by the top of the basement steps just as I was taking the trash out for the weekly pickup. But seriously, if you haven’t already — get life insurance.

I only hope my former classmate did.

Not Making Midshipman Comments In A Game’s Midstream

Whenever I comment about a game in progress, fortunes typically turn in a way I don’t approve. Because of this, all I’m going to say is I am being thoroughly entertained by the current NBC programming right now as the fourth quarter begins.

Public Transportation Is A Hit

So explain this to me.

Here is the article:

A man trying to catch a Port Authority bus in Oakland fell while running alongside and may have been hit by it, authorities reported Friday afternoon.

Here is the headline:

Would-be passenger hurt trying to catch Port Authority bus in Oakland

Wouldn’t the fact the bus hit him mean that he caught the vehicle?

Falling Off The Cliffs Of Insanity To Find This Song

So for years I’ve had this song stuck in my head and had no idea its title or composer. Now keep in mind it wasn’t stuck in my head 24/7 — that would be the Insane Clown Posse’s “Riddle Box.” Instead, this song would pop in and out a few times each year, and every time I’d go bonkers trying to figure out what the hell this was.

This tune didn’t feature any words. My best guess was that it was an instrumental track. It was often played at sporting events I attended in the early 1990s– always at the start of pre-game warm-ups or something similar. However, despite all my Google searches and inquiries, I could never get any leads on this thing.

That is until today.

What was this song which haunted me all these years? Eric Johnson’s “Cliffs of Dover.”

Awwwww, yeah.

For some reason I thought I heard this song back in the 1980s, but upon doing a Wikipedia search the website said this song was produced in 1990. Makes sense — As a two-year Major Indoor Lacrosse League season-ticket holder during my high school years, I always remember this being played at Pittsburgh Bulls home games. Memories. And these are the good kind you don’t mind remembering.

Wait, you think I’m going to end this entry with a happy thought and warm feelings?

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THE JOKE’S ON YOU~!

We the wicked Juggalos. We juggle those who live like hoes…

Tests Can Drive Someone Crazy

There’s a joke to be made here, but I’m not going to take it.

A woman in South Korea who tried to pass the written exam for a driver’s license with near-daily attempts since April 2005 has finally succeeded on her 950th time. The aspiring driver spent more than 5 million won ($4,200) in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points needed to get behind the wheel for a driving test.

Cha Sa-soon, 68, finally passed the written exam with a score of 60 on Wednesday, said Choi Young-chul, a police official at the drivers’ license agency in Jeonju, 130 miles (210 kilometers) south of Seoul.

Police said Cha took the test hundreds of times, but had no specific total. Local media said she took the test 950 times.

Now she must pass a driving test before getting her license, Choi said.

Repeated calls to Cha seeking comment went unanswered. She told the Korea Times newspaper she needed the license for her vegetable-selling business.

Instead, I’m going to reflect back to when I had to take the written part of my driver’s test four times. I’m looking pretty damn good. Well to be fair, I didn’t study for my first test, I was one question away from passing my second test and the third time I had questions nobody would be able to answer.

I will say this: If she has to get a license for her business, and it’s been FOUR YEARS so far in an attempt to get said license, does she really need to drive for her business to drive? And good God, after 950 times you’d figure she’d pass just on straight-out guessing one of those times.

A Roll In The Hay Isn’t For Horses

Where this guy will be going, he will be the horse…

A 50-year-old South Carolina man was sentenced Wednesday to three years in prison after pleading guilty for a second time within two years to having sex with the same horse.

KKK Of Sam’s Club

So tonight was the monthly trip to Sam’s Club. We budget $100 each month to stock up on bulk items and the better half and I decided to get this month’s visit over with.

We arrived at the store’s entrance and Mrs. kkk discovered that she didn’t have her member card in her purse. I, of course, never bother carrying mine around with me. So we figured this would be a good time for her to get a new card — one that would feature her married name and not her maiden name. After all, we got married in 2005. Better sooner than later.

Anyway, as we were waiting in line at the customer service desk I noticed that the better half had something stuck in-between two of her teeth. After several unsuccessful attempts at getting this stuff off her teeth I gave up and just picked it with my thumbnail. After Mrs. kkk’s picture was taken she proceeded to take a piece of paper and try to pick at that spot in her mouth even more. It was at this time I noticed that the woman standing behind us in line was giving us a look of disgust.

It was at this time I wondered if anyone took a picture of us to post on the “People of Walmart” website.

Fuck.

Then again, we were both dressed in jeans, shirts, shoes, socks and coats. Perhaps the teeth-picking episodes went by too quick for someone to whip out a camera phone.

I’ll probably find out soon enough the next time I visit that place.

By the way, here’s a fun game I like to play while at the website. Whenever I see a picture, I try to guess what state that photo was taken in. I’m wrong way more often than I am right, but it’s entertaining nevertheless.

I Don’t Think The Founders Had Wookies In Mind When Hosting Candy Lines At The White House

And the First Lady didn’t even need to dress up for the occasion.

By the way, who’s the person in the leopard print dress?

Must-See LCD Paperweight

So what’s the latest with the crack-whore sister-in-law? Let me break it down Jeff Foxworthy style.

If you recently received a cash settlement for an accident which was your fault and used part of the settlement money for a 42-inch flat-screen TV that you put in your ragtag apartment only to have your electricity shut off a month later (thus making the TV an expensive paperweight) … you might be my crack-whore sister-in-law.

Three’s A Crowd, Four Requires A License

So let I get this straight:

A Massachusetts town has made it illegal to own more than three cats without getting a $50 residential kennel license. Voters at a town meeting in Dudley added language to a town bylaw on Monday night in response to a neighborhood feud over the 15 cats owned by Mary Ellen Richards.

It’s now illegal in one Massachusetts town to own more than three cats without getting a special license. But when you want the same treatment applied to humans, people brand you a whackjob.

Night Of The Sparse Trick-Or-Treaters

You know, there was quite a bit of downtime while waiting for trick-or-treaters on Halloween night. So what did I do to pass the time?

I decided to watch “Night of the Living Dead.” The original version.

I’m not a huge zombie fan. In fact, I think these Night/Dawn/Day movies are extremely overrated. But I’m not here to hate. (At least not on this topic.) Out of Night/Dawn/Day, Night is by far my favorite, but there is one thing that always eluded me. For whatever reason, I have always missed out on the first 15-20 minutes of this film. I seem to turn on this movie whenever that blonde-hair chick is in the house with the black guy. However, now having finally seen the opening to this film, it makes the scene when the blonde-hair chick gets caught by her brother — especially now that I know who he is.

I saw this movie a number of times as a kid, and last week was the first time in probably about 20 years I watched it since my pre-teen years. Now when you watch something after a number of years you tend to notice things you didn’t before. This was one of those times. As a kid I always liked the black guy and felt bad when he got shot at the end. But as I watched this movie for the first time in decades I kept thinking to myself, “what an asshole.”

I’m not saying the black guy was a villian or that the bald white guy (the antagonist of the group) was a hero. Actually, that’s one of the things I like about this movie — there really aren’t any “heroes,” in my opinion. There are just some people in a fucked-up situation. I just find it funny that after all these years my opinion of the main character took such a dramatic turn.

And mad props for Greensburg for being part of the bottom-of-the-screen text when the newscast was listing safe havens. We cling bitterly to our guns out here in Westmoreland County.

Once again, I’m sure this film is loaded with social commentary — especially since it was made in the late 1960s. I just don’t really give a shit. Want some actual detailed analysis? Peep this place. I have no idea who this person is, but he knows a shitload more about “Night of the Living Dead” than I do.

Not Having A Blast With Islamic Holy Sites

Don’t you know that blowing up Islamic shrines in the movies is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?

So Roland Emmerich’s new movie is called “2012,” but it should be titled “Dude, Where’s my Balls.”

In the flick, the director enlists every CGI trick in the book to destroy various religious icons– including the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter’s Basilica and the Christ the Redeemer statue. And for those of you who worship at the altar of President Hussein, the White House gets nailed as well.

But there was one thing missing among the carnage: an Islamic target.

According to Sci Fi Wire, by way of Cinematical.com, this was no accident. In an interview, the director said he hoped to destroy the Kaaba, an Islamic holy site, but his fellow screenwriter Harald Kloser persuaded him not to.

Here’s what the hack had to say about crushing the Kaaba:

“Well, I wanted to do that… but my co-writer Harald said I will not have a fatwa on my head because of a movie. And he was right. … We have to all … in the Western world … think about this. You can actually … let … Christian symbols fall apart, but if you would do this with [an] Arab symbol, you would have … a fatwa, and that sounds a little bit like what the state of this world is. So it’s just something which I kind of didn’t [think] was [an] important element anyway in the film, so I kind of left it out.”

Now if Muslims didn’t want to be part of a Roland Emmerich movie, then I would sympathize. However, there were no jihads issued in “ID4” when they worked hand-in-hand with Jews. And while I’m on this subject, I’m still trying to figure out how that one alien ship got shot down in Africa. The people featured in that scene didn’t exactly have the latest technology when it came to firepower.

Illegal Contact On Cable?

Cable? A mean streak? Who would have thought?

The National Organization for Women called on the Oakland Raiders to suspend coach Tom Cable while the team investigates allegations he has a history of violent behavior toward women.

NOW president Terry O’Neill praised the Raiders in a statement for undertaking a “serious evaluation” of charges made by Cable’s first wife, Sandy Cable, and former girlfriend, Marie Lutz, that the coach physically abused them at various times during their relationships.

But she said that Cable should be suspended while that investigation proceeds. The Raiders had no comment.

“This is the National Football League. Boys and girls around the country, as well as many women, look to the leaders of the NFL as our role models,” O’Neill said in a phone interview. “Why would the NFL tolerate having a man who admits to having battered his wife.”

Cable has acknowledged striking Sandy Cable with an open hand more than 20 years ago and said it was the only time he’s ever touched a woman inappropriately. Marie Lutz accused Cable of assaulting her as recently as last January, but Cable said previously he was cleared by police of any wrongdoing in that case.

“I take the accusations very seriously,” O’Neill said. “What you have is a man who seems to be a person who habitually uses violence to get what he wants. That’s what batterers do.”

Of course no professional athlete/coach has EVER been accused of abusing women in the past. I put NOW in the same league as the ACLU, NAACP and those little annoying dogs that run away from you once you turn to them and their yapping.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Wait a second, the mother AND daughter were convicted of stealing? And how old are they?

A woman and her daughter held signs outside a western Pennsylvania courthouse earlier today saying they stole a gift card from a 9-year-old girl on her birthday.

Bedford County District Attorney Bill Higgins says that in exchange for 56-year-old Evelyn Border and 35-year-old Tina Griekspoor, both of Bedford, agreeing to hold the signs, he’ll ask for probation instead of jail when they plead guilty.

The signs read: “I stole from a 9-year-old girl on her birthday! Don’t steal or this could happen to you!” The mother and daughter were outside the court for 4 1/2 hours, until 1:30 this afternoon.

Higgins says they swiped a gift card which the girl set on a shelf while a WalMart employee helped her.

You know, if I would have seen the names of my 40-something crack-whore sister-in-law and her 22-year-old crack-whore daughter, I wouldn’t have batted an eye.

Election 2009

About damn time there was a win in the War on Terror.