Archive for September 2009
This Discrimination Case Has My Interest
Here we go again. A bunch of whiny bitches suing over being discriminated against due to their skin color. Will you people shut the fuck up already? I’m tired of this shit. Tired tired tired.
Federal prosecutors have announced a settlement with a Los Angeles-based bank that was sued along with two auto dealerships for allegedly charging non-Asian customers higher interest rates on car loans.
Wait, wha-? Let me read that again.
…for allegedly charging non-Asian customers higher interest rates on car loans.
Hey… THAT’S ME!!!!!!!!!!
Stick it to them, federal prosecutors!
Now where’s my cut of the loot?
Assault Over A Misdiagnosed Pepa
So the other day the following song played on the television.
The better half then made a comment about this song. Can’t remember what it was about, but the phrase, “this isn’t rap” was used.
I then said a few things which contained the phrase, “bitch u serious?”
How the hell does she gather that Salt ‘n Pepa wasn’t a rap group? The Beastie Boys I can understand. Cypress Hill I can understand. I may not agree with this sentiment, but I can understand where someone is coming from.
But Salt ‘n Pepa? What was her reasoning? “They played this song at my junior high dances.”
Oh that makes a ton of sense. I then had another song playing, this time in my mind.
Top KK’s Korner Searches For 9/29/09
belly punching girls ru
girls round belly button
little girls belly buttons
loon muslim picture
Petitioning Roman From Reality
So not too long ago Roman Polanski got busted and now may face trial in the U.S. for boinking a 13-year old.
On September 26, 2009, Polanski was arrested by Swiss police at Zürich Airport while trying to enter Switzerland, in relation to his outstanding 1978 U.S. arrest warrant. Polanski had hoped to attend the Zurich Film Festival to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award.
Naturally, the liberalHollywoodliberals are dong some “Free Roman Polanski” petition. Here are some of the terrorists people who signed this thing.
Fatih Akin, Stephane Allagnon, Woody Allen, Pedro Almodovar, Wes Anderson, Jean-Jacques Annaud, Alexandre Arcady, Fanny Ardant, Asia Argento, Darren Aronofsky, Olivier Assayas, Alexander Astruc, Gabriel Auer, Luc Barnier , Christophe Barratier, Xavier Beauvois , Liria Begeja , Gilles Behat, Jean-Jacques Beineix, Marco Bellochio, Monica Bellucci, Djamel Bennecib, Giuseppe Bertolucci , Patrick Bouchitey, Paul Boujenah, Jacques Bral, Patrick Braoudé, André Buytaers, Christian Carion, Henning Carlsen, Jean-michel Carre, Mathieu Celary, Patrice Chéreau, Elie Chouraqui, Souleymane Cissé, Alain Corneau, Jérôme Cornuau, Miguel Courtois, Dominique Crevecoeur, Alfonso Cuaron, Luc et Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Jonathan Demme, Alexandre Desplat, Rosalinde et Michel Deville, Georges Dybman, Jacques Fansten, Joël Farges, Gianluca Farinelli (Cinémathèque de de Bologne), Etienne Faure, Michel Ferry, Scott Foundas, Stephen Frears, Thierry Frémaux, Sam Gabarski, René Gainville, Tony Gatlif, Costa Gavras, Jean-Marc Ghanassia, Terry Gilliam, Christian Gion, Marc Guidoni, Buck Henry, David Heyman, Laurent Heynemann, Robert Hossein, Jean-Loup Hubert, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Gilles Jacob, Just Jaeckin, Alain Jessua, Pierre Jolivet, Kent Jones (World Cinema Foundation), Roger Kahane, Nelly Kaplan, Wong Kar Waï, Ladislas Kijno, Harmony Korinne, Jan Kounen, Diane Kurys, Emir Kusturica, John Landis, Claude Lanzmann, André Larquié, Vinciane Lecocq, Patrice Leconte, Claude Lelouch, Gérard Lenne, David Lynch, Michael Mann, François Margolin, Jean-PierreMarois, Tonie Marshall, Mario Martone, Nicolas Mauvernay, Radu Mihaileanu, Claude Miller, Mario Monicelli, Jeanne Moreau, Sandra Nicolier, Michel Ocelot, Alexander Payne, Richard Pena (Directeur Festival de NY), Michele Placido, Philippe Radault, Jean-Paul Rappeneau, Raphael Rebibo, Yasmina Reza, Jacques Richard, Laurence Roulet, Walter Salles, Jean-Paul Salomé, Marc Sandberg, Jerry Schatzberg, Julian Schnabel, Barbet Schroeder, Ettore Scola, Martin Scorsese, Charlotte Silvera, Abderrahmane Sissako, Paolo Sorrentino, Guillaume Stirn, Tilda Swinton, Jean-Charles Tacchella, Radovan Tadic, Danis Tanovic, Bertrand Tavernier, Cécile Telerman, Alain Terzian, Pascal Thomas, Giuseppe Tornatore, Serge Toubiana, Nadine Trintignant, Tom Tykwer, Alexandre Tylski, Betrand Van Effenterre, Wim Wenders.
The hell — Who are these people? Woody Allen I understand. I saw Michael Mann and Martin Scorsese, but most of these other names all just run together.
Anyway, why am I posting this? Well, because I may support this petition from the liberalHollywoodliberals if it includes a clause that Mr. Polanski will be supported so long as he refrains from starting his own reality show during any possible trial/confinement.
The Heat Is Off
Well today I turned the HVAC switch thingy on my big machine that makes the house stay cool or warm from “AC” to “Heat.”
Fall is officially here for the kkk household.
And as you can tell, I’m an expert on household appliances and other big shiny objects.
Nanny State Turns Attention To Baby-Sitting
Ever since anyone with a shred of common sense decided to live out in the suburbs, we’ve been told by social critics that we no longer live in “communities.” Everyone just looks out for him/herself. There’s no sense of “community” anymore.
IRVING TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) – Each day before the school bus comes to pick up the neighborhood’s children, Lisa Snyder did a favor for three of her fellow moms, welcoming their children into her home for about an hour before they left for school.
Regulators who oversee child care, however, don’t see it as charity. Days after the start of the new school year, Snyder received a letter from the Michigan Department of Human Services warning her that if she continued, she’d be violating a law aimed at the operators of unlicensed day care centers.
“I was freaked out. I was blown away,” she said. “I got on the phone immediately, called my husband, then I called all the girls”—that is, the mothers whose kids she watches—”every one of them.”
Are you kidding me?
Snyder’s predicament has led to a debate in Michigan about whether a law that says no one may care for unrelated children in their home for more than four weeks each calendar year unless they are licensed day-care providers needs to be changed. It also has irked parents who say they depend on such friendly offers to help them balance work and family.
Led to a DEBATE?! The only debate should be the level of stupidity this law achieves. I’m sure this law was created because someone had a house full of crumb snatchers all locked in closets, but we’re all not from Detroit.
And now the picture becomes a more clear.
Snyder learned that the agency was responding to a neighbor’s complaint.
Some neighbor probably got annoyed by having kids nearby early in the morning and called to complain. And what did the State do? Send a letter with no attempt to figure out what was really going on.
Granholm spokeswoman Liz Boyd said the agency was following standard procedure in its response. “But we feel this (law) really gets in the way of common sense,” Boyd said.
And who suffers? Take a guess.
Snyder said she stopped watching the other children immediately after receiving the letter, which was well within the four-week period.
You know, for years the rest of the country used to make fun of California for all the zany things that state used to do. Now I think that honor has gone to Michigan.
Eric B. Is On The KKKut
So I’ve always meant to get Eric B. & Rakim’s “Paid in Full” album. I’m all about the old school, and this is one of the most notable albums of the late 1980s. However, I haven’t been in a big hurry to get this album; think of it as one of those “whenever I get around to it” type of deals. Well, on Friday when I was at the used CD store I saw it and snatched this bad boy up.
Why am I talking about this? Well I took a look at the front cover and couldn’t help but laugh.
The album says “Paid in Full” and they are holding five $20 bills. Oh my God. That’s hilarious. I know $100 bought you more back then than it does today, but come on now. Then again, Eric B. and Rakim had a shitload of gold. I wonder how much their jewelry has increased in value since then?
Maybe they could join the G-man in pimping this sought-after metal.
Lions Win! Lions Win!
Well it looks like Washington bailed out Detroit … again.
19-14. I’m sure glad I’m not Jim Zorn this week, even though I love the name.
Man I’m sure that was a fun game to watch. Couldn’t have been worse than the shit-tastic Browns/Ravens blowout in my market. Then again, the Lions game didn’t have the awesomeness of GUS JOHNSON~!
Getting Into The Political Ring
World Wrestling Entertainment Inc. says Linda McMahon is stepping down as its chief executive to seek the Republican nomination for the U.S. Senate seat from Connecticut now held by Democrat Christopher Dodd.
You know what? Go for it. I don’t care anymore. At least she has succeeded in the private sector.
The 60-year-old McMahon is up against three other Republicans – former U.S. Rep. Rob Simmons…>
Wait, wha-? Faarooq’s a Republican?
Wait, that’s RON Simmons.
Forget about the plethora of old WWF/E footage that can be used against her, I’ll take the McMahons over the Kennedys any day of the week. Hell, I’d love to have Vince in charge of things. Sure his
employeesindependent contractors die off after a few years, but it’ll all be worth it just to hear him say the following to Chris Dodd or President Hussein on election night:
Top KK’s Korner Searches For 9/16/09
teenage girls belly buttons
belly button fingering
girl lying on belly
shovel slogans
Homophobe *Insert Ethnic Slur*
So my policy on talking to people that comment at KK’s Korner is this: Have something negative to say? Don’t care. But I can’t let the following go by unnoticed.
In my entry titled “R U Wit Dis Theory, Yo?”, I entertained the notion that graphic artists, not rappers, were the ones coming up with the latest hip-hop slang. The following comment was waiting for my approval this morning:
you’re an idiot but thanx for turning me onto a new band. fag racist
L to the O to the mother phuckin’ L.
From one of my favorite movies: Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood:
At the 5:45 mark.
Loc Dog: Hey, Preach, what up nigga?
Preach: Y’all need to stop using the word nigga. You see, it’s terms like the word nigga that the white man uses to take away the self esteem of another race.
Ashtray: Word.
Preach: Oh yeah, remind me to pick my laundry up from that chink motherfucker up the street.
If you can’t get the connection by now, then don’t bother.
And for the record, Guerillas In Tha Mist is a decent album. The first half of the album is pretty damn solid. The second half tails off a bit, but there’s a lot worse out there.
However, the group’s second album isn’t as good. Still entertaining if you’re in a kill whitey mood. The “King of the Jungle” track is hilarious because it takes the original “George of the Jungle” theme song and funks it up, yo.
Here is the original theme song.
Now here’s George gone gangsta.
Another of the group’s better efforts: The album’s self-titled track.
Buck buck buck dropping verses casting curses.
Throwing these hexes on the devils with the treble. (Or is it “trouble”? I’m going with the former.)
Sometimes you’re just in a mood to go after whitey…
Exit, Stage West
Kanye West doesn’t care about white country singers.
Kanye West gave a performance that will never be forgotten at the MTV Video Music Awards, but unfortunately for him, it had nothing to do with his music.
The rapper stormed on stage to unleash an astonishing rant during an acceptance speech by country starlet Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards last night.
The 19-year-old singer, who was collecting Best Female Video for You Belong To Me, was left humiliated as West snatched the microphone from her hands.
He turned to the audience and shouted that the gong should have gone to his big friend Beyonce, for Single Ladies.
The hip hop star, who had been swigging Hennessy cognac on the red carpet earlier in the night, was booed roundly by the celebrity-packed audience of thousands.
Well for that matter neither do I.
Just once I’d like to see someone “Mike Curtis” one of these idiots that rush the stage.
And no matter how much you try, Kanye, you’ll never come close to Ol’ Dirty Bastard.
Wu-Tang is for the children.
His Airness
I don’t pay much attention to Hall of Fame inductions/speeches, but today on Pardon the Interruption Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon were talking about this speech and if it was petty or not.
My interest perked.
The two PTI hosts then began talking about how people always accused of MJ of being too corporate and too vanilla, yet these two NEVER mentioned one thing Jordan talked about. Hmmm, Tony and Michael like what Jordan said but won’t report on what he said. Was Jordan talking about the recent CommieCare protests? How about HATE RADIO? The confederate flag? What did he talk about?
Awesome. If I knew MJ was as bitter and vindictive during his playing days as he was during his Hall of Fame speech I would have been a fan of his long ago.
I now LOVE this guy. Seriously.
Please note this is coming from someone that owned a BILL LAIMBEER jersey back in the 1990s.
Now I’m Ghost Like Swayze
So I saw the following headline on Drudge which linked to this story.
Patrick Swayze Dies… Developing…
What more can be “developed”? He had cancer. He fought it. He passed away.
If I may use another contemporary urban term (peep my entry’s headline for the first phrase), peace out.
Oh who am I kidding? Contemporary. This was used back in the 1990s. No idea what the kids are saying these days.
Stalking A Patridge From A Pear Tree
OK, I’m going to put my awesome awareness of pop culture on display. When I first read this sentence…
A Los Angeles court has granted Audrina Partridge a temporary restraining order from a man recently arrested outside the actress’ home.
My first thought was, “The hell? The Partridge Family show ended decades ago. Why is someone stalking the mom?”
Court records show a judge granted protection to Patridge, one of the stars of the MTV series “The Hills,” on Thursday.
Sigh.
Not Much Change At The Quickie Mart
This story brings back memories of my time at the Quickie Mart.
Delaware State Police said a woman punched a gas station clerk in the face and held scissors to his throat in a dispute over how much money she had given him. The clerk at the Country Farms on West Newport Pike told police that a 53-year-old woman asked for $20 of gas, but only gave him a $1 bill. The clerk said the woman, certain that she had given him a $20 bill, screamed at him when he refused to give her $20.
Then police said the woman stormed behind the counter, punched the clerk in the face and held scissors to his throat. At that point, he gave the woman two $10 bills.
I didn’t get into any confrontations like this … well, at least not over money. Actually, most of my money fights came while working at the theater, but that’s another story for another time. The closest I came while at the Quickie Mart was with some bitch who paid for $10 of gas with a $20 and left with the $10 on the counter. We were working from a trailer while the actual store was getting remodled and because the door was about 10 feet from the register I didn’t notice the money on the counter until after she left. Being the model citizen I am was I just put it aside and waited for her return. She returned and I gave her the money back. I can’t remember what I said to her, but I know it wasn’t sarcastic or nasty. However, her response to me was, “Well that’s because you’re so slow.” This was her reason why she didn’t take her $10. The funniest part about this is that at most places I’ve worked I’ve ALWAYS been one of the fastest, if not the fastest, cashier to give change. Hey, I don’t want to deal with the customers any more than I have to.
Oh, and here’s the best part of the article I linked to:
As the woman drove away, police said she found the $20 bill in her purse and returned to the gas station. Police said she was arrested and charged with offensive touching and aggravated menacing.
As the woman drove away, police said she found the $20 bill in her purse and returned to the gas station. Police said she was arrested and charged with offensive touching and aggravated menacing.
It’s Hard Being A Pimp
What’s the big deal? Everybody knows pimpin’ ain’t easy.
The community organizing group ACORN has fired two employees at its Baltimore office who were seen on hidden-camera video giving advice to a man posing as a pimp and a woman pretending to be a prostitute, as some legal experts raise questions over whether the employees broke the law.
The staffers appeared to commit federal tax fraud by offering to help them — for a fee — to establish a child brothel, legal experts say.
In a video made public Thursday, two visitors to an ACORN office in Baltimore told staffers they needed assistance securing housing where the woman, a 20-year-old who called herself “Kenya,” could continue to run her prostitution business.
An ACORN official told the couple how to falsify tax forms and seek illegal benefits for 13 “very young” girls from El Salvador that they said they wanted to import as prostitutes.
Though no tax forms were filed and the child prostitutes didn’t exist, the ACORN official engaged in “numerous acts of criminal facilitation,” said Judge Andrew Napolitano, FOX News senior judicial analyst.
I guess I could make a joke about who’s the “pimp” of ACORN and the name of the prostitution princess, but I’ll give this one a pass.
Oh who am I kidding?
More School Tax Fun
Here’s an update to the tax situation I talked about earlier this week.
Turns out the culprit isn’t the Tax man but rather the bank which has our mortgage. Earlier this year Bank of America bought our loan and proceeded to screw something up which proved we paid our property taxes. It also turns out that Bank of America did that with about 900 other local residents.
Oops.
So now we are going from dealing with a hick tax office with a six-hour workday/four-day workweek to a national bank phone directory system. W00t~!
This Controversy Isn’t Ovary
Once again, real life shows that anything can be linked to a South Park episode.
THE controversy over gender row champion runner Caster Semenya deepened today — after reports claimed sex swap tests have shown she is a HERMAPHRODITE.
South African gold-medallist Semenya, 18, has both male and female organs, it was claimed.
And sources close to the International Association of Athletics Federations — who ordered extensive tests on the teen after her amazing 800m win at the World Athletics Championships last month — say the results mean she could still be stripped of her medal.
Semenya is claimed to have NO womb or ovaries — and has internal testes, the male sexual organs which produce testosterone.
My Speling/Grammer Is Gooder Then You’res
A French essayist has launched a one-man crusade against France’s arcane spelling rules, coming out at 75 as a dictionary dunce and insisting it is a doomed art in the age of the text message.
As millions of French children file back to class for the new school year, Francois de Closets, a prominent writer, journalist and TV presenter, decided to admit his shortcomings in a pamphlet called “Zero Mistakes.”
“Lots of countries have problems with their spelling. What makes France different is that we have elevated spelling to the status of a cult,” he told AFP. “People who can’t spell are stigmatised.”
“Make a mistake on science or geography and people will forgive you. But an accent in the wrong place, and it’s as if you’ve insulted the cross or Allah…”
Uh oh. He put the cross ahead of Allah. Don’t you know that’s one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
…Closets says many French adults live in fear…
So what’s new?
…of a hiccup — in a letter, a job resume or an email — that will harm them in the eyes of an employer, a client or even a friend.
Well no shit. Americans live in fear of screwing up a resume. And if I had a friend who got pissed off because of a type-o, then good riddance.
Hammering home the point, French newspapers gleefully printed details this month of a press pack from the new education minister, Luc Chatel, that was riddled with gross errors.
Poor example. Picking out mistakes from the education minister’s press pack is fair game. The media often use that stupid “spelling in content” (sic) notation on people they don’t like when correcting their writing/speech in an article.
With the advent of email and text messaging, where teenagers the world over chop up and subvert words as a sign of rebellion, Closets is convinced the days of classical spelling are numbered.
“I think we are at a crucial turning point,” he told AFP.
“People are writing more and more — in emails, blogs or text messages. But nowadays writing is not about laying down words in stone — it is about conversation, it is a flux, not something intended to last.”
Rather than fight the tide, he would like to see electronic spellcheckers handed out in schools, and for some of the more bizarre words in the dictionary to be simplified.
OK, now I do agree with him about blogs/texts/etc. Shit, most of the mistakes I find in KK’s Korner usually come days after an entry gets posted. But here’s the thing: KK’s Korner is a stupid (and I mean stupid) blog that I just type stuff out, oftentimes without a second thought. Whenever I actually used to write for a paycheck, I was MUCH more meticulous.
KK’s Korner < paying the mortgage.
But as for the spellcheckers and simplified "bizarre" words. N*gga plz. Then again, I was a kid when the big debate about calculators being allowed in the classroom was going on so what do I know?
Oh hell no.
They have produced a series of booklets calling for hundreds of everyday words to be brought closer to phonetic spelling, with double letters and silent endings excised.
Look, the written word is a hard thing to master. And frankly, if you get butthurt about hanging prepositions and dangling modifiers, then go join your hippie friends at some coffee store and jerk off to NPR.
I’ve never been much of a grammar Nazi. If you can convey your message to your audience, and your audience is informed/entertained/etc., then you did your job.
And now for the voice of reason in all this.
But teachers and linguists reacted coolly, arguing that ironing out spelling oddities will not help those children who misspell because they lack a basic grasp of grammar, and how words and concepts fit together.
“Writing is the wisdom of language. Good, grammatical spelling is a sign of clear thinking,” argued the linguist Alain Bentollia in Le Figaro newspaper.
Preach on, Alain. Then again, that whole concepts/clear thinking mumbo jumbo pretty much shoots down anything I have typed up at KK’s Korner. 😦
He Stole Her Purse, She Stole His Heart
There are some stories where you just keep quiet and let the reader read on. This is one such tale.
A US robber who went back to the scene of the crime to ask his victim out on a date was arrested after the woman chatted with him while her cousin called police.
Diana Martinez was parked in front of her Columbus, Ohio, apartment when three men pointed a gun at her head and stole her purse and her friend’s wallet, local media report.
Martinez screamed and hit one of the men with her car door. They fled when a nearby neighbor threatened them.
But less than an hour later, Martinez spotted one of the men leaning against a banister overlooking the parking lot.
“He asked if I had a boyfriend,” Diana Martinez told 10TV News.
Then he asked her out.
“We are not exactly sure what he was thinking at the time,” said Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird.
Stephfon Bennett, 20, was charged with aggravated robbery, the station reported. The other two men remain at large.
Idolizing Ellen?
I have nothing against Ellen, but how the hell did she get this gig?
Ellen DeGeneres is dancing her way into the fourth judge’s seat on “American Idol.” Fox announced Wednesday the talk show host and comedian, who admittedly has no formal music experience other than a passion for tunes, would join Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi for the ninth season starting in January.
Please note when I say I have nothing against Ellen, that doesn’t necessarily mean I think she’s even remotely funny. With that being said, I thought she did a great job voice-acting in “Finding Nemo.”
Comcastic Service
You know, for as much shit as the cable companies get, I have always had a positive experience with them. First it was Comcast in Sappy Valley. Then it was Time-Warner in Ohio. Then it was Comcast again.
I was on some discounted bundle package for the past three years: Internet/phone/cable for a discounted price. When this package was set to expire in August I called the Comcast people to find out when my promotion will expire. I was told the end of September and that the last billing statement which will feature the discounted price will tell me this is the last statement which will have the discounted price.
Guess what my most recent billing statement had? Yep, the non-discounted price. No warning.
This evening I called Comcast and told them what happened. I was calm. I was rational. I had my last three bills out in front of me, and I told the customer service representative everything that on each statement. Turns out the promotional package expired in August and that my previous billing statement should have noted this. It didn’t. Comcast was viewing my billing statement from their end and the sales representative said that I was correct and that there wasn’t any notification on the bill.
So I got another discounted package that will be prorated on the next billing statement. End of story.
Yeah, Comcast fucked up. But they fixed the problem. Believe it or not, most of the time sometimes I’m not an asshole.
Giving Pryor A Pass On This One
Well, in Terrelle’s defense, he did live in Jeannette.
During No. 6 Ohio State’s narrow 31-27 victory over Navy on Saturday, Pryor had the word “Vick” on the eyeblack sticker under his left eye. Under his right eye was “Mika” which he said referred to his sister. Vick served 18 months in federal prison for his involvement in a dogfighting ring before signing with the Philadelphia Eagles last month.
“I always looked up to Mike Vick and I always will, because I still think he is one of the best quarterbacks,” Pryor said. “I love Mike Vick…”
…”I know what happened with him and, I mean, I don’t want to talk much,” Pryor said. “I’m just going to be very short and sweet with it but I just feel he made his mistake and I think he just needs more support.”
“Not everybody is the perfect person in the world,” Pryor said of Vick. “Everyone does — kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me. I just feel that people need to give him a chance.”
Here’s all you need to know about Jeannette. The gutter trash that we adopted Bella out to live there, in addition to my welfare trash relatives. (The toothless Mexican clan, for those old-skkkool enough to remember those stories from the other place.
Selected Random Thoughts From This 33-Year-Old
Yikes. I’m almost reaching the tail-end of the XX-35-year-old demographic. Pretty soon I’ll be some miserable old bastard telling those damn kids to stop skateboarding on the sidewalks. Oh who the hell am I kidding? I’m there already.
Anyway, here’s the entire list of “Random thoughts from 25-35 year olds.” It’s actually a cute little rundown of things. Below are my favorites with kkk-ommentary in boldface.
– I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font. (But how would you know if someone was using it in a serious way?)
-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
– I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
– Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
– I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
– Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies.” (I’ve actually trained myself at work to use names for this one: V as in Victoria, N as in Nancy, etc.)
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
– MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
– I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
– “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
– As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
No Health Care? You’ll Be Just Fined
This will turn out well.
Americans would be fined up to $3,800 for failing to buy health insurance under a plan that circulated in Congress on Tuesday as divisions among Democrats undercut President Hussein’s effort to regain traction on his health care overhaul.
Yeah, fine the lazy and stupid for not getting health insurance. WHO DO YOU THINK VOTED FOR YOU LAST YEAR PRESIDENT HUSSEIN?
I’m sure this will really be enacted — just like how invaders to this country will not be covered. Riiiiiiight.
The latest proposal: a ten-year, $900-billion bipartisan compromise that Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., a moderate who heads the influential Finance Committee, was trying to broker. It would guarantee coverage for nearly all Americans, regardless of medical problems.
After some blahblahblah this paragraph shows up.
Some experts…
HA — remember what I just said about the use of “some/many/etc.”?
…consider the $900-billion price tag a relative bargain because the country now spends about $2.5 trillion a year on health care. But it would require hefty fees on insurers, drug companies and others in the health care industry to help pay for it.
Yeah, I’m sure $900 billion over the next 10 years will be the final price tag. I may be dumb but I’m not stupid.
Baucus would offer tax credits to help pay premiums for households making up to three times the poverty level, and for small employers paying about average middle-class wages. People working for companies that offer coverage could avoid the fines by signing up.
And what, pray tell, are “average middle-class wages”? What you make in “middle class” San Francisco ain’t the same as “middle class” Jacksonville.
For shame. I like Baucus, too.
You know, when it’s all said and done, President Hussein and pals will probably get something passed. It could be a fraction of the commie shit they wank to late at night. It doesn’t matter. Once the infection is planted it will eventually spread, and over time their utopia will be in place.
I can’t pay my house off fast enough.
Some People Think This Story Is Stupid
Osama’s back-to-school speech inspires some kids
On the very first day of the school year, 12-year-old Mileena Rodriguez was reminded by President Hussein himself that hard work can take you places.Mileena listened to Osama’s plea to study hard and stay in school Tuesday, watching along with several of her classmates at Thurgood Marshall Elementary School and students across the country. For all the hubbub among adults over the back-to-school speech, many youngsters took the president’s message to heart.
Here’s my question. How the hell does this reporterette know that “many youngsters took the president’s message to heart”? Then again, this reporterette is using an old journalism trick. “Many” is an arbitruary figure, as is “some,” which was used in the headline. You could have 95 people out of 100 agree on something, and if the agreed-upon subject is something the surrounding media don’t like the coverage will disproportionally be slanted to the five with their panties in a knot.
Oh, and this cracked me up, too.
“He said that we’re the future, and he’s right,” said Mileena, who wants to be a forensic scientist. “That’s a president telling you, `I care about you getting your education.’ Just imagine what kids like us can do if we actually listen.”
As opposed to the presidents that didn’t want you to become jack shit. Then again, there was Andrew Jackson. He wasn’t too fond of people of color.
Taxman Giveth, Taxman Taketh A Lunch Break
So the kkk household got a letter from the place that deals with our property taxes. Turns out our local tax collector hasn’t been giving these people some paperwork showing that we have indeed been paying our property taxes. Now for as much as I’m sure President Hussein would like to foreclose on my cracker ass and include me as part of his unwashed masses looking to him for food, clothing and shelter, I hate to tell him and his minions that I have been dutifully paying my property taxes, you punk-ass-bitches…
…what the hell am I talking about? Oh, yeah. The local government.
So while I was out grocery shopping, the better half tried contact my wonderful tax collectors to get the 4-1-1 on this story. She found out that these people work 9 am – 4 pm Tuesday through Friday and get an hour’s lunch break. Nice “work” if you can get it.
(Brain)Washing Your Hands
Interesting. President Hussein told students the following in his whatever-you-want-to-call-it event.
Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.
But yet this is the same terrorist that got all butthurt when W. practiced good hygiene on him.
President Bush and President-elect Hussein are probably hoping their meeting Monday goes better than their first get-together, which left a bad taste in the mouths of both men.
Four years ago, Osama and other newly elected members of the Senate were invited to the White House for a breakfast meeting with Bush, who pulled the young Chicagoan aside.
“Osama!” Bush exclaimed, according to Osama’s account of the meeting in his second memoir, “The Audacity of Hope.” “Come here and meet Laura. Laura, you remember Osama. We saw him on TV during election night. Beautiful family. And that wife of yours — that’s one impressive lady.”
The two men shook hands and then, according to Osama, Bush turned to an aide, “who squirted a big dollop of hand sanitizer in the president’s hand.”
Bush then offered some to Osama, who recalled: “Not wanting to seem unhygienic, I took a squirt.”
You tell the kiddies about this?
Easy Like Sunday Night
So today I have off work. Makes sense to me. Celebrate America’s workers by … having a day off. Whatever.
While I really don’t do much during these Mondays off, I like these three-day weekends. In fact my favorite part of the whole thing is staying up late Sunday night. I don’t know why but for some reason when I’ve worked conventional hours or went to school Monday-Friday, the idea of staying up late Sunday night was always an appealing concept. The nights seemed calmer. The time went by slower. Sure stay up and watch the entire football game — and the post-game comments. After all, you can sleep in tomorrow.
You Just Got Van J-OWNED
Well, on the bright side, at least Mr. Jones has another thing to blame whitey for.
The resignation of Osama administration figure Van Jones, following controversies over a petition he had signed and his comments about Republicans, did not come at the request of the president, the White House senior adviser said Sunday.
Freedom From Speech
When Greensburg Salem School District airs a tape of President Hussein’s speech to the nation’s school children, Alicia Contic’s three kids won’t be among the viewers.
“If I want my child to watch it, we’ll do it at home,” said Contic, 41, of Greensburg. “If you want to keep religion out of school, you need to keep politics out of school.”
While the White House said Osama simply wants to speak to children to encourage them to work hard, set educational goals and take responsibility for their learning, some opponents believe it is a way to reach children about his administration’s policy agenda.
Strong feelings over Osama’s planned speech at noon Tuesday have school districts deciding how best to air the speech, if at all. None reached yesterday said they would air the speech live.
Some officials said it was a matter of logistics, because the speech will be occurring during the lunch hour. Others cited the need to review the speech to see if it is appropriate for all grade levels.
All indicated they had heard from parents who did not want their children to watch the speech either live or on tape…
After some more blahblahblah, I get to my favorite part.
Uniontown Area won’t show the speech at all.
“We don’t plan on altering the academic day in any way,” Superintendent Charles Machesky said. “If parents want their children to see it, we’re advising that they tape it. We received several calls, but we told them we had no plans to alter the academic day.”
Hahahahha. Take that President Hussein. If you want to propagandize the fine people of Westmoreland County, you’re going to have to do it through your lame-ass prime-time speaking events. And even then we have the power of cable to tune your ass out. But don’t worry though, I’m sure you have enough minions in the government school system to give the kids a day-in and day-out brainwashing.
Top KK’s Korner Searches For 9/5/09
muscular women
crazy reverse calendar “two fridays”
wookie in the kitchen
College Playing Career Cold-Clocked
You know, I thought the punishment was a bit harsh for this, especially when he was taunted by the other player.
A day after Oregon’s college football season opened, it ended for running back LeGarrette Blount. Blount was suspended for all remaining games on Friday for punching Boise State defensive end Byron Hout in the jaw following the 16th-ranked Ducks’ 19-8 loss to the 14th-ranked Broncos the night before.
Because he is a senior, Blount’s playing days in Eugene are over.
But after seeing video of him getting involved with the fans at the game, along with this tidbit found later in the above-mentioned article:
In February, Blount was suspended indefinitely from the team for “failure to fulfill team obligations.” Bellotti did not share details, but Blount reportedly missed offseason team meetings.
I have a feeling there’s more to this story.
Oh, and on an similar note. This pre-game hippie handshaking going on is stupid.
College football teams are planning to start the season off on a courteous note.
As part of a sportsmanship initiative, the American Football Coaches Association and NCAA are encouraging schools to arrange teamwide handshakes on the field before kickoff.
Grant Teaff, executive director of the AFCA, says college football players and teams are in a pressure-packed environment and that encouraging respect and sportsmanship is important.
Coaches are required to shake before and after games, but having players do it in an organized way is new. The handshake is only planned for the first week of games, and is not mandatory, though Teaff says all schools have been asked to participate.
You know what? I think I’m a bit more sympathetic to that Oregon player because he did this during Handshake Week, or whatever it’s being called. And guess which coach isn’t having his players do this?
Yet another reason for me to like Mr. Gundy.
There will be no pregame handshake among the Georgia and Oklahoma State football teams before Saturday’s game in Stillwater, Okla.
Oklahoma State associate athletics director Kevin Klintworth said by e-mail this morning that the school has decided against the full-team handshakes “after much deliberation among our coaching staff.”
The American Football Coaches Association (AFCA) has asked all college teams playing season openers this weekend to shake hands at midfield before the games as a gesture of sportsmanship.
Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy earlier this week expressed reservations about the AFCA’s handshake initiative, fearing that the convergence of 175 or so fired-up players at midfield could lead to some sort of out-of-control pregame incident.
Dropping The Ball With Your Return To The Field
So last night was watching the South Carolina/NC State football game. Some NC State senior running back who had been hurt with multiple knee injuries for two years touched the ball for the first time early in the game, fumbled and set up the game’s only touchdown in a 7-3 SC win.
Wow, I’m sure that’s not the way he wanted to return from all those years in the weight room and rehab office.
Panning This Pizza Pick
I admit my tolerance for greasy shit isn’t what it used to be. Now that may be a sign of age, but truth be told I really don’t miss eating a lot of this garbage.
And tonight when I was exercising I had the television on and saw an ad for this…
…are you f’n kidding me?
There are things I can’t eat any more. Taco Bell kicks my ass. McDonald’s knees me in the gonads. But Pizza Hut is the worst of the lot. Now while I can tolerate the regular stuffed crust pizza, that greasy goliath known as the pan pizza has been off my radar for YEARS. I don’t know what’s worse: getting a pan pizza at the store and having the grease soak in those black dishes, or having this pie delivered and watching the grease soak through the box.
So now we’re going to have a pan pizza with an extra ring of cheese? I think I just died a little on the inside. Then again, if I ate this monstrosity I’d be dying a lot more. Literally.
Post-entry update: LOL. I didn’t realize that was Jim Breuer pimping the Hut’s wares until I decided to read the YouTube comments.
Will Jacko Ever Rest In Peace?
OK, I haven’t been following the Michael Jackson story as of late. Actually, I haven’t been following it at all. But WTF?
Elizabeth Taylor, Barry Bonds and Macaulay Culkin and other celebrities were among the mourners gathered on a hot, muggy Thursday night for Michael Jackson’s funeral, slowly filling rows of white chairs placed outside the mausoleum where the King of Pop will be entombed.
Funeral? When did he die?
The King of Pop died a drug-induced death June 25 at age 50 as he was about to embark on a comeback attempt. The coroner’s office has labeled the death a homicide, and Jackson’s death certificate lists “injection by another” as the cause.
So he’s been dead more than TWO MONTHS and he’s still not buried, or whatever the hell he wanted done to his body? (The article says he’s going to buried in a super-secret location, but who the hell really knows?)
Rape Once Shame On You; Rape Thrice Shame On Our Legal System
So the better half asked me earlier today if I heard about the guy who kept this chick in his backyard for a bunch of years. I, of course, went “huh”?
Garrido, 58, and his wife, 54-year-old Nancy Garrido, pleaded not guilty to 29 counts of kidnapping, rape and false imprisonment in the disappearance of Jaycee Dugard 18 years ago. Both suspects are being held without bail…
…Police say the Garridos held Dugard captive in a backyard encampment of tents and sheds in Antioch, and Garrido fathered two children with Dugard.
He was previously convicted in the 1976 kidnapping of a casino worker in Reno, Nev., who said Garrido raped her in a storage locker before police found them. He spent about 11 years in federal prison and was paroled in 1988. Dugard was abducted in 1991 near her South Lake Tahoe home.
Wait, he did this sort of thing before? And he was LET OUT?!
Oh, and this was the THIRD TIME this perv has done this tomfoolery. There was another case mentioned in this article, but the gal refused to testify or something like that.
You know, when you do the whole kidnapping/rape thing, the fact you are even released from jail says is almost as sickening than keeping some teenager in your backyard tent and making some babies. The defense lawyer(s) who represented this piece of shit both kidnapping/rape cases prior must be very proud.
And President Hussein and other anti-gun Nazis wonder why some people believe in the right to keep firearms. Yeah, that’s right. I’m blaming President Hussein for this, too.
Tired Of Losers In Washington
Do you all really need me to continue with my comment regarding this story? Do you? For real?
Fans grow tired of seeing Washington lose
The woeful Washington Nationals are striking out with fans weary of watching the club slog through another season as the worst team in baseball.
Not even a new, $611-million stadium with stunning panoramic views of the U.S. Capitol and the Washington Monument is enough to lure spectators in great numbers.
“Fans nowadays, with the PRESIDENT HUSSEIN ECONOMY being tough and prices where they are, you’ve got to really deliver on your product,” Nationals President Stan Kasten told Reuters.
“The product on the field is not where we want it. Fans get that. Even if they appreciate your long-term vision, a lot of fans say: ‘Okay, when it gets here, we’ll come back’.
Credit These Baseball Fans With An Assist, Not A Putout
I think you know what my next comment is going to be…
Cincinnati Reds fan Charles Trimble may consider switching his allegiance to Pittsburgh’s team after bystanders at a Pirates game helped save his life.
The 60-year-old Trimble suffered cardiac arrest during a Pirates-Reds game at PNC Park in Pittsburgh on Aug. 23.
After he slumped over in his seat, a doctor sitting nearby began CPR. Stadium staff grabbed a portable defibrillator, and a nurse and emergency medical technician in the crowd also helped out.
Trimble, who lives in the northwestern Pennsylvania town of Corry, was still recovering in a Pittsburgh hospital Tuesday. He was in good spirits — and wore a Pirates cap.
But Trimble said he’s still a Reds fan at heart.
…but I checked the scoreboard for that day and the Bucs never took a lead that game. No way that caused his heart attack.
Should Have Belly-Buttoned My Lip Before Telling This Joke
This picture reminds me of a joke heard long ago.
This boy and girl were at a party. The girl says, “Want to go in the closet and touch my belly button?” The boy says sure. They go into a nearby closet.
The girl says, “that’s not my belly button.” The boy says, “that’s not my finger.”
And that’s all I got.
Biting The Hand That Claims To Feed You
Too bad in the kkk household our brood won’t give a shit who’s giving them kittie treats.
Must be an old dog afraid President Hussein wants him to make some “sacrifices.”
Finally Getting Served By A Chick
So what am I going to do about this story?
As the reigning table tennis world champion with two Olympic silver medals under his belt, China’s Wang Hao almost had it all—except a girlfriend.
The 25-year-old was banned from dating until recently, when national team officials permitted his relationship with former national teammate, 23-year-old Peng Luyang, the government-owned China Daily reported Wednesday.
“Both of them are old enough and it’s normal,” the newspaper quoted Peng’s coach Qiao Yunping as saying.
Strict control of athletes’ personal lives is common in China’s rigid state-run sporting system, which grooms young hopefuls in specialized sports schools around the country to become gold medalists, providing them with intensive training and free food, clothes and shelter.
Under the watchful eye of team officials, star athletes are often banned from dating or marrying until a certain age, restricted in endorsement contracts and sometimes have a large percentage of their winnings taken away.
Athletes who date without permission risk being punished. In 2004, Wang started dating another fellow national team player, Fan Ying, and officials kicked Fan off the national team. Media reports said Wang avoided punishment at the time because his world ranking was much higher than Fan’s.
Comment on the fact that a Communist state forbids people to see each other? Nah.
How about the detention of freedom and liberty? Pft.
Forget all that deep stuff that requires thinking. Here’s what you get at KK’s Korner.
The guy’s name is Wang.
And he likes to hit balls.
Now I want to find out who won last night’s table tennis matchup of Ping vs. Pong.
Oh who am I kidding? I know that joke’s had to have been used a million times over. But seriously, how bad would that be for an athlete? Swarms of groupies and not allowed to rush the net of any of them. Man Communism sucks.
The Real News Would Be Mrs. Duggar Getting A Period
So earlier today the better half told me the Duggars are having another kid.
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, the Arkansas parents of 18 whose first grandchild is due next month, announced on NBC’s ‘Today’ show that they are adding another child to their brood — all of whom have names starting with the letter J.
The Duggars are ALWAYS having another kid. This isn’t news.
You know, I actually don’t have anything negative to say about the Duggars and their plethora of kids. It’s the fact they all have the same first letter in their names which freaks me out most about all this. And the oldest kid, who’s about to become a dad, is using the letter “M” for his clan.
The Duggars’ oldest son, Joshua, and his wife, Anna, are expecting their first child. The two plan to give their children names starting with the letter M, and have already decided the baby girl on the way will be named Mackynzie Renee.
As I said on my Facebook page, there aren’t going to be many letters of the alphabet to pick from for Duggar #19 to name his/her future children. And what’s going to happen when kid #27 is born? Are they going to resort to symbols?
Now keep in mind that while I joke about this story, at least this family doesn’t use public assistance (hell, they’re debt-free!), and I bet these children are much more well behaved than most, if not all, of the welfare trash I have witnessed in my lifetime.
So you know what, Duggars? Keep ’em coming. I’m sure there are at least another half-dozen seasons’ worth of shows left in the tank.
We’re All Americans
Any wonder why some people aren’t too keen on government health care rdeform?
Some people, including Medicare recipients, will have to give up some current benefits to truly reform the nation’s health-care system, Rep. Betsy Markey told a gathering of constituents in Fort Collins on Wednesday.
Markey has repeatedly said during the August congressional recess that Medicare spending needs to be reined in to help pay for reforming the broader health-care system.
“There’s going to be some people who are going to have to give up some things, honestly, for all of this to work,” Markey said at a Congress on Your Corner event at CSU. “But we have to do this because we’re Americans.”
I’ll be willing to give up ALL of my benefits if I didn’t have to pay into this shit sandwich. Same goes for that Ponzi scheme known as Social Security. Actually, I do think age requirements should be moved up because people live longer now than when they did when these programs were first created. However, I love how “some people” will have to give up “some current benefits.” Some? And which people are you talking about, Congresswoman? Why not all of us? After all, we’re Americans.
Another Category 5 Boortz Blast
Oh how I wish I could listen to Neal Boortz’s radio show again. From his website:
Every once in a while I just get lucky. I make an offhanded remark on the air that sends the looters into such paroxysms of angst and outrage that I get about a weeks worth of a free ride in blogs, columns and radio and TV shows.
Such was the case about 10 days ago when I made a comment about President Hussein’s plans to spend even more money that we don’t have to “rebuild” New Orleans. I wondered why we would spend all of that money on an effort that would simply serve to bring back much of the debris that Hurricane Katrina washed out.
The one good thing about my ex-job was that I could listen to his local AND national radio show via the Internet. Can’t quite do that where I am now.
Shovel Ready Slogans
You know, I thought this was funny…
…until this showed up on my screen.
We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Books
Read this article from the NY Slimes about kids not liking the whole classic book thing.
For years Lorrie McNeill loved teaching “To Kill a Mockingbird,” the Harper Lee classic that many Americans regard as a literary rite of passage.
“Rite of passage?” I hated that book. Then again I hated just about every book I had to read while in school Check that. I liked “Mice and Men.” Why? Because it was 100 pages and I finished the first half of it on the first day of class it was assigned and finished the second half of it on the bus ride home later that day.
But last fall, for the first time in 15 years, Ms. McNeill, 42, did not assign “Mockingbird” — or any novel. Instead she turned over all the decisions about which books to read to the students in her seventh- and eighth-grade English classes at Jonesboro Middle School in this south Atlanta suburb.
OK, I’m a solutions-oriented person. Want them to read the stupid classics again? Turn them into a blog/Twitter format. I’m serious. Give Scout a blog. Have Huck Finn Twitter about his trip down the river. Whatever works. Then again I’m sure this sort of thing has been tried before and probably had disaterous results.
KK's Korner 